


Whole Lotta Lore & Love

by nealcassatiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Season/Series 13, Angst, Bunker, Bunker Sex, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Canon verse, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Castiel in the Bunker, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Bunker, Destiel - Freeform, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Horror, Human Castiel, Human Castiel in the Bunker, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, New Relationship, Pining, Season/Series 12, Season/Series 13, Smut, angel!cas - Freeform, canonverse, cas in the bunker, consensual sex only, drunk!Cas, drunk!Dean, human!Cas, some slightly graphic depictions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-04-21 02:23:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 88,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nealcassatiel/pseuds/nealcassatiel
Summary: Picking up after the season 12 finale: Jack brought Cas back to life, but he's powerless and practically a human. After Jack runs away the brothers get a new case and Dean finds it hard to leave a newly vulnerable Cas. Whilst Dean tries to work the case, he is forced to confront feelings which have been bubbling beneath the surface for years...Will they ever find Jack again? Will they get Mary back from the parallel world? And will Dean and Cas ever face up to their true feelings? A whirlwind of cases, old friends, and intense emotions appear in this alternate season 13.





	1. Chapter I : In Case You Don’t Know

**PART I**

Chapter I : In Case You Don’t Know

 

Harrison Baker walked back home from his last day of work with a bouquet of flowers held in one hand, on his way to a living nightmare. The night air in Pine Creek shuddered through the swaying trees, making the boughs claw through the blackness like aged hands grasping for life. The cold burrowed through Harrison Baker's thick black coat and suit, right through to his skin making him shiver as he ascended the porch steps to his house. As he took his keys from his pocket, Harrison realised that the front door was already agar. His breath hitched as he quickly glanced around and slowly pushed the door open.

‘Kelly?’ he shouted into the dark.

Harrison slowly walked over the threshold, dropped the flowers on the table near the door, and turned on the lights. When the hallway was fully lit, he could see a smashed table lamp shattered into pieces of glass and cheap metal on the wooden floor.

‘Kelly!?’ he shouted again, now with a greater sense of panic in his voice. He moved slowly into the living room and noted a picture frame from their wedding broken on the floor. Harrison could hardly breathe. He then ran through the living room and into the open plan kitchen, seeing plates broken on the counter. That’s when he heard the noise from behind him.

 

                                                                                                                      *                      *                      *

 

‘The brat can’t have gone far, I mean, he knows nothing about this planet. He can’t be more than a few miles from here?’ Dean said in exasperation in between sips from his lukewarm beer.

‘I dunno, Dean.  We still don’t know how powerful he is,’ Sam replied, still checking through local town reports on his laptop.

‘ _Great_ ,’ Dean replied in monosyllabic sarcasm.

‘Sam’s right. The child holds great power. It would be unwise to underestimate his abilities,’ Cas said with a frown.

They had been looking for Jack for two days now, ever since he escaped the bunker. They all knew he was powerful but he had hardly spoken since he was born at the lake house. After resurrecting Cas, albeit only to a human form, Jack had kept quiet about what he knew as well as his intentions. Cas had continued to have faith in him, as had Sam, although Dean remained wary of him.

‘Well,’ Dean continued in an exasperated tone, ‘Maybe we shouldn’t be searching for omens and looking through crime reports. He’s a teenager after all. Why don’t you check if any golden eyed weirdos have been spotted in the local bowling alleys or malls?’

Sam sighed and ignored his brother, then continued to check through police reports in the surrounding states. ‘Hey, there’s this?’

‘What?’ Dean said, quickly rising from his seat, walking over to Sam and looking over his shoulder at the laptop screen.

‘It’s probably not Jack, but this may be a case?’

The police report was for two missing couples taken from the town of Pine Creek.

‘“Kelly Baker’s body was found with wounds consistent with torture in a car park on Elm and 3rd. Melissa Reed’s body was found two weeks earlier in this same spot with similar injuries. Melissa’s partner’s body, Lucian Krukow had been placed with Kelly’s body. Mr Krukow’s injuries are consistent with being bound at the wrists and ankles. Autopsy report lists severe brain injury as the fatal wound,”’ Dean read out loud. ‘So what? This just sounds like they’ve got some wackos in town. Not our problem.’

‘Yeh, but get this, the autopsy report details that the brain was almost completely gone and that what was left was practically liquid,’ Sam said as he continued to skim read the rest of the report.

Dean sighed, ‘Yeh, OK. But we don’t have time to be taking on cases right now. Our priority is finding Jack.’

‘But Dean,’ Sam said insistently. ‘This town could be in danger?’

‘It’s fine,’ Cas interjected. ‘I’ll go look for Jack. You two can check out this case.’

‘No, Cas,’ Dean said in an exasperated tone, rolling his shoulders and stepping away from Sam. ‘You’re not practised enough to go out on your own.’

‘I assure you that I am perfectly well, Dean.’

‘That’s not what I mean. You’re human now. If anything happens to you, that’s it. Lights out. No fixing yourself with any angel mojo.’

‘I know,’ Cas said, narrowing his eyes and turning to look at Dean. ‘I am aware of my fragile mortality, but last time I checked, that didn’t stop _you_ from putting yourself in danger.’

Dean and Cas stared each other down. Cas knew what Dean meant, but he wasn’t going to sit trapped in this bunker doing nothing just because he was no longer an angel.

Dean continued to glare at him, taking in the fiery emotion behind Cas’s eyes, before huffing out a quick breath and saying. ‘Fine. You go. We’ll check out this case. But if you find Jack, call us.’

‘Of course,’ Cas replied assuredly, before going to his room to pack things for the trip.

 

When Cas had left, Sam turned to look at Dean who was staring at the doorway through which Cas had just left.

‘He’ll be fine,’ Sam stated.

Dean sighed and took another swig of beer before dragging his eyes back towards Sam. ‘He shouldn’t be going off alone, he’s not ready.’

Sam shut his laptop and got up, moved passed Dean towards the hallway and said as he left, ‘He’ll be fine. If anything goes wrong, he’ll call us.’

Dean was left alone. He didn’t like the idea of Cas going off by himself, especially to go look for an incredibly powerful Nephilim. Whilst Cas and Sam may be under Jack’s spell, Dean certainly wasn’t. Jack had resurrected Cas, but apart from that the child just seemed plain creepy. His practically silent demeanour and watchful gaze was unsettling, as if he were thinking through nefarious plans whilst sat in silent observance. Dean took one final swig of beer before heading off to his room, trying to shrug off the unease fully weighing down on his shoulders.

 

                                                                                                                      *                      *                      *

 

‘I’m Agent Watts, this is my partner Agent Star, we’re here to see the bodies of Melissa Reed, Kelly Baker, and Lucian Krukow,’ Dean said as he and Sam held up their fake FBI badges for the local police sheriff to view.

Sheriff Mark Handler glanced briefly at the badges before turning and waving to the agents to follow him.

‘Nasty business, this. Never seen anything like it, poor souls,’ Sheriff Handler said with a sigh as he walked towards the autopsy room. ‘I knew Kelly and Harrison, lovely couple,’ he continued sadly, lost in thoughts of summer barbeques spent with the couple and beers in the local bar with Harrison.

‘Harrison Baker is still missing, right?’ Sam said as they were shown into the autopsy room, the heavy metal doors swinging shut behind them.

‘Yeh. Gone about 6 days now. After what happened to Lucian Krukow, I ain’t holding out much hope for Harrison.’

‘Sheriff,’ Dean said, abruptly cutting off the Sheriff’s thoughts of his dear friends and this recent tragedy, ‘Is there anyone who would want to harm them? Or a common enemy they might have with Ms Reed and Mr Krukow?’

‘Enemy?’ the Sheriff replied in shock. ‘No, no, there ain’t no one in this town who would have a bad word to say about the Bakers, or the other couple for that matter. No… They were good people, you know.’

‘And there’s no chance that Mr Baker is a suspect in Mrs Baker’s murder?’ Sam asked.

The Sheriff turned to glare at Sam, before schooling his gaze into stern professionalism.

‘No chance. Never seen a man more in love in my life. There ain’t no way he had anything to do with this. I reckon we got a town psycho amongst us.’

‘OK. Thanks Sheriff,’ Sam said, giving the man a sympathetic look.

The Sheriff glanced briefly around the coldly lit room, sniffed, stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed out, letting the agents know that he would be upstairs if they had any more questions.

 

Sam and Dean walked over to the wall of cold metal boxes, pulled out the shelf on which Kelly Baker was laid, and threw back the thin, light-blue cotton sheet rested on top of her body.

‘Yikes,’ Dean said, grimacing at the deep cuts carved over her entire body. One of her eyes had been gauged out, most of her teeth had been pulled, and her skin was covered in so many gashes that it was barely recognisable as a human body. Both the wrists and ankles had deep rope burns, now turned a dark hue of purple that juxtaposed the cold white skin of the corpse.

‘What are you thinking?’ Sam said as he moved slowly around the body, ‘torture?’

Sam handed Dean a pair of blue latex gloves, and took a pair for himself to put on. Dean bent down to further examine the body, being reminded of his years in hell and the things he’d done over his time as a hunter. ‘Yeh. Looks like it.’

Sam glanced over at his brother, noting Deans uncomfortable demeanour and remembering why he might feel particularly uncomfortable seeing such wounds. Sam covered the corpse, rolled the shelf back into the wall and slammed the metal door shut.

Next he rolled out Melissa Reed’s body which bore almost exactly the same injuries as Kelly Baker’s. After briefly examining the cadaver, Sam brought out Lucian Krukow’s body. Mr Krukow had identical marks on his wrists and ankles from rope burn, but apart from that, his skin looked clear of all other injuries. Sam walked over to the desk in the room and found the autopsy report for all three victims, opening to the page of Mr Krukow’s report.

‘So, here it says that he has wounds consistent with being bound at the hands and feet, he has a non-fatal head wound consistent with being hit by a blunt object, and get this, ninety-five per cent of his brain is missing, and the five per cent that’s left is liquefied. The only other injury is a small puncture wound through his skull,’ Sam said, outlining the report and then handing the folder over to Dean.

Dean skim-read the report, then bent down towards the body to examine the head. The hair had been shaved and his skull had been sawed around the circumference of his head. Dean looked closely at the small hole that burrowed through to the brain and sighed, then gently removed the upper part of his skull to show empty stern-white bone with a purple gloop at the base of the head.

Dean retched and turned his head away from the opened head, lifting one gloved hand towards his grimacing face. ‘You ever seen anything like this?’ he asked Sam.

Sam shook his head and said in confusion, ‘No… Any idea what we’re dealing with?’

Dean stood up, shook his head, and quickly removed the latex gloves. ‘No. I got nada.’

Sam frowned, crossed his arms and stared down at the body. ‘I don’t get it? The others died from blood loss. Why kill them one way and him another?’

‘Maybe it needed information from them?’ Dean replied.

Sam pondered over the case for a moment before saying, ‘I dunno, Dean. It just doesn’t make much sense.’

 

                                                                                                                      *                      *                      *

 

The air was thick with dreary clouds in the suburban outskirts of Pine Creek. There was a light drizzle which pattered on Sam and Dean’s black suits as they walked up the few steps to the Baker’s house. They flashed their FBI badges at the officer stationed outside the house and entered the crime scene. They surveyed the smashed lamp, the flowers scattered on the floor by the door, then moved through the living room and into the kitchen.

‘You guys find anything?’ Sam said to a cop who was jotting down notes in the kitchen.

‘Nope, nothing much. Looks like a classic case of a B n’ E. Intruder kicks in the door, there’s a clear sign of struggle. Our guess is they took Mrs Baker, husband returns from work, then they grab him,’ the cop told them whilst continuing to write various notes on the small notepad.

‘Any witnesses?’ Dean asked as he glanced around the room trying to find clues as to what took the couple.

‘None. And none for the similar case last week. Neighbours didn’t see a thing.’

‘ _Super_ ,’ Dean responded sarcastically under his breath.

Sam and Dean continued to walk round the house, then headed upstairs to check for any EMF.

When the EMF reader showed no signs of any readings, Sam turned to Dean, ‘So, what do you think? No EMF reading. No smell of sulphur. We can rule out demons or ghosts.’

‘Yeh… I got nothing’ Dean sighed, ‘We should hit the lore when we get back to-’

‘Agents,’ the Sheriff said as he rounded the corner of the upstairs hallway. ‘Heard y’all were here. I just got a call in saying Harrison’s body’s been found in a park to the east of town on Parker and 15th. Meet you guys there?’

‘Sure thing,’ Sam replied as he watched the Sheriff hurry back down the hallway.

 

                                                                                                                      *                      *                      *

 

Sam and Dean grimly surveyed the newly found body of Harrison Baker, sprawled out on the mud in the park. It had the same injuries as Lucian Krukow; rope burns on the wrists and ankles and a puncture mark at the top of his head.

‘How much do you bet his brain’s gone walk about?’ Dean said as he towered over the limp body that lay in the dirt below him.

‘OK, so we’ve got two couples dead. One has been tortured, and the other’s brain has been liquefied and sucked out through their skull… Hey, what about a wraith, like the one in Oklahoma? The puncture marks are similar?’ Sam said.

‘Yeh, but why would a wraith be torturing the other two? And as far as we know the vics didn’t have a case of the crazies?’

Sam furrowed his brow and glanced around the desolate park with houses on one side, and a forest on the other. ‘They must have known something that the monster needed to torture them for. It just doesn’t make sense that it didn’t liquefy all of the brains,’ Sam wondered out loud.

The Sheriff slowly walked up beside them and stared down forlornly at his friend’s lifeless body. ‘He was a good man,’ he said quietly.

‘And you’re sure they didn’t have any enemies? Or they weren’t mixed up in some stuff?’ Sam asked.

‘Like I said, they were good folks. Ain’t no one who’d want to do them any harm.’

Sam patted the Sheriff’s arm and gave his condolences before he and Dean returned to the impala, deep in thought.

 

                                                                                                                      *                      *                      *

 

Sam and Dean checked into the nearest motel, a dirty and dishevelled place with a broken buzzing vacancy light and sparse cars in the driveway. They specifically asked for the ground floor room nearest the fire escape, collected their keys, and went through the old hat routine of chucking their bags of clothes and weapons onto the king sized beds in the room. Dean sat down on the edge of a bed and started a weapons check whilst Sam sat at the small table at the side of the room, opened his laptop and started searching for lore on whatever they were hunting.

As Dean removed and reassembled the barrels, slides, and magazines of the guns, Sam searched for monsters that kill victims differently, monsters that suck out brains, and monsters with a flair for torture.

‘Find anything?’ Dean asked Sam as he got out an old, dirty cloth to clean out the gun barrels.

‘No. Nothing yet,’ Sam replied as he continued to scroll through pages of lore.

‘Maybe it’s not just one thing? Like those Jefferson Starships?’

Sam rolled his eyes at the sound of that god awful monster name. ‘Not likely. There were no other… weird injuries apart from the brain stuff. And I doubt those….’

‘-Jefferson Starships,’ Dean interjected with a grin.

Sam sighed and continued disgruntledly, ‘those… Jefferson Starships even exist anymore.’

Dean huffed out a quick breath and nodded slightly in agreement. ‘OK, so we’re back to square one.’ Dean sighed yet again as he placed the guns he’d cleaned back in his dark green duffle bag. ‘Why can’t cases be goddamn simple anymore,’ he said under his breath. ‘You know, the longer we’re working this case the longer Cas is out there searching for the devil child… _alone_.’

‘He’ll be fine, Dean. Chances are that he won’t even find the kid. And anyway, even if he does, I doubt Jack would’ve resurrected him only to kill him a week later.’

‘I dunno, man. I don’t trust him,’ Dean said as images flashed through his mind of Jack killing Cas in varying horrific ways.

After a pause Sam asked, ‘Have you heard from him?’ briefly glancing over at Dean who was now staring at his phone.

‘Who?’

‘Cas.’

‘No,’ Dean said as he opened his phone and checked for the billionth time that day to see if there were any messages or missed calls.

Sam stared at his brother. It was obvious that Dean was worried despite his attempts to pretend he wasn’t. Cas had only been dead for less than a day before Jack brought him back, but practically that entire time Dean had watched over his body. Sam swore he had seen Dean praying most of that time, and when Sam suggested that they burn the body Dean had angrily told him no, and that they would find a way to bring him back. With their mum trapped in the parallel world and Cas dead, Dean hadn’t coped. But rather than hit the whisky, Dean had just sat in the dirt in complete silence, the vision of an utterly broken man. Now that Cas was back, Sam could see that those long hours of watching over Cas’s dead body still haunted Dean. Sam understood why Dean was so worried, but trying to break through Dean’s façade to actually try and talk to him about his emotions wasn’t going to happen.

‘Maybe you should just call him?’ Sam asked.

‘No. You’re right, he’s probably fine,’ Dean said dismissively as he continued to glare at his phone as if he could make it ring just by staring at it.

Sam heavily sighed in annoyance at his brother’s complete inability to navigate his emotions in a healthy manner. ‘Dean, just call him. Anyway, it’d be good to know if he’s made any progress.’

Dean could hardly argue with that. And if he was calling to check up on Cas’s progress finding Jack, that was a good excuse to call him just to check up on the newly human idiot.

‘Fine. You continue finding whatever the hell we’re looking for, and I’ll call Cas,’ Dean said as he got up and headed out the motel room door.

 

It was dark outside. The sidewalk was dimly lit by faint lights behind the cheap curtains of the motel rooms. The sound of sporadic passing cars on the nearby road and the wind through the rain soaked trees were the only sounds Dean could hear. He paced up and down the concrete path, spinning his phone between his fingers whilst building up the courage to call Cas. Why was he even calling? Cas said that if he ran into any trouble he’d call. So what was the point in this phone call? Sure, Cas was human now, but he used to be a very capable angel. And despite losing his powers Dean was certain he could hold his ground in a fight… but could he win if he was up against Jack? Probably not was Dean’s best guess. And the damn idiot was way too trusting of the kid. What if Jack changed his mind about wanting Cas around and beat the utter crap out of him, or worse, nuked his ass into the afterlife… and Dean was the one who OKed Cas’s solo mission to find the kid… it would be on him if anything happened to the son of a bitch…

Dean hurriedly dialled Cas’s number and lifted the phone to his ear. He only heard it ring out twice before there was a noise from behind him and everything faded to black.


	2. Chapter II : The Piper Will Lead Us

Chapter 2

 

Dean woke up in a dishevelled room, almost cave-like. It had the cold damp feeling of a basement and the walls were made from wooden slats. As he regained consciousness he realised that he was sat on a metal chair, his hands were tied tightly with thick rope behind his back, and his ankles were tied to the front chair legs. Dean struggled but to no avail. When he couldn’t free himself, he looked around the room, trying to search for whatever had caught him. He could feel a dull pain at the back of his head and assumed he’d been knocked out and dragged to wherever the hell he was now.

‘You’re awake. Perfect!’ said a menacing female voice from behind him. He heard footsteps walk up to him, and then a slight woman with long blonde hair came into view. She looked completely human, except her eyes had the wild evil stare Dean had only ever seen in monsters.

‘You’re gonna regret this,’ Dean hissed at her, narrowing his eyes and staring her down.

‘Am I?’ she said with a smile, ‘You’re the one tied up, honey. You better start talking to me with respect.’

‘Trust me, lady. You’ve picked the wrong guy to pick on this time,’ Dean snarled at her as he surreptitiously tried to untie his hands - unsuccessfully.

‘Oh,’ she replied in feigned surprise, ‘I know you’re a hunter. I’ve seen you and your brother sticking your nose in around here, so this is going to be particularly fun.’

Dean needed more time to try to untie his hands, he needed to keep the bitch talking. He didn’t know how long he’d been out cold, so the longer he managed to stall her, the longer Sammy had to get his ass over here and free him.

‘So what are you then? Some sick bastard who likes dinner with a side of torture?’

‘You didn’t work out what I am?’ she replied, that evil smile still plastered over her smug face. ‘Hmmmm, well, let me give you a clue. You bastards killed my cousin a few years ago in Oklahoma.’

‘You’re a wraith?’

‘Bingo!’ she replied, cackling.

‘So what’s with the Guantanamo Bay act? Those people know something you don’t or did you get bored of just sucking out people’s brains?’

The monster stepped quickly towards Dean and placed her hands on the armrests of the chair, leaning her head towards him and sniffing the beads of sweat that dripped down his face. ‘My dearly departed cousin liked the crazy brains,’ she snarled in a whisper at him. ‘Me, well, my kind prefer love and grief.’

The wraith then stepped back and moved over to a table at the side of the room that Dean hadn’t noticed till now. On top of the table was an assortment of knives, wrenches, and hammers. She picked up a small, sharp knife and moved back to stand in front of him.

‘You see,’ she continued, spinning the knife in one hand so that the glint of a single light above her shined on the blade, ‘love-soaked brains are simply delicious… but what’s even more tasty is love and grief. Mmmmmm, that mix is simply scrumptious. Can’t get anything tastier!’

‘So what, you steal couples and feed off one? Why not both?’ Dean asked, still failing at loosening the ropes behind his back. Goddammit this evil bitch had tied him up tight.

‘Well, you see, you gotta ramp up the love and grief before you eat them. You gotta let the suckers cook a bit before their ready,’ she replied then stopped to laugh before continuing, ‘See, I take them both, then torture one in front of the other. Floods the watcher’s brain with all kinds of delicious chemicals. Mmm mmm mmmmmm. They scream and cry as their lover’s cut into tiny little pieces. They beg me to kill them and let their darling sweetheart go. And when they’ve seen their true love killed slowly and oh so painfully, I let them stew in their grief until they’re ripe! And the dead one… well, let’s just say that a tortured brain has a bit of a sour taste.’ The wraith scrunched up her face as she looked off into the distance, presumably remembering a past meal that didn’t taste up to her standards. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I’m looking forward to you. Revenge for my family and a hunter whose brain is soaked in love… you’re a rare meal. You know, most hunters I’ve found haven’t even got a whiff of love about them. No good to me. I normally just kill them and be done with it… but you… oooohhhh, I can smell the love and lust in your sweat. I’m really really going to enjoy this!’

‘If you’ve done anything to Sam I’ll kill you,’ Dean snarled at her.

‘Sam?’ she said with faint shock, ‘That’s your brother, right? No, no, no. Familial love is... how do I put it… not my cup of tea… the brains taste a bit… flavourless.’

‘Well then,’ Dean said, slightly confused, ‘you aren’t going to like me. Might as well just let me go,’ he said with forced humour.

The monster lifted one of her eyebrows and narrowed her eyes at him before an evil smirk played across her face. ‘Ooohhhhhh, this really is going to be incredibly fun.’

 

                                                                                                    *                      *                      *

 

Dean was gone. When he hadn’t returned from calling Cas, Sam had called him, only to hear the classic rock ringtone coming from outside the motel room door. Sam went out to find Dean’s phone abandoned and ringing on the concrete slabs. Sam shouted for his brother, but already knew that it was too late.

He rushed back to his laptop and cursed, still not being able to work out what had killed those other people, and had now taken his brother. There must be something he was missing? Disheartened he grabbed his laptop and stuffed it in a bag with some guns and knives, then ran out to the impala.

 

Sam reached the house of Lucian Krukow and Melissa Reed in a few minutes. He ran up the steps into the house and quickly unpicked the door. Switching on the lights he saw that the house was in a similar state to the Baker’s house he’d visited yesterday. A lamp was smashed on the floor, a coffee table was upturned, and there was a bouquet of flowers forlornly dropped on the floor. Sam quickly glanced around, trying to see if there was something he missed… wait… weren’t there flowers on the floor of the Baker’s house? Sam spun back around, bent down and looked at them. They were yellow primrose flowers. Weren’t the other flowers primroses too, he was sure that they were dainty yellow flowers that seemed to small and wild to be given to someone in a bouquet? Sam ran over to the dining room table and grabbed his laptop out of his bag, opened it and quickly typing the passcode in. ‘Primrose. Brains. Liquefied brains’ he typed into the search bar. What else? The monster was only taking couples. Maybe it had nothing to do with information but something to do with the fact that they were couples. Sam then typed ‘love’ onto the end of his search and pressed ‘enter.’ He skim-read the searches until he saw a link and clicked on it. It was a page about ancient Nordic lore, and detailed information about an Elsker Spøkelse. They were types of wraith who would lure couples into woodlands by covering the land in flowers, usually primrose, known as ‘kusymre’ in Norwegian. The couples would go on walks into the woods and the wraith would kill one lover, leaving the other in deep grief before eating their brain. Sam then searched for where these wraiths would take their victims and found that they lived in caves in the woodlands, normally by the waterfalls found in Norway. Caves… water, where would there be caves in small-town America? Sam remembered the woodland by the park where Mr Baker’s body had been found. He then searched for maps of the woodland and... bingo.

 

                                                                                                   *                      *                      *

 

Dean continued to struggle with the ropes that tied his hands behind him as the wraith inspected the various torture implements on the table. Sam still hadn’t arrived to beat the crap out of this thing, and if he was being honest with himself, Dean was getting worried.

‘You know, I normally just go for requited love. Want to know my secret? Want to know how clever little me finds the best steak in town?’

‘No. Not really,’ Dean replied with a smile that barely hid the ferocious anger underneath.

‘It’s the flowers,’ the wraith continued. ‘See, back in the old days all I had to do was litter the forest floors with beautiful little flowers and the lovers would walk right into my arms on their romantic walks. Now, all I get is the rare annoying solo hiker,’ she said sourly. ‘And then, I set up a flower shop! See, flowers are good for two things, for confessing your love or your guilt. It takes me about a second to work out which one, and then there are the weekly visits from the truly devoted. Mmmmm, they walk into my shop every week and hand over their addresses and names and they’re dead after the second visit.’ She paused to giggle in congratulations at her own evil plans. ‘Good, isn’t it? But, you know,’ the wraith said as she picked up a knife and tested its sharp edge on her palm, ‘I still remember one of my tastiest meals. A few years ago I found this college kid. I could smell the love and lust from a mile off. Turns out he was deeply in love with this girl, so I took them both. So he wakes up here and I bring in his girl and he starts crying, begging me to let them go. She wakes up and asks who he is!’ The wraith started laughing at this point, before the evil cackles died down and she continued with her morbid story. ‘It turns out, she was just some girl from a class he was in, she didn’t even know his name! Now, I thought all this effort I’d put in to carving her up was for nothing, but then when I sucked out his brain it was one of the sweetest I’ve ever had! Mmmmmm, the unrequited love, the unresolved lust, the pining and ohhhh, turns out, the flavour of that love, of that pain was one of the most wonderful meals I’ve ever had!’

‘As I said, lady, I’m dead inside. So unless you want a brain like stale bread, you’re gonna want to let me go,’ Dean responded.

‘Oh,’ the wraith said, still twirling a sharp knife in one hand then looking right at him with a smirk, ‘We both know that’s not exactly true.’ She then walked up to him, pressed her face close to his and licked one of the beads of sweat that was dripping down his cheek, causing Dean to pull his head as far away as he could with a grimace.

‘Mmmmm. I can taste the longing, you know. The deep seated passion pushed way way down. I could smell it a mile off. It’s so strong it took me less than a minute to track down your weakness,’ she said as she walked out of the room and out of view.

Now that she was out of sight, Dean struggled harder with the ropes. Goddammit they were tight. Sammy still hadn’t arrived and Dean was panicking. He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to stall. And another question that had been troubling Dean was, who was this mystery woman he’s apparently been lusting over? Was it Lisa? He hadn’t thought of Lisa in years? Maybe she was lying about Sam and she wasn’t too fussed about brotherly love? That would explain why the idiot hadn’t come to save his ass yet… There was someone else… but Dean pushed that thought all the way to the back of his mind. Anyway, it was probably Lisa, who else could it be? God, when he got free he was going to enjoy killing this son of a bitch.

Dean’s train of thought was broken as he heard a clanking sound from outside, and then the wraith entered the cold, dark room with another metal chair, its steel stained with old blood. She placed it a couple of metres in front of him, smiled at him, then left the room again, allowing Dean to continue with all his might to free himself.

He then heard the all too familiar sound of a door opening and a heavy, dead weight being dragged into the room. She appeared again, holding onto and sliding a body in her wake. Dean inhaled sharply as a dull pain hit him in his stomach. If he was being honest with himself, he’d seen this coming. Still, it was hard to be confronted with any of this. He started struggling with the ropes more as panic seared through his body. His heartbeat was going at a million miles an hour and his chest was tight with agony.

The wraith lifted the body easily onto the chair, as though it were the weight of a feather. She then grabbed some rope from nearby and tied the ankles to the chair, and the hands behind the chair. When she had finished tying the tight knots, she turned to look at Dean with a maniacal grin. She took in his fright, his emotional pain, the look of fear and helplessness smeared over his pretty face and laughed, ‘Oh, this really is going to be so very fun!’

 

                                                                                                   *                      *                      *

 

Sam drove the impala at breakneck speed through the town, zooming through the red glares of traffic lights on the dark suburban streets. The impala hissed and screeched round corners until it skidded to a stop by the park where the last body was found. Sam shut off the car and ran to the trunk to grab everything silver he could get his hands on; silver knives which he stuffed in his pants, a gun and all the silver bullets available. He slammed the trunk shut and jammed the bullets into the gun as he ran off into the ominous woods.

 

                                                                                                   *                      *                      *

 

‘There’s no point struggling, sweetie. I’ve done those knots especially tight for you,’ the wraith sneered at Dean.

Continuously trying to free himself had zapped Dean of most of his energy. He slumped over in the chair for a moment to catch his breath, then felt the clammy hand of the monster jam his chin up.

‘You’re going to want to watch this,’ she sniggered at him, then turned around, knife in hand, ready to start her sick torture routine.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted at the collapsed body in front of him.

Cas was still knocked out, wilting over his own limbs that were tied to the chair. He looked so fragile, which further reminded Dean that Cas was no longer an angel. He could really die this time. Dean continued to struggle as he felt tears prickle at his eyes. He wasn’t going to let Cas die, again. Not on his watch, and not because of him.

The wraith bent down to stare at Cas’s slumped head, ran the knife along his jaw, and sniffed at his face.

‘Hmmm, smells different this one… not quite human,’ she murmured to herself. She licked his cheek and said, ‘Oooohhhhh, there is a touch of the… angelic about him. But…’ she licked his face again and swished her tongue around her mouth trying to work out the exact taste, ‘Oh… he’s mortal… he’s… human!’ She spun round to look at Dean with a smile, ‘Fall for an angel, did we? How… adorable!’ The wraith almost skipped towards Dean and said, ‘Does he know? Does he know all about the wanting, the lust… the… how do I put it… utter devotion?’

Dean spat in her face and said, quietly yet menacingly, ‘I think all that brain guzzling has turned you crazy.’

‘Well then, I’m just going to have to test out my theory then,’ she said, then rushed towards Cas, lifted the knife into the air and jammed it down through his foot. It sunk deep through his black shoe and spat out blood through the leather. Cas awoke screaming in pain. The agony was so strong that he could hardly catch his breath and once his cries had subsided he gulped for oxygen in the cold, damp air.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted at him, his whole body struggling against the rope, yet to no avail. ‘Cas!’

The wraith grabbed another knife from the table, moved closer to Dean, and stared into his eyes.

‘See,’ she said, taking in the torment behind his eyes, ‘Told you I wasn’t wrong.’

‘Dean,’ Cas painfully gasped. His head rolled like a heavy weight on his neck, his drooping eyes trying to focus on the man in front of him. Cas tried with lacklustre to free himself, but the scorching pain from his foot and the deep, dull pain in his head had sapped him of all energy. He let out a few grunts in pain before his head sunk down once again.

‘Cas! Hang in there, buddy!’ Dean shouted. ‘I swear to God,’ he spat at the wraith, ‘I will kill you even if it’s the last thing I do.’

The wraith moved even closer towards him and whispered, ‘I’d like to see you try.’ The monster then paced towards Cas, grabbed the front of his shirt and sliced down the middle, sending white buttons shooting off across the room. ‘Now… where shall we starts,’ she teased as she moved the knife up Cas’s bare chest. She then quickly sliced a gash across his left ribs, causing Cas to wake and scream again at the pain.

‘Dean,’ Cas whimpered, his eyes glazed over and his body limp.

The monster then cut another gash over his collar bone and punched him with a powerful hook across his face, leaving him drooling blood. The monster laughed and then returned to face Dean. Standing close enough to him that Cas couldn’t hear her words.

‘You know,’ she snarled at Dean, ‘I could tell you now whether he loves you back,’ she said with a smile.

‘Go to hell,’ Dean hissed at her.

‘I admire your commitment to your self-hated,’ she laughed at him. ‘Anyway,’ she sighed, ‘I wouldn’t tell you anyway. It’s more… fun letting you both die never finding out.’

Dean felt helpless, hopeless, and broken. His arms seared with pain after trying to untie the knots behind him. His wrists burned from the tight ropes. He watched as the wraith returned towards Cas and started caressing his skin with the sharp knife, leaving trails of bright red blood behind each careful swoop of the blade. Cas screamed and whimpered, writhing in agony in the chair. Dean could feel tears cascading in silence down his cheeks as he realised that all he could do was watch. The monster started humming to herself, then returned to the table at the side to select a new implement, her thin fingers caressing each horrific instrument as she mused over what to use next. With the monster out of the way, Dean could now fully see Cas. Could see the blood and the agony in his eyes. Cas looked up, and looked right into Dean’s eyes. The expression they shared at that moment, when both of them realised that they may not be making it out of this alive, broke them.

 

Suddenly there was a sound at the door. The wraith span around quickly, picked up a large knife from the table, and walked slowly towards the door.

 

Sam stood pressed up against the wall by the door. He had kicked it and could now hear something slowly moving towards it on the other side. He held a gun in his right hand, and in his left a silver knife. The sound of footsteps stopped just before the door, then he heard click of the handle turning, then the door was pushed open slowly with a creak. Sam stayed where he was, pushing his whole body as far back against the wooden wall as he possibly could. He saw the profile of a woman peer out through the door, then he spun round and shot at her. She moved back quickly, dodging the bullet as Sam followed her into the dark, damp room.

‘Sammy!’ He heard Dean shout, but he didn’t look. He kept his eyes firmly on the wraith. She ran at him, he shot a few more times, but this spryly bitch ducked and dodged every goddam bullet. She grabbed at the gun and flung it from his hand, but he circled his left hand around and managed to catch her with the knife, causing her to scream and stumble backwards. He switched the knife into his right hand, and moved towards her as she held her side which was giving off steam as though her skin was burning beneath the slashed fabric. She shrieked and rushed at him again with the knife, but he caught her arm with his left hand, her catching his knife-holding arm with her left, they stood locked in the position until she spun Sam around and threw him to the other side of the room. As she ran at him, Sam quickly took out a spare gun from his pants and shot at her 5 times in the chest. He body convulsed with each shot, her face stuck in an expression of shock as she slowly continued to try to step forwards, before her entire torso started burning. She screamed in utter pain as she fell face first onto the cold ground, the bullet exit wounds on her back spitting out bubbling blood.

Sam realised he was breathing intensely, his arms still held onto the gun and locked in front of him. His breathing calmed and he slowly put the gun down, then looked around the room to see Cas and Dean tied to chairs. He got up and stowed the gun back in his pants, grabbed his silver knife from the floor, then cut the ropes behind Dean’s back and on his legs. Sam then ran over to Cas, knelt behind him and cut all of his ropes. Cas was still slumped forwards, seemingly unresponsive.

‘Cas! Cas!’ Dean said, as he knelt in front of him, then patted his cheek to try and wake him.

Cas grunted, and slowly opened his eyes, carefully lifting his head to see Dean in front of him.

‘Dean,’ Cas choked out.

‘It’s OK Cas, we got you,’ Dean said, standing up and pulling Cas up off the chair, and draping his arm over his own shoulder.

‘You guys OK?’ Sam asked, taking Cas’s other arm and helping Dean to carry him out.

‘We’re fine. Let’s just get out of here,’ Dean said as he and Sam pulled Cas’s stumbling body out.

 

                                                                                                   *                      *                      *

 

Sam and Dean helped to carry Cas out of the woods and to the impala. They lay him down on the back seats then chucked their weapons into the trunk, got in the car, and drove off.

They sat in silence for a few miles. Sam was driving whilst Dean sat in the passenger’s seat, stretching out his fingers and rolling his wrists to try and dissipate the pain from being tied up.

‘How’s he doing?’ Sam asked.

Dean turned round to glance at Cas who was still passed out on the back seat. ‘We should get him to the nearest hospital,’ Dean said. He noticed that Cas had started shivering, his arms cradled up against his body, his chest still bare from when the wraith had cut his shirt. Dean could see small trails of blood dripping down his body and onto the interior leather of the car.

‘Cas! Hey, Cas!’ Dean shouted at him, then turned around as far as he could to try and shake him. Despite his attempt, Cas didn’t wake. ‘Stop the car, Sam!’

Sam quickly swerved off the road, and slammed on the brakes. Dean got out, ran to the back and got in next to Cas, shutting the door behind him. ‘Sam! Hospital! Drive!’ he shouted, then pulled Cas up into a sitting position so that his back was resting on the opposite passenger door. Dean lifted Cas’s injured foot up into his lap, and saw that a heck of a lot of blood was continuing to drip down from below the sole. Dean hurriedly took off his jacket, and then shirt, then tentatively removed Cas’s shoe, causing him to wake and scream in pain.

‘It’s OK, Cas. We’re getting you to a hospital!’

Cas murmured something unintelligible before he passed out of consciousness. Dean peeled off Cas’s sock, revealing a deep knife wound that bore all the way through his foot. Dean tore off a section of his shirt and tightly wrapped it around the injury, holding the bandage down with his hands. Sam was driving at the speed of lightening, he’d got out his phone and was following GPS to the nearest ER, spinning the car round corners and cutting red lights.

‘Dean,’ Cas said quietly. Dean looked up at the bruised and dishevelled man in front of him, in a torn black suit and muddy trench coat, his white shirt open and stained with thick blood. Cas tried to move but winced in pain and collapsed back again.

‘It’s OK, buddy. We got you, you just hold on till we get to the ER,’ Dean said, then scooted further forwards towards Cas, still holding his bandaged foot in one hand, and then reaching over to check his chest wounds with the other. They all looked not too deep. The one across his ribs would probably need stiches, but he was undoubtedly going to be fine. Cas grabbed onto Dean’s hand that was holding onto his open shirt. Cas wrapped his fingers tightly around Dean’s palm, gripping onto his hand as though this was his only anchor to the conscious world. Cas’s head was thrown back, his face grimacing in pain.

Dean stared down at their hands clasped together.

‘It’s OK,’ Dean said quietly in a husky voice. ‘I got you,’ he continued, squeezing Cas’s hand.


	3. Chapter III : There’s A Feeling I Get

Chapter 3

 

Sam and Dean helped Cas into the ER and waited with him for various doctors to examine his injuries and bandage his wounds. They told all the doctors their fictitious story of how Cas was injured with complete conviction. Cas’s foot was tightly bandaged and put in a cast that reached halfway up his thigh. Five hours after entering the hospital, Cas was free to go and left on crutches, high on codeine, and with more pain killers in his coat pocket.

Cas fell asleep almost immediately when they started their drive back to the bunker, leaving Sam and Dean to sit in silence.

‘How you holding up?’ Sam asked.

‘Erm… fine, I guess.’

Sam paused before continuing, wondering how to phrase what he needed to say. ‘It’s not your fault, Dean.’

‘Who said it was?’ Dean replied accusatorily.

Sam sighed in frustration. ‘Look, I can tell that you’re blaming yourself for this.’

‘And why should I not?’ Dean shot back angrily, still staring at the open road in front of him. ‘I let Cas go off on his own. I got complacent and got kidnapped by a freakin’ wraith. And because of that, Cas almost got killed, AGAIN. This… all of this is on me.’

‘No, Dean. It’s not,’ Sam said sympathetically. ‘I was fine with Cas going off by himself. And I was meant to have your back… If you’re blaming yourself, you’re gonna have to blame me too.’

Dean turned towards the passenger seat window and stared out at the dark fields flying by them. He needed to change the conversation so said, ‘So, did you find out what that thing was?’

‘A wraith.’

‘Yeh, but we ganked a wraith back in Oklahoma. This one… seemed different,’ Dean said. Dean had got enough info on the wraith that he knew that with a bit of searching he could find out what exact type of wraith it was. The question was, did Sam know?

‘Erm…’ Sam said. He did know the exact type of wraith it was, but if he told Dean would he be opening a can of worms that his brother couldn’t deal with yet? But if he didn’t let Dean know, then how would he explain being able to find them? And if he didn’t say now, Dean would just try and find out what it was back at the bunker… Maybe this was a good chance to have those discussions they had never had… ‘It was an Elsker wraith.’

‘Ek.. Elsk what?’

‘Elsker. It… It feeds off the brains of people… in love,’ Sam said hesitantly.

Dean shuffled in his seat. OK. So Sam did know, _great_. ‘Makes sense,’ Dean said.

Sam blinked in shock. Well… that went down better than he’d thought it would.

Dean continued, ‘The wraith said it took people that the vic… well… cares about, you know. And you and Cas are like family to me, and why take you, right? Would’ve been pretty stupid to try and kill two hunters in one go,’ Dean said, then briefly glanced at Sam to see whether he was buying any of this.

Sam sighed. OK, so maybe this wasn’t the time for that conversation. ‘Yeh, ‘course,’ he replied.

‘So how’d you find us?’ Dean asked.

‘Well, Elsker wraiths would normally take their victims to caves, usually by waterfalls. So I checked the maps of that woodland by the park where one vic was found and saw that there were some abandoned mines there. There were already caves formed by underground streams so I was assuming you’d be there. Took me a while to find the right mine shaft, but managed to track some blood till I found you guys.’

‘I didn’t even realise there were other wraiths.’

‘Yeh. Right… Well, you both got out of it alive. That’s all that matters.’

 

                                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

Once they were back at the bunker, all three of them went to their respective rooms and slept. Sam was the first to wake up, so went to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. He’d heard Dean watching tv or a film in his room until late, and so assumed that he was continuing to put off sleep until he could no longer keep his eyes open. He’d been like this ever since the lakehouse. He’d go to his room at a reasonable hour, but Sam knew that he wasn’t sleeping. Every morning he’d wake up as tired as he’d been before ‘sleeping’. Sam knew that after the events of the past couple of days Dean’s sleep schedule wasn’t going to get any better.

‘Hello, Sam,’ Cas said, appearing at the door, leaning on crutches. He was dressed in one of Dean’s old t-shirts and a pair of Sam’s spare tracksuit pants. His hair was a mess and he looked awful and tired.

‘Cas. How are you feeling?

‘Terrible,’ Cas replied, then navigated his way to the table.

‘Coffee?’ Sam asked.

‘Yes, please.’

Sam poured two coffees and brought them over to the table, setting one in front of Cas then sitting opposite him.

‘So, what do you remember of the past few days?’ Sam asked.

‘Not much… I… I stopped at a gas station and then… I woke up… Dean was there… and this woman, she… she was hurting me,’ Cas said as he stared into his steaming coffee. ‘Is Dean alright?’

‘Yeh. Yeh, Dean’s fine.’

‘What was that thing?’

‘A wraith.’

Cas scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. ‘What did it want from me? I don’t remember being interrogated?’

‘It… It didn’t want to interrogate you. It wanted to torture you,’ Sam said.

‘Why?’ Cas said, his brow still furrowed. He stared at Sam, as if he was looking deep into his eyes for answers.

Sam shuffled in his chair uncomfortably. ‘Well, see, we were hunting it… And so it took Dean. It was an Elsker wraith… so, it takes people that… that care about each other.’

Cas looked away and said softly, ‘I see.’

They both sat in silence for a minute. Cas was deep in thought and seemed completely oblivious to the awkwardness. Sam, on the other hand became fidgety and uncomfortable.

Sam couldn’t take the silence any longer, and when it didn’t seem as though Cas was going to talk, he asked, ‘So… how’s the foot?’

‘It hurts,’ Cas replied monosyllabically.

‘You’ve got pain meds right?’

‘Yes. But, they make my brain feel like thick tar.’

‘Yeh, that can happen. You should take them though, they’ll help,’ Sam replied with a gentle smile.

‘‘Morning,’ Dean said as he appeared at the kitchen door, rubbing his eyes.

‘Hey,’ Sam replied light-heartedly.

Cas didn’t turn around, he didn’t even move.

Dean went over to the counter where the coffee pot stood, grabbed himself a mug, and poured himself a coffee.

‘You sleep OK?’ Sam asked, trying to ignore the fact that Cas hadn’t acknowledged Dean’s presence.

‘Like a baby,’ Dean said in between sips of coffee.

There was silence for a brief moment. Sam noticed Dean glance briefly at Cas from where he was standing, then return to drinking his coffee in silence. Cas continued to stare with an expressionless look into his own coffee mug placed on the table in front of him.

‘So…’ Sam said, trying to fill the silence with words. ‘I was thinking of heading out to find Jack?’

‘Sure, when d’ya wanna head off?’ Dean replied.

‘Erm, I was actually thinking of doing this solo,’ Sam said tentatively, looking at Dean and then nodding his head in Cas’s direction.

Dean got what Sam was silently trying to say and huffed out a breath in annoyance. ‘Babysitting!?’ he said.

Cas woke up from whatever thoughts he had been trapped in and caught onto what was being said. ‘It’s fine. You both go. I will be fine alone.’

Sam rolled his eyes, took Cas’s mug of coffee and placed it on the floor next to the table. ‘Fine,’ he said, ‘Pick that up for me, then.’

Cas glared at Sam in annoyance, then bent to reach for the mug but shouted out in pain as soon as his torso contorted even the slightest amount.

Dean sighed, walked over to the mug and set it back down on the table. ‘Fine. You go,’ he said to Sam. ‘I’ll look after Tiny Tim here.’

‘Great. I’ll leave in an hour. You both rest up, watch Netflix and… whatever. And Cas, take the meds,’ Sam said as he got up and left to go pack.

Dean was still stood next to Cas who had returned to staring into his coffee. Dean sighed and sat down at the table.

‘You good, Cas?’ he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

Cas didn’t look up and simply said, ‘Apart from the pain, I’m fine. How are you, Dean?’

‘I’m fine,’ Dean said then waited to see if Cas would say any more. Something was off about his demeanour, but perhaps this was an effect of the pain or the strong medication he was on. Dean continued to sip at his coffee, warily watching Cas. When Cas continued to neither speak nor look at him Dean said sarcastically, ‘Great. Good talk,’ before heading out of the kitchen.

 

                                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

Sam had left soon after breakfast, leaving Dean and Cas alone in their respective bedrooms. It was now afternoon, and Dean sat on his bed, listening to Led Zeppelin loudly in his headphones. He’d kept to himself and hadn’t seen Cas since that morning. He should probably be checking on him, perhaps he needed a bandage changing, or needed help with something… but the brief conversation from this morning had made him want to stay the hell away from Cas for as long as possible. Either one of two things had happened, Cas had found out about why the wraith took him and now felt awkward about the situation, or Cas didn’t know exactly why he was taken but was just pissed at Dean for it being his fault. Perhaps Cas felt both awkward and angry. As much as Dean wished that he could stay locked in his room until Sam got back, he knew he should go and check on Cas. Goddammit.

Dean ripped his headphones off, got up and turned off the record player. Sighing to himself he walked down the corridor to Cas’s room, paused at the door, then knocked three times.

‘Come in,’ Dean heard from inside.

Dean carefully opened the door to see Cas lying on the bed, his upper torso resting on two pillows behind him. Cas was staring up at the ceiling, and gave no indication that he was planning on looking at Dean.

Dean glanced around the room, trying to see if there was a tv or laptop in here that Cas had been watching, or maybe a book on the side tables or bed. When he saw nothing he asked, ‘You just been staring at the ceiling all day?’

Cas finally broke his staring competition with the ceiling above and looked at Dean briefly, then returned his eyes to the plaster overhead.

‘Yes,’ he replied.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. Damn angel. ‘You need your bandages changed or something?’ Dean asked with a tone of impatience.

Cas glanced down at the same old t-shirt he’d been wearing all day, and tentatively touched at his torso, wincing.

Dean moved over to the bed and crouched down next to Cas, then lifted his shirt to expose the bandages which had now turned the colour of murky brown and red-hued black.

‘That would be a yes,’ Dean sighed. ‘OK, you stay here and I’ll go get the first aid kit.’

Dean returned a moment later to find Cas sat on the side of the bed, breathing deeply, his face contorted with pain. Dean rushed over, set the first aid stuff on the bed and put a hand on Cas’s shoulder. ‘OK, easy, man.’

‘I… I can’t lift my arms,’ Cas said, embarrassed and dejected.

‘Alright,’ Dean said soothingly. ‘You lie back and we’ll just push your top up.’

Cas lay back down on the bed, breathing in sharply when he lifted his foot in its heavy cast back up onto the bed. Dean pushed the t-shirt up as far as it could go, carefully lifting the material over the bandages. He slowly tore each bandage from Cas’s skin, trying not to pay attention to Cas wincing every time one was removed.

‘You need some whisky for the next part?’ Dean asked.

‘No. I’ll manage.’

Dean gave Cas a worried look before dousing some cotton wool with anti-septic fluid, then carefully wiped it across Cas’s chest and stomach. Dean couldn’t help but notice the tanned skin and muscles which jumped at his every touch. He needed to quickly end this chick flick moment asap before he puked. It didn’t help when Cas started giving out small whines in pain, and his breathing became louder as Dean continued to wipe the stinging liquid over the cuts. Dean breathed in steadily and tried to focus again. He got out some clean bandages and medical tape from the box and placed them over the cuts.

Cas had begun this whole painful endeavour watching Dean’s hands push his shirt up, then start wiping that awfully painful liquid over his cuts. He noted Dean’s fingers move the cotton wool in delicate circles over his cuts. It was indeed painful, but with his friend sitting so close to him and tending to his wounds, he just couldn’t watch. He returned his eyes to that familiar ceiling above him and focused on the pain which helped him to ignore anything else that was going on.

When Dean had finished applying the bandages he got up and coughed uncomfortably, then threw the old bandages in a bin at the side of the room, gathered up the medical supplies, threw them in the box and walked towards the door.

‘You hungry?’ he asked.

‘Erm. Yes. I suppose,’ Cas replied.

Dean didn’t look at him as he left the room, saying, ‘I’ll get some food ready, then.’

 

                                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

Dean set down the homemade burgers with a side of chips, and two beers on the main table. Cas had hobbled over with his crutches and was now sat at the table.

‘Thank you,’ he said quietly.

‘Don’t mention it,’ Dean replied, taking the burger in his hands and biting down on it, humming at how good it was.

They both ate in silence. Normally Dean could deal with silence, after all, Cas wasn’t the chattiest of people, but Cas still felt off and Dean couldn’t help but worry about what thoughts were running through his mind.

When they’d finished eating, Cas said, ‘Dean… I’m sorry.’

Dean looked up at him in surprise, saying, ‘Sorry for what?’

Cas stared down at his lap, ‘I should not have gone searching for the Nephilim alone.’

Dean picked up his beer from the table and took a sip, watching Cas in confusion.

‘It’s fine, man.’

‘But it’s not, Dean. You were right. Evidently I am not ready to be going off alone. I put you all in danger because of that wraith.’

Dean sighed. ‘That wasn’t your fault, Cas.’

‘Yes, Dean. Yes it was.’

‘No. It wasn’t. Look, I was taken by that wraith and I’ve been doing this shit for years. And I was with Sam.’

‘So…’ Cas continued, a confused expression playing at his face, ‘So… you’re not angry with me?’

‘What? No? Is this what this silent act has been about?’

Cas mumbled, trying to find the right words, ‘I… I thought you were angry with me?’

Dean gave out a few relieved laughs and smiled at Cas, who glanced up at him. ‘Nah, man. We’re all good, yeh?’ he said, lifting his beer bottle towards Cas.

Cas picked up the full beer bottle in front of him and clinked the glass on Dean’s. He smiled timidly and said with a nod, ‘All good.’


	4. Chapter IV : Words Have Two Meanings

Chapter 4

 

They spent the next few days in the same routine. They would wake up, have breakfast. Dean would remove Cas’s bandages, let Cas have a shower, then reapply some clean ones. They would spend the day looking for any signs which might tell them where Jack was, however everything on that front was silent. In the evening they would watch tv and films sat on Cas’s bed, before Dean would return to his room and listen to more music until he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

By the third day Cas’s stomach had almost healed, he was able to bend without much pain and managed to change his bandages by himself. After breakfast he sat at a laptop in the main room trying to find any omens or weird storms which might give them any clue as to the whereabouts of the Nephilim.

One thing had been bugging him over the past few days, but with all the medication he’d been on, he could hardly think straight. He’d skipped the medication this morning which had brought back the pain in his foot, but at least his mind felt clearer. Dean was off somewhere else in the bunker, and so Cas was alone. What he couldn’t work out is why the wraith had taken him? Sam had helpfully explained that it would take people that cared about each other, which warmed Cas to know that his and Dean’s bond remained strong despite the upsets of the past years. But what didn’t make sense is why the wraith hadn’t taken Sam? Sam had been in her vicinity, and yet she had tracked him down and carried him miles back to her lair.

Cas sighed and then brought up a new tab thing on the laptop device. He typed in ‘Elsker wraith’ and hit the first listed page. Cas frowned at the information, then returned back to the search and clicked on the next site. He read through the information and felt his heart beating faster. He was not used to such mortal things, and it frustrated him that he was feeling all of these effects which he hadn’t as an angel. ‘Love’; that is what the pages had said. And not familial love; true love. Cas knew it made sense, why else would the wraith have taken him instead of Sam? Memories of the days when he was an angel flashed through his mind. He recalled the times when he’d been miles away from the boys, or in heaven and something akin to energy had rushed through his body as his mind told him that Dean was praying to him. Sometimes Dean would have been praying, but other times Cas had tuned into the thoughts and heard thoughts, not prayers. Mostly it was Dean worrying about where he was, or if he was OK, a few times Dean had just been thinking of him in a general sense. A couple of times the thoughts had seemed scrambled and nonsensical, and when Cas tuned in to check if they were prayers but couldn’t make sense of it, he had flown to where Dean was and seen that he was sleeping. On those occasions Cas had watched over his peaceful body for a moment or so, before heading back to whatever mission he had been on. He had been aware of the rumours in heaven; the rumours that his connection with Dean was crossing a line, but Cas had always ignored it. Him and Dean were family is what he would tell himself. But this past week or so, since he’d been mortal, there were thoughts and feelings that it was becoming harder to deny. He couldn’t lie to himself that thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind… thoughts and specifically cravings which he hadn’t felt so strongly as an angel. But Dean had always called him family, and so that’s what he was. He had always thought that Dean thought of him and Sam in the same way… but now, was that not the case? And now that he himself was mortal and practically human… did that mean that he was released from the vows older than the earth which detailed strict laws about how angels should interact with mankind?

But… wait. His thoughts were running away with him… this didn’t necessarily mean that Dean loved him… it could mean that the wraith knew that he was in love with Dean… maybe this was all his fault after all? If he hadn’t had feelings for Dean, then the wraith wouldn’t have taken them both…

‘You find anything?’ Dean said as he entered the room with two plates of pasta and two beers.

Cas was shocked from his reverie and shut the screen down quickly. ‘No,’ he said, shiftily.

Dean narrowed his eyes at him, ‘You watching porn?’

‘What? No,’ Cas replied with embarrassment.

Dean looked at him warily for a moment longer, then sat down to start eating. Cas looked at the beer set in front of him. He hadn’t drunk much because he had been told that medication and alcohol was a bad combo. But he felt like both beer and medication wasn’t such a bad idea right now, so popped out a pill from the package in front of him, and washed it down with a huge glug of beer.

They both made small talk over the food. Cas tried to remain as calm as possible. The beer was certainly helping that. After they’d finished eating, Dean suggested that they call it a day on the research, and went to grab some more beers from the kitchen. Dean was glad Cas had finally decided to join him drinking. He himself hadn’t drunk much over the past few days because Cas hadn’t, so he was pleased that if Cas was drinking, then he must be feeling better.

After a few more beers Cas was beginning to feel fairly tipsy. He’d been trying to block out the thoughts from earlier, in particular the ones where he’d discovered that it was his fault that Dean had been taken by the wraith, but now those thoughts had started to creep back.

‘We should watch a film,’ Cas announced with a slight slur.

Dean noticed a change in Cas’s demeanour and was slightly taken aback by the quick change of topic from the conversation they’d been discussing before.

‘Yeh, sure. You got one in mind?’ Dean asked.

‘What is that one about the spy man?’

‘It’s spy. Not spy man. Just spy,’ Dean said with feigned frustration. ‘And you mean James Bond?’

‘No, I am aware of that one. The more recent one… the Birth of the Supreme?’

‘Bourne Supremacy?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes. Yes, that one.’

Dean smiled to himself. ‘Sure, you head to your room and I’ll put the plates away and bring in more beers,’ he said with a smile.

 

                                                                 *                      *                      *

 

Cas sat on one side of his bed, the beers and codeine had mixed so that his brain felt like the fluffy fur of a puppy dog. Despite this feeling of relaxation, he couldn’t shake the feeling now rested in the pit of his stomach that he really was to blame for the wraith thing. And Dean knew what sort of wraith it was, so had probably worked out why she had taken Cas, and so was Dean now aware of Cas’s feelings for him?

At that moment Dean came into the bedroom, handed him a beer and flopped down beside him on the bed. He grabbed the laptop that was beside him on the floor and started searching for the film. Cas silently drank his beer, his mind still spinning in circles with guilt.

‘Dean,’ Cas said suddenly, ‘I have something I mussst confessss sto you.’

Dean raised an eyebrow at his slurred speech, but continued to browse the internet for a copy of the film. ‘Go ahead.’

‘I believe it wass my faultyou were taken by the wraith,’ Cas said, first looking at Dean and then staring down at the beer bottle.

Dean looked over at Cas in confusion, then set the laptop to one side and moved so that he was sitting on his side of the bed, but facing Cas.

‘Cas,’ he said with a sigh. ‘We’ve gone over this. It wasn’t your fault. I’m not upset with you, man. We’re good.’

‘No, Dean. You don’t understand. It was an Elsssshker wraith. It took me because… well, probably because of my feelings for you,’ Cas said almost comically, still unable to look at Dean.

Dean didn’t respond which worried Cas. He took a brief look at Dean who was staring at him in shock. Cas quickly averted his eyes and tried to find anything in this room to look at.

‘I…’ Cas continued, ‘I ssshouldn’t have mentioned that. It is not of import. I have consumed much beer and I hear wildly inaccurate statements occur in humans after alcohol consumption,’ he continued hurriedly. ‘I’m… going to go… now,’ Cas said then lifted himself up surprisingly easily from the bed, before his head started spinning, his cast pulled him off balance and he fell down onto the floor.

Dean rushed off the bed and ran round to find Cas sprawled on the floor.

‘Goddammit, Cas,’ he said softly then hooked his arms around Cas to lift him up, back onto the bed. Dean sat down beside him with a sigh. He patted his hand reassuringly on Cas’s thigh, then left it there for a moment, before sliding it down back into his own lap.

‘Cas, it wasn’t your fault the wraith took me,’ Dean said in a quiet tone.

‘Dean, it wasss. And I take full responsibility for that.’

‘No, Cas… Goddammit,’ Dean said, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh to try and collect his thoughts. He couldn’t remember how many beers he’d had, and he certainly wasn’t as drunk as Cas, but he’d had enough that his thoughts were kind of blurry. ‘Cas, the wraith took you to hurt me. It tortured you in front of me. If this had been about you, I would be the one getting knives shoved into me… do you understand what I’m saying?’

Cas looked down, deep in thought, trying to piece together the bits of information.

‘So… if it wanted to hurt me, it would have tortured you… but it tortured me… so it wanted to hurt you…’ Cas paused to think about what this meant before saying quietly, ‘Oh…’

Dean breathed in deeply then ran his hands over his face.

‘Yep,’ Dean muttered, almost to himself. Dean couldn’t tell whether he was cringing, happy, or so embarrassed he wanted to leave and never return. Had Cas just said that he had feelings for him? Had he really said that? And had he himself just told Cas… well, the same thing? God, this silence was unbearable.

Dean was about to say something, say anything to break the silence before he felt Cas’s lips press against his. Dean breathed in sharply through his nose, his eyebrows rising in shock, before he gently pushed Cas away. Cas opened his eyes, and then looked away. Goddammit, now he’d upset the damn drunk angel.

‘Woah there, Cas,’ Dean said, still holding his hands up in front of him.

‘I… I thought that’s what one is meant to do… in this situation…’ Cas said, his words trailing off until they were barely audible.

Dean was dumbfounded. Cas placed his hands in his lap and looked down at them. Dean took in his profile, his drooping yet rather adorable eyes, his lips which a second ago had been pressed against his own… God… was he thinking of Cas in this way and not catching himself a second later? Was he finally going there?

Dean placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder, causing him to turn towards Dean who then moved his head towards him and pressed a soft kiss against Cas’s lips. Cas’s lips opened slightly, and gently closed over his own. They were soft and he smelled of beer and the same shower gel Dean used. A rush of heat flushed through Dean’s body as he kissed Cas and breathed in the heady smells of the fallen angel. Dean had kinda stopped thinking, stopped wondering, stopped every thought in his mind because this feeling was now everything. He broke the kiss and opened his eyes. Cas was staring at him, mouth slightly open, with such softness and intensity. Dean stood up, lifted Cas’s legs onto the bed, and pushed him back so that he was lying down. Dean then kneeled over him, bent down, and kissed him with an intensity he didn’t realise he could still conjure in situations like this. He felt Cas’s hands at his neck, and then his fingers bury themselves in his hair. Cas lifted his head to meet every kiss, and kissed back with a passion that surprised Dean. He felt strong and supple beneath him, his lips caressed, sucked, and swirled over his own. Dean lowered his body further down so that their chests were brushing against each other, he then found Cas’s tongue with his own and lapped at it, causing Cas to let out a small whimper. Dean’s breath hitched at that sound as a heat flooded through his body. Fucking hell. Dean quickly broke the kiss and sat up over Cas. Cas’s head followed Dean upwards, still searching for the next touch when Dean broke away. His lips were full and flushed and his eyes slowly opened, blinking up at Dean.

Dean got off Cas, being careful not to knock his cast, then got off the bed and took a few paces away.  

Cas pushed himself up to sitting, and looked sheepishly around the room. Dean felt lost for words. Suddenly a panic spread through his body as he realised what had just happened. He pressed his fingers to his closed eyes and rubbed at them, trying to work out what to do next. Goddammit, what had just happened? Without looking at Cas he stormed out the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Cas stared after the closed door in drunken shock. Was Dean upset with him? If he hadn’t been before, then it looked like he was now. Dean was probably upset with him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have kissed him. But Dean had kissed him back? Wasn’t that meant to be a good sign? He wasn’t all too familiar with these human feelings and social cues so maybe that wasn’t a good sign? Cas breathed in shakily, and breathed out slowly, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. He had probably upset Dean. Perhaps he could say that this was the drink… but before the kiss he had told Dean about his feelings towards him. He shouldn’t have mentioned it. He was new at this whole human thing but even he knew that Dean walking out without saying one word was a bad sign.

Cas shuffled on the bed, and leaned back against the bedrest. He needed something to take his mind off what had just happened, and saw that the laptop was still on the other side of the bed. He brought it onto his lap, noticed that the film was loaded and paused on the screen, pressed enter, and tried to forget everything that had just happened.

 

                                                                 *                      *                      *

 

The film was entertaining enough that Cas could almost fully pay attention to it without drifting off into thoughts of what had just occurred. He focused on staring at the screen and following the plot, but on occasion his mind would flash with images of Dean’s body over his, their lips pressed together. Cas’s body would react to the memories; his breathing would hitch, his stomach would tumble, and his body would warm.

About twenty minutes into the film he heard a knock at his door. It could only be Dean. Cas froze and stared at the closed bedroom door.

‘Yes?’ he said.

Dean opened the door slowly, and walked over to the bed without looking at him. He sat down next to Cas, swung his legs onto the bed, crossed his arms, and leant back.

Cas didn’t know what to do or say. His mind still felt woozy from the beer which obviously hadn’t been helping his judgement calls. Did Dean want to talk about it? He was assuming not seeing as he hadn’t said a word, nor even looked at him since he came into the room… but the fact that he had joined him at all must be a good sign.

‘Shall… I restart the film? Cas asked hesitantly.

‘No. You’re good,’ Dean replied.

The film continued playing, them both watching it side by side. More than ever before Cas was extremely aware of Dean’s body next to his. He could feel its heat, could sense the smallest movement… this was… distracting. Cas half-wished he was still an angel and could zap out of there in an instant.

Dean didn’t know what to think. After what had happened he had returned to his room and paced around whilst trying to calm his breathing. When a couple of minutes had passed he turned his record player on and collapsed onto the bed. He put on his headphones and listened to the blasting rock music, trying not to think. Goddammit, Cas. This had opened a whole can of worms that Dean didn’t want to deal with right now. Dean shut his eyes and tried to focus on the music, blocking out the emotions. Was he happy about this? What was he so scared about? Cas had told him how he felt and then made a fucking move on him. If Dean was being honest with himself he didn’t see this as a bad thing, it was pretty relieving to be honest. But Dean had returned the kiss and then went back for more… Could he pretend that hadn’t happened? Cas seemed pretty drunk, and maybe he could convince him that it was a drunken mistake? But did he even want to pretend like it was nothing? Dean turned the thoughts over again and again in his mind, searching for how he really felt. He’d kept burying this stuff for so long that it didn’t feel right trying to face it. He’d quietly admitted to himself in the past that yeh, sure, some guys were pretty fucking hot. He’d gotten completely smashed before and gone home with a few. But Cas… anything he’d felt towards Cas was repressed so deeply that he’d been unable to truly admit to himself these feelings. Since Cas had gone and died on him, it had become harder to pretend that his feelings towards the guy were completely platonic. These thoughts went round and round in circles in Dean’s mind. He started to wonder about what Cas was doing now. Was he now watching the damn movie? Was Cas upset with him? Fuck, he was probably drunk and majorly pissed at him. Dean sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. Before he could think about this anymore he got up, walked out the room to Cas’s bedroom, and knocked on the door.

 

To Cas, the movie was mildly entertaining. In the past he’d watched in confusion at such films, trying to disseminate the varying reasons why humans interacted in such ways, but since Metatron had downloaded cultural references into his brain, and since he turned human that first time, he was enjoying films more. The on screen romances and social relationships were less confusing, and he’d learnt to just enjoy the plots.

Dean had still said nothing to him, but at least he was here. As much as film plots were making more sense to him, Dean’s social cues were still way beyond his ability to fully understand. The drink from earlier, and the pain medication were making his eyes feel heavy and his body feel lethargic. As the film continued, Cas slowly drifted into sleep.

 

Dean’s attention to the film was broken when he felt Cas slowly slump to the side, until his head was resting on Dean’s shoulder. Dean looked down to see Cas’s chest rise and fall slowly. His eyes were shut and looked deep in sleep. Dean tried to be annoyed at the damn, drunken idiot falling asleep on him, but without anyone there to note his social discomfort, Dean smiled slightly, and continued watching the movie.

 

When it ended and the title credits started rolling, he gently moved his arm to pause the film. He wouldn’t be able to get up without waking Cas, and to be honest, he’d rather just go to sleep without having to deal with another conversation. He tried to move slowly, pushing Cas away from him gently.

‘Was I asleep?’ Cas said, his voice deep and husky. Cas sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

Dean got up off the bed and headed to the door. He turned around to see Cas staring at him sleepily.

‘Night, Cas,’ he said quietly.

‘Goodnight, Dean,’ he heard Cas say as he shut the door.


	5. Chapter V : She Wants To Be Sure

Chapter 5

 

 Cas woke up feeling terrible. His hair was a mess, his stomach felt weird, his foot hurt, and his head was pounding. He slowly opened his eyes and stretched out his arms. He glanced at the bedside table and saw a couple of empty beer bottles… well, that would explain things. God, how did Dean deal with drinking so much so often? He was probably used to it… wait… Dean. Cas furrowed his brown trying to remember why the thought of Dean was of some importance right now… and then he remembered. First the memories of Dean’s body pressed on top of his and the heat he’d felt in that moment. Secondly came the memories of Dean’s look of shock and his silence when he left the room and for the rest of the evening. Cas took a pillow from beside him and slammed it over his face, pressing the cotton to his eyes as if he could block out whatever he was feeling with the soft material barrier between himself and the world. He was not used to all of these human emotions, he didn’t really know what emotion he was feeling right now. Was it embarrassment… yes, it was that. How does mankind cope with being so laden with such things? Perhaps it was best if he tried to avoid Dean today, his body felt worn down, sick, and tired and the last thing he needed was to be involved in some confrontation with Dean.

 

Cas spent the day watching Netflix in bed, leaving the room on the rare occasion to grab water and meds to help his continuous headache. He binge-watched a series about vampires which appeared wildly inaccurate. Moreover, they all seemed far too pretty and clean to be at all accurate. Oh the misleadings of American popular television. By the time it was six o’clock, his stomach started to hurt with pain rather than the morning’s nausea. He would have to go to the kitchen to make food… which ran the risk of bumping into Dean. Furthermore, his cooking skills were mainly confined to sandwiches, and his body craved something more substantial. But sandwiches would have to do seeing as Dean would be unlikely to cook for him this evening. A pity, as Dean’s culinary skills were surprisingly good and he always enjoyed their evening meals together. This whole day alone had made him miss Dean in general. What were they to do? Cas went over the events of last night for the millionth time that day; he had confessed his love to Dean, Dean had seemingly reciprocated those feelings, Cas had kissed him, Dean had reciprocated that before walking out the door and not speaking to him for the rest of the evening. Were all humans this indecipherable, or was Dean particularly puzzling? Cas’s own understanding of his emotions seemed equally incomprehensible at this current time. Perhaps they always had been difficult to comprehend? For years he had known of his love for the man, but it had always been mixed with his duty as a kind of angelic guardian. He loved Sam as well, but his feelings towards Dean had always felt more… potent. On occasion he could have sworn he felt something akin to lust. Since becoming human this time, it was becoming difficult to deny that there was a sense of lust towards Dean, and the feeling of love that he had harboured in his heart for so long was becoming stronger every day. When he had been an angel, it had been programmed into his mind that one of the greatest sins one could commit was to lay with mankind and perhaps that knowledge had been the barrier stopping him from truly exploring those emotions before. Now that he was mortal and essentially human, those rules didn’t apply and any guilt he had felt regarding his emotions was dissipating quickly. The only guilt he now felt was that he may have ruined his friendship with Dean. He had seen that in movies, when someone professes their love to a friend, only to be declined leading to the relationship breaking down… was that happening now? Cas groaned in frustration at his woes, then took in a deep breath, grabbed his crutches from beside the bed, and made his way to the kitchen.

 

Cas was relieved to see that there was no one in the kitchen. He went about trying to find bread, cheese, and ham to make a sandwich. The whole process was incredibly difficult seeing as both his hands were needed to hold onto the crutches. He crossed the kitchen to find a plate, then hopped back to the counter with it, but somehow slipped causing the plate to crash onto the floor and smatter into pieces. As he himself hit the tiled floor he hit his foot and cried out with pain as he lay on his back on the cold tiles.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted as he ran into the room, holding his gun out in front of him. The shocked and focused look in his eyes melted into pity and relief as he saw Cas lying on the floor surrounded by smashed porcelain and his crutches.

‘Sorry,’ Cas said quietly as he tried to push himself up into sitting. ‘I was trying to make a sandwich and slipped.’

Dean stowed his gun in his pants, sighed and went over to help Cas up. ‘You OK?’ he asked.

‘Yes. I’m fine. Thank you.’

Dean picked up and handed the crutches back to Cas and surveyed the smashed plate on the floor. Sighing he said, ‘Look man, you go rest up. I’ll make you some food.’

‘Thank you, but I’m sure I can continue cooking.’

Dean glanced quickly at Cas. Cas had noticed that he still hadn’t properly looked him in the eye yet, which continued to be worrying.

‘No, Cas,’ Dean said in an exasperated tone. ‘You can barely stand. I gotta make some grub anyway, so you just… I dunno… just let me help you, man.’

Cas saw that there was no arguing with Dean, so nodded slightly before hobbling out of the room and into the main space to perhaps start on some more research.

 

Dean entered the main room of the bunker with two plates of steak and fries. He placed one in front of Cas who thanked him quietly. They both started eating in silence. Cas normally never noticed silences and they rarely made him feel awkward or uncomfortable, but this silence felt excruciating. He felt something that he’s never experienced before, a feeling of anxiety within his chest which made him want to say just about anything to break the quiet. This truly was an odd sensation.

‘Dean, I…’ he blurted out, ‘I believe I owe you an apology.’

‘You don’t owe me anything, Cas,’ Dean replied between mouthfuls of food.

‘Well… then I owe you an explanation.’

Dean sighed and dropped his cutlery onto the plate, and wiped his mouth with his chequered shirt sleeve. ‘Look, man. I don’t wanna talk about it, OK,’ he said with frustration.

Cas narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side. ‘I feel as if it’s pertinent to discuss what happened nevertheless.’

‘No. It’s not, Cas. I’m drawing a line. Nothing happened. We’ll just carry on like we were before.’

‘But Dean,’ Cas said, his voice softer and more pained now, ‘You can barely look me in the eye.’

Dean shut his eyes and sighed, then pointedly looked at Cas. He could only bare to hold eye contact for a couple of seconds before he looked away again. Cas was doing that thing where he was staring at him with that sad puppy dog expression. Goddammit.

‘Truth is, Cas,’ Dean said quietly with an earnest tone, ‘We’ve been through a heck of a lot together – purgatory, the damn apocalypse… God, there isn’t another person on earth apart from Sam whose been through as much crap with me as you… And bullshit like last night, that changes things, man-’

‘Dean,’ Cas interjected sadly.

‘No, let me finish… Now… there are things about me that I’ve buried so deep that I’ve forgotten what in the hell they even were. And there’s a tonne of other crap that I haven’t buried deep enough. And so whoever you think I am, I’m not that guy,’ Dean finished, his voice husky, loud, and angry.

‘You think my judgments are based on a misunderstanding of your character?’ Cas said, anger boiling in his chest. ‘Do not mistake me for a fool, Dean. I have watched over earth for thousands of years. I have watched the trials and failings of mankind for eras and have held no one in as high esteem as you.’ Cas’s voice rose in passion and volume with each word. He lifted himself off the chair, grabbed his crutches and limped towards Dean until he towered over him. Dean was sat at the table, staring down at his food, his chest rising and falling. ‘I have seen you fail and fight. I have seen you in your worst moments and your best. I have saved you more times than I can remember and would die for you! So do not think that anything I said to you was born out of misjudgement or misunderstanding!’

Dean stood up forcefully, pushing the chair back with enough power that it toppled over behind him. He stood closely in front of Cas, staring down at him with an expression of anger and sadness. ‘So what, Cas?!’ he shouted in his face. ‘You think you can say shit like last night and then we’ll live happily ever after? Ain’t gonna happen because life, life is just gonna hand you a load of crap and take everything you care about away from you. So whatever you think you feel, forget about it. Because that’s how people end up dead!’

‘See, this is your problem, Dean! You push everyone away because you think you don’t deserve to be happy!’

‘No, it’s because everyone I’ve ever cared about has either run away or ended up dead!’ Dean shouted.

‘Well I’m happy to take that chance!’ Cas shouted back at him.

They both stared at each other with the utmost intensity, chests rising and falling quickly as their heartbeats raced. Dean grabbed Cas’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together forcefully. He sucked and bit at Cas’s lips as if he needed to taste all of him. Cas let go of the crutches which crashed to the ground then grabbed at Dean’s shirt and pulled him closer, holding onto him fiercely for support. Dean spun them around and pushed Cas onto the table and stood between his legs, leaning down towards him to continue the passionate kiss. Cas moved his hands and grabbed onto the back of Dean’s neck, both pulling Dean down towards him and pulling himself up. Their lips crashed into each other’s as they sucked and lapped. Dean pushed his tongue into Cas’s mouth and sought out Cas’s tongue, sucking and licking at it. Dean felt Cas take in a sharp breath and heard him groan into his own mouth, the vibrations humming at his lips. Dean broke the kiss and pushed Cas down onto the table. He then kicked off his shoes and nimbly knelt on the table over Cas. Dean pulled Cas further forwards so that his whole body lay over the polished wood. Dean moved so that he was sitting over Cas’s crotch, then bent down to kiss him again with fervour. He felt Cas’s fingers tightly entwine themselves in his hair. He could feel Cas’s full lips pressing, opening, and closing over his own. Dean pressed his body further down so that his crotch brushed over Cas’s. Cas gave out another moan into Dean’s lips. Dean started to move his mouth in motion with his body, rolling his hips down into Cas. Dean bit down gently on Cas’s bottom lip and groaned. Their breathing became laboured. Cas bent his good leg up and settled it behind Dean. Cas grabbed at Dean’s back so that he could push his body up to meet Dean’s rolling hips. Cas gave out another pained groan causing Dean’s body to flush with even more heat. He quickly sat up in Cas’s lap, pulled him up and grabbed at his t-shirt, pulling it off him quickly to expose tanned skin and rippling muscles. He pushed Cas back down on the table and saw that Cas was staring at him with an intensity Dean had rarely seen in his eyes which looked practically black. Dean pulled off his own shirt, and then his t-shirt, all the while staring down at Cas’s chest which continued to quickly rise and fall. He unbuckled his belt, then pulled it from the loops in one smooth motion then chucked it across the room. He then pushed himself off the table and kicked off his jeans, before jumped back over Cas. Dean pulled Cas’s sweatpants down to his knees, and resumed kissing him and rolling down into his body. Now with only the thin material of their boxers between them, their breathing became even more laboured and Cas’s moans became louder. Dean was hard and could feel Cas’s erection beneath him. He moved slightly so that their cocks would rub against each other which made Cas gasp into Dean’s mouth. Fuck. Cas rolled his hips up to meet his own and Cas gasped and moaned into each kiss giving out the fucking hottest sounds Dean had ever heard. Dean’s breath hitched at each groan Cas gave out. The tension building in his body was almost unbearable, so he continued to prop himself over Cas with one arm, then firmly moved his other hand down Cas’s chest, feeling each scar as he moved down towards Cas’s crotch. He pushed his hand below Cas’s boxers and grabbed him in his hand, which made Cas basically scream out a breathy cry. As Dean kissed him, he slowly moved his hand up and down Cas’s dick. Cas took one hand out of Dean’s hair and moved it between them, grabbing Dean’s hard erection and copying the movements Dean’s hand was making. They kissed and sucked at each other’s mouths whilst moving their hands over each other, their hand movements moving in sync with each kiss. Their breaths became more and more laboured as they started to drive each other to the edge.

‘Dean,’ Cas groaned into his lips.

Dean almost came just from hearing his name uttered with such intense passion. He started moving his hand quicker, feeling Cas become tenser with each stroke. He himself was close, the heat and movements of Cas’s hand on him causing his entire body to flood with intensity and pleasure. Dean’s head became light as the pressure built to breaking point. He cried out into Cas’s mouth, then broke their kiss, moaning as he came. His hand slowed on Cas, but he could still feel the tension in Cas beneath him. Dean’s breathing slowed as he opened his eyes to see Cas staring up at him, wide-eyed. Dean grabbed Cas’s hand that was between them, and lifted it up over his head. He then kissed him again and started to move his hand slowly up and down Cas’s hard dick. Dean reached for Cas’s hand with his free hand, entwining their fingers and holding his arm down above Cas’s head. Cas’s breathing started to rise again, his moans became louder with every touch. Dean could feel the tension in his body rise with each movement, and felt Cas’s fingers grip tightly over his own. Cas came with a deep and breathy cry, groaning into Dean’s lips as his came onto his and Dean’s bare torsos. Dean stroked him through the orgasm as Cas stopped kissing back and just moaned into Dean’s open lips. When Cas’s breathing started to slow, Dean let go of him and rolled over to lie on his back next to him. They both lay with laboured gasps next to each other.

Holy fuck, Dean thought. His head felt light, his body felt satiated and exhausted, and he still could barely catch his breath. He lifted his head up to glance down at his body, glistening with sweat and cum. Crap, he was gonna have to get up and have a shower. He collapsed back on the table, then turned his head to look over at Cas. Cas’s eyes were shut as he breathed in and out through his mouth. His stomach was also shining with sweat and cum under the bunker lights. Dean stared at Cas’s shoulder and arms, really noticing quite how fit he was. Dean rolled his head and stared up at the ceiling. Fuck. What had just happened? There was really no going back now. In the past Dean had wondered what it’d be like to fuck Cas, but he had always quickly shut down those thoughts before they got out of control. Now that it had happened, it had been pretty damn hot. Dean remembered Cas’s moans and how his eyes had looked dark and intense…

‘I should take a shower,’ Dean announced before the memories of what had just happened would make him want to go back for round two.

‘Yes. That would be a good idea,’ Cas replied through laboured breaths.

Dean pushed himself up and slid off the table, then headed out the door without looking back.

 

Cas lay on his back, still trying to regulate his heartbeat by taking in deep breaths. He could barely believe what had just happened. It had all seemed so quick… yet also so… right. The feeling of wanting, of pining over Dean had gone. Yet only now that it was gone could Cas discern that it had been hanging over him for so many years. Cas had had sex before, albeit only a couple of times. But this, this had felt so completely different. The sensation had oddly reminded him of when he had battled and fought his way into the pits of hell to rescue Dean, and when he had touched his skin, held him tight in his arms and crashed up through the levels of the pit his body had been flooded with this heat. At that first moment when he gripped Dean’s body to his own, this burning fire had flooded through his angelic form making him feel wild with a heady and intense feeling which he had never felt before. Cas pushed himself up into sitting and looked around the empty room. He glanced down at his chest and noted that he imminently needed a shower. The feeling of complete relaxation that had flooded through his body and the memories of what had just happened made him smile to himself. He then pushed himself off the table, grabbed the crutches that lay on the floor, and made his way to his bedroom. When he heard Dean leave the shower and return to his room, Cas grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom.

 

Cas got out of the shower, and by that he pulled himself up out of the shower seeing as with his leg still in a cast he had to take the shower head off, sit on the floor with his bad leg hanging out, and wash himself whilst trying to avoid any water splashing out and onto his cast. It was certainly not the most relaxing way to complete this task. Cas limped over to his towel and dried himself, then tied it around his waist, grabbed his crutches and hobbled back to his room. Now that some time had passed, the worries started to creep into his mind. What was Dean thinking right now? Did he regret what had happened? Should Cas go and see him? A feeling of need swept through his body as he sat on the side of his bed. Having experienced what it was like to have Dean so very close, now that he wasn’t here Cas felt bereft of his presence.  He couldn’t deal with wondering through the night how Dean felt, and after having not spoken to him for the entire day after the kiss they shared last night, Cas didn’t want to go through that again. So he put on an old t-shirt and the pyjama pants Sam had given to him and went to Dean’s room.

 

Cas knocked on the door.

‘Yep,’ he heard Dean say.

Cas opened the door sheepishly to see Dean lying on his bed wearing loose cotton pants and a black t-shirt.

‘I… I…’ Cas started to say, but realised that he didn’t really know what to say to Dean.

Dean was staring up at him, his arms crossed and his face stern. When Cas didn’t continue talking Dean sighed and a faint smile played across his lips.

‘You have something you want to say, Cas?’ Dean asked with a tone of playful humour.

Cas relaxed seeing Dean’s smile and hearing the light-hearted tone in his voice.

‘I may need clarification as to your thoughts right now,’ Cas said tentatively.

‘Well, understanding people’s thoughts has never really been your strong suit,’ Dean said with a grin.

‘No. It has not,’ Cas said quietly with a smile.

Dean exhaled, uncrossed his arms and beckoned Cas over to him.

‘Sit down, man.’

Cas went over to the bed, and sat on the opposite side of Dean, placing his crutches on the ground next to him. He then lifted his legs onto the bed, placed his hands in his lap, and stared down at his fingers as if they were the most interesting things in the world. ‘I may be concerned that you feel regret over… what happened,’ Cas said.

‘I don’t,’ Dean replied. ‘Do you, Cas?’ Dean said, rolling his head in Cas’s direction to look at him.

‘I do not,’ Cas said.

‘OK. Good… Well, do you wanna watch another episode of that god-awful vampire show you’ve been watching this past week?’

Cas glanced over at Dean and smiled. ‘That would be good.’

‘OK, then,’ Dean replied with a smile, then grabbed his laptop from beside the bed, brought up Netlix, resting the laptop on his lap, and pressed play.

Cas felt reassured by Dean’s seemingly comfortable demeanour, but he couldn’t stop this feeling of awkwardness at just being sat next to him after what had happened. Almost as if Dean had read his thoughts he lifted up his arm that was closest to Cas.

When Cas didn’t move and just stared at the raised arm, Dean sighed.

‘This is the point where you move closer to me, idiot,’ Dean said with deadpan comedy.

Cas shuffled closer to Dean who returned his arm back down behind Cas and over his shoulders. Cas relaxed into Dean’s body and instinctively pushed himself lower and leant into Dean.

‘What the fuck even is this,’ Dean said in exasperation as he stared in amusement at the tv show. ‘None of the lore makes any sense, damn Hollywood idiots.’

‘I believe it’s supposed to be entertaining.’

‘You know what would be entertaining – having a hunter come in and kill all these lame blood-sucking idiots.’

‘Well, that would rather confuse the plot seeing as one of the vampires hasn’t killed a human and is in love with the lady with the red hair,’ Cas said, calmed and amused by the conversation.

‘Those two are getting it on?’

‘Yes, I believe so.’

‘Well good on him… But that guy with all the tats doesn’t seem too happy about it.’

‘From what I gather he is also in love with the red haired lady.’

Dean muttered something about unrealistic vamp lore and cheesy tv shows, although from what Cas could discern, Dean seemed to be somewhat invested already in the show.

 

They continued to watch a few episodes, Dean making snarky comments throughout and correcting various points of lore. Cas started to drift off, letting the warmth of Dean’s body and the soft noise of the TV programme lull him into slumber.

Dean could tell that Cas had fallen asleep on him. When the current episode finished he shut the laptop and placed it on the bedside table. He then moved his arm which woke Cas who stared at him sleepily. Dean got up and pulled the covers from under Cas, and lifted them over him. Cas was obviously not properly awake, and so instinctively pushed himself down to lie on the bed. Dean covered him with the bedsheet and stared at him for a moment. Cas looked peaceful, and Dean hated to admit it but he looked kind of adorable. It had been strange sitting in bed with his arm over Cas, but not specifically because it was Cas. More that Dean hadn’t been like that with someone since Lisa. Having Cas so close to him felt weirdly natural, but it was still hard to shake off the feeling of someone being close to him at all. Dean wondered if he should go sleep in Cas’s room tonight, but they’d already crossed so many lines over the past few days that sleeping in the same bed wouldn’t make much of a difference. Dean sighed, turned off the light and got into bed with Cas. He pulled the covers over him, and started to regret his decision. What was he doing? Was this a good idea? He tried to get comfortable, resting his arm behind him below the pillow and shuffling his head around. He felt Cas roll towards him, still fast asleep, and basically bury his head in Dean’s side. He looked down at Cas with annoyance, but softened his expression and just tried to let himself be OK about this. Dean stared up at the dark ceiling, preparing himself for a good few more hours of trying to sleep. After about ten minutes he felt himself drifting off… perhaps lying with the damn ex-angel had some uses.


	6. Chapter VI : With A Word

**PART II**

 

Chapter 6

 

Cas woke up to find his face nuzzled into the cotton of Dean’s t-shirt. He breathed in the familiar smell of faint aftershave, beer, and dirt. Even though he knew Dean showered at least once a day, those smells always seemed to linger on his clothes. When Cas had been an angel he could pinpoint those exact scents from the other side of the room. Of course it had been easier to process all the external information he gathered from the world when he was a full-powered angel, but there had always been something about Dean that stuck out to him. He might have been in a huge derelict warehouse or an open field but it was the smell of faint aftershave, beer, and dirt that always stood out amongst everything. Now that he was practically human, the world smelled duller, it looked less intense as well. Cas missed his powers, but there was a subtlety to experiencing the world as a human. Yet despite this lessening of his senses, the smell of Dean still stood out.

 

Cas got out of bed carefully, both trying not to wake Dean and trying to manoeuvre his cast so that it caused him the least amount of pain. He picked up his crutches and headed into the kitchen for coffee. Should he make one for Dean and bring it to him? He’d seen that in movies… but he’s never brought Dean coffee before… perhaps he would rather continue sleeping undisturbed? Was he meant to change how he acted around him now? Dean probably wouldn’t appreciate that. Cas made himself a coffee and sat drinking it in silence at the kitchen table, his mind wondering over the events of last night. There was indeed something rather special about being human. Whilst he had often admired the hairless monkeys, now that he practically was one again, he appreciated the life these mortals live so much more than he had cherished his life as an angel. The last time he had been mortal it had been confusing. He understood humanity far less back then, and his good memories of then were specific to the short time he stayed with the boys in the bunker. That memory had soured since Dean had asked him to leave, although now Cas understood why. Dean had been foolish back then, but he himself had been foolish many times. Being human this time felt different, with Dean here and with a proper home with him in the bunker, life didn’t seem too bad. The only issue was his foot which frustratingly couldn’t heal quickly.

 

Cas finished his coffee and went to the books in the main room of the bunker to try to look for any spell books which might help track down Jack. They had scoured the internet for any signs of the child, but there had been nothing. Now was a good time to look for other methods of finding him. He found an old Men of Letters spell book and went about trying to look for a location spell for anything supernatural. As he leafed through the pages one spell caught his eye; it was a healing spell. The book said that it would cure any non-fatal wounds, then listed the ingredients which Cas was sure they had in the bunker. Cas glared down at his leg in self-pity. A healing spell would come in handy right now. He wasn’t any use to anyone with a broken foot and the longer he was trapped here, the longer Dean was trapped here, therefore the longer it would take to find Jack. Cas hated feeling like a burden. It was trying enough to be mortal, let along mortal with a broken foot.

‘‘Morning,’ Dean said as he came into the room and sat down with a fresh cup of coffee.

‘Good morning, Dean,’ Cas said without looking up from the book.

Dean huffed and took a sip of coffee. ‘You got something you wanna share with the class?’

Cas looked up, brow furrowed. ‘What class?’

Dean shut his eyes in frustration. ‘There’s no class… it’s a… you know what, forget it. The book, Cas.’

‘Oh. Yes, it’s a spell book.’

‘You find anything about Jack?’

‘Yes. No, not about Jack. But I believe I may be able to cure my leg.’

‘With a spell? Come on, dude. That crap is risky. You just heal up the human way, yeh.’

Cas stubbornly kept his eyes locked on the book. ‘It looks simple enough.’

Dean flung his arms in the air in annoyance and said, ‘Look, man. You’ve been through crap and the last thing we need is a damn spell messing you up again.’

‘Dean, I intend to perform the spell,’ Cas replied sternly. ‘I wish not to be a burden any longer, and I am more than capable of performing the spell correctly.’

‘Cas… you’re not a burden… you’re just…’ Dean stopped his sentence and sighed. ‘Look man, if you want me to sit down with you, sip some chai tea and give you the whole ‘feelings’ speech it ain’t gonna happen. I’m just saying, don’t worry man, you’re just in need of rest,’ Dean responded light-heartedly.

Cas continued to read through the spell, then stood to get up, but wobbled as his cast threw him off balance and almost fell.

‘Fine! Goddammit. Hand be the damn book,’ Dean said, then took the book from Cas and went about finding the right ingredients.

Dean returned with a metal bowl and the ingredients for the spell. They followed the instructions to prepare it all, and were finally ready to cast it.

‘You sure about this?’ Dean said, worriedly glancing at Cas.

‘I’ll be fine,’ Cas replied. Then said the words from the book.

A beam of green and blue light shot out from the bowl and flowed into Cas’s leg down to his foot. Cas groaned in pain as the light burned in him.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted, grabbing his arms and steadying the man.

The light dissipated quickly, leaving Cas out of breath. Cas collapsed into a chair by the table and tried to regulate his breathing.

‘You OK, man?’

Cas looked down at his foot and moved his toes. ‘Yes. I appear to be fine.’

Dean breathed out a sigh of relief. They both waited a bit longer to check if the spell had really worked, then Dean went and got a small saw from the garage to cut off the cast. Once they got the cast off, with a lot of worried glanced from Cas as he feared that his leg was about to be injured yet again from the saw, it looked as though it had been completely healed.

‘Wow. Well, that went better than expected,’ Dean said in surprise.

Cas stood up and walked about, getting used to the feeling of walking again properly after a week and a half of using crutches.

‘You feel OK?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes. Completely better,’ Cas replied with a smile.

‘Great. Well then, you can go fetch some more books to help with all the research we should complete today,’ Dean said with a teasing grin.

‘Yes, of course. Although… I believe the first job of today is to clean the table,’ Cas replied in an uncharacteristically provocative way.

Dean looked at the table and grimaced slightly. ‘Yeh. Good idea.’

 

                                                                             *                      *                      *

 

They both researched most of the day yet found nothing. Dean would find something that he thought would be of some use, then pose the idea to Cas who would invariably tell him that it wouldn’t work.

The day turned into the evening, and after many, many books later they both decided to call it a night.

‘I’m assuming that you’re as hungry as I am?’ Cas asked.

‘Yeh, I’m starving. I’ll go cook in a second.’

‘No,’ Cas said gently. ‘You know, now that my leg is better, I would like to prepare the meal.’

‘Cas, no offence buddy, but your cooking skills could use a bit of work.’

‘Well then, now is a good time to start improving them.’

‘No, man! It’s been a long day and the last thing I need is frikkin’ E. coli.’

Cas angrily looked away from Dean, disgruntled.

‘Have I upset you?’ Dean said mockingly. ‘It looks like I’ve upset you. God! OK, then! But I’m walking you through it though, got it!?’

Cas smiled, got up and headed to the kitchen, leaving Dean shaking his head at the damn idiot.

They decided on making something easy; pasta with mincemeat and sauce. Dean brought out all the food and showed Cas how to cook the meat, making sure that his instructions were blunt and to the point. He kept his distance from Cas, walking him through it as he sat on the table. Dean decided that the last thing he needed was some romance novel bullshit where he stood closely behind Cas, showing him how to use the stove. Dean got out a couple of beers, handing one to Cas, then resumed his position at the table as he continued to shout out orders to him.

‘No, man! You gotta put water in the pot! Then boil it! _Then_ put the pasta in!’

‘Well how would I know that, Dean!’

‘It’s common sense!’

‘It apparently is not! And this beer you’ve given me isn’t helping the situation.’

‘Beer always helps when cooking. You’re just a crap cook.’

Dean smiled at how riled Cas appeared, then walked over to him to inspect the food, ostensibly scowling at it.

‘What, Dean?!’ Cas shouted at him having noticed the face he was pulling at the food.

‘I’m just wondering how anyone can mess up pasta? I mean, it’s only pasta, dude.’

Cas flung the utensil he was using onto the counter and squared up to Dean.

‘I have fought legions of demons and angels over my many years,’ he said in a menacing tone. ‘Forgive me if I don’t know how to make “only pasta”,’ he continued, miming quotation marks for his final words.

Dean nearly laughed out loud at how easy it was to rile him. With a smile, Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas and said, ‘That was pretty hot.’

Cas’s eyes started to glare at him with a burning anger before he said quietly, ‘I’ll show you hot.’

Cas flung himself at Dean, crashing their lips together and messily running his hand through Dean’s hair. Cas grabbed Dean’s belt to pull him closer as he continued to open and close his lip’s over Dean’s. Cas quickly broke the kiss and forcefully pushed Dean back against the counter, who stood agape and staring at Cas with a woozy shock. Cas grinned in self-congratulation, then moved away to find the utensil he had chucked somewhere and continued cooking.

It took Dean a few seconds to realise that he was just staring at the space in front of him with his mouth open.

‘I should get you angry more often,’ Dean said breathlessly.

‘I warn you now that is not a wise idea,’ Cas replied monotonously.

Dean glanced sideways at the damn fucker, trying to hide his smile. He grabbed the beer from behind him and sipped it, masking his shock and idiot smile. Goddamn, if he’d known Cas could act like this he might have given in and fucked him years ago. Dean drank his beer, lost in thought and still slightly taken aback by this new side of Cas which he’d never seen.

 

After they’d finished eating, they sat quietly in the living room. Dean noted a slightly awkward silence between them. After what happened last night, was there going to be a re-run? Because if so, Dean was more than happy to go there again. But without an argument or a heck load of beer to push them both in that direction, he didn’t really know how to approach this again. I mean, this was Cas after all. It’s not like he has the social abilities to instigate anything, and he himself was not going to suggest them heading to his bedroom or some bullcrap like that. Come to think of it, he’d hardly had sex with anyone recently without huge quantities of alcohol being involved. With Lisa, it had been different… kind of. At least they’d communicated a bit. God, why did he have to start something up with the most awkward angel on earth.

‘You seem troubled, Dean,’ Cas said, interrupting his thoughts.

Dean looked over at Cas, who was giving him that look like he’d seen some peculiar museum exhibit and was trying yet failing to understand what it is.

‘I… I was just trying to figure out where Jack is,’ Dean lied.

‘Ah, yes. Have you heard anything from Sam?’

‘He called earlier, but no luck.’

‘We will find him soon, Dean.’

Dean sighed, ‘Will we? It’s been weeks now, man. And the longer he’s gone, the longer mum’s stuck out there in that frikkin hell-on-earth-land.’

‘Of course. We will find him soon.’

Dean downed the last of his beer before muttering, ‘I’m not counting on it.’

Cas gave Dean a worried look. He wanted to go and comfort him, to place an arm on his shoulder, to kiss him even… but Dean’s personal space boundaries were fairly stringent and despite everything that had happened between them, Cas wasn’t sure he would appreciate any physical gestures right now.

Dean sighed, placed his beer bottle back on the table and rubbed his face with his hands. ‘If I’m being honest with you… I don’t even believe mum is still alive. I mean, she was trapped with the frikkin devil himself. So even if we do find Jack… I ain’t counting on coming back with mum.’

Without Cas even realising what he was doing, he walked over to Dean, sat on the table beside him and placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

‘Mary is a strong-willed woman. There is every chance she is still alive,’ Cas said reassuringly, although he couldn’t help but wonder if Dean was right.

Dean rested his arms on his legs and hunched over, as if being lower to the ground would calm all the emotions he was currently feeling. Cas crouched in front of him, then moved his hands to cup Dean’s face and bring it closer to his own. He pressed a soft kiss on Dean’s lips and felt Dean inhale slowly. It was as if he were melting at his touch. The kiss became more fervent and strong, both of them pouring their every emotion into every touch. Cas broke the kiss, stood and pulled Dean up and towards him to kiss him again. Dean’s arms enveloped Cas as he got lost in the movements. Dean broke the kiss and softly ran a hand through Cas’s tousled hair. Cas unconsciously swayed his head towards Dean’s hand as his eyes fluttered open till they gazed at the man in front of him. Dean was lost in emotions, staring at Cas’s soft features and letting a peacefulness wash over him. The calm was broken when he realised quite how romantic everything felt, so dropped his hand and gave Cas a forced smile.

‘I’m going to go to my room,’ he said, eyeing Cas.

Cas was slightly taken aback by the statement. Maybe he had done something wrong? ‘Yes. Of course… Uhm…. I will see you tomorrow then,’ Cas said as he averted his eyes.

Dean sighed before replying, ‘No, Cas. Goddammit, take the hint, man?’

Cas tilted his head and looked back at him perplexed, before he got what Dean was saying. ‘Oh… right. You were suggesting I come with you,’ he said, a shy smile playing at his lips.

Dean laughed and walked away muttering, ‘Damn angel.’

 

Cas watched Dean walk away, smiling to himself. As soon as Dean was out of sight Cas sighed and glanced around the main room. He didn’t know what he was looking for, perhaps answers to calm all these intense emotions he was feeling. With Dean gone and his own awareness that he was meant to follow, a panic spread through Cas’s stomach. Every inch of him wanted to rush into Dean’s room and feel his body pressed against his own. But now that there was time to think this all through, he felt worried about his… inexperience. Although he himself was completely indifferent to sexual preference, over his time on earth he had encountered less… well, in fact he had encountered no pornography which wasn’t between a man and a woman. The TV shows and films he had watched included almost exclusively straight relationships and straight sex, and so his confidence in knowing specifically what to do was limited to the few examples of films which portrayed homosexual sex. He knew the general idea of what to do, but nevertheless his complete lack of actual experience was worrying. Cas frowned, trying to sift through his memories of popular culture searching for some answers as to what he should do when he walked into Dean’s room, but none came. He sighed and decided that he would have to confess to Dean that he didn’t know what to do, which he assumed would be fairly embarrassing. Cas walked into the hallway and to Dean’s room, pausing at the open door and looking in to see him searching through his phone. He leant against the doorframe and knocked gently, causing Dean to glance up at him and smile. Dean stood up and shoved his phone in his jean pocket, then walked over to Cas with an enticing grin. Dean grabbed the material of Cas’s shirt to pull him closer, then pressed a firm kiss at his lips, pressing their bodies together. Cas tried to let all worries fade from his mind as he melted into every touch. He opened his mouth and closed his lips over Dean’s then sought out his tongue, lapping at it and tasting beer and that intense smell of Dean. As heat and passion swelled in his body, Cas broke the kiss, pushing Dean away.

‘Wait,’ he said quietly, looking up at Dean who was staring at his lips. ‘I… Uhm… before this goes any further…’ Cas sighed and turned away towards the hallway, resting his arm on the bedroom door and leaning to steady himself as he collected his thoughts.

‘You OK, Cas?’ he heard Dean say from behind him.

Cas still stared down at the floor, thinking about how to phrase this. ‘Dean… I feel like I… I mean… this is all too… well…’ Cas turned around to face Dean who was looking at him quizzically. ‘Dean, I don’t know what I’m doing,’ Cas said solemnly, a pained expression on his face.

A flicker of pain, or perhaps embarrassment flashed across Dean’s face, before he schooled it into a performed smile. ‘Right. Yeh, sure. Whatever, man,’ he said with a feigned breathy laugh then slapped Cas’s forearm with almost too much vigour.

‘Dean, I…’

‘No. I get it,’ Dean quickly interjected, that fake smile still plastered over his face which was failing at concealing his embarrassment. ‘Don’t worry about it.’ Dean placed his hands on his hips and stared down at the floor to avoid Cas’s eyes, shuffling his feet.

‘It’s not that I…’ Cas said, now aware of an awkwardness in the air.

‘Cas,’ Dean interrupted again, ‘It’s all good. I get it.’

‘Right,’ Cas responded. Dean seemed upset, although Cas wasn’t sure exactly why. A silence hung between them for a moment as Cas wondered what to say. ‘I would like to learn though,’ he said with a coy smile.

Dean glanced up at him in confusion, unsure of what was being said. He had assumed that Cas had meant that he wasn’t sure what he was doing fooling around with him, but that last statement seemed to suggest perhaps not.

‘Oh,’ Dean said, coughing slightly and trying to reassume a smooth demeanour. ‘Right, you meant…’ Dean’s words trailed off as he realised what Cas was saying. He stepped slightly backwards, hitting the desk chair behind him causing him to stumble slightly. Dean was highly aware of how awkward he was now being and so crossed his arms to try and regain some sense of composure. Cas was still stood in front of him, giving him that weirdly alluring smile. ‘You’ve… erm, you’ve been with someone before though?’ Dean asked hesitantly.

‘Yes. However, I feel as though this is a different situation that I am not at all practiced in,’ Cas replied matter-of-factly.

‘Right. You mean… the whole guy thing,’ Dean said with forced nonchalance. He was trying hard to not make this conversation even more awkward, yet it appeared like he was failing spectacularly.

‘Yes.’

‘Well,’ Dean replied, his composure returning finally. ‘Then we just take this slow, yeh? I mean, you seemed to get the hang of it last night,’ Dean continued with a smile.

Cas looked down at his feet, embarrassed. ‘If you say so,’ he said quietly, trying to hide a grin. ‘Have you… have you been in a situation like this… before?’

Dean stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘Yes.’

‘How did you know how to proceed?’

‘I dunno, man. I’d watched porn? And I was normally black out drunk,’ Dean said earnestly with a sigh.

‘Should I be drunk?’ Cas asked.

Dean chuckled and replied, ‘It helps, is all.’

‘So does Sam know… about the other males?’

‘No.’

‘You’ve never told him? Why? You talk about women rather a lot.’

‘It’s different,’ Dean said in a gruff tone.

‘How so? Are you worried about what he might think? He is a good man and wouldn’t think anything untoward.’

‘I know, Cas. But it’s complicated, you know.’

Cas cocked his head in confusion. ‘Will you tell him about what has unfolded recently?’

‘What’s with all the questions, man?’ Dean said in frustration.

Cas shuffled in his place and looked into the near distance of the room. ‘I apologise. I didn’t mean to interrogate you.’

Dean sat down on the side of the bed and clasped his hands together. ‘Look Cas, to tell you the truth I’m not really thinking this one through, you know. With all the crap that’s going down right now I just need something that ain’t that complicated.’

Cas sat down beside Dean on the bed, his shoulders hunched and head bowed, staring at his own hands. ‘I believe this might be complicated,’ Cas said with a sigh.

‘Yeh. Yeh it might,’ Dean replied quietly.

A silence hung over the room for a moment before Cas said softly, ‘I should go.’

Cas stood up slowly, unconsciously smoothing down his t-shirt as though he were still wearing his trench coat and jacket.

‘Wait, Cas.’

Cas turned round to see Dean still sat on the bed, eyes glued to his clasped hands. Dean stood and faced Cas with a look of sadness and strength.

‘You know what, Cas, we have been wading through crap for years and what have we got? We’ve just got more crap and more pain and more death and I’m tired man. I’ve been knee deep in blood and dirt since I was a kid and I can barely remember the last time I was actually happy. Like, _actually_ happy. Now, I’ve made my peace with always lookin’ over my shoulder and waiting for the next monster but if I’ve got you and Sam then I can deal with that. And yeh, whatever the hell is going on between you and me may be complicated but it was goddamn complicated before. And these past few days, despite mum and all the bullcrap going on I was actually kinda happy.’ Dean paused to sigh, then said softly, ‘Come here, man,’ as he opened his arms and beckoned with his hands.

Cas walked towards him and almost flung his arms around Dean’s shoulders. Dean closed his arms around him and buried his head in Cas’s neck.

‘I need you, man,’ Dean said quietly into Cas’s skin.

‘I need you too, Dean.’

Dean inhaled and broke the embrace, then patted Cas’s shoulder. He leaned towards Cas and kissed him softly, moving his hand down and stroking Cas’s arm till his finger’s reached his bicep where they clung on tenderly to his skin.

Cas kissed back, but the worries of his almost complete lack of experience in this department flared up again.

‘Dean… I… I don’t-’

‘It’s all good. Follow my lead,’ Dean responded quietly. He then intensified the kiss, cupping Cas’s cheek firmly with his hand before spinning him round and pushing him onto the bed. Dean flung off his t-shirt, exposing tanned skin and firm muscles as his arms stretched above him. He then pulled off his jeans and boxers, letting Cas stare in stunned arousal at the figure of the man in front of him. Dean then pulled off Cas’s shirt, and slid off his sweatpants and boxers in one swift motion, throwing them to the floor. He knelt over Cas and kissed him, pressing their naked bodies together. Dean trailed his lips down Cas’s chin to his neck then traced a line with his tongue to his collar bone and sucked, causing Cas to give out a guttural moan. A wave of heat flooded through Dean’s body at the sound which spurred him on to continue tracing his tongue down Cas’s chest to his nipple and swirling his tongue. Cas whimpered, grabbed tightly to the sheets and arching his back up, pressing his body towards Dean.  Cas was now painfully hard, his head felt light, and he could do nothing but respond to whatever Dean was doing to him. He felt Dean’s tongue continue to move down his body, licking slowly until it reached his inner thigh where Dean kissed and bit gently down on the skin. All Cas could do was squeeze his eyes shut, grab onto the cotton sheets below him, and give out broken whimpers in between audible gasps. Suddenly Dean leant away from him, got up, and quickly brought out something from the bedside cabinet which he chucked onto the bed next to Cas. Cas opened his eyes to look at it, but closed them immediately when he suddenly felt Dean’s mouth over his cock. He groaned and moaned and whimpered as he felt Dean’s tongue swirl and lick, and his lips suck up and down his dick. His body felt like it was on fire and his mind couldn’t focus on anything apart from what Dean’s mouth was doing. When Dean took all of him in his mouth Cas cried out, opened his eyes and looked down. Dean was kneeling on the floor by the bed, his eyes staring up at him with wild passion, his full lips slowly moving over his wet cock. When their eyes met, Dean pulled his head up, got back onto the bed, kneeling over him and slammed their lips together, biting at his lips and breathing in Cas’s smell. Cas could taste himself on Dean’s lips; could taste the sex and the sweat and the lust. As they kissed, Cas pressed his hands into Dean’s back, gliding them up forcefully and pushing his palms and fingers into Dean’s skin until they slid up to grab onto his neck then bury themselves in Dean’s hair. Dean broke the kiss, flipped him over onto his stomach, and grabbed whatever he had chucked onto the bed. Cas heard the pop of a bottle then felt Dean’s lips on the back of his neck. He then felt Dean’s wet finger press against his hole and massage around it, causing him to gasp out. Dean continued kissing his neck in rhythm with the movements of his finger as Cas started to relax beneath him, his erect cock pressing and rubbing slightly on the sheets below him. Cas bent his knees and curved his back, pressing against Dean behind him as the slow circles became harder until he felt the finger push inside him. His breath hitched and he gasped, gripping the sheets beside him and pressing his forehead into the soft white cotton. Cas’s moans became louder as the finger moved in circles inside his rim, occasionally hooking and pulling back which made Cas want to scream into the sheets. Dean pulled out briefly and then smoothly inserted two fingers and resumed the circles, round and round and round as Cas groaned and whimpered, completely consumed by every sensation he was feeling. The motions lulled him into a rhythm of pleasure and heat, time seemed to slow and his mind focused on nothing but the feelings swirling through his body. He then felt Dean pull out his fingers, leaving Cas breathing heavily and needing more. The next thing he felt was Dean’s cock pressing against his ass and then slowly being pressed into him. Cas cried out in pain and pleasure, gasping for air, head spinning, body both relaxed and tense. He felt Dean’s lips place kisses on his back and then Dean pushed himself further into him. Cas rolled his back, reached out his arms on the bed, and moaned. He then felt Dean’s slick cock pull out slightly then slowly push back in, repeating this motion. Cas could barely catch his breath, and every sound that came from his mouth was a groan or a whimper as his body became further consumed with pleasure. He felt Dean’s arms wrap around his chest as he was pulled up to kneel, his back pressed against Dean’s torso. Dean gently pulled him down until he had all of him inside him. Another cry of pleasure escaped Cas’s lips as he settled down until his thighs rested on Dean’s. Dean’s arms snaked their way up Cas’s chest, pulling and grasping at his skin. Dean pulled Cas’s head to the side and kissed him, still holding his body down as he filled him. The kiss was wet and passionate, and Dean started rocking slightly in and out of him in rhythm with the kiss until he pushed Cas’s body back down so he was on all fours and drove into him hard. Cas cried out with each thrust as they became stronger and faster. He could hear Dean grunting and moaning behind him as his own body started to rush with heat. Dean grabbed at his hips and pulled him backwards with every thrust, hitting somewhere inside him each time that made Cas cry out. One of Dean’s hands slid down to grab Cas’s hard cock and started stroking it in rhythm with his thrusts. As soon as Dean’s wet fingers touched his dick Cas knew he was close. Dean sped up his rhythm which pulled Cas closer and closer to the edge, his entire body feeling as though it were winding up. Cas grabbed tighter at the sheets, cried out louder, moved more forcefully in motion with Dean, rocking back harder into Dean’s cock and hand until the sounds of his screams and moans were almost silent to his ears. The pressure built as the world around him spun and he came long and hard, crying out Dean’s name. Dean continued to thrust and stroke him through his orgasm, then let go and pounded him hard and fast, again and again and again until Cas felt Dean come inside him, pushing in harder and slower as he came. Dean gave one last thrust and pulled Cas back up into kneeling, pulling his head back and kissing him sloppily with his dick still inside him. Their lips moved slowly over each other’s, still gasping for breath. Dean broke the kiss, and gently pushed Cas off him then collapsed next to him on the bed.

 

Cas turned over onto his back and stared up at the bedroom ceiling, blinking and trying to steady his breathing. He felt Dean move next to him so that he was lying on his side of the bed, propping his head up with the pillows behind him, their legs now entwined as Cas lay perpendicular to him.

‘Holy fuck, dude,’ Dean said breathily.

Cas was still in stunned silence, he could barely think let alone string a response together. So he lifted himself up and scooted over to beside Dean then collapsed back down next to him. He was exhausted and the world still felt like it was spinning slightly. He shut his eyes and moved closer to Dean, almost resting his head on his chest, smelling sex and sweat on Dean’s skin.

 

Dean looked down at Cas who was now basically snuggled into his side, his tousled hair masking most of his face. Dean was still panting and weary from the exertion, but mustered the energy to get up and go to the bedroom closet and find a towel. He wiped himself down and then moved towards Cas, knelt beside him and wiped his chest. Cas barely moved, his eyes still shut. Dean chucked the towel onto the floor and pulled the covers from underneath Cas who shuffled slightly. Dean then switched off the light and got into bed next to Cas, and pulled the covers over them. Cas resumed his position huddled into Dean’s side, which made him smile slightly. Unconsciously Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair as he looked up at the ceiling, and slowly drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter VII : It Makes Me Wonder

Chapter 7

 

Dean woke up earlier than usual. He glanced over at his alarm clock to see that it was six thirty am. The windowless room was shrouded in dark and the bunker was completely silent. Dean glanced down to see Cas still huddled into his side with one of his arms flung over his own stomach. Cas’s dark brown hair was messy and half covering his soft features. Dean stared at him for a moment, a smile playing at his lips. Memories of the night before rushed through his mind. Holy crap. Dean remembered the ungodly sounds escaping from Cas’s lips, how tight he had been, how every time Dean had pounded into him Cas had cried out and occasionally moaned out ‘Dean’. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had sex that good, and fucking hell was Cas a good lay. He had sometimes wondered what it would be like to fuck Cas, but last night wasn’t comparable to anything he could’ve dreamt. Those moans… those gasps… those fucking screams he gave out… Dean looked down once more at Cas, still snuggled close to him and lost in sleep. He looked like an actual angel, Dean thought. He then chuckled to himself at the hilarity of thinking Cas looks like an angel. Although he was mortal, to Dean he was still an angel. And not in some gushy feelings way… but in a literal way. Yeh, sure, Cas was more human than he’d ever been. But he was technically just a mortal angel minus all the mojo, but an angel nevertheless. Dean realised that he was grinning as he stared down at the sleeping idiot. A feeling of warmth and peace flooded through his mind and body. There was something about having Cas so close to him that just made everything seem a heck of a lot better. Just seeing him next to him, being so close to his presence made Dean never want to let him out of his sight. Dean had always felt better with Cas around, but since they’d become even closer this past week the need to be around him was intense.

Cas rolled towards him slightly and breathed in deeply, before his eyes opened slowly. His body started to waken and his hand that was flung over Dean stroked across his skin.

‘Good morning,’ Cas said gruffly, his words muffled as he hummed the sounds into Dean’s side.

‘Hey,’ Dean replied quietly.

Dean stared down at Cas, who appeared to not want to wake up. ‘I should grab a shower,’ Dean said.

‘You do that,’ Cas replied, still not properly awake.

‘OK,’ Dean chuckled, then slowly slid out of the bed.

 

Dean got out the shower and returned to his room to find Cas still asleep. He put on a black t-shirt and his jeans then headed to the kitchen as quickly as possible in case he decided to go full on sap and stare at Cas whilst he was sleeping. Dean made a coffee and took it to the main room of the bunker and settled down to watch an episode of The Simpsons whilst his brain fully woke up.

He was just finishing a second episode when the bunker door clunked and opened.

‘Hey,’ Sam said as he walked down the metal steps.

‘Hey, any luck with Jack?’

‘Nope. You find anything?’

Dean sighed as Sam approached the table, pulled out a chair and collapsed into it. ‘I got nada,’ Dean said.

‘How’s Cas holding up?’

‘Erm, yeh, fine. The spell worked on his leg so… he’s doing fine.’

‘Glad to hear. Also, I’ve got Jody to put out a three state APB on Jack. It probably won’t come to anything but it’s worth a try.’

‘Good thinking,’ Dean responded.

‘Right, well, I’m gonna chuck my stuff in my room before I hit the books,’ Sam said, getting up.

Dean remembered that Cas may still be in his bed and suddenly panicked. What if the door wasn’t shut? What if Sam went into his room anyway and saw Cas there? What if he walked into Cas’s room and he wasn’t there so looked for him? ‘Hey, hold up there,’ Dean said, flustered.

Sam looked at him in confusion, ‘What?’

Dean stuttered trying to come up with a reason for Sam not to leave the main room. ‘Erm… I mean… That’s it? You haven’t got any more information about Jack? You were gone for like a week, dude.’

Sam furrowed his brow and said, ‘… No… I told you on the phone. I searched every town for miles and no one had seen him.’

‘Right. Yeh. Well… you get up to anything else?’ Dean said, trying to retain a nonchalant tone.

Sam crossed his arms and continued to look at Dean in utter confusion. ‘Like what?’

‘I dunno, man! You were gone a while, so what you just searched every town and came up with nothing for a whole week?’

‘Yeh, Dean. I did,’ Sam responded, still perplexed by these accusatory sounding questions.

‘Well… no hook-ups or anything?’ Dean said with a forced playful smile. ‘Bang any hot waitresses since you had a motel room to yourself?’

‘What?!’ Sam replied suddenly. ‘No! Come on man. Like I said, I drove through towns, asked questions, and did research every night.’

Dean sighed and said ‘nerd’ under his breath.

Sam huffed and continued to look at Dean quizzically. Something was off about him, but he couldn’t tell what. ‘You OK?’ Sam asked.

Dean shuffled in his seat and guffawed. ‘Yeh. Peachy.’

Sam inhaled, about to say something when he heard footsteps behind him.

‘Sam. You’re back,’ Cas said.

Sam turned round to see Cas dressed in a dark green t-shirt and washed out jeans, his hair still wet from the shower.

‘Hey, man, how you holding up?’

‘Well, thank you. I hear there’s no news on Jack.’

‘None. We’ll find him soon though.’

‘I hope so,’ Cas replied. Cas shuffled in his place and glanced at Dean before staring down at the floor. Sam narrowed his eyes at him, then looked back over at Dean who was now staring intently at the laptop screen. What was up with these guys?

‘You guys OK?’ Sam asked.

Cas lifted his head and looked intently at Sam, furrowed his brow and said, ‘Yes. Of course.’ Cas continued to stare at him, making Sam slightly uncomfortable. Despite being human now, Cas had retained most of his angel weirdness apparently.

‘Right. Sure,’ Sam said. ‘Well… I’ll go pack my stuff away then.’ Sam then left the room, still utterly confused about what had just gone on. Had they had a fight? He wouldn’t put it past them. Their ability to miscommunicate was astounding after all.

 

Dean watched Sam leave then waited until he heard his bedroom door shut.

‘Dude!’ he loudly whispered at Cas, ‘What the hell was that?’

Cas walked closer to Dean and sat down on the seat next to him at the large wooden table, linking his hands in his lap and looking at Dean. ‘I was making sure he didn’t suspect anything. I assume that is what you want,’ Cas responded in lowered tones.

‘Well great job there, now he definitely suspects something!’ Dean said, continuing to shout-whisper at Cas.

‘Should I have been more stern?’ Cas asked, narrowing his eyes.

‘No, man! Less stern. _Less._ Just act… I dunno… relaxed.’

‘I feel far from relaxed,’ Cas replied seriously. He then looked up into the near distance, and pondered out loud, ‘It is as if my entire body remembers the feeling of you inside me…’

Dean almost choked on the air. If he didn’t feel so flustered and kinda turned on he might have laughed out loud. Dean grabbed Cas’s shoulder, causing Cas to look at him.

‘Dude,’ Dean whispered at him, ‘Rule number one. You can’t go saying shit like that around Sam… or like… like _at all_.’

Cas tilted his head to the side and stared at Dean as if he were searching for answers in the back of his skull.

‘OK,’ Cas said assuredly, although slightly confused.

Neither of them spoke for a moment, then Dean moved his hand from Cas’s shoulder to his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him languidly. He broke the kiss but kept his lips still close to Cas’s until they were almost touching.

‘So your body remembers everything from last night, huh?’ Dean whispered into Cas’s lips.

‘Every touch,’ Cas practically hummed in response.

Dean kissed him again, seeking out Cas’s tongue and hearing the quiet whimpers escape from Cas’s mouth when he bit down gently on his lip. Goddammit, the sounds that Cas made were some of the hottest things he’d ever heard. Every time he’d let his mind wander and think about what it would be like to fuck him, Dean had never once imagined quite how Cas would sound in those scenarios, and holy fuck was it hot. Dean quickly broke the kiss and inhaled slowly, trying to calm himself before this went any further. Dean’s hand caressed down Cas’s cheek, then neck, until it rested on his chest which he patted and slightly pushed away.

‘Damn this is gonna be hard,’ Dean muttered in frustration.

‘Do you think we could hide this from Sam?’ Cas asked quietly.

Dean sighed and said, ‘Judging by how frikkin loud you were, I don’t think so.’

Dean then heard Sam’s door open and footsteps from the hall outside. He coughed and quickly pushed the laptop in between himself and Cas on the table, pressed play, and crossed his arms. Cas shuffled the chair forwards further under the table to cover his crotch and placed both hands on the table, wringing his fingers, a sheepish expression playing at his face.

 

Sam came into the room with his laptop and sat across from them at the table. Sam eyed them both, sensing that something didn’t seem right. What in the hell was up with these guys? Had there been an argument? Had they found something and were hiding it from him? Knowing them both, keeping a massive secret was kinda both their MO.

‘OK. Seriously guys, what’s going on?’ Sam asked in frustration.

Cas looked awkward and glanced at Dean, then looked down at his hands which were placed on the table. Dean breathed in as if to say something, but couldn’t seem to get the words out.

‘Nothing,’ Dean said, ‘Right, Cas?’ he continued, patting Cas’s shoulder rather violently, making Cas shake in his chair.

Sam continued to glare at them, but realised that if neither of them was gonna talk, he should just leave it. He sighed and shook his head.

‘Right. Well… maybe you could turn off the cartoon and do something useful?’ Sam said.

‘Yes. Of course, Sam,’ Cas replied quietly, like a schoolchild being reprimanded.

 

They continued to search through lore for information on Nephilim, whilst simultaneously searching for spells on how to track down a specific being. After hours of searching Sam leant back in his chair, his eyes and mind exhausted. He brushed his hands through his hair and then rubbed his face, trying to wake himself up after the tedious day.

‘This isn’t working guys,’ he said, defeated.

‘Maybe I should go out and look for him, both of you can stay and research here,’ Cas said.

‘No way. Ain’t happening,’ Dean replied.

‘And why not, Dean?’ Cas said, narrowing his eyes at him in anger.

Dean stuttered for a second before saying, ‘Well… you know… after you getting beat up pretty badly last time… I just don’t think it’s a good idea, all right?’

‘I can handle myself, Dean.’

‘Cas, you’re not going, got it! I’ll go if anyone has to go searching alone.’

‘That won’t be happening,’ Cas said sternly.

Dean spun his body in the chair to face Cas. ‘Oh yeh? And why’s that Cas?’ he said angrily.

‘For the same reason that you don’t want me to go,’ Cas said, keeping his cool.

‘I’m more than capable of dealing with whatever might happen!’

‘That’s not the reason neither of us mean,’ Cas said in lowered tones, his eyes staring into Dean’s as though he could read his every thought.

Dean didn’t respond. He knew what Cas was hinting at. Sure, he didn’t want Cas going out there alone in case he got hurt, but there was more to that now. Dean knew that he was more protective of Cas than ever, and it appeared that Cas was aware of this also.

Same glanced between them, confused. ‘Guys, no one is going off alone. But if we can’t find anything here… I dunno, we’re running out of options.’

Dean slammed a heavy book shut and reclined in his chair, calming down slightly.

‘We’ll find something, just give it time, Sammy.’

‘Yeh, but what if we don’t?’ Sam responded, exasperated.

‘Well we have to,’ Dean replied getting slightly angry. ‘Without Jack, we can’t get mum. And there ain’t no way in hell we’re leaving her trapped there.’

What Dean had said made Cas think. ‘Perhaps that is not the case,’ he wondered out loud.

Dean turned defiantly towards him, ‘What d’ya mean?’

‘Well,’ Cas continued, ‘It is true that the Nephilim opened that portal, but he’s not necessarily the only being with that power.’

Sam leant towards Cas over the table and said with hope, ‘You think we can get her back without him?’

‘Perhaps. Although we would still need to find him of course.’

‘OK, but,’ Dean interjected, ‘Who would have that kind of mojo?’

‘I believe you have already met him?’ Cas responded.

Dean thought for a moment before saying incredulously, ‘Gabriel!?’

‘Yes.’

‘What, you mean those TV land places he dropped us in?’ Dean asked. ‘I thought they were just, I dunno, fake places, not like actual real life parallel universes?’

‘It is true that he would conjure worlds, but it is likely that he is able to access alternate realities as well,’ Cas said.

‘And you think to only mention this now, Cas!?’ Dean asked angrily.

Cas turned to glare at him. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said with a huge dose of sarcasm. ‘I’ve been rather distracted recently.’

That made Dean shut up. Sam narrowed his eyes at Cas and thought; OK, well something was definitely going on he didn’t know about. But he would have to deal with the two idiots later.

‘Yeh but Cas, Gabriel’s dead? And if Gabriel is an archangel and can jump between those realities, then could Lucifer get back here?’

Cas thought for a moment. ‘Well, whilst I was certain that Gabriel was dead, there is potential that he isn’t. After all, he was the trickster. And I don’t believe Lucifer holds those specific powers. Lucifer was always a warrior with great intelligence. Michael, well, he was a leader and a commander of legions of angels. Raphael was a great strategist, loyal to the core. And Gabriel… well, he held different powers to all of them. He was certainly not a true warrior so his talents lay in the more metaphysical.’

‘So what, you think we should try and summon him?’ Sam asked, slightly hopeful for the first time in weeks.

‘C’mon?! This is one hell of a long shot!’ Dean said, exasperated.

‘But long shots are all we got, Dean,’ Sam replied, keeping his cool.

‘And what makes you think that Gabriel is alive, huh? Last we heard even Chuck knew he was full on dead,’ Dean said.

‘There is the possibility that God… Chuck resurrected him. Although he couldn’t resurrect him at that moment, he may have had time since,’ Cas said.

Dean sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.

‘It’s worth a try, Dean. For mum,’ Sam said sympathetically.

‘No. We should just focus on looking for Jack. He’s the one who opened it so he can close it!’ Dean replied angrily.

Cas turned towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘Dean, we do not know how long it will take to find Jack. Finding an alternative solution is our best shot at getting your mother back, and this may be our best option right now,’ Cas said softly.

Dean physically relaxed and sighed. ‘Fine,’ he said quietly.

Cas patted his shoulder gently and rested his hands back on the table. Sam glanced between them with a frown. How in the hell did Cas just get Dean to 180 in a second? Cas had always been good at persuading Dean, but holy shit had he got good at it. Was something different between them?

‘I’ll go look for that book with the summoning spell then,’ Dean said with a huff, getting up and walking out the main room.

 

Sam watched Dean stomp out the main room with a frown. Dean had always kinda listened to Cas but it’d always taken hours of thought on his part before Cas could finally convince him to do something else. And regardless of that, they were acting weird. Had they had an argument whilst he was away?

‘Cas,’ Sam said with worry and urgency. ‘What the hell is going on with you guys?’

Cas looked at him with an expression of complete seriousness. ‘Nothing. I assure you that everything is fine.’

Sam huffed out a sigh and rubbed his hands over his face in exasperation. ‘Look, man, it’s obvious something has happened. If you guys found out something that I should know…’

‘No. It’s not that,’ Cas interrupted.

‘Then what is it then?’

‘Dean… I… I can’t say. You should ask your brother,’ Cas said, then got up and walked out the room.

 

                                                           *                      *                      *

 

Cas found Dean in one of the rooms that stored old books. The cold underground storage room was cloaked in darkness and the dim lights above barely shone through the dark. Dean was focused on searching for the correct book and didn’t notice Cas walk into the room.

‘Dean,’ Cas said as he walked towards him, making Dean jump slightly.

‘What is it, Cas?’ he replied with slight annoyance.

‘It’s Sam… he keeps… asking all these questions.’

‘What sort of questions?’ Dean said as he continued browsing for the right book, his index finger tracing the spines as he skim-read the titles.

‘He… he suspects we’re hiding something from him.’

‘Well then just say we aren’t,’ Dean said angrily.

‘He doesn’t believe me, Dean!’

‘Well then lie better!’

Cas glared at Dean whose features were half-hidden in the shadows of the room. Dean had yet to actually look at him since he had walked in. Cas reached towards Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder. As soon as he felt this physical connection it was as if his body relaxed, as if everything was one million times more bearable.

Dean brought his hand up and placed it over Cas’s and looked as if he were about to say something, but decided against it. His hand glided back down to his side as he clenched his fist. His eyes fell to the ground for a moment before he returned his focus to the books to continue looking for the right one.

Cas continued to stare at his face, hoping that something was about to be said.

‘Cas,’ Dean grunted quietly. ‘You mind taking a few steps back, dude.’

‘Sorry. Of course.’ Cas glanced at Dean for a moment longer, fighting the urge to move closer to him. There had always been something so comforting about being so close to Dean, and this wasn’t just a human thing, or even something that happened after he’d gotten to know him better. From the moment they met Cas had always felt this urge to be as close to him as possible. He had always shrugged this off as some sort of instinct to protect him – to be close enough that if anything happened to him he’d be there… but over the years Cas had come to realise that being so close to him just felt… correct. Before Cas’s ability to resist the urge to stand as close to Dean as possible overtook him, Cas walked out the door without looking back.

 

Dean stood in the dark room, his mind no longer focused on the books. He glanced over each title without even reading the words, causing him to go back over that shelf. His mind would once again drift off and he would curse as he looked back again at the first book on that shelf. There were a myriad of various thoughts and emotions surging through his mind. He was upset about mom, he was frustrated at Sam, he was angry at Jack, and he was every emotion under the sun at Cas. Every inch of his body was urging him to be close to Cas, but those emotions were so potent that Dean didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. How could just one person make him feel simultaneously so happy, calm, peaceful, frustrated, and upset. It was like Cas had opened the padlocked box of his emotions and instead of freeing just one of those bastards he’d let all those hidden and controlled emotions out. Dean wanted to shake Cas, slam him against a wall, shout at him for ruining the last vestiges of his self-control and then get Cas to fuck him. Dean punched a clenched fist at the shelves and leant his head on his forearm, trying to regain some calm. He breathed in slowly then stood up straight and yet again tried to find this damn book.

 

                                                           *                      *                      *

 

Dean returned to the main room with the book and they all went about trying to find the various ingredients for the spell. They managed to procure everything except holy oil which they assumed they may need to trap Gabriel (if he was even still alive). However, they had such a low supply of the oil and no easy way to obtain more so decided that if Gabriel was indeed alive, he would probably not harm them… probably.

They spoke the Latin of the spell as they mixed the ingredients together, sending of flashes of blue fire as the concoction spat out its magic. When the last words were spoken and the bowl flashed with flames one final time, Sam, Dean, and Cas looked around the empty room.

‘You sure you said it right?’ Sam asked.

‘Yes, I’m sure!’ Dean responded angrily. ‘Gabriel, if you’re alive get your feathery ass down here!’ he shouted into the silent room.

‘It appears he is truly gone,’ Cas muttered morosely.

‘Goddammit,’ Dean whispered under his breath.

Sam rested his hands on the large wooden table, leaning over so that his hair fell across his face. His shoulders rose and fell as he sighed.

‘It was worth a try, I guess,’ he said quietly.

‘I’m sorry,’ Cas muttered.

Sam stood upright and sighed once more, then walked past Cas and gave him a consoling pat on his shoulder. ‘Not your fault. I’ll go grab us some beers,’ he continued as he walked out the room.

Cas flopped down in a chair and slumped into his disappointment. Dean watched Cas as he saw the hope fall from his body. Dean was disappointed, hell he was even kinda bummed that Gabriel wasn’t alive. Sure, he was a pain in the ass but he’d always liked his style. Dean walked towards Cas and sat in front of him on the table.

He placed a hand on his shoulder and said, ‘It’s alright, man. It was a long shot anyway.’

‘I just wanted to make it right,’ Cas said softly.

‘It’s not your fault, Cas,’ Dean said, leaning towards him and speaking in softened tones.

‘It is,’ Cas said as he lifted his blue eyes up to look at Dean with that sad puppy look plastered over his face. ‘I didn’t listen to you. Jack opened those portals even though we may have been able to remove his grace before birth. And if those portals weren’t opened your mother would still be here.’ Tears started to prickle at Cas’s eyes and his voice started to crack. ‘Dean, this is all my fault. It always is. You believe in me, you trust in me, and all I do is let you down and mess things up. Now Jack’s gone… Mary’s gone… and it’s my fault, Dean. It’s my fault.’ As those final words were uttered Cas practically broke down. The years and years of guilt finally rushing out of him. He’d only ever cried from pain since he was human, it shocked him how his thoughts collapsed and he was engulfed in emotions and tears.

Dean’s heart broke a bit hearing those words from Cas. He slid off the table and pulled Cas up and engulfed him in a hug, clutching his arms around Cas’s shoulders and holding his weight as Cas broke down.

‘It’s not your fault, Cas. It’s not your fault. You were just trying to do the right thing,’ Dean whispered into Cas’s neck.

Cas cried silently for a moment longer, his shoulders shuddering and his tears wetting the cotton of Dean’s shirt. Dean felt Cas relax and regain some strength as his tears subsided. Dean loosened his arms and leant back, then shut his eyes tightly as he kissed Cas, tasting the salty tears on his lips. He pulled away just slightly and whispered into his lips, ‘None of this is your fault.’


	8. Chapter VIII : Your Head is Humming

**PART III**

 

Chapter 8

At 6:30 Dean’s alarm clock flashed the red lines of numbers and annoying beeps into the dark, windowless, bunker bedroom. Dean groaned and rolled his body towards the clock, sluggishly hitting the objects on the bedside table with whacks in the hope that his hand would collide with the alarm. With a final hit he slapped his hand down on the clock and the beeping stopped. He begrudgingly pushed himself up and rubbed his hands over his face. Through the sleepy clouds that misted his brain, clear thoughts began to emerge; how Jack was still lost, his mother was trapped in an alternate reality, Sam was home, and Cas was here.

 

                                                                           *                      *                      *

 

Cas woke up alone and still tired despite a full night’s sleep. He really wasn’t used to this sleeping situation and couldn’t understand why he rarely felt fully rested. Cas sighed and looked mindlessly around the dim bedroom, thinking about his conversation with Dean yesterday. Being a human was hard work and full of so many intense emotions. He had always felt guilt, love, and sadness, yet now they felt different. It wasn’t that his angel powers had blocked them, rather that his new understanding of mortality threw them into a new light. So much rested on them. Being essentially human was exhausting and the finality of life induced anxiety into everything it seemed. Not used to his mortality, Cas felt drained and exhausted and all that seemed to make it better was having Dean nearby. It was like he made everything feel OK; made the small annoying intricacies of life more endearing than frustrating. Cas sighed once more and rolled into a sitting position, threw off the covers, grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom down the corridor.

 

Cas felt as though showers were boring and useless… well, as a human they are completely necessary, but he still yearned for the days when he hadn't needed to deal with such banalities. There was some comfort in them, once the shower was turned to hot and the awful chills on his skin had subsided it was pleasant for a few minutes. But then the task of washing had to be done, and if he was being honest with himself, he did not know the correct way to wash. Was there even a correct way to wash and who taught this to humans? He supposed it was their parents in infancy, but was there a way for him to learn? He couldn’t ask Dean or Sam. That would be another mildly awkward conversation that he wasn’t quite up for. Cas finished his amateur cleaning of his body and stepped out of the shower onto his pyjamas which now lay on the tiled floor in a puddle. He scowled at the wet clothes and glanced around the small room for a towel, yet to no avail. Had he brought one in? Cas tried to look back through his mind but could only remember how tired he still felt as he got out of bed. Cas looked around the room once more, slightly more frantic before admitting that there was indeed no towel and he would have to rush back to his room in the nude.

‘The monkeys don’t have to deal with this,’ he muttered angrily under his breath.

He sheepishly unlocked the door and glanced down the corridor, listening out for either Sam or Dean. The hallway was quiet. He carefully opened the door and stepped out of the room in a sudden movement, causing him to slip and fall to the floor. He hurriedly got up and started moving more slowly towards his bedroom in order to prevent any more falls –

‘Cas!?’

Cas span round, quickly moving his hands over his crotch to find Dean holding a cup of coffee, mouth agape, and staring at him.

‘Dean… erm…’

Dean’s shock gave way to a slight grin as he said, ‘You OK there, Cas?’

Cas stuttered and looked to the side, trying to avoid looking at Dean.

‘Yes… I… I may have misplaced my towel,’ he said quietly.

Dean’s eyes glinted as he bit down a smile.

‘I can see that,’ he said smoothly, then lifted the coffee cup to his mouth and took a sip, staring over the brim at Cas’s body. ‘You-’

‘Woah there!’ Sam said as he turned the corner of the hallway, almost bumping into Dean and seeing Cas fully naked a few metres away.

Cas stumbled backwards and Dean awkwardly coughed.

‘Sam… erm… my towel….’ Cas said as he shuffled backwards. He continued muttering as Sam burst out laughing before he spun round and dashed to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.

‘Pahahahaha!’

When Sam’s laugh subsided, he turned to Dean who was awkwardly standing there trying to scowl and erase the image of a naked Cas from his brain.

Sam’s laugh turned into giggles. ‘Dude’s still not used to being human, huh.’

‘Apparently not,’ Dean replied with a forced frown before brushing past Sam and heading back to his room to forget any of that had just happened.

 

                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

Sam spent the morning searching for signs or omens for where Jack would be. After an hour or so Dean joined him in a terrible mood. They scoured the internet some more, with Dean huffing and angrily muttering to himself every few minutes whilst reading an old book.

‘Dude,’ Sam said after a particularly loud sigh from Dean.

‘What!?’

‘What’s up with you?’

‘Nothing,’ Dean responded angrily.

Sam glared at him, breathing in and out slowly to try and stop this conversation from escalating very quickly. ‘You just seem… I dunno… grumpier than usual is all.’

‘Oh really, Sam? I wonder why that is!? Maybe it’s ‘cause mom is trapped in another reality… or… I dunno… that Jack is somewhere out there angry and about to go off like a nuclear bomb!?’

‘OK, fine. Just… keep it down then.’

Dean sighed loudly and angrily once more, ostensibly turning the page of the book he was reading on ancient Christian lore.

At that moment Cas walked in. He had been noticeably absent since the incident this morning.

‘Hey, Cas,’ Sam said smiling at him. ‘You decided to wear some clothes I see,’ he continued with a grin.

Cas slowly turned towards Sam and narrowed his eyes. ‘Funny.’

Sam snorted and went back to looking at his laptop which suddenly pinged. He quickly navigated onto the internet browser and brought up a page which was tracking unusual crimes in the nearby states. He shuffled his chair forwards and brought up a few extra pages, glancing over the reports and statistics quickly.

‘Guys, get this. I don’t think it’s to do with Jack, but this may be a case.’

‘What is it,’ Dean replied despondently. He had been staring at that book like it was the most important thing he’d ever read since their conversation. It appeared to Sam that there were still some issues between Dean and Cas.

‘So, three bodies have turned up at an abandoned house with their throats cut and their hearts ripped out,’ Sam continued.

‘Sounds like a case,’ Dean said.

‘OK. Well, it looks like we’re not getting any further with finding Jack. And I think we all need to get out of here for a couple of days so why not check it out.’

 

                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

After six hours of driving, Sam, Dean, and Cas arrived at The Desert Sun Motel which lay to the South of the town. The parking lot was full and it was heaving with customers. They carried their bags to the reception which was full of well-dressed drunk people who chatted loudly amongst themselves.

‘We’d like two rooms please,’ Sam said to the flustered lady behind the desk.

The lady threw some paper and receipts behind her onto the floor, quickly swiped her hair from her face and started hitting vigorously at the keypad of her computer.

‘Y’all here for the wedding too?’ she said.

‘Erm. No.’

‘Oh, sorry. It’s sure been a busy night. Got a couple getting married at the chapel across the road and they seem to have invited everyone West of the Mississippi! I’ll see what we have,’ she said, squinting at the computer screen. ‘Sorry, boys. Only one room left. I’m mighty sure that’s got three beds in it, so long as one of you don’t mind pulling out the couch?’

‘No, that’s fine,’ Sam said.

‘Sure thing. Again, sorry about that,’ she continued, still punching in words and vigorously clicking the mouse. The lady then reached behind her for the last remaining key and placed it on the desk in front of Sam. ‘Breakfast not included. That runs from seven thirty to eleven. And that’ll be seventy-five dollars, darlin’.’

Sam handed over the cash and said, ‘You know of a good place to eat round here?’

‘Yep. You got a bar further down the block that does burgers and fries – that sorta stuff. Turn right outside the parking lot and you should see it,’ she replied with a smile.

‘Thanks,’ Sam said, gently hitting the desk twice before the three of them manoeuvred through the revellers in the reception room, exited the building, and walked towards their room.

 

When they got to the room however, there was no couch.

‘You gotta be kidding me,’ Dean muttered.

Sam chucked his bag and suit on one of the king-sized beds and collapsed onto it.

‘Looks like both of you are sharing,’ he said.

‘You share with Cas!’

‘Sorry. I call this bed. Anyway, I’m taller so,’ Sam replied with a smug grin.

Cas stood awkwardly by the door, unsure of what to say.

‘You called it? What are you, five?’ Dean shouted at Sam.

‘Those are the rules. Ahhhh,’ Sam said, stretching out his arms. ‘What a great bed with so much room.’

‘I can sleep on the floor?’ Cas mumbled.

Dean chucked his duffle bag on his bed in anger, saying, ‘Just sleep in this goddamn bed,’ before storming into the bathroom, trying to ignore Sam’s laughter.

‘Jeez, what’s up with him. Did something happen whilst I was gone?’ Sam asked.

Cas shuffled in his place, placing down his bag by the bed and awkwardly looking around the room.

‘No. Nothing.’

Sam pushed himself onto his elbows and surveyed Cas. Something was up with both of them. ‘Is this about the last case?’

‘No.’

Sam exhaled and looked up to the ceiling. This was like drawing blood from a stone. ‘Did you guys talk about the last case?’

‘Yes. Briefly.’

At that moment Dean pushed the bathroom door open and stomped through the room. He grabbed the motel room key off the bed and walked out the room saying, ‘We gonna eat or what?’

 

                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

Sam, Dean, and Cas sat at a round wooden table at the side of the room, to the left of the drinks bar. The large bar was crowded. Local college students hung round the pool tables with bottles of beer, laughing and paying little attention to the game. Some girls had cleared some tables near the bar and were dancing to the music playing from some large speakers. Waitresses moved swiftly between the wooden tables and chairs, taking orders and smiling at the customers. Dean had walked in front of Cas and Sam on the short walk down the block. Dean had said nothing to either of them, and didn’t want to. Sam, as usual, was prying and asking questions. He felt a bit bad for ignoring Cas, but this was the easiest option. It was either ignore him, or get himself into a situation where Sam might suspect something. Ignoring him was the best option right now.

 

A waitress in her mid-twenties came up to their table with a notepad out. She smiled at them and asked them what they’d like to order. Dean looked up at her. She had dark brown hair and brown eyes that almost looked black in the low light. She was pretty and charming with a Southern accent.

 

‘Two cheeseburgers, a chicken salad, and three beers please, darling,’ Dean said with his most seductive smile. She glanced at him for a moment, assuming him to be just another idiot who was trying to hit on the local waitress. She looked back briefly again and noticed that he didn’t seem like any random passer-through, or one of the drunk locals who frequented the bar. She gave him a genuine smile and said ‘sure,’ then walked off, looking back for a second to find the man still smiling at her.

 

Sam tried to talk about the case a bit, throwing around ideas such as ‘vamps’ for what might be the perpetrators. Dean would answer monosyllabically. Cas tried to engage, but seemed distant and lost in thought. The waitress brought over their beers, directing all of her conversation towards Dean who smiled back, and at one point winked at her after cracking a joke. She laughed and put her hand on his shoulder to pretend to steady herself from her over-enthused giggles. As soon as she had departed from their table Dean returned to swigging his beer moodily.

The waitress returned to their table fifteen minutes later with their food. Her and Dean flirted whilst Sam rolled his eyes and Cas become engrossed in a staring match with his burger.

‘So you think vamps are luring people out of town and the pack is killing them?’ Sam said between mouthfuls of his salad once the waitress had left.

‘Perhaps,’ Cas replied sullenly.

‘Yeh, but why would they cut the victim’s throat?’ Dean interjected.

‘Maybe they want a clean kill?’ Sam said.

‘No way. That’s not how vamps work,’ Dean replied.

‘They did drain the blood. So it is highly possible it’s a vampire,’ Cas said.

‘Yeh? And where’s the bit about teeth marks in the autopsy, then?’

‘Well do you have a better idea, Dean? Because if you don’t, I suggest you keep quiet,’ Cas said in clipped and sharp tones.

‘Dude? What’s up with you?’ Dean said angrily, spitting burger with the words.

Cas glared at him, chucked the rest of his burger onto his plate, got up, and walked towards the bar.

Sam rolled his eyes towards Dean with a disapproving look.

‘What?’ Dean said, before returning his eyes to the burger and biting down.

 

                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

Cas leant on the side of the bar in a huff. He was fine with Dean pretending to Sam like nothing had happened, but actively being angry towards himself and flirting with that waitress was different. There was no need for Dean to act this way, and all this was doing was making him angry and worried that Dean felt nothing towards him. How could he have flirted with that woman right in front of him? And it was unfair to her if Dean was leading her on… but perhaps he wasn’t. Perhaps he would return to the table and she will have given him her number and they’ll spend the night together. A new feeling boiled up inside Cas – a mixture of anger, frustration, and sadness. Cas looked back with an expression of sadness towards the table to see Sam still attempting conversation and Dean eating his food as though nothing happened.

‘Is it the long-haired cute guy, or the short-haired cute guy?’ a woman’s voice said next to him. Cas turned round to see a young woman with short blonde hair and a kind smile looking at him with sympathy.

‘The short-haired one,’ Cas said.

The woman sighed with a smile. ‘Urgh. Men. Don’t you just hate them sometimes. No offence, hun.’

‘They are a confusing species,’ Cas replied.

She laughed and nodded in agreement. ‘So, what did he do?’

‘It’s complicated.’

‘Isn’t it always,’ she said, taking a swig of beer. ‘My ex was convinced I was cheating. Looked through my phone, all that kind of shit. Wouldn’t even talk to me about it, just spied on me behind my back.’

Cas smiled at her and nodded. ‘Miscommunication. It seems to be a trend.’

She laughed. ‘Yeh. I swear I dated the devil himself.’

Cas smiled to himself, ‘Yes. I think I’ve met him a couple of times.’

The girl sighed and said, ‘You’ve really had no luck with men, have you.’

‘You could say that.’

She gave him another look of sympathy and took in his soft features, worn clothes that made him look like a Canadian forester, and tussled hair. Poor guy. ‘Well,’ she said chirpily, ‘You just need to forget him.’

‘And how can I do that?’

She grinned and turned away from him, raising her arm and calling out ‘Emily!’ at the woman serving drinks behind the bar. ‘Six shots of tequila for me and this lovely man.’

Emily nodded and grabbed some shot glasses from below the bar, then the bottle of tequila, and started pouring. ‘You both celebrating something, Mel?’ she said with a raised eyebrow.

‘We are celebrating how we’re both better than any man around.’

Emily laughed as the golden liquid filled to the brim of each small glass.

‘Too right,’ she said, winking at Cas then returning to serve some other customers further up the bar.

Mel pushed three shot glasses towards Cas and took three for herself. She held one up and waited for Cas to mimic the gesture.

‘Fuck the lot of them,’ she said gleefully.

Cas nodded with a grin, and downed the liquid, wincing as the sharp liquor hit his tongue and his throat. He then followed Mel by downing the other two in quick succession.

 

                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

Dean sat at the table, ignoring everything Sam was saying and watching Cas chat to this random girl who was chatting him up by the bar. So this is how it goes. He smiles at one waitress and Cas gets to storm off and go chatting to the nearest blonde then? The dude doesn’t even know how to chat up women and suddenly this random chick is smiling and laughing like he’s the most hilarious guy on the planet? What the fuck? OK, perhaps he himself had been a bit off with him the past couple of days but that wasn’t his fault. He could either act pissed off or give the game away to Sam. How could Cas not realise this? Dude was acting like he doesn’t know why he’s acting this way. And it’s not like they’re some sort of fucking couple and so he can’t go smiling at a waitress once in a while…

 

Dean scowled at them, watching the woman laugh and smile at Cas, at one point nudging him as she spoke. She then waved to the woman behind the bar and ordered some drinks. The girl was pretty, and as they spoke he could see Cas’s body relaxing. Dean took a swig from his beer bottle and jammed it down on the table. Sam was still going on about the case and some ancient lore that might be useful but Dean couldn’t care less. Now she was buying them drinks? Were those shot glasses? Cas better not start drinking them. He’s a lightweight and can’t handle shots! What is he thinking? Anyway, Cas isn’t his problem evidently. The guy can go off and do what he wants. What is Sam saying?

‘-and so there might actually be cases of vampires teaming up with human hitmen and carrying out kills-’

What the fuck? Did Cas just down three shots? What’s the idiot thinking? He’s already had one beer when he was eating! He’s going to be hammered! Urgh. ‘Why do I care so much’ Dean thought to himself. God, was he jealous? No. He just doesn’t want to carry the dude back tonight. Shit, they’re sleeping in the same bed… He’s going to have a drunk Cas sleeping in the same bed with him… with Sam in the room. Fuck no. Dean quickly got up and headed towards the bar, hearing Sam say ‘What the hell, man?!’ as he left.

 

Dean approached Cas and the woman, who suddenly crossed her arms and glared at him.

‘Excuse me miss,’ he said to her with a feigned smile, then turned to Cas. ‘Dude. What are you doing?’

Cas slowly turned his head towards him and narrowed his eyes. ‘We’re doing shots.’

‘Shots? Why the fuck are you doing shots? You do realise you need to work tomorrow?’

‘So? You always drink before a case.’

‘Yeh. Because I can handle my liquor.’

‘Erm… dude,’ the woman interjected.

‘What?’ Dean said in a rude tone.

The woman raised her eyebrows and swirled her tongue over her front teeth. ‘Look, man. Me and…’ she paused and looked at Cas.

‘Cas.’

‘Me and Cas are having a few drinks and having some actual fun. You go back to your table and leave us alone, yeh?’ she said then took Cas’s wrist and dragged him towards a table where her friends were sat around drinking.

 

Dean followed them with his eyes, in shock. He clenched his fists and returned back to Sam, roughly sitting back down in his chair then picking up his beer.

Sam was watching Cas and the group of girls across the bar with an eyebrow raised.

‘Cas looks like he’s having a good night.’

Dean said nothing, just stared over at Cas and the group of women who were all laughing.

Sam glanced at him, rubbed his eyes with his hand and sighed. ‘OK, dude. What have you done to piss him off this time?’

‘I’ve done nothing. Cas is the one over there drinking when he knows we have work tomorrow?’

‘This isn’t about tonight. You’ve been angry at him since I came back.’

‘No I haven’t?’ Dean said in teenage-like, feigned incredulity.

‘Yes you have, Dean. And fine, don’t tell me. But whatever issue you have with him – sort it out quickly. Because I can’t put up with this stupid tip-toeing around the both of you.’

‘We’re fine.’

Sam looked up to the ceiling and tried to regain his composure. ‘Fine. I’m going back to the room to do some more research. Sort it out with Cas,’ Sam said, then grabbed his jacket from behind chair and walked out of the bar.

At that point the waitress came over to collect the plates.

‘Was everything OK for you today?’ she said, smiling at Dean.

‘Fine. Thank you,’ Dean replied monosyllabically.

The waitress was slightly taken aback but his blunt demeanour, but smiled again and asked if there was anything else he needed seductively.

‘Two beers.’

The waitress’s smile vanished from her face. What a douchebag. She grabbed his empty plate from in front of him and walked off, muttering under her breath.

 

The girls had now got up and pulled Cas with them to dance. The blonde girl had her arms over his shoulders whilst he awkwardly held her waist and stepped out of time to the music. He was smiling. She was laughing. They both looked happy. Dean watched them, getting more and more annoyed by the second. Great, now another girl had offered Cas a beer. The dude was going to be hammered. Oh great, now the girl was teaching him to swirl her around. What the fuck is he up to? The waitress suddenly slammed two beer bottles on his table and immediately walked off without saying a word. What the fuck? What had he done to her? Dean downed one bottle of beer in three gulps, still glaring at Cas who was failing at being taught to dance by the girls in the group. That’s it. Dean drank a few glugs of his second beer and approached the girls.

‘Cas!’

Cas turned around and slightly overshot, causing him to stumble slightly to the side.

‘What?’ he slurred.

‘Goddammit, Cas. Come with me,’ Dean said in slightly softer tones, grabbing Cas’s forearm gently.

‘Hey, mister! We’re dancing!’ the blonde girl shouted.

Cas turned towards her and said, ‘Don’t worry. It’s fine,’ before being led by Dean to the wall on the other side of the bar.

‘Cas, dude? What the fuck has gotten into you?’

‘I was having fun.’

‘By getting hammered?’

‘That’s how you have fun.’

‘No, Cas. That’s how I forget.’

‘Well that’s what I was doing.’

‘Doing what?’

‘Trying to forget!’

‘What?’

‘You don’t think I’ve noticed your angry retorts? How you can’t even look at me? How everything I do apparently seems to be completely wrong? You don’t think I noticed you flirting with that waitress?’

‘Oh what?! So this is jealousy or some bullshit?’

‘No, Dean. This is me being done with this,’ Cas said then stormed away, pushing the swinging saloon-style doors open and heading into the men’s restroom.

Dean inhaled slowly and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. He breathed out deeply to help steady his mind before following Cas into the restroom. 

Dean entered the grimy men’s restroom, lit by dim flickering lights that can only be found in hospital corridors and supermarket aisles. Cas stood hunched over the sink, his arms resting on the porcelain sink top.

‘Come on, dude. What’s got into you?’ Dean asked.

Cas lifted his head as if he were sighing and silently ranting his frustrations through prayer to God. He breathed out slowly then turned towards Dean.

‘Nothing. I’m fine,’ he said calmly.

‘Well… you don’t seem fine.’

‘I’m just drunk. I’m fine,’ Cas reiterated.

Dean glanced around the empty room before walking towards Cas and enveloping him in a hug. Cas closed his eyes and rested his head in the nook between Dean’s neck and shoulder as he slowly breathed. Dean patted him a couple of times on his back and pulled away whilst clearing his throat. Dean left a hand on Cas’s shoulder and looked at his half-closed eyes and swaying body.

‘Let’s get you home,’ Dean said, winding his arm around Cas’s back and starting to lead his stumbling figure out of the bar. ‘Anyway, you gotta be in fighting shape for tomorrow.’

‘I don’t want to be in fighting shape tomorrow,’ Cas mumbled as he was led back through the bar towards the front doors.

‘Tough luck, kiddo. You’re gonna need to be anyway.’

‘No, Dean,’ Cas said more emphatically. ‘I don’t want to go out on another case.’

Dean halted his step for a moment, then continued walking.

‘Cas… you’re going on the case tomorrow. You’re just gonna need to power through the hangover.’

‘It’s not about that. I’m not going.’

Dean huffed out a breath of frustration. ‘Goddammit. Why the hell not?’

‘Because, Dean. I’m no angel. I’m no hunter. If we continue pretending that I’m the same as who I was then you’re going to end up being hurt, or I’m going to end up being dead. And have you thought for one second about what happens to me when I die?’

Dean stopped walking. They were still in the dimly lit parking lot outside the bar. The muffled sounds of music and laughter from the bar carried through the night time air and fell like mist over the silent cars surrounding them.

‘Cas, you’re not gonna die. I won’t let that happen.’

‘You can’t promise that, Dean. And say I die, where will I go? I won’t go to heaven. I wasn’t born human. I’m simply an angel slowly dying through mortality, so I’ll go back to The Empty.’

‘You’re NOT going to die, Cas. And if you do, I’ll find Jack, and we’ll get him to bring you back again!’

‘How can you say that? You don’t even know where Jack is? And if he can’t bring me back then I’m spending the rest of eternity in that place again! You know, being an angel provided me with a lot of comfort. I didn’t expect to die, and I had plans, Dean. I had plans! I always knew that if you died you would go to heaven, and I could stay with you. I would have left earth for good, hidden myself away and always made sure that you and Sam were finding the peace you never obtained in this mortal realm. I used to have time, Dean! Time with you! And now every day I get less and less until I’m flung into the black void of nothing, never to see you again!’

Dean was lost for words. Cas continued to glare at him with a deep passion and fire behind his eyes – with an anger he hadn’t seen there for weeks now. Yet there was also a gnarled and distraught pain in his eyes, a kind of begging – pleading that Dean understood where he was coming from. What Cas was saying had never truly crossed his mind. He remembered faintly an argument they had whilst he was under the power of the Mark of Cain about Cas staying with him and watching him burn the world, but Dean had never thought about what would happen when he died and what Cas, when he was an angel, would do. Cas had always been an unwaveringly stable thing in his life. Sure, he had left him, and multiple times Dean had thought he’d died, but he’d always come back. Dean supposed that he’d just assumed that Cas would be here forever like he’d said. Dean hadn’t even known about The Empty until Cas came back from the dead… and now thinking about this, he could see where Cas was coming from… He was mortal now, but still not human. He could die so easily so quickly and Dean would never see him again… ‘You’re not going to die, Cas,’ Dean repeated forcefully feeling tears prickle at his eyes but just about managing to hold them back. ‘I’m not going to let that happen. You’ll get better at fighting. You could fight before and you can fight now, and me and Sam won’t let anything happen to you.’

The pleading tone of Cas’s eyes dissipated, as though Cas was giving up in trying to explain to Dean everything that he was trying to say. ‘OK,’ he said quietly and dejectedly.

Dean cleared his throat, wound his arm around Cas’s back again, and started pulling him back to the hotel, trying to throw out of his mind everything that Cas had said. Cas was not going to die. Dean couldn’t handle worrying about that again. It was just not going to happen, not on his watch.


	9. Chapter IX : Our Shadows

Chapter 9

 

When they got back to the motel room Sam was already asleep. He muttered something and turned over when they opened the door. Cas flung himself onto the bed and seemed to fall asleep immediately. Dean watched him with worry, still pondering over their conversation from earlier. He bent towards Cas and pulled off his shoes and set them on the floor quietly, then resumed looking at him with concern. Cas looked… gentle. He had been different since he’d come back mortal… it wasn’t that he seemed more human because he had been ‘human’ for years now. And being mortal didn’t mean that Cas was suddenly weak – Dean had never thought that… it just seemed now that Cas himself was more… fragile. Not physically, but emotionally. The dude was obviously going through some sort of existential crisis and who could blame him? When you’re born human you forget that every day could be your last. You forget and don’t even realise how little time you have. But to go from being essentially eternal and so powerful that death is unlikely and then to being human would probably make you highly aware how little time you have. Cas has lived through millennia and now… what does he have if he survives this shit? What, like 40 or 50 years? And Cas was kind of right that if either of them survive that long it would be a miracle. So how long did they have? A few years… a few months… a few days? However long it won’t be enough. Dean wiped the back of his hand over his eyes and cheeks, brushing away the silent tears that had started to stutter in jittering curlicues down his cheeks. He then gently kicked off his boots, took off his socks and jeans, and got into bed with Cas. Cas was facing towards him, his eyes shut and his hands crossed in front of his face. Dean stared at his features and without thinking reached his hand out towards Cas’s face, tracing the backs of his fingers over his cheek towards his lips, and then over his chin. It was as if Dean was trying to trace his features into his memory. If Cas was right, and they didn’t have that much time, then Dean was going to try to remember every second now. Cas’s eyes slowly opened and looked up at Dean. Dean glanced over Cas’s body over towards Sam’s bed. Sam was facing away from them, his body rising and falling. Dean looked back at Cas who was sleepily and drunkenly looking back at him with slight confusion. Dean then moved closer to Cas, cupped his face with his hand and kissed him softly. Cas’s eyes shut as he melted into the kiss.

‘Nothing’s gonna happen to you, you hear me,’ Dean said softly into his lips once he broke off their kiss. ‘Not whilst I’m around.’

 

Dean tried to drift off to sleep; focusing on his breathing, counting damn sheep, doing anything he could to stop the thoughts that were circling in his mind. He rolled onto his back, onto his front, onto his side away from Cas to aid his slumber, yet to no avail. Dean finally settled on lying on his side, facing away from Cas and watching the unmoving curtains of the motel room, seeing the occasional car lights outside, and hearing distant voices of the multitudinous wedding guests coming in and out of motel rooms. He could feel the presence and heat of Cas’s body next to him. It was as frustrating as it was calming. It was just so… there. It was a solid, present weight next to him which for some reason was incredibly comforting. Dean felt Cas roll towards him so that Cas’s hands were cradled in the space between Dean’s shoulder blades. He felt Cas snuggle his head into the curve of the base of his neck. Goddammit, just as he was finally able to stop thinking about their conversation now he’s going to have to not think about Cas’s half-naked body next to him. Dean’s breathing became heavier as he felt Cas’s breath on his neck. He could smell the heady odour of liquor and the scent of Cas with every breath. An urge within him cried out for more contact so he shuffled backwards slightly so that Cas’s crotch was pressed against him. A heat rose through Dean’s body. Cas murmured something in his sleep and untangled his hands from behind Dean’s back, curling an arm over Dean’s bicep so that Cas’s hand rested over his stomach. Dean lifted his arm to let Cas’s fall over his waist, then put his arm back down over Cas’s. He then placed his hand over Cas’s which he pressed further towards his stomach, feeling Cas’s fingers through his thin t-shirt. Cas murmured in his sleep again and brushed his lips against Dean’s neck. Dean could feel Cas’s cock getting hard against his ass. He breathed in sharply as a new wave of arousal rushed through his body. What the fuck could he do? All he wanted to do was grind into Cas and then get Cas to fuck him hard and messily, but Sam was a few metres away and there was no way in hell any of that would happen with Sam in the room. Despite that, the frustration of having Cas warm and hard against him and being able to do nothing was almost unbearable. Dean gently rolled towards Cas onto his other side so that their faces were inches apart and their legs were now tangled together. Cas was breathing deeply although he was still asleep. Dean watched his open lips as they inhaled and then quietly uttered ‘Dean’. Upon hearing his name Dean instinctively kissed Cas, letting the fiery passion that had been building in his body rush through his lips and into the movement of the kiss. Cas kissed back, tongue swirling and mouth tasting of tequila. Dean felt overwhelmed and couldn’t stop his fingers grabbing tightly to Cas’s hair and his body rolling like braking waves into Cas. His dick became harder as their crotches brushed together. Everything built in his body towards an orchestral crescendo. Dean quickly broke the kiss, leaving Cas moaning into the space between their lips. Dean quickly, yet gently covered Cas’s mouth with his hand as he glanced towards Sam who was still fast asleep. He looked at Cas, whose eyes were wide open and glinting in the darkened room. Dean moved his face closer towards him and whispered ‘Come with me.’ He then quietly shuffled out of bed, grabbed his jeans and boots, moved silently towards the door and opened it, letting a small column of orange dusty light in so that Cas could grab his pants and shoes. When they were both out the room, and the door was closed with quiet precision, they both put on their pants and boots. Dean grabbed Cas’s wrist and pulled him along the concrete walkway and round the corner of the motel. Once they were around the back of the building and away from the lights and any passers-by, Dean pushed Cas against the wall and kissed him fervently, grinding their bodies together and moaning and breathing as loud as he wanted now that they had some privacy. Dean’s hands pressed into every inch of Cas’s body and grabbed at skin and limbs. His tongue searched out Cas’s and their kisses became messy. Cas’s body pressed against his, grinding their crotches together in time with their kisses. Cas let out moans and whimpers as his hands grabbed at Dean’s hair, his neck, his back. Dean’s fingers stumbled over Cas’s pant buttons and undid them, letting Cas bite and kiss his neck as he looked down. Dean then licked two of his fingers and put his hand down Cas’s boxers, grabbing his rock hard dick and running his hand up and down it. Cas grunted and melted into Dean’s touch. Dean kissed him fervently whilst he continued to stroke Cas’s dick, then got onto his knees, pulled Cas’s pants and boxers down and took his cock in his mouth. Cas moaned in pleasure, rolling his head back and resting it on the wall behind him. Dean grabbed the base of his cock as he swirled his tongue and sucked his lips up and down. Every whimper, every stutter, every moan Cas made urged Dean on. He took his own dick in his hand and jacked himself off in time to his messy, wet sucks and licks up and down Cas’s dick. Cas’s moans grew louder and more strained as Dean felt his body tighten. Dean’s languid movements became quicker and harder as he took all of Cas in his mouth. His hand moved faster over his own dick which made him hum and groan into his full mouth. Cas’s hips rolled into him then suddenly pushed in a jolt, inducing a loud muffled moan from Dean as he felt Cas’s cock slide all the way to the back of his throat as Cas came with a whispered scream. Dean pushed himself over the edge and came as he sucked Cas’s dick and swallowed his cum. Dean panted, mouth still full before licking slowly and pulling his head away. He turned and collapsed into a sitting position, with his back against the wall. Cas slid down, breathless, then turned his face towards Dean and kissed him, tasting himself on Dean’s lips. When they broke the slow, long kiss, in unison they rested their heads against the wall and tried to regain their breath. Cas closed his eyes, all energy depleted and ready to fall asleep out here in the sticky summer night. He could hear occasional cars on the highway and the buzzing of insects in the grass. The hot summer air lay thick like sludge on his skin, making the world seem closer and more alive. The heat in the breeze made the oxygen he was trying so hard to breathe in feel electric and full of unbounded energy. The night sky above was so clear that it appeared the colour of the darkest blue in the universe which was littered with paint-splashed stars. Cas rolled his head down to lie on Dean’s shoulder as he shut his eyes and let the heavy, sticky night lull him to sleep.

‘Hey,’ Dean said softly with a smile, ‘If you fall asleep on me then I’m leaving your ass out here all night.’

‘Mhmmm.’

‘Damn angel,’ Dean muttered in feigned frustration to himself. ‘Alright, Sleeping Beauty. Get up,’ he said fondly as he got up and helped pull a tired Cas up by his forearms. They both slowly walked back to the motel room, Cas swaying slightly due to the drinks from earlier and the tiredness. Dean took his time because as much as he would love to collapse in bed right now, he was liking how quiet and alone they were out here. Dean quietly opened the door with the key card and managed to get his jeans off and get into bed without waking Sam; consistently glancing over at him to make sure he hadn't woken up. When they were both in bed, Cas kissed him once more then rolled to the farthest corner of the bed, obviously aware that if Sam woke up in the morning to find them spooning that would raise a lot of questions.

 

                                                                                                     *                      *                      *

 

As the sun shone through the thin curtains into the hotel room, Sam woke to find Dean and Cas spooning in bed. Sam raised an eyebrow and concealed a smile. Dean was lying on his front, one hand placed under his pillow where a gun was, the other arm wrapped around Cas’s stomach who lay curled up next to him on his back. It looked as if he was protecting Cas, holding him close to his body, whilst being ready to attack anyone who disturbed them with the gun below his other hand. It was kind of strange to see Dean look so… sweet, Sam supposed. Although it didn’t seem too out of character at the same time. Dean would protect those around him with his life, it was just nice to see that rather than pushing people away whilst shooting to attack, he was holding Cas close with his gun protecting them both. Sam grinned to himself, God was he going to have fun reminding Dean of this. He got up silently and went to the bathroom, turning on the shower and hoping that the noise of the water would wake the cute idiots up. Sam wondered if they’d sorted out whatever was going on between them. Although they both looked fine cuddled up together, Sam assumed that both had had too many drinks and ended up like that in their sleep. It was a pity that neither of them would actually talk shit out and fuck out all their frustrations, but maybe that would never happen. Sam wasn’t an idiot, he was aware that there had always been something between them, but it was unlikely that either of them would ever admit to anything. Sam took off his t-shirt and boxers and placed them on the towel rail, then got into the lukewarm shower. The summer days in this part of the country were sticky and close, so a mildly warm shower felt calming on his skin. Sam’s thoughts turned to the case and what on earth could have killed the men. It was rare nowadays that they would walk into a case with little idea of what they were hunting so it was quite nice to know that heaps of research might be on the horizon. His studying from last night was fruitless and Sam was still no closer to finding any answers.

 

Dean was woken by the running water coming from the bathroom. He groggily opened an eye to find his arm over Cas, whose body was cradled to his side. Dean quickly moved his arm and glanced over towards Sam’s empty bed. Fuck! Had they been like this when he woke up? What had Sam seen? Did he suspect anything? Fuck! Without trying to wake Cas, Dean got out of bed and grabbed some clothes for the day and started sorting out a bag for the work today. Once the shower had stopped and Sam came out of the bathroom Dean quickly brushed past him without looking at him. The last thing he needed right now were questions. Dean showered quickly and got dressed into his Fed suit. He came out of the bathroom to find Sam ready and waiting to leave, with Cas still fast asleep in bed.

‘Cas?’ Sam shouted over at him, causing a sleepy mutter from Cas.

‘Dude, leave him. He’s hungover and won’t be any help.’

Sam shrugged and grabbed his bag, then left the room.

When they were outside and heading to the car Sam said with a grin, ‘So… you and Cas seemed to have gotten… close again.’

‘Shut up,’ Dean responded. Shutting down any further questions as he got into the Impala and slammed the door shut.


	10. Chapter X : Rings of Smoke

Chapter 10

 

‘I’m Agent Malcom, this is my partner Agent Young. We’re here to discuss the recent murders,’ Dean said professionally to the older local police Captain in his small office in the police station.

‘Ahhhh, yes. I was thinking you Feds would be turning up soon,’ he replied in a Southern drawl.

Dean looked confused for a moment then quickly schooled his expression. Sure, there were three murders but that didn’t necessarily mean Federal Agents would get involved.

‘Can you run us through what you know so far?’ Sam asked.

‘Sure thing. So I’m assuming you read the brief about the murders. Nasty situation. Blood drained, throats slit. First we thought it was some sort of sick serial killer. Especially ‘cause no one round here knew how the vics were connected. Then we did home searches. All white men over 40, two were rich folk, the other one not so much. Anyway, we searched their homes and found they were all part of some sick child trafficking ring. So now we’re thinking the murderer was either part of that or trying to take them down. Perhaps some vigilante guy. That ain’t uncommon round these parts – folks taking the law into their own hands. The guys at the station are thinking maybe it’s that seeing how the bodies were brutally murdered. You gotta have a lotta anger to do that kinda stuff. We got their electronics in the evidence room if y’all need to take them back with you,’ the Captain told them solemnly.

‘And the house where they were found? Have you got any idea why they were out there?’ Sam asked.

‘None. I’m thinking maybe they were taken out there. The place is an old abandoned farmhouse. Ain’t no one going out there of their own accord.’

‘OK. Thanks. If we could glance over the files that’d be great.’

‘Sure thing.’

The Captain gave them the files and took them to an office room in the station whilst they looked over the folders, then left.

‘So, what you thinking?’ Dean asked when they were alone.

‘I dunno. Maybe this isn’t our kind of thing?’

‘Still seems a bit weird how they were killed. Maybe we’ve got some vigilante vamps around? Did you find anything about the house?’

‘No, not really,’ Sam sighed. ‘There’ve been a few deaths there, mostly old age or household accidents. One old man died mysteriously. Couldn’t find a cause of death.’

‘Hmmm, well… we should check out the house then,’ Dean said, contemplating the details of the case.

At that moment Dean’s phone rang, blasting out the guitar introduction to ACDC’s ‘Highway to Hell’.

‘Hey, Cas.’

‘Hello, Dean. Where are you?’

‘At the police station.’

‘I appear to have overslept.’

‘Don’t worry about it. We’re heading over to the house where the vics were murdered. We’ll meet you back at the motel later.’

‘Hey,’ Sam interjected. ‘Put him on loudspeaker.’

Dean glanced at Sam, and begrudgingly put the phone on loudspeaker.

‘Hey, Cas,’ Sam called towards the phone, leaning forward. ‘Why don’t we swing by the motel and pick you up?’

‘No, it’s fine,’ Dean hurriedly and quietly said. ‘We’ll just meet him back there later.’

‘Why?’ Sam quietly responded to Dean, confused. He then returned to speaking loudly at the phone. ‘Cas, we’ll pick you up. We’ll be there in fifteen.’

‘OK,’ Cas said, then hung up.

Sam gave Dean a confused look. ‘You didn’t sort things out last night?’

Dean got up, seemingly ignoring the question before saying as he left the room, ‘We’re fine,’ leaving Sam staring after him with frustration and sighing at the annoyance of dealing with the yoyo relationship that was the two of them.

 

                                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

They picked Cas up from the motel and drove out of town to the abandoned house. The roads became broken tar and torn up gravel the further out they went. By the roadside were huge weeping trees with long wisps of Spanish moss hanging from the boughs. The farmed fields turned into dense woodland and sodden marshes under the painted evening sky. The huge sun was unearthly low over the land, scattering shadows and golden hues in columns of light. They drove in silence further South, the car getting slower as the roads became worse until they turned onto an old track walled in by dense thicket. At the end of the road was an old white-board house. It had a porch that ran around the circumference and broken wooden steps leading to the front door. Dishevelled gables lined the top of the roof in gnarled spikes, and the whole place had an air of uninviting questions. Vines and trees surrounded the lot, creeping towards the house like a virus ready to cause fatality.

Dean drove as near to the house as he could and shut off the engine, then peered through the front windshield and scowled up at the shadowed house.

‘Not creepy at all,’ Dean said laconically, then got out the car and walked towards the trunk. He got out everything they might need; guns, knives, rock salt guns, machetes, holy water, and anything else he could jam in his belt and pockets. Sam and Cas got out the Impala and headed to the trunk.

‘Here,’ Dean said as he handed Cas two guns, a machete, two knives, and a bottle of holy water.

‘… What am I supposed to do with these?’ Cas said, still with most of the weapons held precariously in his arms.

‘Shoot anything that moves,’ Dean said, grabbing a few items and slamming the trunk shut.

 

Sam climbed the three rotten wooden steps up to the house first, occasionally looking down to check that he wouldn’t fall through the broken boards. Dean and Cas followed behind, glancing up at the dishevelled house and letting the ominous fear which the building emitted sink into their skin. The front door was agar, its screen bent in angles off its hinges like a dead spider legs.

‘Stay with me,’ Dean said quietly to Cas.

They entered the house, all creaking floorboards and billows of dust motes swarming through light pockets in the house like hordes of insects. Sam went left, aiming his torch and gun in front of him. Dean and Cas went right into the upturned lounge, scattered with broken cabinet glass and moth-eaten furniture. The window was boarded up, letting glimpses of dim evening light into the room. Cas surveyed the room, and went to look at the wall on which hung a smashed sepia photograph of a man and women. They solemnly stared into the camera, dressed in battered brown clothes. Behind them was this house, casting shadows over the scene. Cas stepped closer to the photograph, being drawn in by the morose expressions of the subjects, taking in the woman’s shaggy long dress and the man’s crinkled suit. Cas’s eyes were drawn away from the couple and looked at the house which looked fairly new and not in the state of disrepair it was now. Then Cas looked at the window of the room within which himself and Dean now stood, and stumbled back. A figure stood in the window, its face contorted and screaming. It’s skin black shadow and anger. All horrific pain and hell-wrought anger. Suddenly a gunshot went off. Cas and Dean span round and realised that the gunshot was coming from where Sam had gone.

‘Sam!’ Dean shouted as he sprinted across the room.

The doors of the lounge slammed shut as Dean reached the edge of the room.

‘Sammy!’ Dean shouted again as he pulled at the handle and tried to kick in the old door which should have given way to the smallest amount of force. Dean spun around and threw his green duffel bag to the floor, grabbing a huge metal can of salt and pouring a ring of it in the centre of the room.

‘Cas! Stay in there!’ he said, pointing to the ring of salt. Cas moved within the white circle, his gun held in front of him.

Dean went back to the door and started slamming his body against it, over and over again until it finally gave way and his momentum flung him into the hallway to land on the floor to the sound of wooden cracks and billowing dust. As soon as he was through the door it slammed shut again, leaving Cas alone in the lounge.

When the door slammed, Cas shot his head round and looked around the dim room. On the other side of the room was another door which had shut to lock him in. He could hear footsteps, slow and heavy behind it. The door handle started to turn. It opened slowly, and creaked until it was open. No one was there.

 

                                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

Dean stumbled into standing and headed for the room which Sam entered earlier.

‘Sam?!’

‘Dean! Duck!’ Sam shouted at him when he entered, blasting his gun and shooting at something behind Dean.

Dean crouched, then got up and turned to see black smoke blow in a burst of cloud. He looked back at Sam and saw a dark figure rush towards him. He shot at it, causing it to explode into the atmosphere. Then something grabbed him from behind, he turned to find a ghostly figure reaching for his neck. Dean knocked away its hand whilst grabbing his knife from his belt and slit the iron blade through the ghost. He turned to see Sam shooting at another ghost who was hurtling towards him. Then a gunshot went off in the other room.

‘Cas,’ Dean said under his breath.

Sam and Dean ran out into the hallway and Dean started to bash the door down whilst Sam shot at anything that came near them, aiming with precision at the multitudinous shadows who appeared out of the cracks and darkened corners of the hall.

 

                                                                                          *                      *                      *

 

Cas stood frozen in the ring of salt, watching the open door. Then from the shadows of the room behind appeared a man with greying skin and black clothes. His skin flaked off his face in blackened and bloody shreds. His mouth was devoid of lips and nothing hid his rotten teeth which jutted from his blackened and bloody gums. Cas shot at him, but the gun did nothing but shoot shrapnel into his body which continued to walk forwards in jarring steps. Cas shot again, but nothing halted its progress. Cas backed away as the figure reached out its arms and stepped through the circle of salt. It grabbed Cas who tried to spin to avoid getting restrained. The man threw punches at Cas, hitting him on his face and in his stomach which left Cas winded and struggling for breath. The man then grabbed Cas’s neck and slammed his body to the ground before kicking him hard in the chest. Cas could taste the blood like liquid iron in his mouth. His body screamed in pain. The man kicked him again. Cas tried to get up but it was too painful. He was then pulled up by his jacket until his face was inches away from the figure’s.

‘Fight!’ it hissed at him. ‘Prove yourself to me!’

Cas’s head rolled on his neck, his eyes hiding behind their heavy lids. The figure threw him to the ground once more and kicked him again.

‘Prove yourself!’ it screamed.

Cas heard Dean’s voice on the other side of the door, trying to bash it down. Cas dug deep within himself and tried to get up once more, but the pain rushing through his body was too much and he collapsed back onto the floor. The figure once again pulled him up and punched him hard in the gut as the door flung open. The man held out his hand towards Sam and Dean and pressed them hard against the back wall, sticking them there with their weapons flung from their hands. Cas heard Dean scream ‘No!’ as he felt something cold and hard jam into his back and through his spine. It was as if all the air in his body had fled from his being. The cool steel of the metal knife seeped into his every bone until his whole body was as cold and rigid as the weapon, and his tongue could taste only metal.

‘Cas! Cas!’ he heard Dean scream. He rolled his head towards Dean as he sunk to his knees. Before the world went black, all he saw was Dean’s face contorted with agony and screaming his name.

Dean struggled against the force that was holding him to the wall as angry tears streamed down his cheeks.

‘I swear,’ he said in lowered and seething tones, ‘I’m going to send you straight to hell, you son of a bitch.’

‘Ain’t gonna happen,’ the figure said with a smile. It then melted into smoke and left another man stood in his place.

Dean stared in shock at who was stood in front of him.

‘Gabriel?’ Sam uttered.

‘Hello!’ Gabriel said, shaking his hands beside him like jazz hands.

‘You son of a bitch! Heal Cas!’ Dean shouted at him.

‘Woah there! Don’t worry! Your boyfriend isn’t dead… yet,’ Gabriel smirked with a wink.

‘I swear to God, you better-’

‘- Alright, alright, alright,’ Gabriel, said, interrupting Dean. ‘But… here’s the thing, boys. Castiel here didn’t really pass my test. You two were great – really haven’t lost your spark. Castiel over here… wasn’t really up to par… what with him being all… human-y now, so…’

‘Just heal him, now! Or I swear to God-’

‘- Yeh, yeh, yeh. I get it. I’ll heal him… but why not get his fighting spirit back? Plus… the whole mortal and mortal thing you two have got going is all a bit dull… let me make it more interesting for you, yeh?’ Gabriel responded with a grin.

Dean was silent, staring him down and pretending that Gabriel wasn’t suggesting whatever he was trying to.

‘Heal him!’ Dean repeated.

Gabriel smirked and then smacked his hand down and into Cas’s chest, causing Cas to jolt awake and scream in pain as a blue light burst through his body.

‘Cas!’ Dean screamed, again trying to free himself from the wall.

The blue light shook the house as it continued to explode from Cas’s body until it burst like a tsunami through the room, making Sam and Dean to shut their eyes from the brightness. When the light had subsided Dean looked once more to Cas who was crouching on the floor as Gabriel stepped back. Suddenly the evening light from outside dimmed to darkness and thunder roared above them from the sky. Cas got up slowly, pressing the tips of his fingers into the ground as he stood which made him look like a track athlete waiting for the starting pistol. His head remained lowered as his body stood slowly. Lightning struck loudly near the house and the thunder roared around them. The boarded windows shattered into pieces and flung wooden shards around the room. The rain and wind swarmed round the house through the broken windows and into the room. Lightning struck again and lit the jolting rain which spat through the house. Cas continued to stand slowly, and as the lightning struck and thunder drummed once more he stood up and shadows of huge wings flashed against the wall behind him. These weren’t the wings of a broken angel but full, and feathered, and powerful. Cas’s eyes were full of deep anger and power as they lay their gaze upon Dean. Dean’s breathing was laboured and his mind was caught between relief that Cas wasn’t dead and fear for what was happening to him.

 

The lightning subsided and thunder rolled away from the house, leaving only the sound of heavy rain outside.

Cas turned his head slowly to Gabriel and glared at him.

‘Gabriel,’ he said, quietly yet fiercely.

‘Hey, bro. Sorry about the knife. I had to make a point,’ he replied with an easy smile.

‘What have you done to me?’

‘You know, I wasn’t feeling the whole ‘human’ thing. You weren’t quite pulling it off. Besides, if I’m going to help you idiots find the son of Satan, I’m gonna need you at full power… plus I might have added a bit more.’

‘Whose grace do I have?’

‘What? Your own, you idiot. You never lost your grace. It was just… out of juice. Think of it like a dead battery. The battery is still in there, but it was dead. But you’re all good again… in fact, much better than before.’

‘You don’t have that power.’

‘I didn’t have that power. I myself have a little extra than before, in more ways than one,’ he said with a wink. ‘Think of me like ‘Gabriel two-point-o’.’

‘Cas?’ Dean interrupted quietly, ‘You OK?’

Cas looked at Dean, his eyes still containing a deep black fire. Yet somewhere was also a great pain. ‘I’m fine,’ he said assuredly, still staring with an unwavering gaze at Dean.

Gabriel looked between them and smirked. ‘Anyyyyyways. What’s the plan with finding the Nephilim?’

‘You’ll help us?’ asked Sam.

‘Sure. That’s why you called, right?’

Cas still stared at Dean, his body urging himself to move forward. Dean finally had to look away, becoming fearful of the power that lay behind Cas’s eyes. Cas continued staring at him, his body leaning forwards. It was as if one force was holding him back whilst the other pulled him forwards. Then he took one step forwards towards Dean, and suddenly vanished to the sound of wings, swirling the debris off the floor in a twister.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted.

Gabriel sighed in exasperation, then clicked his fingers to release Sam and Dean from the wall.

‘Great,’ Gabriel said sarcastically.

‘Where is he?’ Dean demanded.

‘Pfff, how the hell would I know.’

‘If you’ve done something to him!’ Dean shouted at Gabriel.

‘Chill, dude! All I did was power him back up and fixed his wings. It’s not my fault he decided to bolt out of here… I probably should have explained myself and then given him wings…’

‘Gabriel!’ Sam shouted, trying to get the conversation back on track. ‘Why are you here?’

‘To help,’ Gabriel said, suddenly more seriously. ‘God brought me back to help you. Turns out I’m more familiar with this situation that you realise. All you need to do is find the Nephilim and I can handle the whole collapsing realities thing.’

‘Our mom is trapped in another world. Can you get her back?’ Sam asked.

‘Sure. Easy. All I need is the kid. Plus, I probably need to get my doting brother back here… don’t want anything coming back with him.’

Sam smiled with relief at hearing that all hope was not lost in retrieving Mary. ‘OK, what do we need to do?’

‘Find the kid. He can’t be found by angels. When you do, call me.’

‘And what about Cas?’ Dean asked, his eyes still burning with anger. If Gabriel wasn’t an archangel he would kill him right here, right now.

Gabriel smiled at him. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll go find your boyfriend,’ he said, then turned to Sam. ‘Find the kid,’ he said, then vanished to the sound of flapping wings.

 

Sam got out his EMF detector from his pocket and turned it on, sighing in relief. ‘I got nothing. Looks like this was all Gabriel.’

‘I’m gonna kill him,’ Dean spat out.

‘Come on, dude. He’s helping us. That’s something,’ Sam said gently, trying to placate him.

‘He stabbed Cas!’

‘Yeh, and then brought him back?’

Dean huffed and tried to walk off his anger, pacing around the room.

‘Look, I think he’s a massive dick too,’ Sam continued. ‘But he’s going to help us find mom.’

‘Yeh, alright,’ Dean replied begrudgingly.

They both walked back to the car in silence. The heavy rainstorm Cas had caused hadn’t let up, and added to the humidity of the late evening. Dean chucked his stuff in the trunk and heaved himself into the car, then slammed the door shut and turned on the engine. He spun the car in a circle, kicking up rain water from the gravel track, and headed back up the road, glaring at the open road like it had offended him. Sam glanced at him and sighed, rubbing his hand across his face and swiping back his hair, wet from the rain.

‘You OK?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine,’ Dean replied monosyllabically.

‘Cas will be fine. He’s got his full powers back. That’s a good thing.’

‘Sure,’ Dean replied sarcastically. ‘Because last time he was a full powered, fully winged angel he was a barrel of laughs.’

‘Come on! This is Cas we’re talking about. It’s not like he wasn’t a powerful angel a couple of months ago.’

‘This is different!’

‘How?’

Dean went silent and brooding, staring out at the darkening roads. ‘Well then, why did he zap out of there so quickly?’

‘I dunno. Maybe… maybe he needs time to adjust or something.’

Dean huffed, put his foot on the gas, and said nothing for the rest of the trip back to the bunker.


	11. Chapter XI : My Spirit is Crying For Leaving

Chapter 11

 

Cas stood halfway up a verdant mountain in the Northern Cascades of Washington. A lake of clear water swam far below and reflected the trees and empty blue sky above. Insects buzzed and a cool wind blew through the pines. Twigs and branches cracked quietly around as squirrels jumped between boughs and birds fluttered down amongst the leaves. The air smelled cold and clear under the summer sun at this height. Patches of snow blanketed the uppermost peaks around him and glinted under the light. Cas closed his eyes to the sun and rolled his shoulders under his dark green jacket. The weight of his wings had returned which made his being feel more like home. Out here in the clear air, away from the muggy humidity of the South he felt calmer.

‘Cas.’

Cas’s eyes opened at the call of his name, whispered somewhere in the breeze. He looked around the silent and lonely mountains and valleys, seeing no movement. He closed his eyes again, lifting his head to the sun and tried to focus on blocking out his thoughts.

‘Cas… where are you?’

Cas sighed and opened his eyes. The sky was completely clear - that kind of rich blue which makes you believe the skies of the universe must be the same colour. A soft breeze floated past him and ruffled his hair. He had been hearing Dean’s voice since he had been revived. He had awoken from the pain and darkness to Dean screaming his name. Even when Dean hadn’t been physically speaking, he could still hear him, crying out his name in agony. It had been more than a voice. It had felt like roaring cascading waters over a cliff drawing him towards the pool below. Every inch of his being yearned to walk towards him and wrap his arms around him and tell him he was OK. Even after he had flown hundreds of miles away he could still feel that powerful energy calling him back. He could still hear Dean’s mind turning over his name again and again until it became more meaning than sound. Every fibre of his being was calling him back.

‘Wonderful, isn’t it,’ said a woman’s voice from behind him.

Cas turned to see a woman with matted golden hair and wearing a flannel shirt and hiking shorts. She held a long stick in her hand which she was using as a walking stick. She must’ve been in her fifties, but looked younger.

‘Yes, it is,’ Cas replied, looking back out over the valley and lake below.

The woman came to stand beside him and sighed as she took in the vista.

‘I never get used to it. You out hiking alone?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

‘A place like this always puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? You end up feeling so small out here, but so big as well. It’s like the air in the valley and sky becomes a part of you.’ She smiled to herself and said, ‘Sorry, not many folks come this way and I can get a bit hippie at times. Are you hungry? I’ve got a granola bar somewhere.’

‘No, thank you,’ Cas said with a smile.

‘So what’s your story’ she asked.

‘Uhm… it’s a long one.’

‘Aren’t they all,’ she laughed.  Her laughing turned into coughs, causing her to bend over and contort from the struggle.

Cas moved towards her and put his hand on her back, trying to comfort her.

‘You’re sick,’ he said in a worried tone.

The woman regained her breath as her cough died and chuckled again. ‘Just a bit,’ she said, dryly. She sat down on the long grass, clasped her hands in front of her, and looked out towards the mountains on the other side of the valley. Cas followed suit and sat next to her, then returned his eyes to the vista before him. He heard birds chirp in the trees and saw the wild flowers scattered amongst the grass in the clearing like impressionist paint splashes on a canvas.

‘Do you believe that one is born with a purpose that must be completed?’ he asked, squinting under the sun. He was more thinking out loud rather than asking a question, but somehow sat here with this stranger he felt as though voicing his thoughts was better than trapping them in his mind.

The woman smiled and sighed. ‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘Although people choose a purpose.’

‘And must their chosen purpose still be completed?’ Cas asked.

‘I used to think so… but now… I’m not so sure.’ She paused a while before continuing. ‘I used to have a purpose; to provide for my kids. I had them young, see. But I was on the corporate ladder which I felt as though I needed to climb. I spent years of my short life working in that damn office, never seeing my husband or my kids, dedicating my life to work. There were times when I enjoyed it… but really I just wanted to protect and provide for my family. I bought them a huge house in the safest area, all the best clothes, beautiful cars… but I was never there. My own mom left me and my dad when I was a child and I swore that if I ever had a family I would do everything I could to provide for them. But over the years I became a stranger to my family and they all left. So I was left with my job. Ironic really that my job, which became my only purpose at that time had completely lost its own purpose. But that was all I had and so I worked and I worked until my body and mind couldn’t deal with it, and so I came here.’ She paused again and looked over towards the sun, shielding her eyes with one hand. ‘Having a purpose can be a good thing, but as the world changes around you, you have to realise that your purpose changes, or that it’s never really good to focus just on one thing… I gave up the love I had for my family and exchanged it for what I thought would protect and provide for them until I lost sight of everything.’ A tear streamed down her cheek which she wiped away and chuckled to herself through her guttural utterances of emotion. ‘Goodness, I’m never usually this emotional in front of strangers! This is your fault,’ she teased. ‘You have a strange energy about you. I’m sure you wanted a quiet hike and here I am telling my life story to you!’

‘It’s fine,’ Cas said with a smile.

The woman’s tears stopped falling and she briskly wiped her hands over her tanned skin. ‘And so do you think you have a purpose?’ she asked.

‘I did,’ Cas sighed. ‘I feel as though that mission has been thrust upon me once more. But I’ve lost faith in the veracity of that purpose in the first place.’ Cas paused for thought. ‘Why don’t you return to your family?’

‘Oh no,’ she said, shaking her head lightly and looking at the grass. ‘It’s too late now,’ she said wistfully.

‘Why?’

‘They’re all better off without me.’

Cas didn’t respond, thinking back through his past in which he’d done the same.

‘Even if I do go back,’ the woman said, eyes still glued to the grass and wild flowers upon which she sat, ‘I’ll not be back for long.’

‘Your illness?’ Cas asked.

‘Mhhmmm… too late now,’ she uttered quietly under her breath, as if just to herself. ‘Anyway, it’s good being up here in these mountains. I’ve never had time to stop and think, so this is my space to think,’ she said, looking up and smiling.

Cas regarded her, this beautiful woman with so much life and soul, sat here halfway up a mountain and contemplating her life. Cas reached out to her and put his palm on her forehead and closed his eyes. He felt a wave of energy channel through his being and into hers. Cas opened his eyes and saw hers wide open and looking at him. She breathed deeply in and laughed, tears forming at her eyes.

‘My lungs…’ she uttered. She reached out her hand and touched Cas’s arm, checking if he was real, still looking at him with amazement, tears streaming down her face.

‘Are… are you God?’

Cas smiled. ‘No. I was sent to watch over his children.’ Cas got up off the grass and stood up.

The woman looked up at him, his face in shadow and his back lit by the sun on the other side of the valley, creating a radiance around his silhouette.

‘When you are ready, consider seeing your family. You have time now,’ he said to her gently.

She nodded, swiping the tears from her face and laughing through her quiet cries. ‘Where are you going?’ she asked.

‘To stop and think. Thank you.’

Then the man vanished to the sound of wings that fluttered through the grass and trees, under the empty sky.

 

                                                                                                        *                      *                      *

Sam and Dean returned to the bunker after a long, silent drive. Dean went immediately towards his room, passing Cas’s. He stood in its open doorway, looked in a sighed. ‘Cas. Where are you?’ he thought to himself. Dean exhaled and returned to his room, placed a Led Zeppelin vinyl on his record table, put his headphones on, and sat down in bed. He thought about killing demons, killing angels, killing vamps, killing ghosts… and then the track switched to ‘Babe I’m Gonna Leave You.’ The acoustic guitar picked its way through the walls of his soul, breaking down the repressed thoughts and hollowing out all the bullshit he had placed around his emotions to numb the pain. The song pierced its way in A minor through the crap. The opening lines ‘Babe, baby, baby, baby I’m gonna leave you’ in their huskily sung tone flowed through the broken barricades and speared their way into his soul. As the song grew and the chords were suddenly hashed out the pain and anger swelled through him until the song broke into calmness again and Dean was greeted once more by the soft agony of his emotions. Dean closed his eyes as the song built again as his heartbeat raced. He drifted off into those realms of feelings to the soundtrack of that song, the anger and pain and isolation circling around him as he fell into visions and darkness and acoustic guitar played in a minor key.

 

‘Cas! Cas!’ Dean screamed over Cas’s lifeless body, blood swimming out of the knife wound in Cas’s back. They were alone in the desolate farmhouse.

‘Cas! Stay with me, man!’ Dean shouted as he slapped Cas’s cheek and shook his body. He lifted Cas into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Cas’s limbs hung from him like dead weights, reaching towards the ground. ‘Don’t you dare leave me, you hear!’ he shouted through tears as he rocked Cas’s body in his arms.

‘Dean,’ said a voice in front of him.

Dean looked up to see Cas, stood in front of him and watching the scene with pain in his eyes. Cas was dressed in his old black suit, white shirt, and beige trench coat. Dean looked down at the Cas in his arms which faded into shadows. He got up, wiping the tears from his face with his jacket sleeve.

‘Cas,’ he uttered. ‘I thought you were dead.’

Cas smiled gently and responded, ‘I’m alive.’ Cas looked around the broken and dusty room with distaste, then clicked his fingers. They suddenly stood in a dense woodland of pines. Columns of light beamed down through the evening mist and thick canopy, then settled on the mossy ground. Dean looked around in bewilderment.

‘Am I dreaming?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Are you real, or am I dreaming you up too?’ Dean asked.

‘I’m real. I needed to see you without… seeing you,’ Cas responded.

Dean walked towards Cas and enveloped him in a hug, patting his back with a clenched fist. Dean drew away and looked into Cas’s eyes and ran the back of his hand down his cheek. Dean schooled his expression and pushed Cas back.

‘Where are you, man! You can’t just up and leave!’

‘I know… I’m sorry… I needed to get away.’

‘Get away from what?!’

‘From you,’ Cas said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Dean.

Dean froze, his intake of breath for his next sentence caught in his throat as the unspoken words choked him.

Cas turned away and sat on a fallen tree which was blanketed in moss. ‘Dean… I am an angel once more,’ he said, his eyes glued to the earth below. ‘I… I… I cannot give in to the hedonism I sought for before.’

‘I fucking knew it,’ Dean muttered angrily. ‘You know, I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re Cas after all. You’re one of the few things that actually matter to me so when you zapped out of that place in a second flat I convinced myself you were still you.’

‘I’m still me, Dean,’ Cas replied quietly.

‘No you’re not!’ Dean angrily shot back. ‘As soon as you got your angel mojo back you became one of them again! The stuck-up, self-righteous asshole who leaves at the drop of a hat! Have a fucking backbone, man!’

Cas stood slowly and glared at Dean. ‘Do not assume you know what has happened here. I am an angel – a warrior of the Lord – a watcher over men. It is my duty to protect you!’

‘Fuck your duty! Goddammit, you were past that, Cas! Angel or not, your duty is to yourself and to us, your family, not to some God who decides to take a vacation and leave his world on the brink of the apocalypse!’

Cas disappeared from view and appeared right in front of Dean’s face.

‘Do not assume to know what you are talking about, Dean!’

‘Oh, I know what I’m talking about! This is ‘Cas 101’. You’re fine one second and then shit goes down and you one-eighty back to the fucking God Squad!’

‘This is not about the angels! Nor about heaven. I have understood for a long while now that my place is here, on earth… with you… and Sam,’ Cas shouted, but slowly his words became quieter. ‘I… I… I cannot be with you and protect you at the same time.’

Dean looked at him with anger and confusion, ‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And I don’t need protecting!’

‘You do not understand, how could you,’ Cas said quietly with indignation.

‘Oh I understand, you self-righteous asshole!’ Dean shouted.

Cas lunged at him, grabbed Dean’s jacket collar and pushed him against the trunk of a tree, their faces close. Dean struggled for breath after the force of being pushed. Cas glared at him, his breathing heavy, watching him through half-closed eyes. Cas could feel the anger boiling inside him, but then there was something else… he could sense Dean’s longing again which was now so powerful it clouded his every thought. It was like a deep redish and purple haze of lust and longing had misted over his entire being. Cas’s fingers grabbed tighter to the thick material of Dean’s collar, his knuckles turning white. His face edged closer to Dean’s without even meaning it to. Somewhere in his mind there was a panicked voice telling him to stop, to walk away, to get the hell away from here… but the urge had taken over everything. Cas’s face edged closer to Dean and then he kissed him fervently, all passion and pain and love. Dean’s hands pressed up Cas’s back and buried themselves in Cas’s tousled hair. Their lips and tongues crashed together and left them breathless. Cas pressed Dean back against the trunk of the tree and ground their bodies together, uttering breathy moans between kisses.

Suddenly Cas pushed Dean back and stepped away, leaving his outstretched arm between them, holding Dean back. Cas’s head was down, his eyes averted. Then he vanished and Dean woke up with a jolt in his empty room.


	12. Chapter XII : In My Thoughts I Have Seen

Chapter 12

 

Cas appeared in an old cave in the arid mountains of Turkey. The entrance to the place had caved in hundreds of years ago and sheltered the beautiful carved-out chapel inside. Faded religious frescos were painted over the low stone walls. At the end of the small chapel was an alter upon which was a gold statue of the Virgin Mary. At the sides of the cave were benches carved out of the rock. Cas picked a candle from the floor and waved his hand over it, creating a fame. He stuck it to the floor and sat down on the bench and placed his head in his hands. Cas sat like that for hours upon hours. Time passed and he thought and thought and thought.

 

                                                                                                                   *                      *                      *

 

‘I thought I’d find you here,’ a voice said from beside Cas. Cas took his head out of his hands to see Gabriel sat next to him on the carved out stone bench in the cave. Gabriel looked around with a bemused expression.

‘What do you want?’ Cas demanded in a grumpy tone.

Gabriel scoffed. ‘That’s no way to treat the being who saved your life.’

‘You killed me in the first place.’

‘Hmmm. Good point,’ Gabriel said cheerfully with a laugh.

‘How did you find me?’

Gabriel tutted and smiled. ‘Ahhhh, dear brother. I know you far too well. I remember when you would come and visit Thecla out here, you’ve always had your favourite monkeys. And when the wars raged on earth and you commanded our fellow brothers and sisters you would come here for peace, long after she had died.’

‘No one knew about that.’

‘Well, what can I say. I’ve got a knack for knowing secrets.’ Gabriel laughed to himself and then looked at Cas who was still deep in thought. ‘You’ve always wondered what happened to her, haven’t you.’

Cas looked at him with surprise. ‘Yes. After her death I looked for her in heaven… but she was not there. She would not have gone to hell… I looked for eras… there were a few good souls of mankind who never entered heaven…’

‘True, brother. That Tibetan monk who you respected also never made it to heaven.’

‘Yes,’ Cas replied in surprise. He hadn’t thought about those souls in a long while. Only when he would escape his life as a warrior of the Lord and return to this cave would he ponder about the humans he had met throughout his long life, whom he never saw again, neither on earth nor in heaven. Cas looked at Gabriel who had a smug smile on his face. ‘You know something, don’t you?’

‘Indeed I do,’ Gabriel replied with a wry smile.

‘What happened to them?’

‘Ahhhhh, well… that is a long story. The longest and oldest story there is.’

‘Tell me.’

‘Well… you know when you died? The time before I almost killed you. Where did you go?’

‘To The Empty… So they’re in The Empty?’

‘No, you idiot. They went beyond The Empty.’

‘I… I don’t understand,’ Cas replied with a frown.

‘God! I forgot how useless you are, even as an angel! Angels were never meant to stay in The Empty! Humans were never meant to stay in heaven. Beyond the whole of creation is another place outside of creation, and that’s where they are.’

Cas looked down at his clasped hands, trying to concentrate on what Gabriel was saying. ‘I… I still don’t understand.'

Gabriel sighed and threw his hands in the air in frustration.

‘Here, let me educate you,’ he said, then raised his hands to Cas’s forehead and showed him the oldest story in the universe.

 

                                                                                                                    *                      *                     *

 

Before the beginning, God lived at one with the Darkness, beyond the reality of creation. There was no Earth, nor heaven, nor hell, nor universe. There just ‘was’. God lived in complete serenity and peace, without knowing the antithesis to either. There was no time in this place. No end, no beginning. There just ‘was’. Yet God knew this serenity and wanted to share its blessings and so he created the universe and all its galaxies so that he may conjure great rocks and bright stars to try and paint the realms of colours he saw reflected in the still surface of the calm that surrounded him. God then made earth, and swimming beings in great oceans so that they may see the blessings of serenity in the azure seas. God then made crawling animals in vast mountains and fields so that they may see the blessings of serenity in the swaying grass and cliffs scattered with crystal snow. God then made Adam and Eve so that they may know and realise for themselves the beauty of His creation, and understand the serenity that lay beyond the whole of creation. God then made heaven and angels to watch over the world and bring with holy light the serenity beyond this world. However, God knew that this world could not mirror the peace beyond it, and so gave his creation time and thus decay so that his creations would some day move beyond their Earth and into the calm serenity that lies outside of His creation. And when Adam died, God walked upon the Earth and said unto him, ‘Your time here is ended. Come now to the peace beyond.’ And Adam replied, ‘Beloved father, I cannot. For Eve still lives upon these lands and I cannot endure a life without her.’ And God saw the love in Adam’s eyes and called down his angels and said unto them, ‘Raise Adam into heaven and find a place for him there, so that when his beloved has taken her final breath, they may leave my creation together.’ And it was thus. God lived within his creation for many years and walked amongst its beauty, and when he returned to the serenity outside the universe he was fearful. For God had become attached to His world, and He had unlearned how to live beyond it. And so God returned to heaven and said unto the angels, ‘Make a place in heaven for all of man, and let them prepare their souls for serenity. And when their souls are ready, they will journey out of my creation and find the peace I once knew.’ Many years passed and some of His angels rebelled against Him. Giants walked upon the Earth and tore down the cities of man and scarred the mountains. And in this battle amongst his Watchers many did die and were taken to The Empty which lies beyond all, on the furthest boundary of His creation. And when the first Angel died God visited him in that place and He said unto the angel, ‘You have given your life, and I will repay you. For beyond this place lies serenity. Yet that is beyond your knowledge and you must be ready and shun the attachment to my Creation, for only then will you find peace.’ And the angel was fearful and said unto God, ‘I know not of true peace and my being is filled with fear.’ And so God said unto the angel, ‘My warrior of light, you may rest until you are ready and have forgotten your attachment to My world.’ And the angel slept in the emptiness until he was woken by a clear vision and thus moved beyond creation and into peace.

 

In the early eons of His creation, God made powerful archangels to lead his Watchers. He made Michael with fierce strength to protect his creation, but Michael walked on Earth and was tainted by attachment and turned strength into violence. God made Lucifer with fierce loyalty to protect his creation, but Lucifer walked on Earth and became tainted by His creation and became loyal only unto God and thus shunned man. God then made Raphael with fierce protection powers to guard his creation, but Raphael walked on Earth and saw destruction and protected the Watchers more than man. God then made Gabriel with fierce intelligence, and seeing what had become of his other archangels, God said unto Gabriel, ‘Your brothers have walked the Earth and misunderstood my creation. And so I give to you the power of creation itself so that you may walk in my footsteps and understand the place that lies beyond conjured reality. I entrust unto you the powers to walk amongst the realms and see with clear vision that you journey in shadows. And when your time comes you will not sleep, but come with your Father to the place that lies beyond all and live for eternity in serenity.’ And so Gabriel walked upon Earth and protected mankind. And when the paths of mankind ventured towards destruction Gabriel would show the chosen children of Adam the violence of the other realms to warn them of their choices. Yet as time passed Gabriel became seduced by creation and his own shadows, and thus forgot about the serenity that lies beyond all.

 

                                                                                                                    *                       *                     *

 

Gabriel took his hand off Cas’s forehead. Cas looked at Gabriel, eyes wide and mouth agape; his perception of reality itself crumbling before his eyes.

‘And so my friends who never reached heaven are beyond all of creation?’ Cas asked, still unable to completely understand what Gabriel had told him.

‘Yes.’

‘But…,’ Cas continued with a frown, ‘If Angels go from The Empty into that place beyond… how can that make sense… the deity who lived there… it said no one escapes?’

‘What deity?’

‘The Empty God! He said no one ever wakes up and no one ever leaves? I only escaped because I apparently annoyed him to death, and I only woke up because of Jack.’

‘What are you talking about?… Ahhhhh… Again, you’re an idiot, idiot. There is no deity in The Empty. There are just projections… phantoms of your inner self let’s say. They appear to you to keep you in The Empty if you’re not ready to leave, or to teach you about the phantom nature of reality itself and prepare you for the place beyond creation. So you got an evil deity, huh? Come on man… that’s what you saw? I saw hot babes and mountains of candy. Ahhhh, it was a great place.’

‘But how did I get back to Earth? The deity threw me out… and Jack couldn’t have brought me back here?’

‘You brought yourself back… with a little help from Jack. He helped to wake you up and once an angel is truly awake in there they can choose their own destiny. Normally it’s to stay there or to leave, but maybe it’s possible to return to Earth if that’s what one truly wants. To be honest, Castiel, you might be one of the only angels that’s quite this attached to this damn planet.’

‘And so did you choose to come back?’

‘God no! Didn’t you just hear me? I was surrounded by hot babes and all the candy I could ever need? I was minding my own business, getting down and dirty with those lovely ladies with a chocolate fountain and suddenly dear old dad crashes the party. I’ll tell you, your father walking in on that is something that scars you for life… or death,’ Gabriel paused to laugh at his joke. ‘He told me that a Nephilim was born, that Lucifer was careering round in another parallel reality, and that because this Earth seems to be running low on Archangels, I needed to come back. Anyway, this whole situation is kinda my thing. And I suppose he saw all my wonderfully altruistic work here helping you and your two idiot pals.’

This was all too much for Cas to take in. ‘God? God saved you? Is He here?’

Gabriel scoffed, ‘God no! Why do you think he brought me back? He’s still off somewhere and so I’m back here babysitting. Luckily he brought me back with a little extra juice to help things out.’

‘So… you’re really here to help?’ Cas asked with more than a hint of suspicion.

‘Of course!’

‘Why don’t I believe you?’ Cas asked, narrowing his eyes.

‘Believe what you want, brother. Truth is, I’m not too sold on the whole ‘beyond creation’ shit. I mean, look at me! All I want is to live on this fairly peaceful Earth, with all the luxuries I can imagine around me. And so God brought me back. But if I want to keep this place how I like it then I can’t be having the walls of the universe collapsing in on me!... Anyway…,’ Gabriel continued, suddenly getting sombre, ‘I know more than any other being in creation the price one pays for crossing those thin boundaries of realities one too many times… and I know what evil realities might seep into ours if we’re not careful. Plus… humans with all their faults aren’t too bad.’

Cas paused before answering, deliberating carefully over Gabriel’s words. ‘OK, I believe you. Sorry for doubting you, brother,’ Cas said.

‘Great! So, let’s get you back to my favourite apocalypse bringers and find the son of Satan!’

Cas shuffled in his seat uncomfortably and looked down at his hands. ‘You go. Tell Sam and Dean I’ll search for Jack without them.’

‘Fucking hell! What’s the problem now?’ Gabriel cried in exasperation.

‘Nothing.’

‘Fine! I’ll find out myself,’ Gabriel said smugly and pressed his hand against Cas’s temple.

 

Gabriel saw the dark, dusty room of the ramshackle house which he’d lured Cas and the brothers to. But now he saw this through Cas’s eyes. He felt the pain as the knife was jammed into his spine. He saw the floor come up to meet him and Dean rushing into the room. He saw Dean pushed to the back wall and held there. He saw the pain in Dean’s eyes and heard his screams. Then the world went black, and all Gabriel could hear was Dean screaming ‘Cas! Cas! Caaaaassssss!!!!’ Then the memory faded and gave way to Dean’s voice, quitter now, still calling Cas’s name. Although this wasn’t a memory of Dean shouting, this was Dean’s thoughts thousands of miles away on the other side of the world – still calling out to Cas. This was a longing, and a powerful one at that, which pierced like a laser into Cas’s mind and blazed through his body like a white hot fire.

 

Gabriel let go and opened his eyes to see Cas in front of him again, in the silent cave.

‘Jeez. You’re in deep,’ Gabriel said, some understanding and sympathy apparent in his tone.

‘It’s not like that. I… I care for him… He is a good man… It’s not what you think,’ Cas said quietly, stuttering over his sentences.

‘God! Drop the act! You think I don’t know what you and Dean have been getting up to?’ Gabriel teased him, wiggling his eyebrows. ‘You guys would do well in the porn business I’m starting back up. I’m thinking of broadening the genres.’

Cas continued to stare down at his clasped hands, refusing to look at Gabriel. ‘This is no joke,’ Cas said, anger boiling inside him. ‘I am an angel now. If I go back… If I go back and give in to temptation I commit a cardinal sin,’ he continued.

‘Lighten up! You won’t be the first angel to sleep with a human, and you won’t be the last. I myself have had some wild, wild times.’

‘I am nothing like you!’ Cas shouted.

‘Oh,’ said Gabriel calmly with a knowing smile, ‘Oh but you are. You are no angel, Castiel. You haven’t been an angel for years. Angels protect mankind, they are the Watchers who look down over the earth and carry out God’s will. Angels follow angels and the laws of heaven, that is their primary purpose. But you and me, we gave up being angels long ago because we have shunned the actions which define our brothers and sisters. The humans are your friends, not your wards.’

Cas breathed in slowly, trying to beat down the heaps of emotions that welled inside him. ‘I cannot be with him. Regardless of my existential purpose I was created knowing that to lie with a human is the worst sin an angel can commit.’

‘And why is that, brother? You were there in the early years of mankind when dear old Lucy and his angels ravaged the earth and lay with its women, creating powerful Nephilim that tore down the cities and ran ruin over mankind. This law is to stop that from happening, and forgive me if I’m wrong, but you and Dean creating a Nephilim doesn’t seem likely unless I’ve completely forgotten the rules of human biology! And an angel can’t accidentally create a Nephilim anyway! One has to try to create one! So get your feathery ass back to Dean and get over yourself! Because there are more important things we need to be doing instead of trying to wade through your teenage angst!’

‘I can’t,’ Cas responded quietly.

Gabriel sighed and looked to the heavens with frustration. ‘Castiel. For fucks sake, when will you get it into your head that you have well and truly left the God Squad. You are beholden only unto yourself. And so whatever you choose to do now should be your choice alone. Just damn well make a decision! You are one of the most powerful beings on earth, and now one of the most powerful angels apart from myself. Live your fucking life, brother. And live it for yourself for once.’

Cas looked at Gabriel, a fire starting to rise from the embers in his eyes. Gabriel smiled and reached out his hand towards him, and suddenly they were gone.


	13. Chapter XIII : There Are Two Paths You Can Go By

Chapter 13

 

Sam was beginning to get more and more worried about Dean. It had been two days since they’d returned from the depths of Louisiana and Dean had spent most of that time listening to very, very loud rock music and getting drunk. Sam had spent most of the time bashing on Dean’s bedroom door and shouting ‘Dude, turn it down!’ Sam was pretty OK with the whole situation, I mean, they finally had a win. Not only did they have an archangel alive and ready to help them but Cas was back to full power, and then some. They finally had a chance to get Jack back and then get mom back. After so many, many, many weeks of futile searching they had a small win. Sam worried about Jack and mom every day. When Jack had left he’d been trying to be good and keep control of his powers, but evidently felt like it was better for him to leave. Sam could relate… could relate to all of it. And mom… God knows where mom was… or if she was alive… and Sam was losing hope that she was alive every second that passed. He’d finally got her back, finally got the chance to know her and now she was gone? It had been difficult changing his perception of her from this person he knew from photographs and his own dreams. Dad had never spoken about her, Dean hadn’t either, so Sam had to make her up himself. She had always been baking when he envisioned her, or reading to him, or telling him everything would be OK when dad was out of the house. Sam suddenly got swept away by those false memories – the ones he’d hung onto for years. Those false memories had driven him to Stanford, to leave Dean and his dad. He’d told himself ‘Mom would want you to get out. Mom would understand’ as he’d surreptitiously sent off his application forms for college. It was his mom he had thought of all those years ago when he left. It was the thought of how proud his mom would be that had been the main thing he’d thought as he’d jumped off the Cal Train at Stanford. It was his mom he thought of as he walked down the pristine cul-de-sac that lead towards the college that day. His mom’s pride he thought of in the hot, August, Californian heat as he sat by a fountain, his only earthly possessions in a bag at his feet, as he stared up at the carved archways of the library. His mom he thought of as he wandered in the shade of the sandstone, orange, arched walkways that connected courtyards and lecture halls. That life of his, back in the bustling campus of Stanford seemed like a million years ago. It wasn’t that he yearned for that time again, but he sometimes yearned to be that person again – be that kid who felt free of the bad memories and scars of the past thirteen years. But his life now was his life. He had saved hundreds of people and he wouldn’t ever want to take that back. All he wanted to do was to find Jack and mom and try and restore some peace to the world. But first he’d have to deal with Dean.

 

Sam went to the kitchen to try and cook some food. If he was being honest with himself he’d like to rustle up a chicken salad and a smoothie, but he set that craving to one side and instead grilled some burgers and cooked some fries. He found an old 1950s tray and set two plates and a couple of beers down and brought them to Dean’s room, balancing the tray on one hand and knocking until he heard a muffled ‘Yeh’ from inside. Dean was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling with his headphones on. He glanced at Sam and upon seeing the food and seemed to try to shrug off at least some of his moodiness.

 

Sam set the tray down on the bed and opened the beers, handing one to Dean.

‘You OK?’ Sam asked hesitantly.

‘Sure. Peachy,’ Dean replied monotonously.

Sam sighed but shrugged off the negativity seeping into his mood.

‘You wanna talk about it?’ Sam asked.

‘Nope.’

‘Dean, look, man – I get it. Things seem bad, but things have been worse before. We’ve finally got a chance to put everything right,’ Sam tried again.

Dean just grunted in reply.

‘We’ve got Cas back to full power, we’ve got Gabriel willing to help us. All we need to do is find Jack and then we can go get mom.’

‘Oh yeh?’ Dean started sarcastically. ‘And what makes you think that Cas is gonna help us, huh?’

‘It’s Cas, Dean. Of course he’s going to help us.’

Dean grabbed a fry and ate it too vigorously, taking out his anger on his food. ‘Oh yeh, Sam? And where is Cas?’

‘He’ll come back, it’s Cas.’

‘Well last I checked, Cas wasn’t here. So how in the hell do you think he’s going to come back to help us? I mean, come on Sam! Last time he was more than powered up he decided to play God! Or maybe he’s back with those angel dickheads trying to fight for them again!’

‘Yeh, but that’s not who he is now. He’s still Cas. What’s gotten into you two?’

‘Nothing,’ Dean grunted in response.

Sam sighed, trying to remain calm and prepare his thoughts. ‘Look, is this something about the wraith case? Since then you guys have been… I don’t know… off with each other,’ Sam asked tentatively.

Dean glanced at him briefly, then angrily grabbed another fry. ‘What’s the supposed to mean?’ he asked between mouthfuls.

‘Look, we all know that those wraiths take people who… you know, care about each other, and… obviously you guys are like family, but you can tell me if that’s made things weird for you. I mean, it’s obvious that something’s been going on since that case.’

Dean paused, thinking of how to respond. Was now the time to have this conversation? But did it even matter anymore now that Cas was in the wind? Sam had said that they were like family, so maybe he didn’t suspect anything else? Maybe now was the time…

‘Look, Sam-’

Before Dean could finish his sentence, a faint thud sound came from the main room. Dean and Sam looked at each other, noting the unfamiliar sound and got up, took their guns out and silently headed out into the corridor.

‘Any of you idiots here?’ a voice called from the main room.

Sam and Dean relaxed and stowed their guns in their pants upon hearing Gabriel’s familiar voice. They walked into the main room to find Gabriel and Cas stood beside the table. As soon as Dean rounded the corner into the room his and Cas’s eyes locked. Cas was dressed in his old garb of a black suit and beige waistcoat. Something about him wearing that again was both distressing and familiar, like returning home after vacation to the same walls and same belongings, but there being that stale smell hanging in the air which makes everything seem uncannily different. Cas couldn’t hold Dean’s gaze for more than a second and looked back down to the ground. Despite the rather fragile gesture of an inability to hold eye contact, there was a powerful energy that radiated off him, reminding Dean that he truly was a full-powered angel again.

‘Dude, where’ve you been?’ Sam asked.

Cas ignored his question, leaving Gabriel to sigh and speak for him.

‘Myself and Cas needed to have a bit of a chat. But we’re all on board and ready to find that Nephilim kid of yours. Go team,’ Gabriel finished with more than a hint of sarcasm.

‘Sure,’ Sam responded, ‘But unless you’ve got a new way to find Jack, we’re still no closer to finding him.’

‘Well good thing I’ve got a plan, then,’ Gabriel said with a smile. ‘Here,’ he said and snapped his fingers to conjure an old, worn manuscript. He walked towards the main table and smoothed the paper down. ‘This is a location spell from eight BC. All we need is a few ingredients I’ve got and something the Nephilim has touched.’

‘On it,’ Sam said excitedly, and quickly exited the room in search of something with hopeful intent.

Gabriel snapped his fingers and more items appeared on the table such as a vile with a shining deep blue liquid inside, some herb-like leaves, and a bowl of what looked like blood. Gabriel then looked between Dean and Cas. Cas still had his eyes trained on the ground and Dean was still angrily staring at him, his arms folded.

‘Touching reunion, guys,’ Gabriel muttered to himself.

‘Are you going to explain yourself?’ Dean asked accusatorily of Cas.

Cas looked up briefly, cocked his head to the side and gave Dean a forlorn look.

Dean waited for a response but when none came he continued, ‘Nothing, huh? You vanish on us for days and you have nothing to say?’

‘I needed time, Dean,’ Cas said quietly.

Dean breathed in harshly to start speaking again but silenced himself, not willing to get irater with Cas in front of Gabriel.

Before any more could be said Sam came back into the room with an old coat of his which he’d lent to Jack when he’d first arrived at the bunker.

‘Will this do?’ he asked, handing it to Gabriel.

Gabriel took the jacket and studied it, soon finding a short blonde hair belonging to Jack. He then threw the hair and other ingredients in a bowl, snapped his fingers and a map of the United States appeared on the table. He then spoke a few words in Enochian and the bowl burst into flames which jumped onto the map, but skittered to the edges, leaving no burn marks. Everyone looked at the undamaged map in anticipation, then looked up a Gabriel who was scowling.

‘Hmm, well that didn’t go as planned,’ Gabriel said.

‘What happened?’ Dean asked.

‘It didn’t work obviously, dumbass,’ Gabriel responded in frustration.

Sam sighed and ran his hands through his hair. ‘Tell me you have a plan B?’

‘No, not really.’

‘Goddammit,’ Dean said, then turned and left the room and headed for his bedroom, slamming the door angrily behind him.

‘Looks like we’re back to our old method,’ Sam said, deflated.

‘He’ll turn up soon, he has to,’ Cas said, trying to be reassuring to Sam as well as himself.

‘Well, I’m gonna see if I can find another way. Call me if you hear anything,’ Gabriel said. ‘And Cas, get with the programme, yeh?’ he continued before vanishing to the sound of flapping wings.

Sam and Cas were left in the bunker alone, forlorn and disappointed. Cas pulled a chair away from the table and slumped down into it, rubbing the palm of his hand across his face.

Sam pulled up another chair and sat down, looking at Cas with worry.

‘How you holding up, Cas?’

Cas sighed. ‘Fine.’

‘You OK about the whole angel thing?’ Sam pressed.

Cas paused to think, then responded, ‘I suppose. I mean, I missed some things about it I suppose. The mortal life was a hard one.’

Sam nodded.

‘If I’m being honest, Sam. I quite enjoyed the simple life of a mortal. It was… freeing to no longer be beholden unto heaven and my fellow brothers and sisters.’

Sam frowned. ‘Were you beholden to them before, though?’

‘One has to be, as an angel.’

Sam thought for a moment. ‘I dunno man, it seemed to me like you were the least Angel angel I’ve met.’

‘But an angel nonetheless,’ Cas responded forlornly.

‘So?’ Sam said. ‘You don’t have to be defined by what you were. And you don’t have to be defined by the path everyone expects you to take. Take it from me.’

Cas looked across at Sam and thought. ‘I can’t just choose to defy my purpose, Sam.’

‘And why not? Or really, who is stopping you?’

‘I don’t understand?’

‘Say you decide to break away from heaven – to be an angel sure, but not be heaven’s angels – who would stop you?

‘I don’t know?’ Cas said, letting Sam’s words sink in.

‘Cas, it seems to me like you’ve already made that decision to break away. Just because you’ve got your powers back doesn’t mean you have to go back to being a member of the God Squad. _We’re_ your family now, Cas. It may seem to you like you’ve got to make a choice, but to me you’ve already made that choice,’ Sam finished with a smile.

‘And Dean? Am I still family to Dean?’ Cas asked, the pain of the sentiment seeping through his voice.

Sam gave him a reassuring smile and said, ‘Of course. When I was hyped on demon blood, I was still Deans family. When Dean went full on demon, you and I still saw him as family. So yeh, no matter what, you’re still family. Dean’s just being Dean. The fact that he stormed out on you pretty much means you’re family, he don’t care enough to do that to anyone else.’

Cas smiled and nodded slightly. ‘Thank you, Sam.’

Sam patted him on his shoulder and said, ‘You got it. You up for some more research to find Jack?’

 

Sam and Cas spent the rest of the day scouring the internet for signs of Jack. When either would find something which might be of importance, Cas would zap to the town and do a quick search, then inevitably return with no news. Sam noted Cas’s pensive mood but decided not to push any more conversations. Situations like this had happened many times before and he strongly felt that things would sort themselves out. It had been evident that something had been going on with Dean and Cas for a while now, and it was more than just the recent occurrences which had caused a rift between them. Sam wondered if the wraith case was still hanging over their heads, but with both of them being so uncommunicative he decided that pressing either for answers would be futile.

 

At the end of another long day Sam went to bed, leaving Cas in the main room. Cas felt slightly strange returning to a life of no sleep - although it was weirdly comforting. At least neither him nor Dean would have to worry that no one was on guard throughout the night, despite the bunker’s excellent defences.

 

When Sam had gone to bed, Cas was left alone, contemplating that past week and his recent conversation with Sam. Sam had been right – Cas hadn’t really been a proper angel for a long while, and getting his powers and wings back didn’t mean that he would have to revert back a decade to when his allegiances had lied with his brothers and sisters. Sam and Dean had been his true family for a long while now, and nothing could change that. All that Cas had to worry about now was how far he would push himself away from the laws that had once governed him, specifically the law on how close an angel could be to a human. To Cas, this seemed like the final straw – the ultimate law which would break his life as any form of a heavenly angel. It was the point of no return, and thinking about this it was an inevitable decision. Since being resurrected and given back his powers, his humanity hadn’t necessarily gone away, it was more like the new emotions and feelings which he had experienced as a human had been catalysed by his new found power. Thinking back over the time when he had become mortal and then regained his grace, this had happened before. He had assumed that with his grace’s return, his human emotions would have been dampened once more. Grace acted like a leveller to human emotions. Cas searched through his eons of memory for something he thought he knew; an old tale told in the early years of humanity which had been spoken of amongst the angels. It had been told in the beginning by a wise angel who was said to have been one of the first Watcher angels ever made, and had spoken with God. She had watched over the new angels and would tell them tales of creation, in the hope that they would carry the lessons into the swathes of time to come. She told them this;

 

‘Newly created heavenly brothers and sisters, know of this tale. When God made the first man with self and blood he saw no light within his earthly body. Man cut down all the trees from the garden to make fire, and killed all the animals within his path for food. When man became angry he screamed with no words and wrung the necks of small creatures, then threw their carcasses away for he did not kill out of need. God knew of the light within his own self and created a soul to give to man. And when man was full with the light of his soul he tended to the garden and lived in harmony with the rest of God’s creatures. God also made angels with a Self, and within their Selves was the light. God also gave them a small flame of Grace, so that they could watch over his earth. But when man died and the angels needed to guard heaven, God gave them more Grace so that they may live eternally and watch over the humans who now resided in heaven. And then God made the archangels and he gave them huge fires of Grace so that they may lead his other angels, but their love for the planet and the humans waned under the power of their Grace. Let it be known, heavenly brothers and sisters, that the souls of humans and the selves of angels are all imbued with the loving light of kindness that is present in God Himself. The souls of man ensure it to be so. But know, heavenly brothers and sisters that within your core is that loving light. Be wary of your power for it rages with flames that shine so brightly, that it might blind you to the burning embers of love deep within.’

 

Cas thought over that lone angel and what had become of her. She had spent more time on earth than the other Watchers of man, and had befriended many humans. Whilst the angels would stay in heaven and hold onto their power, she walked amongst the earth using her power to heal the illnesses of man, fix the broken limbs of animals, and breathe new life into the new-born birds who had fallen from their nests. It was rumoured amongst the angels in heaven that she had purposefully used up as much of her power as possible so that she would feel closer to her human friends. And after thousands of years she became frail yet had garnered a strength in her eyes, then vanished out of creation in peace. Cas thought over the remembered tales about this angel. He closed his eyes and felt the emotions swimming though his self and his mind turned to the aching feeling of Dean’s presence, so very close to him. The deep yearning and need to be near him had been accentuated by his new power, and the feeling of an invisible rope pulling him towards the light of Dean’s soul was not ignorable. His passions and desires had not been dulled by his grace like he had hoped, it was more like his previous mortality had reminded him of the love that was always within him, but had been dampened with the power of his grace. Perhaps his true self was him without grace, perhaps that wise angel had been right. Perhaps power corrupts the human emotions within… Cas flicked his wrist and his angel blade fell into the palm of his hand. He slowly breathed in and out as he brought the blade up to his neck. He loved being an angel, there was something about it which felt like home… so familiar… He had always been an angel but if he had to choose between his grace and Dean, then he was willing to cut out the thing that distanced them. Perhaps he really was truly done with being beholden unto the laws of heaven? His mind turned once more to Dean and that aching feeling which called to him from across the bunker. He could almost hear Dean’s heartbeat, hear his breathing, sense his distinct smell, hear the quiet mutter of his subconscious thoughts. Cas breathed in a sharp breath as he felt the cold, burning, metal particles of the silver blade on his throat…


	14. Chapter XIV : Who Shines White Light

Chapter 14

 

Dean couldn’t get to sleep. He lay staring at the ceiling and worrying about Cas. Seeing Cas – really seeing him whilst he was awake had been strange. Dean had assumed that if Cas returned then some of the worries harbouring in his thoughts would sail off into the air, but instead Cas’s return brought new anxieties. Sure, Dean was pleased he was no longer AWOL, but the guy could barely look at him again. And what if he really was back with the angels? God knows where he’s been the past few days. Dean sighed. But, he supposed Cas being back was better than nothing. Maybe he should just be pleased for once… Dean tried once more to calm his thoughts and try to get some sleep, but as he drifted off the ache that had been weighing in his chest suddenly became more fervent. Rather than the feeling he’d had over the past week of a heavy and aching heart, suddenly it felt like a metal chain was lassoed around his chest and was pulling him. Dean’s eyes shot open and he laid his palm over his chest, trying to physically feel if something was wrong. Dean gasped with what was almost like pain as the aching in his chest seared through his body, tensing his shoulders and making his body almost cave in on itself, causing him to roll onto his side and lie in a foetal position on the bed. His chest radiated this aching feeling through his body, making his face scrunch up and tears gather at his eyes.  Dean choked out a guttural breath as his tears began falling down his cheeks. Dean gasped for air as his ears ached and rung with pressure, and still those searing emotions flooded through his body. When the pain started to subside only slightly, Dean breathed out slowly, trying to calm his emotions as he rolled onto his back, wiping the tears from his face with the palms of his hands.

‘The fuck?’ he whispered to himself, both scared and confused at the sudden wave of emotions that had flooded his body. The ache was still there, right in the centre of his chest. His immediate physical reaction to the emotional pain started to subside, but that feeling still weighed him down. The feeling grew sharply and Dean’s eyes jammed shut as a knife-like pain shot through his temples. Images flashed through his mind. He saw himself covered with blood and being pulled by long chains of jagged bones and metal in hell. He saw a golden light and huge wings pull himself out the circles of hell. Then he saw himself sat on a motel bed and praying. Then another image of him fighting Adam, him in purgatory, him in the bunker injured and covered in blood, then his face bloodied and below eyesight in a crypt, then his face forlorn and wrecked with emotion and staring down in the barn… Dean gulped in air as his eyes shot open, realising that all the images he’d seen were Cas’s memories.

‘Cas,’ he choked out quietly, still unable to concentrate on anything other than the ache in his heart. Dean sat up and stared intently at the door. Something was drawing him out. Was Cas OK? Had something happened? Dean grabbed his gun from his desk and slowly left his room, walking tentatively down the hallway, his bare feet tapping on the tiles. As he moved closer to the main room of the bunker, the ache felt like it was pulling him forwards.

 

Dean rounded the corner of the hallway and into the ‘control room’ section of the bunker, he saw Cas sat on the stone steps that went up into the main room. It took Dean a second to properly realise, but Cas was holding a glinting blade to his throat, his eyes pressed shut, and preparing to slice the blade across his throat.

‘Cas,’ he stuttered as he rushed towards him.

Cas kept his eyes shut and whispered ‘Dean’ as he gripped the blade tighter, ready to slash the metal against his skin.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted fervently, as he gripped Cas’s hand which held the blade and tried to pull the metal away from Cas’s neck. Cas’s eyes shot open and stared up at Dean, his eyes wide like a child who’d been dragged to reality from hours of screaming. Dean managed to heave the knife away and fling it across the room, the metal scratching against the floor as it careered away.

‘Dean,’ Cas uttered in shock and pain.

Dean knelt on the steps in front of him and pulled Cas into a hug, holding his body tightly against his own. Dean’s breathing was laboured and it felt like his heart was skipping every other beat. He splayed his hands across Cas’s back, trying to calm his breathing whilst he inhaled the smell of Cas’s clothes. Dean pulled away and held Cas’s head in his hands, staring at him with a wilfulness which demanded answers to questions not yet spoken.

‘What are you doing, man?’ Dean asked through shortened breaths.

‘Dean… I… I can’t be an angel.’

‘So what?’ Dean demanded, anger starting to seep into his voice as the shock subsided. ‘You just decided to top yourself?’

‘No… I… I need to cut out my grace,’ Cas said.

‘Like hell you do!’ Dean replied, still staring with those questioning eyes at Cas, demanding answers to the realms of questions in his mind.

‘You have to let me do this, Dean’ Cas said quietly, yet firmly. He then stood up, shaking Dean’s hands from his face. He then lifted his hand so that his palm faced towards Dean. Suddenly, Dean was pushed backwards and he became pinned to the wall beside the steps. The force knocked the wind out of him – his eyes were wide with shock. Dean struggled against the force that pinned him back, but he couldn’t free himself.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted at him.

Cas walked towards the angel blade that lay glinting on the floor and picked it up, turning it over in his palm as though he’d find answers or solace in the pristine silver reflections.

‘I have to do this, Dean,’ he reiterated calmly.

‘Why! Goddammit Cas, put the blade down!’

‘Dean… I… I cannot be like this anymore.’

‘Like what?!’

‘An angel.’

‘Why not, Cas?... Cas?!’

‘I cannot fight it, Dean,’ Cas said quietly. Dean’s eyes told him that he still didn’t understand so Cas continued, ‘I thought that perhaps when I regained my powers that my feelings… my feelings towards you would not be as strong. But that is not what happened… And I cannot fight it any more, Dean.’ Cas seemed to be physically struggling against a power within himself, almost pushing him to bring the blade to his throat once more as half his body tried to tear the blade away.

‘And so what?’ Dean shouted as he continued to struggle against the force pinning him back. ‘Why the hell does that mean you have to cut out your grace?’

‘Dean, you do not understand.’

‘Yeh, Cas. I do. So what if you’re juiced up on grace? That don’t make you one of them again. The way I see it, ain’t nothing really changed. Being fully charged up with angel mojo doesn’t mean you gotta be any different. So you got your powers and wings back, so what? You’re not one of those angels. Hell, you ain’t been one of them angels for a long time, and no amount of extra grace is gonna make you one again,’ Dean insisted. Suddenly the force holding him back ceased and he collapsed onto his feet. Cas stood a few meters away staring at him with those forlorn eyes, but a glint of stable understanding now bolstered his glare. The blade dropped from his hand and rattled against the floor. He looked at Dean with a willingness to believe him, and a hint of true belief in his eyes.

‘But… I have to make this choice. I cannot be both an angel and… and harbour the feelings I have towards you,’ Cas reiterated softly.

Dean strode towards Cas and enveloped him in a tight hug, almost holding Cas upright, as though letting go would untether him from the world.

‘You already made that choice, Cas. You made it a long time ago,’ Dean said softly into his neck. ‘And you decided you can be both.’

Dean pulled away slightly, yet kept their faces close. He ran his hand through Cas’s hair and stared into those sad, conflicted eyes.

‘But Dean, I am no longer a mortal. Your feelings have changed towards me now that my powers have returned,’ Cas quietly spoke with a broken and pleading tone.

A faint smile hinted at Dean’s lips as he responded, ‘I felt like this when you were a weirdo guy who didn’t understand social situations, with invisible wings and cool-ass powers. Cas, ain’t nothing’s changed, buddy.’

Something within Cas let go of the internal struggle and his body finally relaxed. He then kissed Dean fervently, giving in to the force that had been pulling them together. Once his lips closed over Dean’s it felt like the cosmos had burst into elation. The kiss became deeper and Cas’s mind emptied of his fears and woes as his only thoughts became fixated on the closeness of their bodies, the warmth of Dean’s chest against his own, and the strong yet soft movements of their lips. Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair and held their bodies closer with his other hand. The ache that had been pounding in his heart had dissipated to leave the feeling that the magnets of their two bodies were now pulled close together. The kiss became passion and fire, tongues and lips moving over each other like waves breaking by the shore. Cas pushed Dean back against the wall and pressed his body closer, trying to feel every inch of his being against his own. Dean snaked his hand below Cas’s suit jacket and shirt, and felt Cas’s skin. It felt like there was an electric energy radiating from him, zapping through Dean’s fingers and into his blood. Dean’s breath hitched as he gasped into the kisses. Cas’s body responded with a groan which sent them both into a prolonged and messy kiss. Dean became achingly hard and tried to press his groin against Cas’s thighs, causing yet another groan. Cas then gathered all his mental strength to push Dean back, holding him at arm’s length and staring into his eyes. Cas’s gaze was deep and powerful, imbued with a blazing passion like a white hot blue flame. Dean tried to steady his breathing as he grabbed Cas’s hand with his own, pressing them both against his chest and clenching their fingers tightly together. Cas lifted his free hand and clicked his fingers.

 

Suddenly they both stood in Dean’s room, the low light of the bedside lamp creating an ember-like glow. Cas untangled his hand from Dean’s and quickly took off his trench coat and threw it to the ground. Next he shrugged off his jacket and tore his shirt off his back, the buttons popping off and scattering across the ground, all the while staring with that same intensity at Dean. who stood, eyes wide and unable to move. Cas moved towards him and kissed him, burying his fingers in Dean’s hair. He pulled away when he realised that Dean’s was stood still. Cas looked into his eyes, wondering if Dean was stopping because he was having doubts, but all he could see was the same deep desire that was settled in his own glare. Cas gripped Dean’s thin T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Dean’s arms instinctively raised, his entire body just allowing what was being done to him. Cas threw the T-shirt to the floor and kissed Dean again whilst his hands undid Dean’s belt. When he firmly dragged the belt out Dean’s body was pulled towards Cas’s. Dean again realised that Cas really was back at full power. Every movement he made had this intense strength, the same strength that radiated from his every pore. Dean felt supple and malleable beneath Cas’s touch, and all he felt he could do was submit to the power that burst between them. Cas took Dean’s hands and brought them to his own belt, then kissed him as Dean undid the buckle and pulled it loose. Cas pushed Dean’s pants and boxers down to his knees then pushed his own down and pressed their groins together, their dicks hard and rubbing against each other. Dean whimpered at the touch and felt like he was melting like Arctic ice under a summer’s sun. Cas firmly cupped his jaw and strengthen their kiss, his tongue seeking out Dean’s as he moaned into his lips. Cas pressed his dick against Dean’s and rolled his pelvis, creating a friction and pleasure that made Dean lightheaded and breathless. Cas pushed Dean backwards and he collapsed onto his bed. He then pulled Dean’s pants and boxers from his ankles and threw them against the wall, then stepped over his own fallen clothes and lay his naked body over Dean’s. He knelt over Dean’s crotch and grabbed at his hands, slowly pushing them up over Dean’s head as he bent to kiss him, his pelvis rolling over Dean’s groin. Dean just stared up at Cas, unable to think clearly or make any decisions. All he saw was beautiful tanned skin over bulging muscles and those dark blue eyes that seemed to stare into his soul. Cas continued rolling his body over Dean’s, holding their hands above Dean’s head, their faces close, staring into his eyes and unable to look away. He then untangled a hand from Dean’s and grabbed both their cocks, rubbing them together and making them both whimper at the touch. Cas lowered his head further until their lips grazed and the hums of their moans vibrated their open lips.

‘Cas,’ Dean subconsciously whispered between his whimpers.

Cas seemed unable to control himself and kissed him with a breathy passion, his tongue rolling and sucking at Dean’s, biting at his lower lip as he groaned. He pulled back and placed two fingers into Dean’s mouth, who sucked and licked at them, eyes closed and body pliant under the weight of Cas’s body. Cas slowly drew his wet fingers from Dean’s lips and reached down to edge them into Dean, causing him to gasp. His fingers buried deep inside him and pulled and stretched the tight muscle. Cas returned for a kiss before lowering himself and lifting Dean’s legs over his shoulders, then pushing his dick into him. Dean cried out in pleasure and pain as Cas pushed deep inside him. Cas placed his hand softly at Dean’s neck and a shimmering blue light flooded his body, leaving Dean to only feel the deep pleasure without the stinging pain. Dean felt lightheaded and overcome with pleasure, his eyes were trained on Cas and were willing him to go further. Cas obliged and thrust deep into him again, and again, and again. He grabbed Dean’s cock and pulled up and down in time to his thrusts, both of them grunting and moaning – Dean uttering in guttural sounds Cas’s name. Cas bent down as he continued pounding into Dean and sought out his mouth, sloppily kissing him, all tongue and teeth and moans. Both could feel their bodies start to tighten like coils, the unreleased energy flooding their bodies and needing release. Cas pounded Dean again and again, causing Dean to cry out in pleasure as he willed Cas to pull him over the edge. Cas knew he was near to coming and thrust harder and faster, edging Dean along with him and kissing him; wanting to feel Dean cry out his name as he came. Suddenly the energy reached a crescendo, and Cas cried out into Dean’s lips. Dean opened his eyes to see Cas’s eyes burning with bright blue fires, like an azure sea engulfed in heavenly fires. Cas’s skin had begun radiating a serene light and looked like rose petals painted in liquid gold. Dean reached his hand to touch Cas’s arm and his skin felt like the smooth water of a pristine lake in the High Sierras. He saw beautiful golden wings behind Cas which reached into the shadows of the room, each singular feather glinting like a million diamond-like stars. Then he felt Cas come inside him and suddenly his eyes jammed shut as he was thrown over the edge, his body straining and releasing as their bodies burst with energy and light. Dean called out Cas’s name as the pleasure and energy rang through his blood, his heart skipped a beat, and his breath hitched. Cas looked down at Dean and saw the burning blue angelic light fill his irises as they rode out the orgasm together.

 

The light faded from their eyes and left the deep, human passion. They gasped for air and Dean realised that his peripheral vision had been lost and was just now starting to return. He felt Cas pull out of him and collapse onto the bed at his side. They both lay in silence, trying to return back to reality.


	15. Chapter XV : Look to the West

Chapter 15

 

Cas reached out his hand and sought Dean’s, entwining their fingers together as he heard Dean breathe heavily. Cas closed his eyes, trying to regain some composure. This time had felt different, he felt different. He hadn’t really assumed that having sex with his grace back would be much different to before, but it had. It had felt like the world had corrected itself and their bodies had burned with the light of the universe. Ever since he had his grace returned he had felt this ache deep inside his being and this pull drawing him closer to Dean. Now, that dull pain and want had burst like levees by a river and flooded into a serene feeling of complete peace. Cas rolled towards Dean and fitted his body close into his side, feeling Dean’s hot skin against his own.

 

Dean placed his arm over Cas as he snuggled into his side. He felt calm; that contented happiness which he rarely ever experienced. The deep ache in his soul had vanished, just leaving the need for Cas to stay this close to him forever.

‘You’re beautiful,’ Dean said quietly before he was able to stop himself from such an uncharacteristic outpouring.

Cas looked up at him with questioning in his eyes. Dean huffed and looked up at the ceiling, deliberating on whether to continue or laugh that off as post-sex bullshit.

‘You were you… but not you… you had wings…’ Dean decided to respond quietly, thinking over that image of the golden-skinned Cas who shone like a million diamonds.

‘You saw my wings?’ Cas asked, slightly taken aback.

‘Mhmmm. Also your skin was… gold, dude,’ Dean said with a smile.

‘I suppose it is, really,’ Cas said, then reached his hand to touch Dean’s bare chest, closing his eyes to try and sense something. ‘Your eyes haven’t burnt out,’ he said, matter-of-factly.

Dean guffawed. ‘Yeh. I’ve noticed,’ he said with a smile.

‘Hmmm,’ Cas said as he pondered something. He then pushed himself up and stared into Dean’s eyes, then raised his hand and touched his fingers gently at Dean’s temple.

‘Can you hear this,’ Dean heard Cas say, although he could see Cas wasn’t speaking.

‘Yes,’ Dean responded, a querying look in his eyes.

Cas frowned.

‘You can hear my voice?’ Dean heard Cas say in his mind.

‘Dude, yes,’ Dean responded. ‘I’ve been hearing that voice in my mind ever since Gabriel gave you back your grace.’

‘You have?’ Cas said out loud, his frown deepening.

‘This voice,’ Dean heard Cas say once more through his mind. This time Dean focused on it and noticed that it wasn’t exactly like Cas’s spoken voice. It sounded similar, but now he could hear that there was a peculiar beauty to it, as though hushed tones of glass bells echoed in the timbre.

‘Yeh. That voice,’ Dean uttered.

Cas seemed finally satisfied that Dean could tell the difference and lay down at his side once more.

‘That is my true voice. I did not realise you could hear it. When I first spoke to you after I pulled you out from hell you could not bear its sound. Nor did I think that you would be able to see my true form, very few people can. Those many years ago I thought you might be one of the few who could… perhaps it took time,’ Cas pondered, almost just to himself. ‘I did tell you that you were special.’

Dean chuckled. ‘Ain’t nothing special about me,’ he responded with humility.

‘We both know that is not true,’ Cas said with a smile. A comfortable silence hung between them as Dean traced circles on Cas’s shoulder with his finger.

‘Are you tired?’ Cas asked, knowing from his time as a mortal that sleep usually came after sex.

‘No… I actually feel very… awake. Do you want to do something? Research? Watch something?’

‘Sure. I could watch something,’ Cas said with a smile and got up and looked over Dean’s body which shone with cum and sweat. Cas frowned and clicked his fingers, leaving them both clean.

Dean raised an eyebrow and looked down at himself. ‘Well that’s gonna come in handy,’ he said with a smirk.

Cas grabbed his clothes and put them on, then chucked Dean’s jeans and T-shirt at him.

‘Let’s go,’ Cas said.

Dean frowned with confusion. ‘Where? I thought we were gonna watch something?’

‘We are,’ Cas said, yet refused to elaborate.

Dean sighed and got up and put on his clothes and grab his shoes, intermittently glancing at Cas with a smile. When they were both fully dressed Cas grabbed his arm and they disappeared from the room.

 

 

                                                *                      *                     *

 

Dean and Cas appeared on a wild mountainside in the night, the deep purple heather sprawling down the rolling cliffs to a whispering ocean below.

‘Dude! A heads up would’ve been good,’ Dean muttered with an endearing tone.

‘My apologies,’ Cas replied as he sat down and looked up at the sky.

Dean looked down at him and frowned, sighed, and sat down on the mossy ground next to Cas. Dean glanced around and noted the beautiful landscape shrouded in darkness. He saw the deep purple hues of the heather and felt the cold summer wind swoop through his flannel shirt.

‘Where the hell are we, Cas?’ he asked.

‘Look up,’ Cas said as he continued staring into the night’s sky.

Dean rolled his eyes and looked up. Unworldly waves of purple and bright green lights cascaded through the sky like rivers of light in a dark ocean.

‘I believe you call this the Aurora Borealis,’ Cas said quietly.

Dean was silent, still struck by the awe by the glowing lights that swam over the galaxy of stars above.

‘I suppose this is better than watching a film,’ Dean finally said with a smile.

‘Indeed,’ Cas said as a faint smile played at his lips. ‘We’re missing something,’ he continued then vanished, making Dean jump and curse under his breath about the ‘damn angel’. Cas reappeared a moment later and handed Dean an old bottle. Dean took it but couldn’t make out the label, so popped the cork from the top and smelled the liquid.

‘Holy fuck,’ Dean whispered as the aromas of a deep and earthy whisky burst through his sinuses.

‘It’s an eighty-year-old Scotch. I hope it is satisfactory. I thought it was apt for this place,’ Cas said.

Dean took a swig and his body melted into the silky heat that swam down his throat and warmed his bones. He hadn’t paid much attention to what Cas had said after ‘eighty-year-old Scotch’, but his final remark settled in his mind.

‘Wait… Dude, are we in Scotland?’ Dean asked, taken aback and looking around him once more to try and gauge their location.

‘Of course,’ Cas replied matter-of-factly, as though zapping from Kansas to Scotland in one second was a normal thing.

Dean chuckled and sighed, returning his gaze to the lights.

‘Last time I was in Scotland I was standing over Crowley’s bones,’ Dean reminisced with a smile that faded when he remembered his old enemy turned… friend, he supposed.

‘Hmmm,’ Cas said, the same thoughts of his complicated relationship with the King of Hell floating through his mind. ‘You did say you enjoyed the whiskey.’

‘True,’ Dean said with a smile, letting the memories of Crowley fade. ‘Cheers,’ he said to Cas as he lifted the bottle to his lips and drank to their old friend.

They sat quietly, watching the lights in the sky and listening to the hushed roar of the ocean. It was calm and beautiful. Dean thought once more about this contented feeling which had settled in his bones. He’d spent so much of his life moving swiftly between desperation and elation that he’d hardly ever felt this kind of happy.

‘You know Cas,’ Dean mused out loud. ‘We’re gonna find Jack, get mom, and you know what we’re gonna do?’

‘What?’ Cas inquired as he looked at the sky.

‘We’re gonna go to the beach, like, ‘sun, sea, sand’. The whole shebang.’

‘We could go to the beach now if you would prefer that?’

‘No man, I mean drive. You know? Just get in the car with Sam and mom – hell, even with Jack if he hasn’t gone bad side already – and just drive to California or somewhere. Get some beers, play some baseball… I dunno,’ Dean trailed off as he took another sip from the whisky bottle and handed it to Cas. ‘I’m just tired, dude. You know, me and Sam have never had a vacation. Hell, have you ever had a vacation?’

‘A vacation from what,’ Cas asked, not truly understanding the concept.

‘From life, dude. Just… time to not think about all the crap – not think about the next vamp to kill or the next damn apocalypse. Just time to get the hell away from all of it.’

‘That sounds nice, I admit.’

‘Mhmmm,’ Dean hummed as he took the whisky bottle from Cas and felt the beautiful liquid run down his throat.

‘Do you think you will ever stop hunting? Be on ‘vacation’ as you say, forever?’ Cas inquired.

‘I think it’s called retirement, dude.’

‘Well then, retire I suppose I mean,’ Cas reiterated.

‘I dunno, man,’ Dean said, trying to even begin to envision a life beyond hunting. ‘The thing is, Cas, there’s always gonna be some monster round the corner – always some innocent victim who Sam and I could save. And as long as there’s that, I dunno if I could ever live with myself if I sat back and did nothing.’

‘The hero’s complex,’ Cas replied.

‘Nah, I ain’t no hero. I’m just some dude who knows he can help,’ Dean replied.

Cas let the subject go, knowing full-well that Dean would never admit that he truly was a hero. Cas changed the subject and asked, ‘You said Jack could turn bad. I do not think he will, Dean.’

Dean raised his eyebrows. ‘The kid is Lucifer’s son. And if he was so great why did he run out on us, huh?’

‘His powers were growing stronger. He didn’t want to hurt us,’ Cas said calmly, trying to get Dean to empathise with Jack.

‘Then why hasn’t he returned?’

‘He probably feels lost. And he’s grieving for his mother. Who knows what effect that had on him.’

Dean huffed. ‘Well I ain’t holding out hope that I won’t have to kill him some day.’

‘Will you give him a chance?’ Cas asked.

Dean rubbed his hand over his brow and thought. Jack had brought Cas back from the dead. He’d seemed weird, sure, but a good kid from the short time he’d stayed at the bunker. And Cas was right that he’d been through a hell of a lot in the time he’d been alive. Jack had left because he seemed scared and worried he’d hurt them… but it was hard to forgive the kid when he was the only thing standing between getting mom back. Dean tried to ease his worries and believe what Cas was saying.

‘Fine. I’ll give the kid a chance,’ Dean finally admitted.

‘Thank you,’ Cas said and patted Dean’s knee, then returned his gaze to the Northern Lights and stars.

Dean looked up at the galaxy – that huge expanse which cloaked the planet in light and darkness, iterating its vastness with its existence.

‘Although god knows where he is…’ Dean mused out loud.


	16. Chapter XVI : There’s a Sign

**PART IV**

 

Chapter 16

 

‘How’s it hanging, dude?’ Clark Barker asked Jack. Clark was eighteen with long dark brown hair and a cool yet rugged style. He’d found Jack walking aimlessly around some woodlands near his mom’s hunting cabin a month or so ago. Clark liked to walk up there after school to smoke pot and he'd seen the guy sat on a log looking miserable. They’d talked for a while and Jack had explained who he was, although back then Clark had assumed the guy was on some crazy-ass shroom trip and spouting bullshit. He’d let him stay at the cabin and would return to chill with the guy after school, and as the days went on he realised the dude had legit powers. Once he’d gotten over that (and it had taken a while), he had actually grown to really like the dude. He’d bring him food, books, and school text books, and shoot the shit until Clark needed to go back to his mom.

‘I do not know what is hanging?’ Jack replied as he looked up from reading one of Clark’s mom’s detective novels.

‘Nah, dude. I mean what’s up? We’ve gone over this,’ Clark replied.

‘… The ceiling? The sky?’ Jack said, still perplexed.

Clark sighed with exasperation. ‘Jesus! Jack, how are you? Dude, you totally gotta get with the lingo, man,’ Clark said with a smirk.

Jack smiled, finally remembering Clark’s lessons on slang. ‘I am very well. How are you, Clark?’

‘I’m good,’ Clark laughed. ‘Although Aaron was being a dick today. He really fucked Kelly over.’

Jack looked at him, bemused.

Clark sighed and rephrased his sentence. ‘Aaron’s being mean to Kelly.’

‘I see,’ Jack said with a frown. ‘So what did you say to him?’ Jack asked. He quite enjoyed Clark’s tales from school and found his interaction with his friends rather interesting.

‘I told him to sort it out, man,’ Clark replied as he slumped down on the battered leather couch next to Jack. ‘But like hell is he gonna listen to me,’ Clark sighed. ‘Anyway, how you doing? Any thoughts on what you’re gonna do?’

Jack frowned and thought. He’d been mentally wrestling with the issue on whether to return to Sam, Dean, and Castiel. Now that he’d had time away, he hoped that he could control his powers and would not hurt them by accident. But the thought of somehow doing so still terrified him. ‘I miss them,’ Jack said quietly.

Clark gave him a sympathetic smile and glanced around the slightly dingy hunting cabin. ‘You wanna get out of this place for a bit? I dunno – grab some food in town or something? I gotta return some books at the library anyways,’ Clark asked with a smile.

‘Hmmm… will it be safe?’ Jack asked.

‘Sure, dude. It’s town. Everyone’s chill,’ Clark replied.

‘No. I mean… will people be safe around me?’ Jack asked.

Clark gave him a reassuring smile and said, ‘Dude, you’ve been fine around me. I ain’t seen you freak out or do your weird magic shit for weeks. Seriously, you’ll be totally fine.’

Jack seemed to try and believe him and nodded. Clark was right, he’d been totally fine for weeks, and he couldn’t stay cooped up here all the time. At some point he’d have to interact with the rest of humanity. ‘Sure.’

 

                                                                                       *                      *                      *

 

Clark drove Jack into town and parked his black truck off Main Street. The town was a fairly large northern town with old brick stores that lined the streets. They walked onto the busy main street and Clark pointed to a large white stone building.

‘I gotta run into the library for a minute. Chill here for a bit – look around and whatever and I’ll meet you back at this bench in ten,’ Clark said, then headed off to the library.

Jack looked around him with worry, clenching his fists and trying to remain calm amongst all the pedestrians. He walked up the sidewalk and saw a huge black stone building across the road. He crossed and walked up to the sign. ‘Our Lady of Saviours – House of God’ it said on the sign. Jack frowned. Did God – his grandfather - live here? He looked up at the building which seemed rather foreboding due to its size. Jack ascended the stone steps and pushed open the huge wooden door which closed behind him and left him in the echoing silence. The huge space had lines of benches and stone pillars that led his eye towards an alter at the back of the hall, above which was an enormous cross. Stained glass windows lined the exterior walls and cascaded coloured lights over the wooden parquet floor. Jack slowly approached the alter up the aisle and sat at the front bench, glancing around the room and taking in the shadowy beauty.

‘You OK, son?’ an older man’s soft voice said to him.

Jack looked to his right and a man dressed in long black robes and a white collar stood next to him.

‘I think so… is this really God’s house?’ Jack asked.

The priest looked bemused, wondering if this kid was joking or genuinely asking. ‘Of course. All churches are houses of God.’

‘So this is a church?’

The priest chuckled. ‘Yes, son. Have you never seen a church before?’ he said as he sat down on the pew next to Jack.

‘No. But I know of God. I didn’t realise he owned houses.’

The priest laughed quietly again. ‘I wouldn’t describe Him as a real estate mogul haha. You’re not a religious man I’m assuming?’ he asked.

Jack thought for a moment. ‘I know God exists. I know the devil exists. My father… not my real father… but he told me that my real father was the devil,’ Jack stated, still gazing up at the huge cross.

The priest smiled. ‘And do you get on with your stepfather?’

Jack nodded. ‘Yes. He’s an angel.’

‘Well then he sounds like a good man. Is he here with you?’ the priest asked, wondering if this kid who apparently had never been to a town was being chaperoned by a parent.

‘No. I ran away,’ Jack replied.

The priest frowned. ‘And your mother?’

‘My mother is in heaven,’ Jack said forlornly.

‘Why did you run away if your stepfather is a kind man, by the sound of it?’

‘Because I didn’t want to hurt him.’

‘Don’t you think that running away hurt him?’ the priest asked.

Jack looked down at his hands which were placed carefully on his knees. ‘I don’t want to turn bad and hurt him. I don’t want to be like my real father.’

‘Well son, you don’t have to be. You seem like a good kid. You know, everyone has good and evil inside them. At all points in life we are tempted or commit sins, but if you choose to be good - that is what matters. God loves all of his creation and gave us the freedom to choose. We can always choose to be good.’

Jack thought over what the priest was saying. ‘But what if I have no choice? What if I will be fated to act as the son of the devil?’ Jack asked.

The priest was slightly taken aback by the words spoken by this kid who couldn’t be older than eighteen. For someone who’d never been to a church he seemed highly religious. ‘“The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.” Ezekiel, verse eighteen.’

Jack looked at the priest, wondering what he was truly saying. Jack had read the bible – Dean had handed him the book to read and he recalled a similar tone, therefore assumed the priest must be quoting from it.

The priest smiled and explained, ‘We all make our own paths in life. We are not bound by the sins of our parents and we are not judged for them. Each man is his own with his own choices. We all have the capability to choose the right path, son, regardless of the choices our parents make.’

Jack smiled and nodded, trying to believe him. ‘And what should I do to stay on the right path?’

‘Well… be kind, and help others. It sounds like your stepfather might be missing you. Perhaps it would be a good decision to return to him?’

‘And when I return to him I should help people?’ Jack asked. ‘And I should use my powers to help people?’

‘Yes, I suppose. So long as you are kind to yourself, it shows courage and kindness to use everything in your power to help those around you.’

‘And is that what God wants?’ Jack asked.

The priest looked forwards to the cross that hung on the back wall of the church. ‘Yes. I would say it is. That is what has been told to us by the prophets and in the bible. But even if it weren’t, I sense that God wants his love and kindness to be shown by mankind to all of humanity,’ the priest finished with a smile.

Jack nodded. ‘Thank you. I understand.’

The priest got up and shook Jack’s hand. ‘I have a homily to prepare, but I hope that you find your way back to your family. And if ever you want to talk or come to mass, this church will always welcome you.’

‘Thank you,’ Jack said as he watched the priest walk away. He then got up and left the church, imagining Castiel and suddenly feeling the urge to see him again. The priest was right, Clark was right, Castiel and Sam were right; he didn’t have to be evil. His mother had told him that he could choose to be good and he would honour her and the people who believed in him. As Jack left the church he was filled with this new inspiration and could barely wait to find Clark and let him know that he was ready to return to Castiel, Sam, and Dean.

 

Jack walked back to the bench where he found Clark waiting for him.

‘Dude! I was getting worried, man! Where’ve you been?’ Clark asked, relieved that he wouldn’t have to run around town trying to find a magic teen with immense power.

‘I’m sorry. I went into the church,’ Jack responded calmly.

Clark’s anger and worry subsided. ‘Jeez. You had me worried,’ he said with a smile as he playfully tapped Jack’s forearm.

‘I’ve made a decision,’ Jack said.

Clark frowned. ‘About what?’

‘About whether to return home.’

‘… And?’

‘I should go back to Castiel. I want to do good in this world, and I think I can,’ Jack said with a smile.

Clark smiled back, happy that Jack was finally ready to go home. He could understand why Jack was worried, but the dude seemed chill. And anyway, being cooped up in his mom’s cabin wasn’t gonna help the guy. ‘I’ll miss you, dude. Even though you’re totally weird,’ Jack said with a smile. ‘But before you go, you wanna grab some burgers before my shift at Pirate Pete’s?’

‘Sure.’

 

                                                                                       *                      *                      *

 

Clark pulled his truck up to Pirate Pete’s Jolly Treats, a fast food joint by the main dock of the nearby lake. Clark let Brett (the fellow teenager who worked there) know that he was grabbing some food before his shift, then helped himself to some burgers and fries.

‘So where is this place you’re going to?’ Clark asked whilst scoffing the fries.

‘Kansas… I think,’ Jack said before surreptitiously taking a bite from the burger.

‘Jeez. I was totally gonna offer to drive you, but no can do, dude. Too far, sorry. You gonna hitchhike?’

‘I was just going to be there,’ Jack said, confused.

‘Be there?’ Clark repeated.

‘Yes. When I want to go somewhere, I can just… be there,’ Jack replied slowly, trying to explain it as best he could.

Clark looked at him in shock, a lone fry wilting in his frozen hand. ‘Dude!’ Clark whispered, leaning closer, ‘You mean… like, teleport?’

Jack followed suit and leant forwards and whispered, ‘Erm. Yes.’

‘Dude! No way! I didn’t know you could do that! Shit man, that’s wild!’ Clark almost shouted, leaning back in his chair and staring at Jack with amazement.

‘I suppose,’ Jack said with a faint smile, not really understanding why Clark found it so amazing. ‘It started happening at the cabin. I wanted to be down by the lake and suddenly I was there. Or I wanted to go to bed and suddenly I appeared next to the bed.’

‘Dude! I wish I was you! That’s so cool!’ Clark said, still unable to contain his excitement and shock.

Jack seemed pleased that Clark found him cool. From their conversations Jack had garnered that being ‘cool’ was a very, very good thing. Clark always talked about how cool Stacy and Mike were, and it comforted Jack to know that maybe he was held in as high esteem as Stacy and Mike, who by the sounds of it were indeed very cool.

They both chatted for a while about how Jack was feeling about going home, about memories they’d shared over the past month or so, and about Clark’s school life. When they’d finished their food they walked outside and a short way into the woods.

‘Reckon you better zap out from here. Don’t want any strangers to see you vanish into thin air!’ Clark said as he noted how awkward Jack looked just standing there in front of him. Clark chuckled and brought Jack in for a hug. ‘I’ll miss you, dude,’ he said, then pulled away and ruffled Jack’s hair.

‘I’ll miss you too,’ Jack replied with a smile. ‘Thank you, Clark. You have been the best of friends.’

Clark couldn’t hold in his laughter. He’d got used to Jack’s weirdness, and he supposed it was kinda endearing. He might be the son of Satan but the guy didn’t have a bad bone in his body. ‘You come visit again, yeh?’

‘Of course,’ Jack replied. ‘Bye, Clark!’ he said as he waved awkwardly and disappeared to the sound of flapping wings. Clark was left alone in the woods muttering ‘Holy shit!’ into the silence.


	17. Chapter XVII : Everything Still Turns To Gold

Chapter 17

 

Dean woke up in bed with his arms around Cas. He felt kinda groggy and remembered the Scotch and random trip to Scotland. Dean tried to sort through the memories as he lay still with his eyes not truly ready to open. They’d drank, and talked, and then made out under the Northern Lights, then at some point they must have ended up back in his bedroom and he’d fucked Cas, the moans and pleasures still radiating through his somnolent body.

‘Are you awake?’ Cas asked.

‘No,’ Dean replied sarcastically, promoting a smile from Cas. Dean sighed and rolled towards Cas, who he realised was fully naked… as was himself. Dean rested his arm over Cas’s waist and enjoyed the feeling of his smooth skin under his own callused fingers. He breathed in Cas’s smell but couldn’t really pinpoint the scent. Cas smelled like steam, a kind of natural but odourless scent, like clean sweat or the mist on pine trees.

‘Have you just been lying there awake all night?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Have you been watching me, you weirdo?’ Dean asked jokingly.

‘Yes. You do realise that you snore slightly?’

‘Do not,’ Dean retorted in a childlike manner.

Dean didn’t want to get up and get on with his day. He looked at the clock and saw that it read 8am, so not too late at least. Dean started tracing circles on Cas’s bare stomach, noting the rolling muscles underneath the tan skin. His fingers slowly started to move down towards Cas’s crotch, tracing over black pubic hair and then softly moving over his dick. Cas let out a moan as his body relaxed into Dean’s touch. Dean kissed Cas’s chest as his hand moved slowly over Cas’s cock, causing moans in a raspy tone. Dean threw the covers off and kneeled over Cas so their hard dicks rubbed together as he kissed him messily. Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair as he hummed into the kiss, rolling his crotch, hungry for more touch. Dean bit at Cas’s full lips and sought out his tongue.

‘Dean,’ Cas rasped out into his mouth as pleasure warmed through his blood.

Dean rolled his crotch more then grabbed both their dicks with his hand, the motion making his head go light with desire. Cas grunted, needing more, and rolled Dean over and slid down towards his groin, licking down past his stomach then biting gently at the tender skin at Dean’s upper thigh.

‘Fuck,’ Dean hissed out, before Cas took him in his mouth as Dean’s head jolted back and his eyes pressed tightly shut. Dean could feel every inch of Cas’s tongue lick up his cock and suck as his lips reached the end. He was painfully hard. Cas abruptly turned Dean over onto his stomach so that his hard dick pressed against the mattress as he felt Cas’s fingers inch their way into him. After a few good minutes of Dean moaning into the sheets and Cas making sure he was ready, he felt Cas’s cock push into him.

‘Fuck!’ Dean groaned into the bed linen.

Cas could barely restrain himself as he tried to take it easy, but quickly began to pound into Dean. Dean’s hands gripped tightly around the thin bed sheets as he moaned into the cotton, feeling completely subservient to what was being done to him.

‘Cas,’ he whispered as his mind was filled with the image of what Cas must look like right now. Those thoughts made him feel even closer to the edge. ‘Turn me the fuck over,’ Dean whispered, needing to see himself be fucked by Cas but seemingly unable to take any control and turn himself.

Cas pulled out and with an ease only befitting to a powerful creature he turned Dean over and quickly kissed him, all wet and warm. Dean hiked his legs over Cas’s shoulders and pushed his crotch up to give Cas easier access. When Cas pushed deep within him again, Dean tried to keep his eyes open despite the immense pleasure; taking in the visage of Cas’s tousled hair and deep blue eyes which bore into his soul. Dean grabbed at Cas’s hair and kissed him as he stroked his own dick in time with the thrusts. They both felt like they were coming closer to the edge, like being swirled around in a whirlpool about to plummet to the ocean floor. With a few more pounds into Dean, whose body was screaming for release, Cas’s eyes suddenly shone a brilliant blue as he choked out Dean’s name and kissed him. As the feeling of Cas’s cum filled him, Dean’s came as an electric heat swam through his every pore. Dean opened his eyes as he gasped into Cas’s mouth. Again, Cas’s skin seemed to be a shimmering gold that wisped into huge wings that emerged from his back like brush strokes of feathered diamonds painted onto the canvas of reality. Even though Dean could barely hold a single cohesive thought in his mind, Cas’s beauty struck him like a painful blow in his chest, making him gasp in awe. As the angelic light from Cas’s eyes faded, he could see his own eyes in the reflections of his pupils. His own shone with the same blue light which started to fade as Cas’s skin turned back to the sun-kissed tan and the image of his wings faded. They lay looking deep into each other’s eyes for what seemed like eternity, Dean’s breath laboured and sweat glistening on his forehead. Cas slowly lowered his head and kissed Dean so softly it hardly felt like their lips were touching. When the kiss broke Cas pulled out and rolled onto the bed beside Dean.

 

Dean regained his normal breath fairly easily, and once again noted how energetic he felt despite everything. Dean mused how sex with Cas felt particularly… intimate. Really, sex with Cas didn’t feel anything like how it had with anyone else. It wasn’t specifically because he was an angel, it was because he was… well he was Cas. Dean kinda wanted to brush off how ridiculously intimate that had been, but he didn’t think he’d be able to make light of it if he tried. His thoughts turned again to how beautiful Cas looked, not just in those final moments of them fucking but how fucking beautiful he always looks, how beautiful his uncombed and rugged hair looks, and how beautiful the almost blackness of it contrasts his blue eyes, how beautiful his tanned skin looks as it rolls over muscles –

‘You think very loudly,’ Cas said, cutting off Dean’s stream of consciousness.

Dean was slightly taken aback by the fear that Cas had apparently heard his thoughts and replied with feigned annoyance, ‘Well then don’t fucking listen in then.’

‘I wasn’t trying to,’ Cas replied, his smile seeping into his tone. ‘You were practically screaming my name though. I was concerned that you were trying to say something important.’

Dean rolled his head to the side to see Cas grinning at him. ‘I was not,’ Dean muttered, trying to keep a straight face. ‘So have you always just invaded my thoughts then? Bit creepy, Cas,’ Dean asked, a smile breaking through his façade.

‘No… only when you’re trying to pray to me. Although sometimes it was hard to differentiate between prayers and…’ Cas said, trailing off.

‘And?’

Cas thought for a moment, trying to find the right word to describe those times when he’d heard Dean call to him, only to realise the calls were just longings for Cas to be there with him. ‘Yearnings,’ Cas said, finally settling on the right word.

Dean’s eyebrow raised and his cheeks blushed. ‘Great,’ he said sarcastically. ‘Wait… so you knew how… knew how I… felt about you before this shit recently?’ Dean asked, the words ‘how I felt about you’ feeling almost painful to his own ears with how embarrassing they sounded.

‘No,’ Cas said with a smile. ‘I believe I assumed that you just cared a lot.’

Dean scoffed at the thought of a confused Cas interpreting what was clearly his intimate desires for him as friendship.

‘Well quit the mindreading, dude. It’s creepy,’ Dean said with a smile before getting up and grabbing some clothes and a towel for a shower. Before he left the room he paused. ‘You think you could not say anything about this to Sam?’

‘Of course not,’ Cas replied as he lay staring up and down Dean’s naked body from the bed. ‘Will you tell him?’

‘Yeh, just… when I’m ready,’ Dean replied as he turned and paced towards the door before another thought stopped him in his tracks. ‘You don’t think he knows? Like… he heard us or anything?’ Dean asked, his mind starting to spin with worries as he tried to work out how freaking loud they must have been all night.

‘I may have powerfully soundproofed this room,’ Cas said with a knowing grin.

Dean raised an eyebrow and chuckled. ‘Good thinking, Cas,’ he laughed, before turning once more and finally reaching the door.

‘Dean,’ he heard Cas say as he turned the doorknob. ‘I think you’re beautiful too,’ Cas said with a devilish grin.

‘You can fuck off,’ Dean said with a laugh as he opened the door, leaving Cas chuckling in bed.

 

                                                                                  *                     *                      *

 

Dean walked into the main room of the bunker after his shower to find Sam on his laptop and drinking a disgustingly green smoothie. He sat down with a sigh and reached for some of the lore books he’d yet to finish, and began scanning the pages for any mention of Nephilim or tracking spells. After about ten minutes Cas entered the bunker wearing some old jeans Dean had lent him when he’d been resurrected to a mortal by Jack. He wore one of Sam’s old black T-shirts and a blue and black plaid flannel they’d picked up for him a few weeks ago. Dean raised an eyebrow.

‘What’s happened to the trench coat?’ he asked, prompting Sam to look at Cas with a quizzical stare.

‘I think I’m done with it,’ Cas said as he grabbed some book from a nearby shelf and sat down at the table.

Dean tried to hide his grin, but inevitably Cas noticed and shyly smiled back.

‘You made the choice then?’ Sam asked.

Cas looked at him and frowned in confusion.

‘About being truly done with the God squad? Not being an Angel angel,’ Sam explained.

Cas recalled their conversation from yesterday and nodded. ‘Yes. Just a plain old angel now,’ Cas said with a smile.

‘Well, welcome back to the family, plain old angel,’ Sam said with a grin.

Seeing Cas out of that damn trench coat meant more to Dean than he’d realised. He’d never felt this happy about plaid flannel in his life, but seeing Cas wear that instead of his old garb made him so damn happy. Cas truly was one of them – undeniably part of the family. Dean had almost forgotten the pretty monumental decision Cas had made in sleeping with him as an angel. Perhaps because last night had seemed so right… so completely right that Dean had forgotten that it was completely wrong to Cas before. Last night Cas had essentially eschewed the rules he’d abided by for millennia. Dean returned his eyes to the pages of the old book in an effort to stop Cas or Sam noticing how freaking happy he looked. Cas was part of the family – Cas was his, and fuck did that make him the happiest man on earth.

 

All three continued to research, sorting through old books and searching the internet for spells or information on Nephilim. They intermittently talked between research, sharing thoughts or new possibilities which inevitably turned out to be useless. Dean was happy to continue researching, although Jack had been gone for over a month and he swore they’d been through every damn book in the entire bunker. Cas soon left to find some more texts in another storage room.

‘You guys seem good,’ Sam said once Cas was out of earshot.

Dean looked up to see Sam smiling pointedly at him. Dean huffed and returned his eyes to the torn pages of the book on ‘Ancient Sigils of Mesopotamia’. ‘We’re fine,’ he replied monosyllabically.

‘Yeh well, now you are. But you’ve been at each other’s throats for weeks. It’s like a freaking soap opera trying to keep up with what’s going on with you two,’ Sam said.

Before Dean could even think about telling Sam what had really been going on he said, ‘Sure, let’s talk.’

‘Thank you!’ Sam replied, relieved.

‘Tell you what, why don’t you make me one of your kale and salad smoothies and we can have a nice long chat after a yoga class,’ Dean continued, ignoring the pained sigh from Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes. ‘Fine. Whatever, dude. You know, talking about stuff isn’t a bad thing,’ he sighed, returning his eyes to the laptop.

Dean moodily huffed as a response, then ostensibly turned the page of the incredibly boring book in front of him.

 

Cas returned to the room a moment later, his arms full with books. Suddenly the books dropped from his hands and scattered across the floor. Cas hunched over in pain and brought his hands to his face.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted, pushing himself off the chair and running towards him.

Cas stood with his fingers pressed against his temple, his face scrunched up in anguish.

‘Cas! What is it?’ Sam asked, who had also rushed to his side.

Suddenly Cas’s face relaxed and he spun around, searching for something within the bunker.

‘Cas!?’ Dean shouted again, trying to work out what the fuck was going on.

Cas evidently didn’t find what he was searching for and looked between Sam and Dean. ‘It’s Jack,’ he stated.

Sam and Dean looked at him with confusion, wondering what on earth that incredibly vague response meant. Before they could question Cas further they heard the sound of flapping wings from behind them. They turned to see Jack standing there, staring at them.

‘Hello,’ Jack said.


	18. Chapter XVIII : When All Are One

Chapter 18

 

‘Jack!’ Cas almost whispered as he rushed towards Jack and enveloped him in a tight hug.

‘Castiel,’ Jack uttered as he clung to him. ‘I missed you so much.’

Cas knew that if he was still mortal he would be crying right now. He squeezed Jack tightly in his arms, so unbelievably happy and relieved that he was back. Cas let go, keeping an arm on Jack’s shoulder as he smiled at him.

‘Jack,’ Sam said as he approached Jack and hugged him.

Cas and Sam smiled at the kid, dressed in a beige shirt and tan jacket. Both so relieved that he was safe and with them once more. Jack smile back then looked past them to Dean who stood a few metres away with his arms crossed. Jack’s smile faded as he sensed that Dean was less than happy about his return.

Dean stared at the kid, fighting all his emotions. They’d been looking for him for over a month. He was the reason why mom was still trapped… but he had brought Cas back to life, and despite all the other shit he’d pulled, perhaps he deserved forgiveness simply for bringing Cas back. Dean walked gingerly up to Jack who took a step back, almost like he was scared of Dean. As Dean drew closer he opened his arms and awkwardly hugged Jack. The kid relaxed into his arms and Dean whispered to him, ‘Glad you’re back, kid,’ prompting a smile from Jack. Dean let go and took a few steps back.

‘Where have you been?’ Cas asked with the worried tone of a parent.

‘I was with a friend,’ Jack said with a smile, finally relaxing now that he knew Dean didn’t completely hate him.

‘You have a _friend_?’ Dean asked with incredulity.

‘Yes. He is called Clark, and he let me stay in his mom’s cabin,’ Jack responded. Dean lifted an eyebrow, and a frown reappeared on his face causing Jack to worry once more. ‘I’m sorry. I thought leaving would keep you all safe.’

Sam gave Jack a sympathetic look. He could empathise with Jack’s reasons for leaving even if they weren’t the best way to go about things. ‘It’s OK, Jack. You’re back now, that’s all that matters,’ he said with a smile.

‘But mom isn’t,’ Dean muttered under his breath. He glanced at Cas who was looking at him with those sad butter-wouldn’t-melt eyes. Dean sighed and rolled his eyes, trying to be the bigger person and put aside his anger at the kid. ‘Sorry. I’m glad you’re back,’ he addressed to Jack, forcing a genuine smile.

Jack looked at the ground and shuffled his feet, awkward and unwilling to say anything else which might upset Dean.

‘Have you been OK?’ Sam asked, trying to cover up the awkward silence. ‘Were you somewhere safe?’

‘Yes. The cabin was in the woods where I couldn’t hurt anyone,’ Jack replied.

‘No, no, Jack. I didn’t mean… I meant were you safe. We all know you wouldn’t hurt anyone,’ Sam explained.

Jack looked up at him his expression turned from guilt to a smile, happy that Sam wasn’t asking what he thought he had. ‘Yes. I was safe. Thank you, Sam. Clark leant me his school book!’ Jack continued, his voice becoming more animated. ‘I learnt about the rainforest, and the Egyptians, and the different types of rocks.’

Sam laughed. ‘That’s good to hear. Education is important. I’m sorry we didn’t really teach you much that first week,’ he said with a smile.

‘The world is so interesting! And Clark told me about school and talked about his friends Mike and Kelly and Brett. School sounds very fun!’ Jack continued.

Cas put an arm on his shoulder and said, ‘I’m glad you were able to learn some things. The world is indeed a very wonderful place.’

Jack beamed back at Cas, then frowned. ‘Castiel… you seem… different?’

‘Ahhh yes, I got my powers back,’ Cas replied.

Jack cocked his head, his expression asking for more information.

‘It’s a long story. I’m sure we’ll catch you up,’ Cas said.

‘So… what’s the deal, kid,’ Dean butted in. ‘You here to stay or do we have to worry about you going AWOL again?’ he continued, trying to keep his tone as friendly as possible.

‘I’m here to stay… if you’ll let me,’ Jack responded in a serious yet slightly pleading tone.

‘Sure, kid,’ Dean said with a smile.

Jack cocked his head. ‘You also seem different,’ Jack said to Dean.

Dean was slightly at a loss of what to say and confused by whatever what Jack was inferring.

Before Dean could respond Sam said, ‘Apart from Cas nothing’s changed, buddy. We’re just glad you’re back. You hungry?’

 

                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

They all talked and caught each other up on their movements over the past month or so. Sam and Cas kept impressing upon Jack that they didn’t care about all the time they’d wasted searching for him, all they cared about was that he was home. Dean continued to try to not blame the kid, and after listening to Jack chatter away about the books he’d read, how he’d been training his powers safely, and about all the school gossip he’d been told about by Clark, Dean realised that Jack may be a powerful Nephilim, but at the end of the day he was just a kid still. After some food and a few beers, it felt like Jack really was part of the family. Once their more menial conversations were done with, Sam, Dean, and Cas explained about Gabriel and their plan to retrieve Mary.

‘Will you be able to open the portal to that world again?’ Sam almost pleaded.

‘Yes,’ Jack said slowly, trying to picture or sense that world he’d come into contact with before he was even born. ‘But I don’t know if I’m powerful enough?’

‘Don’t worry,’ replied Cas. ‘Gabriel and myself can help power the portal. So long as you are able to find the place, we can help you keep it open.’

Jack smiled at Cas, happy that he was back and that he could put his powers to use and save Mary for Sam and Dean. Jack was about to speak when the sound of wings erupted in the room.

‘Hello!’ Gabriel shouted from the table, upon which he was sprawled out like a porn star from a 1980s B-movie.

‘Dude! Off the table, man!’ Sam shouted in exasperation.

Gabriel sighed and muttered, ‘Can no one appreciate a cool entrance here?’ When he’d slid off the table he laid his eyes on Jack. ‘Nephew! You must be Jack!’ he said as he gave him a playful punch against his cheek and then ruffled his hair.

Cas rolled his eyes and sighed. ‘Jack, this is Gabriel.’

‘The Archangel Gabriel? So you must be… my uncle?’ Jack asked, slightly taken aback by the playful punch and hair ruffle.

‘Indeed I am. You can think of me as the cool uncle!’ Gabriel responded with a smirk.

‘More like the creepy uncle,’ Dean said under his breath.

‘Want some candy, kid? That’s what uncles bring nephews, right?’ Gabriel said, then clicked his fingers where chocolate bars soon appeared. He handed them to Jack who beamed up at him.

‘I like candy,’ Jack announced as he stared at the shiny wrapped bars in his hand.

‘ _OK_ ,’ Dean said with exasperation. ‘Enough with the family reunions. Gabriel, we’ve got Jack back. Can we now finally get mom?’

‘But you haven’t seen my new toy?’ Gabriel said with feigned indigence.

‘What is it Gabriel,’ Cas interjected, with a tone of complete annoyance.

‘It’s this beauty!’ Gabriel said as he held up a small gold knife, similar to the demon knife.

Sam bent closer to the knife and frowned. ‘What is it?’

‘An Archangel blade!’ Gabriel said.

‘For Lucifer?’ Sam asked, that name tasting like boiled blood on his tongue.

‘Mhmm. You said he was pushed through that portal with your mother. And I ain’t gonna let that sucker back to this world,’ Gabriel said, his voice turning more serious.

Dean nodded, finally approving of something Gabriel was doing.

‘So when can we get this show on the road?’ Dean asked.

‘Who knows?’ Gabriel replied. ‘Kid, you’re gonna have to show me which world you opened, then we’ll use all our power to try and open that portal. It’s gonna take an hour or so of getting everything in order, but we’ll be ready to leave by tonight.’

Jack nodded.

‘Right,’ Dean said, the easy commands and action plan coming to him like second nature. ‘Sam, grab supplies like water and food, and grab any extra weapons from the armoury. I’ll go clean and check the weapons we have. Jack, get some rest, have some more food and water. And Gabriel… just don’t fuck around, yeh?’ Dean said before marching off to his room.

 

                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

After Sam found any extra weapons and handed them to Dean to sort out, he returned to the main area of the bunker where Jack sat watching some cartoons on his laptop.

‘Scooby-Doo, huh?’ Sam said with a smile. ‘Dean and I used to watch this when we were kids.’

‘I like Shaggy. He’s funny,’ Jack said between giggles. Jack sighed and paused the screen and turned to Sam and said, ‘Sam, when we get Mary back. Can I go to school? It sounds fun.’

Sam was slightly taken aback, but smiled. He knew what it felt like to be an outsider with a weird life, but at school he could sometimes feel like he had a place in the world, or at least he felt like he could be passionate about something other than hunting. He recalled how he’d brought a novel back from school one time and his dad had asked him what he was doing reading such a thing when there were plenty or lore books around. John had never really understood why Sam had been so fascinated by fantasy lands. His dad had always said that the world had enough monsters in it that it doesn’t make sense to read about fake monsters.

‘Sure,’ Sam said to Jack with a smile. ‘That sounds like a really great idea, Jack.’

 

                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

Cas found Dean sat on his bed, surrounded by deconstructed weapons, and cleaning the barrel of his gun.

‘Hello, Dean,’ Cas said as he shut the door and sat down on the bed next to Dean.

Dean looked up at Cas, leant forward and kissed him softly, staring at him for a moment before leaning away and returning to cleaning the barrel of a gun with an old handkerchief.

‘How are you?’ Cas asked, sensing Dean’s turbulent mood.

Dean sighed and thought about his response. ‘You think mom’s still alive? I mean, she got pushed back into that world with Lucifer… I dunno man, all I’ve been focusing on this past month is just getting back there… but now we’re so close… I ain’t even sure she’s gonna be on the other side alive,’ Dean said.

‘Mary is a strong and capable hunter. There is every chance that she is still alive,’ Cas replied.

‘I dunno man, seems like every time we think we have a win, a few seconds later everything comes crashing down,’ Dean said quietly.

‘Don’t let your hope fail you now,’ Cas responded.

‘And why should I not, huh, Cas? Every goddamn time I start to believe that things will be OK, everything turns to shit. I mean, come on, man. When has anything ever gone right for us? We’ve been fighting off the next apocalypse every goddamn year and what, this time it’s all gonna turn out fine?’

‘It has to at some point, Dean.’

‘You think?’ Dean said, looking up from the gun and looking at Cas with a pleading stare in his eyes. ‘The way I see it - we’re gonna be kicked into the mud again and again and there ain’t gonna be no picket fence and rainbows at the end of the road. There’s just gonna be pain and death and more disappointment,’ Dean continued, the anger and sadness scratching his voice as he started to choke out the words.

‘Dean,’ Cas whispered. He took Dean’s face softly between his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

The feeling of closeness helped to tether Dean back to reality, cutting through some of the pain and anchoring him to the calmness that exuded from Cas.

‘Don’t lose hope, Dean. Not when we’re so close,’ Cas whispered.

‘Cas,’ Dean choked out, ‘I don’t know how much hope I’ve got left.’

Cas intrinsically felt Dean’s fear as if it were his own. Cas placed his hand over Dean’s chest and closed his eyes. Suddenly a wave of serenity washed across Dean’s soul and his body relaxed as the anxiety started to ebb. He inhaled a slow breath as the feeling melted through him.

‘This is how I feel,’ Cas said. ‘… How I feel with you. How could I not have hope when this exists,’ Cas said quietly. He smiled at Dean, who now appeared more relaxed.

Dean realised this familiar feeling – this complete correctness and hope and calm. This was how he felt when Cas was close to him. And Cas was right, there was hope there – there was belief – there was this sense that everything would be OK in the end. Dean exhaled and smiled back at Cas, then kissed him softly on the lips, breathing into the feeling of his lip’s softly caressing Cas’s.

After a short moment Cas pulled away, got up from the bed, and headed towards the door. Before he exited he turned around and surveyed the dismantled weaponry that lay across the bed. With a click of his fingers every piece of metal shimmered like they were brand new.

‘Hey!’ Dean shouted as he realised that he didn’t have any more guns to clean.

‘You do manual tasks so that you can worry,’ Cas said with a smirk, then turned and headed out of the door.

 

                                                                        *                      *                      *

 

Dean soon returned to the main room with all the guns and weapons assembled in his duffle bag. He found Cas, Jack, Sam, and Gabriel sat around the main table discussing their plans. The table was covered with bags full with supplies they needed for the trip.

‘We all set?’ Sam asked when he saw Dean enter the room.

‘Yep,’ Dean replied.

‘We ready to get this show on the road then?’ Gabriel asked.

The group nodded, got up, and stood in a circle.

‘Alrighty then,’ Gabriel said with a smile, although it was obvious that his seemingly chipper tone masked some trepidation.

Gabriel placed a hand on Jack’s temple. ‘Just focus on the world you saw before you were born,’ Gabriel said calmly, then shut his eyes before opening them again. ‘Cas, we’re gonna need some extra juice, brother.’

Cas nodded and placed his hand on Gabriel’s forearm. Cas glanced at Dean who was frowning, his fist tight by his side. Cas smiled a smile of reassurance and nodded at Dean, letting him know that everything was going to be OK. Dean took a deep breath in and nodded back.

‘Sam, grab the bags,’ Dean said. ‘We all good to go?’ he asked Gabriel who nodded at him. ‘OK. Team Free Will Two Point O. Let’s do this.’

A golden light started to beam around Jack, Gabriel, and Cas. Sam and Dean shielded their eyes as it grew larger, casting the room in amber gleams. Suddenly a stream of brightness seared through the space and cracked through reality, creating a golden tear.

Gabriel let go of Cas and Jack.

‘Let’s go!’ Dean shouted as he ran towards the column, stopping just before he ran through. He looked to the group and ushered them through. Once the group had disappeared into the portal, Dean took a deep breath in and tried to focus on that feeling Cas had reminded him of. He exhaled and jumped through the amber light.


	19. Chapter XIX : The Stores Are All Closed

**PART V**

 

Chapter 19

 

Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, and Gabriel were flung through realities and landed in a desolate forest, the grey light seeping through the canopy and into the clearing where they now stood. Crows cawed around them as the birds flung themselves off boughs and scattered into the foreboding sky. The group staggered into standing and quickly glanced around.

‘Everyone OK?’ Dean called to them.

‘Fine,’ Sam said as he spun around, trying to get his bearings.

Cas helped Jack to his feet then brushed the dirt off his jeans.

Gabriel had experienced a smoother landing and was standing, unfazed, and looking around with a raised eyebrow.

Suddenly spits of mud and bursts of light hurled around them, causing them all to scatter. An angel dressed in khaki ran towards Dean as the glint of a blade swung towards him. Another angel careered towards Sam who punched her, causing no injury. The angel lifted its blade but Sam caught her arm and tried to bend it backwards. Dean was faring less well as he blocked swipes from the angel who was battling him. Gabriel was fighting off an angel and managed to stab him quite quickly, sending burning blue light into the dim clearing. Jack was being approached by two angels with deadly glares who quickly hurtled towards him, blades in hand. A burst of light shot off in Dean’s periphery before Jack screamed and let off waves of golden light out towards to angels which erupted in flames. Jack turned his attention towards the angels fighting Sam and Dean and blasted the same powerful waves at the angels who were fighting them, leaving the clearing eerily quiet once more.

 

The brothers, Gabriel, and Jack turned in circles, preparing to fight off any more attackers… but none came.

Dean glanced round, looking for something in the silence.

‘Cas?!’ he shouted.

Sam, Jack, and Gabriel noticed the missing member of their party and ran towards the outside of the clearing, looking through the dense forest that surrounded them and listening out for movement.

‘For fucks sake,’ Gabriel muttered under his breath.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted again, to no answer.

‘You see where he went?’ Dean screamed in shaky tones at the others who shook their heads, eyes wide with fear.

‘I… I saw him over there,’ Jack said quietly in shock, pointing awkwardly to the space in the clearing where Cas had been.

‘There were two angels with him,’ Sam said running over to the space and checking the ground that had been disturbed, leaving piles of mud and leaves. He crouched down and skirted his hand over the dirt, then looked over to Dean with eyes that said he had no answers. Dean lifted his hands to his head and brushed them through his hair, turning and surveying the forest with desperation.

Jack bent down and placed his palms on the earth, closing his eyes and listening. He took a few deep breaths then stood up quickly and looked upwards at the sky.

‘What is it, Jack?’ Sam asked, still frantically trying to work out what had happened to Cas.

‘This isn’t the right place,’ Jack said in a sombre tone.

‘You what?!’ Dean shouted.

‘ _Super_ ,’ Gabriel muttered sarcastically.

‘Jack,’ Sam interjected, trying to calm his tone. ‘What do you mean?’

Jack looked between them and responded, ‘This is the wrong world… It’s similar… but this isn’t where I’ve seen your mother.’

‘Goddammit!’ Dean shouted.

‘Jack. Do you know where the right world is?’ Sam asked, still trying to remain calm as Dean started pacing.

Jack paused for thought and frowned. ‘Yes,’ he said carefully. ‘It’s near… but it’s not this one.’

Sam looked at Dean who had stopped pacing.

‘You, Gabriel and Jack go,’ Dean said quietly. ‘I’m gonna stay and find Cas.’

‘- Dean,’ Sam interrupted.

‘It may not be that simple,’ Gabriel said, frowning.

‘What do you mean?’ Dean said, his heart beat racing as his mind whirred with anxieties about where the fuck Cas was.

‘The more portals we open, the more we add chaos into an incredibly delicate system of worlds,’ Gabriel replied.

‘What the fuck does that mean!?’ Dean shouted at him.

‘If we open another portal in this world which already has a rift, then we risk all the universes collapsing into each other,’ Gabriel shouted back. ‘Basically, the entirety of existence could be completely fucked.’

‘But there’s a chance it will be OK?’ Sam asked, trying to remain the slightest bit calm.

Gabriel looked back at Sam, and replied in a deadly serious tone, ‘There’s a good chance it will be OK… but this is risky stuff. If we only opened one rift it would be fine… but two? I dunno… as I said boys, it’s risky.’

‘Well we’ve got to take that chance!’ Dean shouted. ‘We ain’t leaving mom, and we sure as hell ain’t leaving Cas!’

Gabriel and Dean stared each other down. Gabriel could tell that there was no arguing with Dean and there was no turning back from their mission. ‘Fine,’ Gabriel spat out. ‘Anyway, I suppose you’re going to need to get Cas seeing as his power is helping to keep that rift open,’ Gabriel muttered.

‘And what if… what if worst comes to worst?’ Sam asked Gabriel. ‘Is yours and Jack’s power going to be able to keep that rift open?’

‘Well…’ Gabriel replied. ‘Technically it’s just Jack’s and Cas’s power holding that thing open,’ he said pointing to the golden rift in the clearing. ‘I more like… helped to guide us here.’

Jack frowned and asked, ‘Is it dangerous? I mean… is it dangerous to be linked to the rift?’

‘Well…’ Gabriel responded. ‘Technically it should be fine… but seeing as I can hop between worlds I wouldn’t want myself tied to it.’

‘You son of a bitch!’ Dean spat out, rushing towards Gabriel who with a flick of his hand quickly pushed him back.

‘Calm down, you idiot and listen to me for one second! Rifts are dangerous things and if someone is tied to it and things go wrong then they could be stuck! I ain’t gonna get myself stuck out here seeing as I’m the only one who could make it back to save you! We needed both Jack and Cas’s power to keep that thing open and get all us through. Anyway, by myself I could  have just about got us through for an hour or two, so don’t go yelling at me and calling me the bad guy when you have no idea what you’re playing with!’ Gabriel spat out.

Dean’s breathing was laboured as he tried to calm himself and understand what Gabriel was saying. Perhaps the dude wasn’t really trying to save his own skin and had reasons for not putting himself fully in danger… but it would have been nice to know this shit before he’d let Cas and Jack go headfirst into this bullshit. ‘So will Jack have enough power to get to the other world? Because I’m assuming you ain’t gonna help him with your grace in case shit goes tits up?’

‘Shit’s already gone tits up, dickwad’ Gabriel snarled back at him. ‘But you’re correct. Seeing as Jack thinks the world is nearby he probably has enough juice to get us there without me.’

‘And if the rifts close?’ Sam asked.

‘Then you’ll be stuck here and I’ll be flung back to our world. Give me a few months… maybe years, and I’ll be able to come and get you without destroying all of reality,’ Gabriel explained.

‘How long will I be able to keep the new rift open?’ Jack asked.

‘Three days. Tops,’ Gabriel said.

Dean nodded and turned towards Sam and Jack. ‘You guys think you can find your way back to this exact place?’

‘I think so,’ Jack replied and Gabriel nodded, exasperated.

‘OK,’ Dean said as he grabbed his duffle bag. ‘Give me three days. On the third day at midnight we regroup here. If I’m not here, then take mom home before it closes. If I’m here and you’re not… I’ll return here every day until you return… even if that thing closes.’

‘Dean, no! This is crazy! We need to stick together!’ Sam said.

Dean glared at him and responded, ‘I need to find Cas! You need to find mom! We don’t have time for two separate missions so this is how it’s gonna go! I’ll see you in three days!’ he said as he stormed off. Dean paused his strides and turned back towards Sam and Jack who were staring at him in shock. ‘You take care of each other, you here?’ Dean said earnestly. ‘Don’t fuck around!’ he addressed to Gabriel.

Sam and Jack nodded. Gabriel rolled his eyes and muttered an agreement. Dean then turned back around and strode into the darkness of the forest.

 

Sam stared after his brother, letting the feeling of hopelessness wash over him. Dean was set on his decision and he’d have to deal with it. Anger boiled inside Sam as he tried to deal with yet another decision made by his older brother with no input from himself.

‘Do you think Castiel is OK?’ Jack asked quietly, shaking Sam from his anger.

Sam sighed and brushed back his hair from his face. ‘Dean will find him,’ he replied with feigned belief and a forced smile. ‘Let’s go find mom.’

 

                                                                                            *                      *                      *

Dean quickly made his way through the forest, trying to ignore the thoughts that whirled through his brain and shot painful emotions into his core. Every thought of Cas he pushed to the back of his mind as he tried to focus on finding out where the fuck he was. Cas hadn’t been killed, because his body would have been in the clearing. He was taken… and that was a good sign Dean tried to tell himself. If he wasn’t killed instantly and was taken, then that meant they wanted him alive… he had to be alive. Despite these rational thoughts with which Dean tried to reassure himself, something felt… wrong. It wasn’t that Cas had been taken… it was that Cas literally felt… gone. It felt like there was a gaping hole in Dean’s soul. He tried to focus his mind on calling and praying to Cas but it felt like he was shrieking into a vacuum – there was just… nothing – no feeling of Cas’s presence anywhere in this god forsaken world. That anchoring feeling that Cas had given him as he’d placed his hand on Dean’s heart had vanished.

‘You said it was gonna be OK, Cas,’ Dean thought to himself as he thought he heard his heart break. Dean felt tears start to overflow at his eyes and he brushed them away and tried to refocus on those rational thoughts. Cas had been taken. Whoever had taken him wanted him alive. Cas had been taken. He wasn’t dead. They must want him alive. He can and he will get him back. Dean took a deep breath in and tried to clear his mind. There was a task at hand – he was on a mission. He pushed every inch of emotion out of his mind and repressed that shit in a locked box. Slowly his breathing became in tune with his hurried steps through the forest. His mind cleared and left only thoughts of planning, fighting, survival, and the mission at hand.

 

Dean quickly found a stream and started following it out of the forest. After about thirty minutes the trees started to clear. Dean noted that the trees were huge sequoias that towered above him, making the forest seem imposing and unearthly. The ground beneath his feet turned dustier as the trees cleared and soon the forest ended and Dean found himself at the top of a hill that rolled down a few miles towards a bay. The ruins of scattered houses were staggered down the hill, leading to a ruined city of brown brick houses and large white buildings. Over the bay below was a huge rolling fog that hung over the land and clouded the horizon. Dean started to make his way down the desolate road, his gun pointed in front of him with the safety off. He continued walking down the hill past the shambled houses, their wooden shingle tiles peeling off the exterior walls like diseased, flaking skin.  The few houses turned into streets of fallen telephone wires and red brick buildings lining roads. Broken glass from stores littered the sidewalks and newspapers flapped like broken bird wings in the wind. A shiver went up Dean’s spine as he sensed that eyes were upon him. He moved into the shadows of an old store and hid behind the abandoned counter. He quietly placed his duffle down and got out an angel blade, holding it in his free hand. Looking around the darkened store, he and noted the broken glass shelves and broken bongs that glistened on the tiles. A half-ripped poster clung to the opposite wall that had bold black letters saying ‘Living The High Life’ over a tie-dye psychedelic background. Dean smiled to himself at the bizarre surroundings, but his smile quickly faded as a shadow slowly inched towards the entrance.

‘I know you’re in there,’ a woman’s voice shouted from outside.

Dean lifted his gun quietly and didn’t answer.

‘I know you’re not an angel. Drop your weapons and exit the store,’ she asserted calmly.

Dean paused to think. She wasn’t attacking… maybe she knew where Cas was… maybe she could help?

‘You come out now or I throw a grenade in there with you.’

‘OK, OK!’ Dean shouted as he tried to get up slowly without cutting himself on the broken glass on the floor. He slowly made his way out of the store, his duffle over his shoulder and his hands raised holding his weapons. He turned out of the door to find a woman with brown hair and dressed in camo pointing an AK-47 at him.

‘Woah there,’ Dean said.

‘Weapons on the ground. Slowly!’ she shouted at him.

Dean obliged and slowly put his knife and gun on the sidewalk concrete.

‘What are you doing out here?’ she asked forcefully, looking down her gun towards him.

‘Trying to score some pot,’ Dean said wryly.

The woman raised her gun an inch and trained her eye back on Dean,

‘OK! OK! I’m looking for someone,’ he said.

‘Who do you report to?!’ she said, ignoring his response.

‘I don’t report to anyone,’ he said.

‘Michael? Lucifer? The Hindrance? You report to them?’ she said.

‘What?! No!’ Dean said before he thought about whether that was a wise thing to say.

The woman lowered her gun slightly and looked at him, obviously slightly less concerned but still wary.

She thought for a moment before saying, ‘Who are you looking for?’

‘An angel. Castiel. He’s a friend,’ he said, watching her expression carefully.

She stared at him for a moment longer before lowering her gun, obviously satisfied with his answer.

‘Come with me,’ she said and waited for him to pick up his weapons off the floor. ‘Walk in front of me,’ she said and then started following him, her eyes watching his back as they walked down the road.

After a couple of minutes walking through the abandoned city Dean said to the woman behind him, ‘Have you seen him?... Castiel? Have you seen him?’

‘Don’t talk to me,’ she responded unemotionally.

‘Awesome,’ Dean sighed sarcastically. ‘Good convo.’

‘Look, pal,’ she continued. ‘I don’t know who you are or what you want. For all I know you could be a spy or a lackey for Michael or Lucifer, or a member of The Hindrance. So shut up and walk.’

 

They continued down the deserted streets until they came to a huge white bridge that went over the water and stretched out into the thick fog. As soon as they walked along the highway and onto the bridge Dean felt exposed without the buildings around him. He paused for a moment and looked out across the bay and the abandoned industrial ports that edged around the water.

‘Keep moving!’ the woman said from behind him.

Dean obliged and continued walking across the bridge and into the sea fog. They walked for another ten minutes along the huge bridge that held up a six lane highway. Soon they got to a huge fence and barricade as the bridge crossed an island in the centre of the expanse of water. Men with guns stood behind the fence and sandbags, with their weapons pointed towards Dean. Two huge metal gates opened for Dean and his captor. Once on the other side men surrounded Dean and the woman started talking quietly to another camo-clad man. Dean stood with his arms over his head in surrender as the woman and man talked. Eventually they finished their conversation and the man turned towards Dean.

‘You. With me,’ he said and led Dean to an army truck, gesturing for him to get in. Two men got in the back seats of the truck beside him and handcuffed him, then the car started speeding across the rest of the bridge.

Dean bent to look out through the front windscreen. The fog started to clear enough for him to see a city at the end of the bridge where a few tall skyscrapers reached into the grey mist. To the north was a huge skyscraper that jutted into the sky like a sharp knife.

‘Is this San Francisco?’ Dean asked.

The men in the truck looked at him with bemusement. The driver glanced at him through the wing mirror and said to the other men in the truck, ‘We’ll take him to the commander for a technology and psyche eval.’

They all sat in silence for another fifteen minutes as the truck made its way through the city streets and then turned up a steep road, stopping outside a compound that surrounded an old, white, stone, rounded tower that was on top of this hill and rose higher than all the surrounding buildings. The men got out the truck and dragged Dean out. They led him into the tower, past multiple armed guards, and then climbed down some stairs and into a dingy, windowless room. They pushed him into a metal chair to which they handcuffed him, then left the room and bolted the door.

 

Dean was left in silence, regretting his decision to trust these people. At least he knew where he was. He was in San Francisco for sure. He recognised the skyline and remembered coming this way for a few hunts in years past. He remembered where he had come from and tried to work out where the clearing was. It was in an easterly direction over the bay, and then up into the hills. He went over in his mind his steps and tried to firmly stamp them in his memory. His thoughts were disrupted as a door opened behind him.

‘Holy shitballs,’ a familiar voice drawled out. ‘If it isn’t the great Dean fucking Winchester.’


	20. Chapter XX : Those Who Stand Looking

Chapter 20

 

Dean tried to turn around in the chair but couldn’t. A figure then came into his periphery and stood in front of him.

‘Ash!?’ Dean said in amazement. Ash stood in front of him, arms crossed and staring at him with shocked eyes and a bewildered smile. He wore dishevelled cut-off jeans and a camo jacket with its arms torn off over his bare torso.

‘Back from the fucking dead I see,’ Ash laughed at him then lunged forwards and bent down to hug him. Dean’s arms were trapped behind him as his handcuffs were still attached to his chair.

‘Erm… good to see you, Ash.’

Ash disentangled himself from Dean and then got out a key from his pockets to take off the handcuffs.

Ash stared at Dean with a smile, trying to believe his eyes. ‘This calls for some beer,’ he said jovially and took Dean out of the dingy room and further below the tower into a room that served as both a bar and a nerd’s paradise. Broken computers and wires littered the shelves and floor, and a huge bar with miscellaneous bottles of beer and liquor stood on wooden shelves. Ash waltzed behind the bar and took two unlabelled brown beer bottles off the shelf, twisted off the caps and hand one to Dean. Dean sat at a bar-stool as he held up the beer he’d been given.

‘Cheers,’ Ash said as he clinked his bottle with Dean’s, still staring at him with bemusement.

Dean smiled and took a swig, then started coughing.

‘Jesus, dude. What’s in this thing?!’ he coughed out at Ash.

‘Ahhhh,’ Ash said with pride, ‘My own special recipe. Ten per cent this stuff. Honey of the mother fucking gods.’ Ash then downed a full bottle and belched, then grabbed another bottle from behind him.

‘So… Deano… you wanna explain how you’re here after being dead for eight years?’

‘I’m dead?’ Dean asked.

Ash took a swig and raised an eyebrow in bemusement.

‘Now I don’t wanna point out the goddamn obvious dude, but I reckon you ain’t no dead man. And I’ve scanned you for any bullshit demon or angel or shapeshifter crap and you’re plain old you.’

‘No… I mean… the me from this world is dead?’

Ash narrowed his eyes. ‘I’m gon’ need the whisky for this one,’ he said then grabbed a clear glass bottle and took a swig from the amber liquid. ‘You wanna say that last sentence again, brother?’

‘Ash, I’m not from this world. I’m from a parallel world.’

Ash stared at him, unable to find any words to say.

‘Holy shit,’ he muttered. ‘Holy SHIT! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!... Wait?.... What?’

‘There are parallel worlds. My mom got trapped on one and we ended up here, but she’s in another reality. But then Cas got taken by these freakin’ angels and I need to find him before meeting up with Sam. I’ve only got three days, Ash. You gotta help me find Cas.’

Ash tried to take everything in. ‘Sam? Sam’s alive?’

‘Yeh, he’s off trying to find mom in another world.’

‘And Cas? Wait… there’s another Castiel?’ Ash asked.

‘Yes. He was taken. I need to find him,’ Dean said.

Ash’s demeanour changed as he let everything sink in. ‘Well that’s not good.’

‘What?’

Ash took another swig of the whisky and tried to collect his thoughts. ‘OK. So let me get this straight. You, Sam-I-Am, and Castiel -  y’all are alive and skipping around in an alternate world like rednecks at a Skynyrd gig. You then came here trying to find your mom. Castiel got captured. And Sam has gone off to find your mom in another parallel world… because apparently parallel worlds exist… Dang… This is huge…this changes everything… Schrodinger and Newton were right, the fucking bastards… this fucks up all my thoughts on quantum mechanics and space divisible in infinitum…’ Ash said, his thoughts trailing off. ‘Well fuck me.’

‘Ash!’ Dean said firmly, trying to get Ash’s attention.

‘Yo… sorry… Right… OK, so hold the fuck up… your Castiel is here… he’s captured… and y’all are fixin’ to get him back… Well, that may be an issue, my friend. It might be difficult to find him depending on what faction has him… But regardless we all be needin’ to get him back,’ Ash stopped speaking and thought for a moment. ‘Whatever happens you’re gon’ need to meet our leader… This is gonna be interesting,’ Ash said with a smile.

 

                                                                              *                      *                      *

 

Ash led Dean out of the lower vaults of the tower and up a spiral staircase. They climbed the stone steps which were worn into curves by a hundred years of footsteps. Once they had ascended almost to the top Ash turned through a huge, bolted metal door and into a dark, cold, circular room. A lamp hung from the ceiling over a large circular table which was littered with maps and broken chess pieces. It looked like a medieval war room; shielded in this fortress but armed to decide on an attack. A few people stood around the table; two women and two men. One man stood facing the table and away from Dean. His broad shoulders were hunched over the map as he muttered to the people stood around him. All four were dressed in the torn-up army clothes that everyone at this base seemed to wear.

‘Chief,’ Ash called out to them. ‘I gotta feeling you’re gonna want to meet my friend.’

Everyone except the man whose face was still hidden turned and stared at them both, looking at Dean and not recognising him. Ash continued to look with a faint smile at the man still hunched over the table. The man turned round slowly and locked eyes with Dean. Cas stared back at him with wide eyes which glared out pain and shock. Dean noted that he had the one-thousand-yard stare born only from fierce and incessant combat. Castiel’s hair was tousled and messy and a scar ran through one eyebrow. He continued to stare at Dean, his expression a mixture of shock and almost anger. Castiel stepped slowly towards him and looked up into his eyes with an intense frown, as if trying to see through his pupils. In a flash Castiel’s expression turned from shock and anger into pure pain. His lips quivered slightly and his frown dissipated into deep sorrow.

‘You’re not you,’ Castiel stated quietly, his voice barely masking the emotions bubbling inside him.

‘I’m… I’m not from this world, no,’ Dean said quietly, looking away, unable to hold eye contact with a face torn up in total anguish.

A silence hung over the room as the men and women looked between Dean and Castiel in confusion.

‘Y’all wanna give us a minute,’ Ash said, looking pointedly at the commanders stood around the table who then quickly left.

Once they’d left Dean and Ash caught Castiel up on what had happened and explained that Dean’s Cas had been captured.

‘Show me where you were ambushed,’ Castiel said, pointing to the large map on the table. All three gathered round the table and Dean bent down closer to study the nearby area. He traced his finger over the westerly bridge and tried to map out his past steps. He found the road in downtown Berkeley where he’d hid in the bong store. Knowing he’d ended up in Berkeley made that damn hippie store make sense. Dean then noted the topography and moved his hand up the hills and found the river fork by the forest.

‘I reckon we were ambushed about here,’ Dean said, pointing to the forest he’d found.

Ash nodded and said, ‘Y’all may have been lucky. We’ve been thinking The Hindrance operate on the San Joaquin River, just North East of there.’

‘And how’s that lucky, exactly?’ Dean asked pointedly.

‘It is lucky because that means your Castiel wasn’t taken by Lucifer or Michael’s angels,’ Castiel said in a solemn tone. ‘Lucifer has bases in Detroit, Chicago, and the mid-Western states. Michael has New York and the New England states. If you were captured anywhere near here it was most likely The Hindrance.’

‘And who are they?’ Dean asked.

‘Some wackos,’ Ash replied. ‘A group of angel bastards split off early in the war and started talking shit about how this was Armageddon and shouldn’t be stopped. They persuaded some human crazies to join and it became a full-blown cult situation, you know. They all out there thinking that Lucifer and Michael are fixin’ to destroy the world and only they will survive and get to God’s own paradise and whatnot.’

‘They attack our base on occasion and try to recruit the people,’ Castiel chimed in. ‘They are dangerous, but they are not Lucifer or Michael’s army.’

‘So you know where they’ve got Cas?’ Dean asked, studying the sprawling San Joaquin river and noting the many places in that wide area where they could be.

‘Not exactly,’ Ash said as he scratched his chin and looked down at the map.

Castiel stood up straight and looked at Dean with questioning eyes. Dean noticed the look and drew his attention away from the map. Castiel then softly placed his hand on Dean’s forehead, like a parent checking if a child’s fever had broken. Dean jumped slightly at the touch but didn’t back away – just stared at Cas with a warning in his eyes. The feel of Castiel’s hand touching his skin shot a pain through Dean’s body as every fibre of his being was hit with memories of his Cas. Dean saw a flash of pain shoot through Castiel’s eyes, and then his hand fell.

‘Ash,’ Castiel said. ‘Dean’s Cas has left some residual grace in Dean’s DNA-’

Dean’s eyebrows shot up with a questioning look at Castiel.

Castiel noticed and thought for a moment about how to respond. ‘It may have been from him healing you,’ he told Dean without looking him in the eyes. ‘Could you make a tracking spell?’ he asked Ash.

Ash sniffed as he crossed his arms and thought about it. ‘Yeh. I reckon I got the skills for that. Though I ain’t sure how long that’d take. Depends on how much residual grace.’

Castiel nodded. ‘You start the tracking spell and I’ll gather the commanders to work out a battle plan.’

Dean and Ash nodded, looking at Castiel and waiting for him to continue talking.

Castiel looked between them, his expression cold and his mind already whirring with thoughts on how to execute the plan. ‘You both can leave now,’ he said, then turned his back to study the map once more.

 

Dean felt slightly put out by this Castiel’s bluntness. Maybe it felt extra weird because _his_ Cas wouldn’t be such a dick. Dean followed Ash out of the room and back to the spiral staircase.

‘Join me for a smoke?’ Ash asked rhetorically as he started climbing the stairs. Soon they reached the top of the tower which was round and surrounded by large, white stone arches that circled around the flat, paved roof.

Ash fished a pack of cigarettes out his baggy pants and wandered to one of the arches and looked out into the night. Dean joined him and stared out at the view. San Francisco stretched out below them. Half the city to the South lay in darkness and destruction. Surrounding the tower and to the North until the land reached the bay were streets lit by industrial floodlights. Campfires lay at crossroads and the lights from army vehicles patrolled the grid of streets. The shadow of Golden Gate Bridge poked through a thick sea fog to the North, its centre lit by floodlights which highlighted a large fence and people patrolling the centre.

‘Your Cas seems like a dick,’ Dean muttered almost to himself.

Ash blew a trail of smoke into the air and scratched his chin in contemplation.

‘Do you know how many civilians are in this city?’ Ash asked rhetorically. ‘Around four-hundred-thousand,’ Ash continued, staring out almost wistfully to the half-ruined city. ‘Every single human here is alive because of Castiel. We’ve got San Francisco and New Orleans, and the rest of the country is barren, or a war zone between Michael’s angels and Lucifer’s demons. There are seven-hundred thousand free people left in North America and they’re all alive because of that angel in there.’

‘What about the rest of the world?’ Dean asked.

‘When the war here started the rest of the world made holy shield technologies. Powerful stuff. Northern Europe and Australasia use the British Men of Letters Shield. The rest of Europe and South America use the Great Vatican Shield. Then there’s the African Shield, the Islamic Shield, and the Great Asian Shield. The rest of the goddamn world is guarded and are watching us burn - assholes. We managed to get people out and put up shields here and in New Orleans, but once them angels and demons were out here and all over the goddamn country it was impossible to gather the resources to protect us from a virus that had already become… infested and whatnot.’

Dean took it all in and looked out over the dark vista. ‘How did it all start?’ Dean asked.

Ash took another long, slow drag of his cigarette and took time to think of how to respond.

‘I ain’t got no idea what timeline you’re on in your world, but did you go to hell?’ Ash asked.

‘Yeh. Cas got me out?’ Dean responded.

‘And did you say ‘yes’ to Michael?’

‘God no.’

‘Mhmm. Our Dean Winchester didn’t either, which the angel dickheads weren’t too happy about. But once they found your bro Adam, all you and Sam seemed to do was try and stop the apocalypse so… so…’ Ash said, trailing off.

‘So what?’

‘Castiel was being mind-fucked by one of Michaels commanders, Naomi,’ Ash continued.

‘Yeh, that happened in my world too.’

‘Well, those bastards fucked up Castiel enough to get him to kill you,’ Ash said, glancing at Dean to try to gauge his reaction.  

Dean’s breath hitched as he let that piece of information sink in.

‘Don’t hold it against him, brother. Dude was proper messed up. Killing you broke whatever fucking spell they’d put on him… Well, after that Sam went practically suicidal. Lucifer had been freed from the cage and he was hunting down Sam to be his vessel. Damn hero put an ancient spell on his soul that made it impossible for him to be possessed by anything… Kicker was that it killed him within a few days.’

Dean was silent and in shock, listening to this alternate timeline; this timeline that could so easily have been the way his life had turned out.

‘Castiel looked for you and Sam, ya know,’ Ash continued morosely, still staring out and engulfed in dark memories from the past. ‘After he gathered up an army he stormed heaven but couldn’t find either of you. We think you’re caged away in the portion of heaven that Michael rules… But every single person alive today is here because Castiel couldn’t save you. You’re the driving force, my friend. But Castiel ain’t ever gonna forgive himself for killing you. The dude is gonna end the damn apocalypse and all he’s gon’ try and do is find you and Sam.’

‘Shit,’ Dean said quietly, almost to himself.

‘Mhmm,’ Ash muttered. ‘He talks to me once in a blue moon. We down half the liquor I make and he talks about the end. And every goddamn time he says that after humanity is saved he’s gon’ find you… Sometimes he says he’ll try and apologise – show you that he saved the world… other times he says he gon’ give you his angel blade and give you your retribution…’ Ash trailed off, then took the last drag of his cigarette.

‘I wouldn’t… I mean the me of this world wouldn’t hold it against the guy,’ Dean almost whispered, deep in thought.

‘Trouble is he ain’t ever gonna see it that way.’

They were silent for a minute. Ash seemed lost in the shadows of the past whilst Dean was consumed with the flashes of false memories; memories of what might have transpired if one small thing had gone differently.

‘We better be starting this tracking spell,’ Ash announced through the silence.

 

 

                                                                              *                      *                     *

 

Back in Ash’s bunker, Dean gave him some of his blood in a vile for the spell. Ash then took him out of the tower and to a nearby old bank with guards on the doors. Each old vault was used as a room for the high command, and Ash showed Dean to an empty room, then pointed down the corridor to his own.

‘I’m gonna work my skills and will see y’all in the mornin’,’ Ash said, then walked off raising his hand in a ‘rock on’ symbol.

Dean smiled to himself, glad that in this strange world – uncannily different to his own – resided an old friend.


	21. Chapter XXI : When She Gets There She Knows

Chapter 21

 

Dean didn’t know how long he’d been asleep. There were no windows in the cold concrete room. He’d been exhausted the night before but he didn’t feel like he’d slept that long. Dean checked his heavy, black watch on his wrist and saw that it was seven am. He yawned and rubbed his palms over his face, trying to ready himself for the day. Hopefully Ash had got the tracking spell to work and they’d be able to rescue Cas and meet the others by tomorrow evening. But time seemed to be passing quickly and Dean worried whether they’d make it. His thoughts turned to Cas, who seemed so far… so distant. It felt like he’d vanished off the face of this earth. Was he dead already? Was he being tortured? A sharp pain struck Dean’s stomach and his head felt dizzy from the worries. He got up and got dressed, trying to distract himself from any more anxious thoughts. Tentatively he headed out of the room, opening the heavy, metal vault door, being careful to close it quietly. He glanced up and down the corridor and towards the room Ash had stated was his own. Dean walked towards it and knocked quietly. He heard mumbling voices from inside which faded into silence. Dean waited a moment longer and then knocked a bit louder. After a moment he heard muffled footsteps head to the door and someone unbolt it from inside. It opened a creak and a stark naked Ash poked his head round it. Dean looked away quickly, slightly embarrassed.

‘Dean – Deano – Dean Winchester,’ Ash drawled sleepily, squinting at him in the hallway light. Ash didn’t appear at all fazed by his own nudity.

‘Shit, erm sorry, dude,’ Dean said.

‘You need something, brother?’ Ash asked, peering further round the door and glancing up and down the hallway.

‘I erm… just wanted to check up on that tracking spell?’ Dean said.

‘Ash, you OK out there?’ a man’s voice called from inside the room.

Dean continued staring at anything other than Ash, and felt his eyebrow subconsciously rise in surprise.

‘Come back to bed, baby,’ a woman’s soft voice called from inside the bedroom.

‘Give me one second, doll,’ Ash called back and then looked at Dean, still completely unfazed by the situation. ‘Mind giving me another hour?... Actually make that two,’ he corrected himself with a smirk.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Having a party or something, Ash?’

‘Something like that,’ Ash replied with a grin, then knocked his flat palm of the door twice and winked at Dean. He then turned round and let the door slowly shut, saying to the man and woman in the room, ‘My darlin’s, where were we?’

Dean stared in bemusement at the now closed door and smiled to himself. ‘Well goddamn, Ash,’ he thought to himself jovially.

 

Dean found his way out of the bank and passed the guards on duty. He could see the tower as soon as he’d left the building and thought maybe that’d be a good place to head towards. He could always find an early morning drink in Ash’s basement nerd cave in there to properly get the day started.

 

Dean managed to get into the tower after reminding the guards who he was. The first guard insisted that he didn’t have clearance and called a more superior female guard over who had been briefed on who Dean was. Eventually he got into the tower and headed for Ash’s bar/tech room. He walked straight towards the drinks and grabbed a beer from the shelves, opening it on the side of the wooden bar. Dean sat on one of the stools round the front and sipped the beer, mulling over the situation, Cas, and this strange world of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.

‘I see you’re already familiar with Ash’s drinks collection,’ a voice said from behind Dean, startling him slightly.

Dean turned around to see Castiel stood behind the bar counter, dressed in black army khakis and a black t-shirt.

‘Erm, yeh,’ Dean answered, still trying to regain his composure. ‘I think he was trying to poison me with his liquor yesterday,’ Dean continued light-heartedly.

Castiel faintly smiled and walked towards him, but continued to behind the bar, grabbed himself a beer, snapped his fingers and the cap flew off.

‘I’ve got a feeling Ash is a bit preoccupied at the moment,’ Dean said with a grin.

Castiel sighed a sigh of knowing frustration and rolled his eyes. This made Dean smile as memories of his Cas rolling his damn eyes flashed through his mind. Dean’s smile faded quickly as he was consumed by worry, then he picked up his beer and took a large swig.

Castiel noted Dean’s change in mood and cocked his head to the side, squinting at him.

Dean looked up at him and said, ‘Don’t do that. I hate it when you do that.’

Castiel looked like he was about to speak, but paused for a moment longer to think.

‘We’ll find him,’ Castiel said in a way that seemed uncharacteristically soft for the angel Dean thought him to be.

Dean huffed in disbelief and took another large swig of beer.

‘You aren’t so sure?’ Castiel continued.

Dean sighed and looked up at the angel, stood in front of him behind the bar. ‘I ain’t holding out much hope, no,’ Dean responded.

‘If The Hindrance have him, which I am almost certain they do, his chances of being alive are high.’

‘You don’t understand,’ Dean quietly muttered.

‘Then help me, Dean.’

Dean gulped down another swig of beer and thought for a moment about how to respond.

‘Me… Me and Cas… my Cas… I dunno how to explain it, man… all I know is that as soon as he was taken it was like he was gone – vanished – just… gone. And I don’t like basing things off weird fucking feelings but… something in my gut just tells me that he’s been wiped off the face of this damn world,’ Dean said, staring down at his almost-empty beer bottle.

‘I see,’ Castiel said quietly. ‘And what was this feeling?’

‘The hell if I know, dude?’ Dean responded accusatorily.

Castiel just continued looking at him calmly, a sense of questioning in his eyes.

‘What do you want me to say, huh? That we’re connected? That… I dunno… that we’ve got some weird sixth sense?’

Castiel shrugged. ‘And when did this feeling stop? When you arrived in this world or when your Castiel got taken?’

Dean began to answer but stopped, truly thinking over the question. ‘It… erm… I don’t know.’

‘Then perhaps it stopped, not because he was killed, but because you are both here?’ Castiel said, his eyes watching Dean like a hawk.

Dean huffed out a maybe, and drank the last of his beer.

Castiel watched him in silence for a moment, pondering over what to say next. This Castiel was a warrior and beaten down and scarred, but he still had retained a softness that seemed to contradict the person he was.

‘Do you love him?’ Castiel asked in a sad, yet matter-of-fact tone.

Dean was shocked by the left-field question and looked up at Castiel.

‘Excuse me?’ Dean asked, reverting to his safe tone of incredulous anger.

Castiel’s eyes bore into him, almost challenging him to contradict his last statement. The stern tone subsided from his gaze, revealing something akin to sympathy. ‘When I first met you, I could tell that somehow you and your Castiel are bound in ways that differed to myself and the Dean Winchester of this world. Forgive me Dean if I am wrong, but I sense that perhaps the bond you share is akin to love. This may cause you to feel his presence, or lack thereof, more fervently. Although this may have been disrupted since you left your world,’ Castiel explained.

‘I mean… sure, Castiel is family,’ Dean muttered before taking another sip of his beer.

Castiel smiled in a knowing, yet sad way. ‘Of course,’ he said.

The door of the room then opened with a clank, halting the conversation completely.

‘‘Morning ya’ll,’ Ash yawned at them, sauntering over to the bar and tapping Dean on his back before he grabbed a beer, opened it, and downed it in a couple of gulps.

‘Good night?’ Dean asked with a smirk.

Ash burped and leaned on the bar, grinning at Dean, then giving him a wink.

Castiel rolled his eyes. ‘We should check on the spell,’ he stated, then walked out of the room.

Ash sighed and grabbed another beer. ‘No rest for the wicked, huh,’ he muttered.

‘I think you’ve had enough rest,’ Dean said as he got up off the bar stool and headed to the door.

‘Oh no, my friend. It was the lack of rest that made it so wicked,’ Dean heard Ash say as he left the room.

 

                                                *                      *                     *

Castiel and Dean walked to the room further up the tower where the maps were laid out on a table. Ash soon joined them, carrying a small cauldron of shining blue liquid. He moved the maps off the table and laid out a fresh map of the United States. Castiel and Dean watched with baited breath as he poured a small amount of the liquid onto the map as he spoke an incantation. The liquid burst into flames which scattered over the map, burning the edges until a space just west of San Francisco remained.

‘Good news,’ Ash said. ‘Your Cas seems to be alive.’

Dean placed his hands on the table and hunched over his body, giving out a huge sigh and trying to steady himself.

Ash threw the small remaining piece of map onto the floor and got another map of California from a shelf at the side of the room. He placed it on the table, poured more of the liquid onto it, and said the incantation again. Once more, the liquid burst into flames which scurried across the map, burning everything in its path until it left a small circle of map to the west of San Francisco near the town Isleton.

‘They must be at the centre of this segment,’ Castiel said as he bent closer to the map. ‘There’s a large farm right there on the San Joaquin river,’ he continued, pointing out the markings of a few buildings surrounded by fields.

‘The Hindrance?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes. We know they’re based out that way, now we can go in and eradicate them,’ Castiel said as he placed the original map of California on the table and drew a red cross over the farm by Isleton.

‘Ash, call the commanders,’ Castiel said, before returning his eyes to the map and thinking over the plan.

Dean suddenly felt as though a small weight had been lifted. Cas was alive. They knew where Cas was. They were gonna find him and save him.

 

A couple of minutes later and three other commanders walked into the room.

‘Dean, this is Commander Haseya Yazzie,’ Castiel said, gesturing towards a tall Navajo woman, clad in black combat gear and a black denim jacket which was covered in material patches with Native Peoples symbols and patterns.  ‘This is Commander Isadora Baudet, one of our New Orleans commanders,’ Castiel continued, gesturing towards a black woman also dressed in black combat gear. She wore her hair in long dreadlocks and her eyes bore into Dean as he shook her hand.

‘And this is Commander Thiago Cabello,’ Castiel said, pointing to the final stranger in the room. Thiago was a short and stocky man with a black beard, dressed in black combat gear and wearing a black cowboy hat. Dean shook his hand and nodded to him.

‘Commanders,’ Castiel said, ‘This is Dean Winchester-’

‘So you’re from a parallel world, huh?’ Isadora asked Dean, who noticed that her hand was hovering over the gun in her belt.

‘Yeh,’ Dean replied, eyeing her hand.

She moved her hand away and folded her arms. ‘Right…’

‘So do we have a plan, Captain?’ Haseya asked Castiel.

‘Yes,’ Castiel said as he ushered everyone around the table to look at the map. ‘We drive a convoy to Antioch and send scouts out for recon. Then walk through the abandoned farms to Isleton. Ash and Baudet, you can power down any spells they have over the camp. Myself and Cabello will lead the first troops and surround the camp. Yazzie, you will lead your troops to the front to draw them out whilst we enter the compound from the back. Any humans who surrender will not be harmed. Shoot all angels on sight. If you have to use deadly force on the humans then do so.’

The commanders nodded and left the room to give orders and rally their respective troops.

 

An hour later Dean, Ash, and Haseya sat in the second truck of a long convoy of vehicles. Castiel drove the truck in front, and the rest of the commanders with about two-hundred troops drove behind in huge military vehicles.

‘You’ve got a heck of an army out here,’ Dean said as the trucks started slowly moving through San Francisco towards the eastern bridge.

‘We have a lot of great fighters. Luckily Michael’s army has dwindled a lot over the past few years,’ Haseya said.

‘Did most of the angels follow him?’ Dean asked.

‘About half, the other half fight for us. It’s not the angels who turned to his side, it was the people,’ Haseya continued.

‘He got people to fight for him?’ Dean asked.

‘Oh yeh. He drained lots of the men from the swamp and Bible belt and convinced them they were needed for what he called his ‘crusade’. Funny what you can convince white people to do in the name of God,’ she muttered. ‘Most of the black folk fought back and made their way to Louisiana. Some got out, but in those early years back when the US government existed it helped the rich get out to Europe, and then helped the people they saw as ‘more fit’ for leaving. The poorer communities, my people, and the native and Hispanic peoples were forgotten and were stuck in this war zone. Luckily we had our own spirituality or voodoo and held our own. Now we’ve got strongholds where we can protect each other, but those poor folk who got swept away by Michael’s promises of paradise on earth ended up as canon fodder against Lucifer’s army.’

‘Shit,’ Dean muttered.

‘Yeh,’ she sighed. ‘I feel bad for them, you know. Even though they fought against us – they were just so consumed by that ideology that they had no thoughts of their own. But even so, kinda fuck them still.’

‘Too right,’ Ash muttered.

A moment later Ash’s phone rang.  

‘Hey, how’s it going?... OK, and you’ve sorted out the codes?... Sure thing, I’ll send them over to you now,’ Ash said before he ended the call. ‘We’ve hacked the base. Should make things easier when we storm the place,’ he continued.

 

The convoy soon reached a dishevelled town a few miles away from The Hindrance’s compound. The commanders set up a tent where they spread out the maps and continued to discuss how they would retrieve Cas. The two hundred men and women sorted through weapons and waited for the recon team to return. Dean sat with Ash as he entered codes and numbers onto his laptop. Dean started to dismantle his gun and clean it, trying to give himself something to do. His thoughts turned to Cas, dressed in old jeans and a borrowed T-shirt, standing at his door and reminding him that he unnecessarily cleans his gun when he wants to worry. He saw his kind eyes and his soft smile. He saw that look which he knew meant that Cas would do anything for Dean. Dean tried to reach down deep into his soul and find that sense of serenity which he felt when he was with Cas, but he just found a hollowness that opened like an ancient, black cavern in his soul. He could feel himself choking up as that deep vacuum of nothing overtook his emotions.

‘Where are you, Cas?’ he silently prayed – with no answer.


	22. Chapter XXII : The Piper’s Calling You To Join Him

Chapter 22

 

Cas was tied to a torturing board, his wrists and ankles bound with chains which were engraved with Enochian magic. The board was upright, forcing Cas to always stand and stare into the shadows of the dilapidated barn in which he was held. He’d been jumped by those angels and dragged back to this place before Cas had the time to realise what was going on. The angels and humans of this group had bound him in such powerful chains that it felt like he had no grace at all. They had cut into him and tortured him as they shouted questions at his face. Cas had stayed practically silent bar the few screams and cries which he’d been unable to withhold. Through the overheard conversations in the barn or through the questions that had been thrown his way, Cas had worked out pretty quickly that this world was engulfed in a war between Lucifer’s and Michael’s angels. Evidently there is a Castiel of this world who leads a faction which is trying to stop the war. His captors’ sole purpose was to make sure the war continued, and when it is over, they will be the ones to survive and be the true holy ones. The group seemed to be a fairly ragged bunch of delusional angels and men. Their speech was imbued with archaic religious language and those in high command all appeared to have a superiority complex. The humans appeared to be suffering something akin to Stockholm syndrome – worshipping the ‘leaders’ and doing their bidding, but behind their eyes was a great fear.

 

Cas’s mind turned to Dean. Throughout the pain and fear of these past few days, he had managed to stay strong by thinking of Dean. Being here in this strange land had cut whatever psychic ties they had and left this wall of silence. It was like the tin-can string between teen-lovers’ bedrooms being cut – leaving the lonely echoing metal in its place. Cas scrunched up his eyes and tried to vividly see Dean’s face – his green eyes and tanned skinned – short cropped hair and grin that preferred one side of his smile. Cas saw the faint freckles and the lines around his eyes, some of which hadn’t all been there when they’d first met. He saw the gaze that looked stone cold and distant – a glare that spoke of protection and strength, yet behind that was this softness – a warmth and vulnerability like a child lost with his teddy bear in a dark forest, holding tight to the soft toy and saying through his tears ‘we’re gonna be OK’. Cas saw Dean lying next to him in bed, he saw him fight next to him, he saw him yawn dressed in that god-awful robe in the morning at the bunker. Cas saw Dean notice him from across the room and nod in that way which said ‘We’ve got this. We’re a team. I will always have your back.’ Cas thought of Dean’s lips pressed into a smirk which spoke of complete confidence, but really just hid the softness. He tried to remember what it felt like to have those lips softly kiss his own. The pain of the memories seared through Cas’s being and he opened his eyes with a cry. Yet despite the pain and torment that washed through his body, picturing Dean provided him with strength. Dean and Sam and Jack were going to save him, and even if they didn’t, he would fight to the very end to try to get back to them. And if worst comes to worst, he will always have those memories of Dean.

 

Cas was jolted back to reality as the doors of the barn swung open. A human dressed in dirty white robes sauntered into the building, letting the half-broken doors clunk into place behind him. He was skinny with long, brown, greasy hair that stuck to his temples. Cas hadn’t been tortured by this mother-fucker yet – it had mainly been two angels who had had the pleasure of that, but Cas had seen him in the shadows of the room whilst the torture had occurred.

‘Castiel, how are we feeling, Castiel?’ the man said in a sing-songy fashion.

He moved through the slits of light in the barn until he stood close to Cas, under the sole light which hung above the torture table. Cas didn’t respond.

‘Hmmmm, still quiet are we?’ the man continued as he glanced up and down Cas’s torn up body. ‘This would be easier if you started talking, you know?’

‘Go to hell,’ Castiel spat out.

The man grinned. He had maniacal eyes that hardly ever blinked and seemed to stare into one’s own madness, hook onto it, and draw it into one’s thoughts.

‘What I don’t understand, Castiel, is why you want to stop it?’ the man said as he leant towards Cas and stared into his eyes.

‘Stop what,’ Cas muttered.

‘The apocalypse. You know you will start it? You know that don’t you? I have visions… visions about the end of days. That is why we won’t kill you. I wish we could but we can’t,’ the man snarled at Cas whilst he circled around him. ‘My visions do not lie, Castiel. And you must be there. When the wild doe stares at you through the forest mist, the apocalypse will occur. I have seen it. You must be alive as witness. But apart from that you are worthless… no, worse than worthless. You are the hindrance to the end of days and our sole purpose is to stop you. You must cease your fighting and stay here – only just alive only so you can witness it. Yes… yes…. This has never been about you. This is about the brothers, and the brothers only. It has always, and always will be about the brothers. The great brothers Lucifer and Michael. It was only them at the beginning and it will be only them at the end. And you… you weak watcher! You come down to earth and try to get in the way of the brothers?! You!? You with your sick obsession over Dean Winchester dare to muddy the waters of this great story about them, and only them? What gives you the right!? And you come down to earth – a male angel – inhabiting a male body and go on your crusade for your love for a man!?’ the man spat at him. ‘You know what we humans call that on earth?’ he asked rhetorically. ‘A sin against all that is holy. An abomination to God himself!’

Cas rolled his eyes at this delusional, homophobic, dickhead.

‘Go to hell,’ Cas snarled at him once more.

‘Oh no, no, no, no, no. I am bound for heaven. Myself and my human and angel congregation are the promised peoples – the ones who will be here at the end. Hell is closed off to such a pious soul as myself. The angels have chosen me, Castiel. They fight for me! They know that I am the true prophet of our times!’

‘You are no prophet,’ Cas muttered. Although he wished he could stay quiet like he’d done over the past couple of days when knives had been jammed into him. But this weak, horrific, man with his stupid thoughts frustrated Cas so much that he was finding it hard to stay quiet. ‘And you do realise that the angels who are ‘following’ you only do so because they despise me? Many despise Michael and Lucifer, or are cowards and don’t want to die in their armies, but most of all they hate me.’

‘Lies!’ the man shouted at him. ‘Lies! You Lie! I know those who follow me! We are the chosen ones! We see the world and know the truth! We see the future and know that we are correct, we are right, we are righteous!’ The man started cackling. ‘And anyway, it doesn’t matter what you say! You may be trying to stop the apocalypse, but you’ll be the one to truly start it!’

Cas snarled at the man and turned his face away from those maniacal eyes.

‘Anyway,’ the man continued. ‘You’ve got some more information that we need.’ The man paused to glare at Cas, wondering if the promise of more torture could persuade him to talk.

Cas snorted at the thought that more torture would work on him now that he’d been assured that they were planning on keeping him alive.

Suddenly the doors of the barn flew open and one of the angel dickheads who’d driven blades into his skin the past few days walked in and rushed towards the human leader. The angel grabbed him by the cuffs but restrained himself, then let the man go. The man was shocked that one of his own had treated him so harshly.

‘Follow,’ the angel hissed at him.

The angel and the man moved to the other side of the barn and started talking quietly. Despite their whispering Cas heard every word. The angel must be incredibly stupid not to realise that Cas, being another angel, can hear incredibly quiet noises that would be out of human earshot. They argued about how the man had told Cas that he wouldn’t be killed, and then moved onto talking about how on earth they’d get the information they needed now. Cas smiled to himself. Of course it was painful and slightly worrying being trapped in this crazy cult’s barn, but at least he was sure that this group wasn’t exactly the deadliest force on earth. If he could only get out of these handcuffs and recuperate then he might be able to take some of them down and escape. Cas started to struggle surreptitiously against the cuffs, but realised that not only was he injured, but he was incredibly weak. Cas shut his eyes, trying to block out the worries that he was going to be trapped here forever. He opened his eyes and looked up at the broken rafters of the barn through which the moonlight shone in shards of jagged light. He breathed out slowly (not that it helped physically what with him being an angel), but it helped somehow. As Cas stared up through the cracks in the ceiling at the open sky, he thought of Dean. Dean will save him. Dean is coming to get him. Dean wouldn’t leave him here alone. It pained Cas to realise that even if the portal shuts, Dean wouldn’t leave this world without him. Cas wished that he could have been a better angel and hoped that Dean would go through that portal without him, but there was no point in denying that he hoped Dean would risk being trapped in order to save him. And at the end of the day, Cas knew that would be exactly what Dean would do. Cas tried to steady his thoughts and calm the desperation that was bubbling inside him. He tried to centre himself and truly think once more about the situation. Somewhere inside him he hoped that Dean would stay here and save him… but then Cas also knew that he himself would give his life so that Dean could be happy. So if that meant him dying in this world and Dean returning back to his reality; then so be it. But how could those two opposing wishes be present in his mind simultaneously. How could he want to die for Dean whilst also wanting to live with him. To live for love seemed as much of a sacrifice as dying for love. Did he truly love Dean? After the Elsker Wraith case, that had made him assume that perhaps he loved Dean, but since then so much had happened. What was crazy is that he felt so, so much more for Dean now. If he’d loved him then, then what was this feeling he had now; this feeling like the world made so much more sense with Dean close to him? It was like a floodgate had been opened and these surges of emotions and feelings towards the man had been set free. For so many years he had loved Dean, but now… perhaps now he was in love. There really was a difference between the two. To love can be lonely, like staring over an ocean towards the person. To be in love is to be drowning in that ocean together.

 

Cas kept his eyes closed as he became overwhelmed once more simply by thinking of Dean. That feeling continued to wash over him as he heard the man and angel walk towards him and pick up some cold, metal blades. And even as they started shouting at him and tearing into his skin, Cas could bare it. Because that pain was happening in a world far away, and Cas was still swimming in the ocean.


	23. Chapter XXIII : There's Still Time To Change The Road You're On

Chapter 23

 

 

Castiel exited the makeshift tent with the other commanders and headed towards Dean and Ash.

‘What is your status?’ Castiel asked Ash.

‘Good and ready to shut down those motherfuckers. We hacked into their shields, power, and signals and are ready to fuck ‘em,’ Ash said with a grin as he frantically tapped at his laptop keyboard.

Castiel nodded and said to Dean, ‘Dean, you’re with me. We are taking troops round the back of the compound whilst the others approach from the front.’

Dean nodded and gathered his weapons, stashing his guns in his jeans and lifting his duffle bag over his shoulders.

 

The army walked in silence across the decaying fields towards the compound. It was night, so only dim flashlights and the moonlight lit the way, washing over the fallow land with a silver glow. After a good few kilometres they reached a line of trees and brush, one field behind the compound. The compound was made of a few wooden barns and a large farmhouse. Battered ferry containers were scattered around the site. The floodlights around the wire perimeter showed a few men and women marching along the edges.

‘Ready?’ Castiel whispered to Ash as they crouched down behind the foliage.

‘Fuck yeh,’ Ash replied. He opened his laptop and hit a few keys. He grabbed his radio mic from his pants and spoke into it, ‘Charlie, do you copy?’

Dean heard a woman’s voice over the radio. ‘You betcha!’ she said.

‘Charlie!?’ Dean loudly whispered.

Ash and Castiel stared at him in shock.

‘Sorry,’ Dean said quickly, realising that maybe this wasn’t the time for a catch-up, even though the thought of seeing Charlie… well, this world’s Charlie would bring him so much happiness.

‘You got the codes ready?’ Ash said, ignoring Dean’s outburst.

‘Let’s stick it to those bitches!’ Charlie replied over the radio.

‘Copy that, dude,’ Ash said with a grin. He then put the radio back on his pants and hit the ‘enter’ key on his laptop. Ash then looked back up at the compound which was suddenly flung into darkness.

‘Their shield and power is completely down, we’re good to go,’ Ash said.

‘Stay back here and make sure the shield doesn’t return,’ Castiel ordered, then turned to face an angel dressed in khakis. ‘Seraphiel, make sure no harm comes to Ash.’

Seraphiel nodded, then suddenly the fifty troops rose from their positions and started to jog across the pitch-black field.

As Dean ran through the night towards the huge wire fence of the compound he was suddenly hit with the realisation that Cas was in there. Cas – his Cas – his beautiful, strong Cas was in there. And those bastards had captured him and had done god knows what to him. A rage suddenly hit Dean as they reached the fence. Castiel lifted his hand and quickly smelted the metal away, leaving a huge gap for the troops to get through. Dean ran through first; that fire in his eyes pushing him into battle without a second thought. He felt someone grab him by the jacket and swung around to see Castiel.

‘Dean! Control yourself!’ he hissed at him, obviously noting Dean’s sudden desire to throw himself into danger without a second thought.

Dean was breathing hard, trying to escape Castiel’s grip. He managed to control himself enough to say. ‘Fine,’ before ducking behind an old truck as gunshots rang out in the night. Castiel’s army fired back, seeing flashes of guns by the buildings. Castiel crouched beside Dean and handed him a large automatic rifle.

‘This has angel killing bullets,’ he said as he practically chucked it at Dean, before standing up and shooting into the night.

Commander Thiago Cabello appeared at their side, skidding onto the group beside them.

‘We have them surrounded on all sides. Yazzie is holding down the front of the compound,’ he whispered loudly.

‘And Baudet?’ Castiel asked, taking a second to shoot back into the night.

‘She’s following Ash’s instructions to the compound’s back-up generator,’ he continued.

Castiel nodded.

More gunshots started firing their way, causing them to duck further down into the dust behind the truck as sparks flew off the rusted metal.

‘There are two barns to our left. We need to clear them out,’ Castiel ordered.

At that moment Cabello’s radio beeped and Commander Isadora Baudet’s voice came over the signal.

‘We’re fighting off troops on the inside!’ Baudet said. ‘We won’t make it to their back-up generators in time!’

‘Copy that,’ Cabello replied. ‘Abandon the generator. We don’t want our own caught in friendly fire.’

‘Copy that!’ she shouted back as loud gunshots went off around her.

‘Let’s go!’ Castiel shouted, and all three started shooting at the figures around the buildings, their distant bodies shattering in cracks of blue light when hit by the angel bullets.

As they ran across the open space towards the nearest barn dim lights appeared in the buildings. Suddenly they could see men and angels appear by doorways and windows. Castiel’s troops shot back. Dean could feel bullets whooshing through the air as he sprinted for cover. His body smashed against the barn doors which flung open. As soon as they were through the doors adversaries were upon them. Dean grabbed his angel blade from his jeans and stabbed the angel who was approaching. Before Dean could stop to think another angel was upon him. The angel grabbed at his arm, twisting it behind his back. But Dean contorted his body and jabbed the blade into the angel’s stomach. More of Castiel’s troops poured into the barn.

‘Hands up!’ Cabello shouted at the men and women who were cowering in shock at the other end of the barn. ‘No sudden movements!’

Dean righted himself and glanced around the barn, trying to look for Castiel. All he could see was broken tables and frightened men and women. The occasional angel would approach with a blade in their hands before being wrestled to the ground by Castiel’s men.

‘I’m going to the other barn!’ Dean shouted at Castiel.

Dean ran out of the barn and through Castiel’s troops who were fighting and shooting at The Hindrance’s army. Dean ran towards the other barn, swerving left and right to try to dodge any bullets that came his way.

He kicked the doors, but they wouldn’t budge. He smashed his body against them again, and they didn’t open. Abruptly they smashed open, and Dean saw Castiel at his side, his hand up having just blasted the doors down. They both rushed into the barn and glanced around. An angel came out of the shadows and was suddenly upon Castiel who started to fight back. Dean looked around and then he saw him. At the end of the barn, tied up to a metal torturing slab, was Cas.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted as he ran towards him, but an angel suddenly came out from the shadows and kicked him in the stomach. Dean saw the flash of a blade and spun round, kicking the angel in his shin as hard as he could despite the searing pain. The angel quickly regained his balance and lunged for Dean again, but Dean quickly moved out of his way and grabbed the angel by his hair and slashed the blade across his throat, causing the blue light of his grace to splutter out of his neck along with gushes of blood.

Dean looked up and saw Cas looking at him with an expression of happiness… relief… love?

‘Cas,’ Dean uttered quietly as he ran towards him. Dean was only a metre away from him when he was flung backwards, his head hit the wooden walls of the barn, and everything went black.

 

Cas’s eyes followed in shock as Dean’s body careered across the room like a discarded rag-doll. As he hit the other side of the barn Cas cried out and tried to struggle against the metal cuffs which held him to the table. It was futile. He lifted his gaze to see his own visage, it’s palm facing towards Dean having just flung him across the room. The other Castiel drew his eyes away from Dean who was blacked out on the straw and dirt covered floor. The angel then turned towards Cas and walked towards him. Cas couldn’t speak. He was confused and frightened, but most of all he was livid. Who was this version of himself? If he was with Dean, then wasn’t he meant to be coming to save him? The other Castiel approached him, a look of anger and pain in his eyes. He lifted his blade towards Cas’s throat as he glared into his eyes.

‘I could just kill you now,’ he almost mused with his face close to Cas’s, who lifted his neck away from the blade. ‘I thought I would be pleased to find you alive,’ he snarled at Cas. ‘But now I’m here… I wish you were dead.’

Cas was still in shock. Suddenly the hope at seeing Dean coming through those doors to save him had plummeted into a feeling of utter despair.

‘Don’t,’ Cas uttered. ‘You’re better than this.’

‘Am I?’ Castiel hissed back at him. ‘I… I could kill you now… become you… I could… I could…’ Castiel continued.

Cas could see the menace fade from his doppelgänger’s eyes and give way to an expression of pure sorrow. In that second Cas realised the thoughts that were speeding through that Castiel’s mind.

‘Your Dean… he… he is…’ Cas said.

‘Dead,’ Castiel whispered. He then brought the blade closer to Cas’s throat as the internal war continued in his mind.

‘Please,’ Cas uttered. ‘Killing me won’t make it right.’

‘And why not?!’ Castiel shouted at him, the blade throwing shards of light across his face.

‘He’s not your Dean,’ Cas responded.

‘And he’s yours?!’

‘He’s not either of ours!’ Cas replied fervently. ‘You kill me and take my place, and he’ll know. What gives you the right to decide for him? To trick him?’

Castiel glanced over his shoulder towards Dean who was still blacked out on the floor of the barn.  ‘I… I… I have to make it right,’ Castiel spoke quietly.

‘Whatever happened to him - to this world’s Dean - it’s not your fault,’ Cas urged.

Castiel was suddenly full of anger once more, grabbed Cas by the neck and pointed the tip of his blade against the centre of his neck. ‘It is! You have no idea what I’ve been through! You live in a world full of light and love and you never had to kill the only thing which brought you any happiness!’ he snarled at Cas.

Cas was taken aback by his words and tried to think over what must have happened.

‘Naomi?’ Cas said quietly.

A shot of pain flashed in Castiel’s eyes as he heard that name, and although he didn’t reply, Cas knew he’d hit the nail on the head.

‘That was not your fault! Naomi did that to me! I almost… I almost… I almost did the same,’ Cas continued.

‘But you did not! And that is the difference! You haven’t lived with his death on your hands! You haven’t thought about that moment every second since it happened! You haven’t lived each day knowing that you destroyed the world and everything that could have been!’ Castiel almost cried out.

‘And so what?’ Cas replied. ‘You kill me and take my place, and that will make it right? Look at him,’ Cas said, turning his head towards Dean. ‘Look at him!’

Castiel managed to turn his gaze towards Dean.

‘After everything that you’ve been through, you think this is how you can make it right?!’ Cas fervently questioned.

Castiel fought against the emotions that swirled through his thoughts, then his hand which held the blade against Cas’s throat started to drop to his side.

‘I’m not you…’ Castiel said quietly. ‘I’m not as strong as you… If I were, I wouldn’t have…’ he trailed off.  

‘It was not strength which kept me from killing him, I wish it was,’ Castiel pleaded quietly. ‘It was luck. I wish it had been because I was strong, or courageous, or a good being… but I know that it could have easily been so different.’

‘But it wasn’t,’ Castiel replied quietly.

‘But you have the chance to make it right now. Don’t you see?’ Cas urged.

Castiel looked up at him in confusion.

‘Dean has asked you to help save me,’ Cas continued. ‘You have the chance to save Dean from the pain you have suffered over these past few years. You can save him by saving me.’

‘You only say that to save yourself,’ Castiel hissed out.

‘No, no I do not,’ Cas replied calmly. ‘You and I both know that I would give my life for his happiness. But this would only beget more suffering.’

Something within Castiel changed. Any anger apparent in his expression faded. He thought for a moment, twirling the blade in his hands before his body seemed to relax slightly and his hands stayed still. He walked over towards Dean and placed his fingers gently upon Dean’s temple. Dean’s eyes opened to see Castiel walk back over towards Cas.  Castiel clicked his fingers and sprung open the metal clasps. Cas, his body weak and fragile fell forwards and landed in Castiel’s arms.

‘Love him,’ Castiel uttered quietly in his ear. ‘Love him for me,’ he whispered.

Dean rushed towards them and grabbed Cas from Castiel’s arms. He gripped Cas around his body and tried to keep him upright then swung round to face Castiel.

‘What the fuck just happened?’ he demanded in anger.

‘I… I’m sorry,’ Castiel spoke quietly as he took a few steps back. ‘A moment of weakness.’

Dean readied himself to continue shouting at the angel – the angel who he’d thought was there to help him, but the look in Castiel’s eyes stopped him short. There was such sadness there that shouting at him again would feel like kicking a sick animal.

Before he could say anything more, Commander Cabello ran into the barn.

‘Captain,’ he addressed to Castiel. ‘We have complete control over the compound. The prisoners are all held in the nearby barn.’

Castiel had been staring at Cas and Dean, looking with pain at Dean’s arm which was snaked around Cas’s body. He managed to draw his stare away and turned to face Cabello.

‘Ready the troops to take them back to the base,’ he ordered, burying all the emotions deep down within his being once more.

‘Where is the leader?’ Cas quietly asked Cabello.

‘Which one?’ Cabello responded.

‘He is a human dressed in white robes,’ Cas managed to say through his weakness.

‘He is with the prisoners,’ Cabello replied.

‘Where’s the fucker!’ Dean spat out, starting to walk towards the barn doors.

‘No, Dean,’ Cas whispered. ‘Enough suffering has been caused tonight.’

 

Castiel began to follow Cabello out of the barn.

Dean turned to Cas and took his battered face in his hands, his fingers gently brushing over the bruises and cuts across his face. Cas looked up at him with wide eyes full of relief. He held his arms firmly around Dean’s waist, pulling their bodies together so that he could really feel him close, and also to literally lean on him.

‘Don’t you ever do that to me again!’ Dean whispered with a mixture of love and anger.

‘I’ll try,’ Cas said with a faint smile.

Dean kissed him – a kiss which tried to convey his relief, anguish, and… and love. His lips pressed against Cas’s, turning from fervent to gentle. Dean pulled Cas close to him and felt their strong bodies press together. His lips brushed against Cas’s gently before he pulled away. Having Cas back in his arms felt like the world was perfect again. Dean opened his eyes to see that Cas was really there in front of him. Cas was alive, and safe, and in his arms.

‘I…’ Dean said, the words leaving his mouth before he could properly think about what he was saying. ‘I… I missed you, man,’ he continued after a pause.

Cas smiled as he looked up at him, his head cocked to one side. ‘I missed you too, Dean,’ he said quietly.

 

Castiel had glanced back as he had exited the barn and saw Cas in Dean’s arms, then saw them kiss. Castiel stared for a moment, but quickly looked away and almost ran out. As soon as he got out into the cool, night air he collapsed by the barn, his back sliding down the wooden planked walls. His face fell into his open palms as he gave out a whimper. He was the leader of thousands of people, a Captain to a huge army of men, women, and angels. And yet that supposed strength meant nothing in this moment. He felt like he had seen the world as it could have been. Castiel recognised that the envy of earlier had dimmed to leave the reality that, within his being was a gaping hole. He’d tried to ignore it for years and yet now he felt like he was staring straight down into that pit and seeing only blackness. Castiel stayed like that for a moment, trying to fight his way back to reality – trying to erase from his mind that image of Cas in Dean’s arms. Castiel opened his eyes to the starry night sky above him. At least he knew now that even though he had lost _his_ Dean, there are other worlds where things turned out differently. He tried to be happy for them – he tried so goddamn hard, and he supposed he was in a way. And after Dean and Cas had returned to their world, he himself would find some peace one day. But now, now he had people to save and his own world to put right.


	24. Chapter XXIV : She Can Get What She Came For

Chapter 24

 

Dean helped Cas out of the barn and into the chaos in the compound. Castiel’s troops were rounding up The Hindrance and leading them in handcuffs towards the front gates where trucks were gathered to take them back to San Francisco. As Dean and Cas were hobbling to the convoy of vehicles when four of Castiel’s angels approached them.

‘We’ve been instructed to heal you,’ a tall, female angel addressed to Cas.

‘I’m fine,’ Cas managed to say, although of course he knew he wasn’t.

‘Those are the instructions,’ another angel said, looking with confusion at Cas. He was obviously disconcerted by seeing another form of his leader in front of him.

Dean looked at Cas and gave him a ‘You’re getting healed no matter what’ look, which convinced Cas to let them.

Dean laid Cas on the ground. He crouched down and began to reach for his hand, but settled for something less intimate and held gently onto his upper arm. The four angels sat on the dirt next to Cas and closed their eyes as they healed him with their grace. After a few minutes they stopped and one asked him, ‘How do you feel, Castiel?

Cas sat up and stretched out his fingers, then felt at the fading cuts over his face. ‘Better, thank you.’

The angels nodded and stood up. ‘We’ll see you back at San Francisco,’ one said before they marched away.

‘You OK?’ Dean asked Cas as he helped him up.

Cas brushed off the dust from his torn jeans and what was left of his t-shirt. ‘I’ll be fine,’ he responded with a smile.

 

Dean and Cas made their way through the carnage of the compound. Angels and humans were being healed from gunshot wounds as they lied in puddles of blood and mud on the ground. Troops ran from trucks with medical supplied and handcuffs linked by chains as humans and angels shouted out orders. Dean helped Cas into an armoured vehicle with some other troops. Before it left the door opened and Ash climbed in. Cas sat in the middle, between Dean and Ash.

‘So you’re the other Castiel, huh?’ Ash said to him, holding out his hand.

Cas shook his hand and gave a faint smile.

‘I’m Ash,’ Ash said as the truck set off through the night.

‘Y’all are OK?’ he asked them.

‘Good now,’ Dean muttered with a smile.

‘Good to hear.’

‘Thank you for your help,’ Cas said.

‘No problem at all. I should be thanking you. Without you getting captured we’d have not known were to find you,’ Ash said.

Cast looked at him with confusion. ‘You didn’t know where the compound was?’ he asked.

‘Nah. No clue. Had to use a tracking spell to find you.’

Cas became more confused. ‘You didn’t have any of my grace?’

Ash scratched his chin. ‘Yeh, but somehow y’all are linked. So we managed to track you through Dean’s blood. I reckon y’all healed him at some point and left a trace of your grace.’

‘But that wouldn’t be enough…’ Cas started to say, but stopped himself as he pondered what could have happened. ‘Sure,’ he finished saying instead.

Dean listened to Ash and Cas talk, not really paying much attention to what they were saying. He stared out the window as dark fields and buildings lit up by headlights moved past his window. His body was close against Cas’s side – it’s presence so unbelievably comforting to him. The movement of the truck lulled his body and Cas next to him made him feel more at peace than he’d been since he arrived in the godforsaken world. He felt his head roll forwards and his eyes get heavy. But as he drifted off to sleep he would jolt awake again. Cas put his hand on Dean’s thigh, not in a sexual way, just to let him know that he was here every time Dean was startled into waking. After a few minutes Dean’s head unconsciously rested on Cas’s shoulder and he fell into a deep sleep.

 

                                                                                     *                      *                     *

 

Back at the compound they followed Ash into the tower to the maps room which was filled with various members of Castiel’s army. Huge crates of homemade beer were placed on the table, and a jovial attitude was abundant amongst the room’s denizens. Dean left Cas at the side of the room and went and fetched them a couple of beers. Dean handed it to Cas who seemed to be a lot stronger than before, but not fully healed.

Cas took the beer and glanced around the room. ‘People seem to be staring at me,’ he told Dean quietly.

‘Well, you are the doppelgänger of their Captain… and you’re covered in blood,’ Dean said, looking over Cas’s blood-socked jeans and t-shirt.

Cas looked down at himself and clicked his fingers, fixing his clothes back into their original state.

‘How’s the beer, gentlemen?’ Ash said as he sauntered over.

Cas took a sip, noting it’s more… informal taste. ‘Strong,’ he replied.

Ash laughed and clinked their beer glasses together. ‘Damn right,’ he said with a smirk.

At that moment Dean noticed a familiar face walk through the door. His eyes watched her as she almost skipped into the room.

Ash noted Dean’s distraction and called to the woman. ‘Charlie! Over here!’ he shouted at her.

Charlie smiled and joined them, ‘Wassup? So you must be Dean?’ she said.

Dean rushed to hug her, sending her slightly off-balance.

‘I take it you know me already?’ she asked as Dean took a step back.

‘Yeh… well, I know the you from my world,’ he said, slightly embarrassed at hugging this version of Charlie despite him being a complete stranger to her.

‘Cool! What’s she like?’ Charlie exclaimed.

‘She was awesome,’ Dean said rather sadly.

Charlie noted the past tense and her demeanour changed. ‘She didn’t make it?’

Dean shook his head.

‘So there are parallel universe, huh?’ she said, changing the subject.

‘Apparently so,’ Dean replied.

‘Hey,’ Ash said. ‘You think if there are parallel universes there’s a zero world?’ he mused.

‘A Darko Suvin zero world* or the theoretical quantum mechanics multiverse paradox world?’ Charlie asked.

‘The multiverse paradox,’ Ash replied.

‘What was that in English?’ Dean asked.

‘The theoretical idea of multiple parallel universes!’ she explained excitedly. ‘Well obviously it isn’t so theoretical. But it’s the idea that if there are multiple parallel worlds, then there might be a parallel world without parallel worlds.’

‘But that’s a paradox which can’t exist in line with quantum physics itself,’ Ash said.

‘Dude,’ Charlie said with a sigh. ‘Angels are kicking each other’s asses on earth… I think we’re way past the known governing laws of quantum mechanics.’ Charlie then turned to Cas. ‘So is it possible?’ she asked.

‘I believe that anything is possible,’ Cas said quietly, thinking it over. ‘Although I don’t have the omniscient power to give you a true answer.

Charlie and Ash thought over his response for a while.

‘I wish you angels were better at describing the physical state of the universe,’ Ash muttered.

‘Well,’ Charlie said light-heartedly. ‘Most of them can’t work out how to turn on a computer so it figures they haven’t got a clue about the coolest shit in physics.’

‘Damn right,’ Ash responded.

‘I’m happy you two are friends,’ Dean said.

Ash and Charlie smiled back, then Charlie playfully punched Ash in his side. ‘The bestest! Anywho… gotta go see a girl about a thing,’ she said with a wink, then walked away saluting them with the Star Trek hand signal.

Dean watched Charlie move through the crowd towards Commander Isadora Baudet. When she approached her, Charlie snaked her arm around her. Isadora smiled at Charlie who grinned back, before she continued her conversation with those around her, her arms resting over Charlie’s shoulder.

Dean smiled at them, once again pleased that despite the turbulence and violence of this world, some friends still remained and had garnered some happiness.

 

Dean and Cas talked for a while to the various people in the room. Castiel walked in at some point to the sound of applause and praise. Dean was still angry at being knocked out by the guy and so tried to avoid Castiel, although it seemed like Castiel was also trying to avoid him. An hour or so into the evening Dean told Ash that they were leaving, letting him know that they would have to return to the clearing where they’d first arrived. Ash told them that a group would accompany them, and he bid them goodnight.

 

                                                                                    *                      *                     *

 

Cas followed Dean to his room in the converted bank. Dean noted Cas had been fairly quiet all evening, well, quieter than he normally was. Although with every hour Cas seemed to be regaining strength. Back in their room Dean kicked his shoes off and collapsed onto the bed. Dean looked at Cas who walked through the door, looked around with a frown, then slowly shut the door. Cas sat down on the bed beside Dean, his hands clasped together.

‘It’s good to have you back, man,’ Dean said as he watched Cas shuffle awkwardly on the side of the bed.

Cas looked at him, then slowly moved towards him and lay over his body. Dean took Cas’s face in his hands and stared into his eyes. He brushed his lips over Cas’s and brushed his fingers through Cas’s hair. Cas kissed him more fervently, gasping slightly into the kiss. Dean’s thoughts left his mind at that sound, and all he could focus on was Cas’s strong body over his own. He sought out Cas’s tongue with his own and pressed his body upwards to meet Cas’s. He then moved his hands down and grabbed at Cas’s T-shirt, then lifted it over his head. He opened his eyes and watched his hands glide down Cas’s torso, seeing the fading scars that ran like scratches over polished wood. Dean spun Cas round so that Cas was below him on the bed, his own knees beside Cas’s thighs. Dean leaned down to kiss Cas once more. He rolled his hips into Cas’s groin, causing hums and murmurs from Cas. Dean undid Cas’s belt and pulled his jeans down to his knees, then undid his own trousers and pulled them down. Cas watched him, his eyes wide as Dean took off his T-shirt, his muscles rolling with his motions. Cas traced his fingers down Dean’s body, then lifted his head for another kiss. Dean kissed him languidly, then reached down to grab hold of Cas’s cock. At the touch Cas moaned into Dean’s lips and grabbed at his hair. Dean kissed him in motion with his hand movements, then lay further down and took himself in his hand as well. The feeling of both their cocks sliding together within Dean’s strong hand radiated a pleasure within them both. He wanted to see Cas come and see the grace light up his eyes. He wanted to feel their bodies close together as they reached a climax. He felt his tongue seeking out Cas’s and felt him groan into his mouth – breathless and wanting. Cas’s hands were in his hair, then gripping at his back – his fingers pressing over the muscles. Dean quickened the pace of his hand, causing Cas to moan more fervently. He heard Cas whisper his name before he kissed him again – wet and needing. The pleasure built within him as Cas pressed his head back onto the pillow and shut his eyes. Dean continued to rub themselves together as he too felt the energy and heat rise within his body. Dean placed his free hand down next to Cas’s head to steady his body as he continued to get them both off, the pre-cum slicking their cocks and making them rub together quicker. Dean’s hand motions became faster as he could barely think of anything apart from the feeling of both of them in his hand. Cas moaned and opened his eyes to see Dean looking at him with his huge black pupils full with lust and want. At that sight of Dean’s strong body over him, his hand pulling them both to a climax, Cas cried out a guttural whisper and his eyes shone bright blue. Seeing Cas completely unravel threw Dean over the edge as they both came on each other’s bodies. Dean slowed his hand movements, pulling them both through their orgasms, then he kissed Cas – all tongue and wet kisses as he felt Cas relax under him. Dean slowed the kiss as his hand moved away from between them. He kissed Cas languidly – the kind of kiss that’s slow and gentle like a whisper – the kind of kiss that could last forever and never turn into anything more because it’s just about the feeling of soft lips brushing against each other. After what seemed like an eternity Dean broke the kiss, rolled onto his back, and settled into Cas’s side, his head on his chest, his arm softly wrapped across Cas’s stomach. Dean felt exhausted. It had been a long couple of days of little sleep and huge amounts of worry. Having Cas by his side, his lips almost touching Cas’s naked chest, made that feeling of safety return to his being – that feeling that everything was going to be OK. But now that so much of his worry and pain had faded away to be overtaken by this feeling of serenity, Dean felt like his survival mode was switched off. He was physically and emotionally exhausted now that he felt safe and free of some worries. Dean breathed in deeply, smelling Cas’s scent. Cas smelled like clear steam, like the hot water of an Icelandic geyser on a crisp, winter day. He smelled like dew on a summer morning – fresh and new. He smelled like the world after it rains on a late Tuesday afternoon. At some point Dean fell asleep as he thought about how Cas reminds him of all the things he loves about the world.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * For more of my thoughts on Suvin's Zero world feel free to read my reblog of these post on my tumblr: https://nealcassatiel.tumblr.com/post/163488691619/postmodernmulticoloredcloak-tinkdw


	25. Chapter XXV : Through The Trees

Chapter 25

 

Dean awoke the next morning snuggled into Cas’s side. He groggily opened his eyes and groaned at being flung back into consciousness. Cas’s skin was cool next to him and the feeling of their naked bodies close once more made him feel relaxed and safe.

‘Good morning,’ Cas said. Cas of course had been awake all night, and judging by the fact that Dean hadn’t woken up, he assumed that Cas hadn’t moved since he fell asleep.

‘‘Morning,’ Dean grunted, then rolled further towards Cas and shut his eyes again; not yet ready to face the challenges and worries of the day.

‘We’re returning to the forest clearing I’m assuming,’ Cas said.

‘Yep,’ Dean muttered.

‘I believe Ash and this world’s Castiel will be joining us,’ Cas continued.

‘I hope not,’ Dean replied. ‘Well, Ash is fine. Not too happy about your dickhead lookalike.’

‘Don’t be too quick to judge,’ Cas said quietly.

‘Yeh? And why not? The dude knocked me out. I mean I trusted the guy. And what the hell happened back there?’ Dean said, anger growing within him.

‘He is a broken angel. I believe that he himself was shocked by his actions,’ Cas replied.

‘Did he hurt you?’ Dean asked after a moment.

‘No,’ Cas responded.

‘So what happened, man?’

Cas thought about how to respond. ‘He blames himself for the death of the Dean of this world. I think encountering me… encountering a version of himself who didn’t take the same path as him was frightening. My presence alone forced him to confront things about his past and future.’

‘And so what?’

‘So maybe there are things about him that neither of can understand. And that his actions on that day were not born out of hate, but of pain,’ Castiel replied quietly.

Dean sighed. As much as he wanted to hate Castiel for pulling that shit back at the compound, he supposed that Cas was right. Dean didn’t know what it must have been like for the dude once his Dean had died – maybe he should try and let it go.

‘Fine,’ Dean responded. ‘Don’t mean I have to trust the guy.’

‘Of course,’ Cas replied.

 

They both spent a while longer in bed, their kisses becoming more and enjoying the feeling of their bodies so close. They felt safe and shut away from the world and at some sort of peace despite knowing that as soon as they got out of bed the worries of the world would be upon them once more. After an hour or so they both got dressed, gathered all of Dean’s weapons into his duffle bag and headed out.

 

                                                                    *                      *                     *

 

There was a sense of dissipating chaos outside as Castiel’s troops dealt with the prisoners and casualties from the previous night. Soldiers ran past them sporadically as people shouted out orders from across the dusty street. First aid wagons were being hauled along the roads to the various medical buildings in the area. Dean and Cas made their way to a large mess hall which served grits for breakfast each morning. As Dean ate the rather bland food the worries about Sam and the other’s mission began to settle further in his thoughts. When Dean finished eating they made their way back to the tower and found Ash and Castiel discussing the journey ahead of them. Castiel all but ignored Dean and Cas as they entered the dark room, continuing to look at the maps of the local area that were strewn out on the large table in the centre of the room.

‘Y’all get some rest and food?’ Ash asked them.

Dean nodded.

‘Cas,’ Ash continued. ‘How you holding up?’

‘Much better, thank you,’ Cas replied with a smile.

‘Good to hear. So we’re heading out with a small group in case anything happens, but should get y’all back to that clearing in pretty much two hours. Won’t be able to get the trucks up the hills before the forest at the top, so will drive out to Berkeley and go the rest of the way on foot. That good with y’all?’ Ash asked.

‘Sounds good,’ Dean replied.

They spent the next half hour gathering supplies and weapons and studying the maps to make sure that they’d be able to find the clearing. Dean was sure he knew its rough location, but nevertheless it may take a while when in the woodlands to find its exact spot. When everything was ready, Cas, Dean, Ash, Castiel, Charlie, Commander Baudet, and ten other troops got in two armoured vehicles and made their way out of the city. Once they were out of the streets and onto the large bridge Dean let out a deep breath. Suddenly it felt like the past three days of horror and pain were actually over. A huge mist lay over the bay which continued up into the hills behind Berkeley. The forgotten buildings made everything seem eerie and apocalyptic. Old newspapers and plastic bags swirled in eddies over the sidewalks, like lost ghosts in the wind.

The vehicles finally parked outside a huge white and green copper gate. The party got out and started to make their way along pavements between huge white stone, faux Greco buildings. The archaic architecture or these empty buildings made him feel like he’d stepped back in time into an ancient forgotten society. They all walked in silence as Dean gazed up around him at the huge buildings with expansive stone steps leading to marble pillars and broken wooden doors. After about fifteen minutes they came to a hill at the back of these buildings. They made their way up a dirt path in silence, climbing through the brush and mist to the top. At the top of the hill they continued on towards the forest, Dean leading the way and looking out for the stream which he’d followed on his arrival. As most of the party walked in silence, Cas found himself walking next to Castiel.

‘I never properly thanked you,’ Cas said.

‘You do not need to,’ Castiel replied as he kept glancing around their surroundings, looking for any enemies.

‘Nevertheless, I want to express my gratitude to you and your people for saving me,’ Cas said.

Castiel was silent for a moment before replying, ‘Well, I believe that it was my fault that you ended up here.’

Cas frowned and cocked his head to the side. ‘How so?’

‘From what I gather you were meant to have opened a portal into another world, and yet you were drawn to this world. In fact, you were drawn to somewhere only a few miles from myself,’ Castiel continued.

‘Yes,’ Cas said, confused as to what Castiel was inferring.

‘And you do not think that was suspicious?’ Castiel asked.

‘I don’t know.’

‘I pray every night for Dean’s return. I feel like I am calling that desire through the entire universe. And then Dean returns to me. Of course, not the Dean of my world, but something drew you here nevertheless,’ Castiel said morosely.

Cas thought it over. Castiel was right that it seemed like quite the coincidence that they had arrived somewhere so close to Castiel. ‘I suppose,’ Cas responded quietly.

Suddenly they heard a call from Dean letting them know that he’d found the stream which wound its way into the forest.

When Dean turned around to tell everyone that he’d found the stream, he was surprised to see Cas and Castiel talking. As Commander Baudet and Charlie walked past him, Dean couldn’t move, his eyes trained on Cas and Castiel. The sight of Cas with his doppelgänger instantly put Dean on edge. The last time those two were together god knows what had gone on. Without realising he was doing so, Dean walked towards them, glaring at Castiel. As he approached he glanced at Cas who was staring at him.

‘It’s OK, Dean,’ he heard Cas say, although Cas’s lips weren’t moving.

Dean stopped in his tracks, noting the look in Cas’s eyes which told him that everything was fine. Cas nodded, letting Dean know that he wasn’t in any danger. Dean relaxed slightly and started walking in front of them both towards the stream. Dean knew in his mind that Cas was more than capable of protecting himself, but the need to be by his side regardless of whether Cas needed him to be there or not couldn’t be shaken from his subconscious.

 

Castiel had noticed how Dean switched immediately into fight mode, staring himself down, and moving towards Cas as soon as Dean saw them talking. Castiel felt as though that was his cue to walk the rest of the way with another member of the party. He dropped behind and then saw in front of him Dean and Cas walking side by side, their shoulders and hands brushing against each other’s once in a while. Castiel stopped watching them. He just couldn’t watch.

 

The party walked for another hour and a half before they found the clearing. They had spent a good forty minutes tracking various paths through the woods before they managed to find signs of Dean’s footsteps. Once in the clearing the troops scattered themselves as lookouts whilst Charlie, Dean, Ash, Cas, and Castiel placed their weapons and bags down, then sat down. In the middle of the  clearing were two faint rifts. Dean stared at them, trying to make Sam, Mary, and Jack appear through one of them through willpower alone. It was now eleven twenty in the morning, so Dean was sure there must still be some time before Sam and the others would return. However, … would they return? What if they didn’t? They’d only had three days to go find mom wherever she is… and what if Lucifer is over there? What if they come back without her… or with her body? Dean felt a hand at his back, rubbing gently in small circles over his jacket.

‘They’ll be OK,’ Cas whispered into his ear. They were both sat down on the grass and decaying leaves. Dean had his arms around his bent knees, staring down at the forest floor as he worried over what had become of Sam. Dean felt Cas’s hand move up to the back of his neck; the tips of Cas’s fingers caressing the base of his neck and the short hairs there.

Dean sniffed and looked at Cas, his face so close and staring into him with those sad, yet powerful blue eyes. Dean’s breath hitched as his eyes strayed down to Cas’s lips. His body and heart jumped for a moment, before Dean tore his eyes away and stared back at the ground. Cas’s hand glided down his back and fell away.

‘You know when they said they’d be here?’ Ash asked as he puffed on a cigarette.

‘I mean,’ Dean replied. ‘Today… but God knows exactly when.’

‘There ain’t no Gods here no more,’ Ash joked with a grin.

Dean smiled, but it faded into a frown. ‘Hey Cas,’ Dean said. ‘Do you think every world has a God, or is there one God for all the parallel worlds?’

‘One. Of course,’ Cas responded.

‘Why of course?’ Charlie asked, joining in.

‘Because each world is not separate from Creation,’ Cas replied. ‘God made all of creation, and each reality is just a separate sphere within creation.’

‘And so would God stay in one reality… or hop between them?’ Dean asked.

Cas looked at him, then realised why he was asking. ‘Well, no. Not really. Humans have a misunderstanding of the nature of God. See, God can be present simultaneously in multiple worlds and at multiple times. He may exist in all places, at all times, at once. He is not constricted to one timeline nor one single teleological lifespan,’ Cas replied, speaking slowly.

‘So…’ Dean said, staring at Cas with hope in his eyes, ‘the God of our world could also be here…’ Dean said.

‘Yes,’ Cas replied.

‘You what?!’ Ash shouted, chucking away his half-finished cigarette. ‘You met God? Like… The God… The OG God God?!’

‘Ash,’ Dean said frantically. ‘You ever encounter a guy called Chuck? Weird writer dude… he may have been a prophet?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes,’ Castiel chimed in, having been listening closely to the conversation.

‘When did you last see him?’ Dean asked.

‘Like four months ago or somethin’,’ Ash replied. ‘He comes by SF every few months, then disappears. He’s the only dude who’s been able to survive out there without getting himself dead.’

‘Chuck is God,’ Dean said.

Ash basically laughed at him. ‘You what, man?’

‘He cannot be,’ Castiel said.

Charlie simply responded, ‘Woah! Cool!’

‘Chuck is indeed God,’ Cas replied.

‘You mean drunk, nihilistic, sad, meek, drunk, has-a-lotta-sex-, oh… and drunk Chuck?’ Ash asked incredulously.

‘Yes!’ Dean insisted. ‘When Chuck comes back… you need him to get you to help him.’

‘And what if he doesn’t come back, even if it is Chuck?’ Charlie asked.

Cas was looking at Castiel and Ash whose eyes were wide with shock. Suddenly something from behind them in the forest caught his eye. Far off in the distance was a doe, her eyes baring into him despite how far away she was. Cas focused in on her; his eyesight zooming closer to look at the beautiful creature half-shrouded in mist, his ears pinpointing her exact location and hearing her hooves rustle on the leaves and broken twigs of the forest floor. In Cas’s mind he heard the words of the mad Hindrance leader saying, ‘When the wild doe stares at you through the forest mist, the apocalypse will occur.’ Cas had thought he was mad… but maybe… -

‘Cas?’ Dean asked, pulling Cas’s thoughts back into the clearing.

Cas looked at Dean blankly having not heard what was asked of him. ‘Did you know,’ Cas addressed to the group, ‘that modern humanity misunderstands the word ‘apocalypse’? And that in fact it comes from Greek etymology and means ‘from concealment’ – in essence it means ‘revelation’ or ‘disclosure’,’ Cas said.

The group looked at him blankly. ‘Thanks for the language lesson, dude,’ Dean said. ‘But how does that help?’

‘Because the apocalypse signals the beginning of a new age. And this has been the revelation – the apocalypse – the beginning of that new era.’

‘And how do you know that?’ Ash asked.

‘Because it was the prophecy,’ Cas responded. ‘That I would bear witness to the apocalypse.’ Cas then turned to Castiel. ‘Find Chuck. Fate dictates that he will return. You have hope now.’

Before anyone could say anything more, a noise cracked through the silence of the forest.


	26. Chapter XXVI : The Forests Will Echo With Laughter

Chapter 26

 

Sam ran through the grey forest at break-neck speed. Despite it being the morning, a darkness hung over the world that shrouded everything in a dark grey. He spotted a run-down shack a few meters away and started to run towards it.

‘Over here!’ he shouted at the group who ran behind him.

Sam’s body slammed into the wooden doors as he ran in. Jack and Gabriel soon entered, quickly followed by Mary and this world’s Bobby.

‘Are they still behind us?’ Sam asked breathlessly.

‘Jack blasted most of them into the next galaxy,’ Gabriel said, patting Jack on the back. ‘You got some moves, kid,’ he said with a grin.

‘Mom,’ Sam asked, moving towards Mary and assessing her injuries. ‘How are you doing?’

‘I’m OK, Sam,’ she replied with a weak smile.

‘We shouldn’t be far from the rift now,’ Sam continued. ‘Everyone OK to get back out there?’ he asked.

The group nodded. It had been a trying couple of days. Sam, Jack, and Gabriel had arrived in this world and managed to fight off any angels and monsters who came at them. Jack had gotten very good, very quickly at blasting away any angels and monsters, and having Gabriel fighting with them had made the group a strong team. This world’s Bobby had quickly found them, having tracked the rift energy and subsequently going to see what had occurred. He’d explained to them that Michael had waged a war on this world, leaving few people behind. Bobby explained that he was just trying to kill as many of those fuckers as he could and get as many people out of the country as possible. Bobby knew where Mary had probably been taken and led Sam, Gabriel, and Jack to a collection of buildings used by Michael’s army. It had basically been a suicide mission trying to rescue Mary from that place, but they’d managed to kill their way into the base and retrieve her. Mary and Lucifer were being held in cages and tortured by Michael and his angels. Just as they’d freed Mary, Michael had walked in and all hell broke loose. Sam and Jack made the decision to free Lucifer in order for him to help them take down Michael. Once Michael was dead, most of his army scrambled in the face of two more archangels and a powerful Nephilim. When the chaos had subsided, Sam had held the archangel knife at Lucifer’s throat. Jack pushed Sam away and became torn about whether to trust his true father. Lucifer and Jack talked for a long while, and the group finally agreed that they wouldn’t kill Lucifer, but no way in hell was he allowed to follow them out of there. Jack wasn’t happy about that, but there was no arguing with Sam who’d wanted to kill him right there and then. As they left, a large group of gnarled monsters ran at them as the group tried to escape. It felt like they’d run and fought their way back to the forest for what seemed like years. And now here they were, breathless and exhausted in this broken cabin in the middle of this decaying forest.

‘Gabriel, how far away are we?’ Sam asked, still trying to catch his breath.

‘Should be less than a mile away,’ Gabriel responded.

‘We all good to go?’ Sam asked.

The group nodded and they headed back out again, guns and knives in hand, ready for any attackers.

Soon they saw the rift glowing in the distance. As soon as Sam laid eyes on it he ran quicker towards the column of light. As they reached the rift the sound of wings fluttered through the silence. Sam stopped in his tracks and saw Lucifer in front of him.

‘Not so quick, Sammy boy,’ he snarled at Sam.

Lucifer rushed at him and grabbed him by the stomach, holding an angel blade to his throat.

Gabriel, Sam, Mary and Bobby ran towards Sam who was held tightly in Lucifer’s grip.

‘Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,’ Lucifer said to the group as they ran towards him.

‘Let go of him!’ Jack shouted lifting up his hand, ready to blast Lucifer away.

‘Come on, son!’ Lucifer jeered back at him.

‘Don’t call me that!’ Jack shouted back at him.

‘If you hurt me, I’ll kill Sam. You don’t want that do you?’ Lucifer replied.

Jack stared Lucifer down. Then let his hand fall to his side.

‘There’s a good boy,’ Lucifer said with a grin.

‘I trusted you!’ Jack shouted at him, the emotional torment evident in his tone. Back when they’d saved Mary and freed Lucifer, he’d been willing to let him go free. After all, he was his father. Jack had trusted that he wouldn’t hurt them. He’d not listened to Sam who’d tried to warn him about Lucifer.

‘You can trust me. Well… kind of,’ Lucifer replied with a grin, acting like this entire thing was a joke.

‘Calm down everyone,’ Bobby said, obviously trying to hide the anger in his voice. ‘Let’s just all take it easy.’

‘What do you want?’ Mary asked angrily.

‘You let me go through that rift… and I’ll try not to kill Sam,’ Lucifer replied with a smile.

‘Ain’t gonna happen,’ Sam snarled back at him.

Lucifer brought the blade closer to Sam’s throat. ‘You sure about that, Sammy?’ he whispered in his ear.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam suddenly saw a sharp-toothed monster run towards them from the forest. Lucifer looked at it, the blade falling away from Sam’s neck for a split second. Sam took that opportunity to elbow Lucifer in his stomach.

‘Jack!’ Sam shouted.

Jack lifted his hand quickly and let a golden beam of light blast its way towards Lucifer as Sam dived out of the way.

Mary and Bobby ran towards the monster and fought it off, quickly slicing its throat.

Gabriel ran towards Lucifer who’d been knocked to the ground by Jack. Gabriel kicked Lucifer in the stomach. But he quickly got up off the ground and gave as good as he got, punching Gabriel so hard that he fell to the ground. Sam got up and ran towards Lucifer, the archangel blade in his hand. He swiped at Lucifer who ducked out the way and landed a punch on Sam’s cheek. Gabriel soon joined the fight, his angel blade in hand, but was quickly kicked to the ground. Lucifer grabbed at the fallen blade and swung it at Sam, slicing through his shirt. Sam spun round behind Lucifer and jammed the archangel blade into his spine, twisting it for good measure. Lucifer fell onto his knees as a golden light blasted from his body as it collapsed on the earth. Sam tumbled backwards onto the ground; charred with the shadow of black angel wings.

The group had only a minute to stare at the dead body of the archangel before they noticed a mass of monsters running towards them through the forest.

‘Bobby!’ Mary shouted. ‘Come with us!’

Bobby looked around at the inevitable massacre, then back at the rift. Sure, he wanted to stay and fight here… but staying here alone would be suicide. He nodded at Mary and they ran through the rift.

Gabriel and Jack ran over to Sam who still hadn’t gotten up.

‘We gotta go!’ Gabriel shouted at Sam who was looking down at his stomach.

Jack and Gabriel stared at him. Sam brought his hand away from his light blue and red, plaid shirt. His hand was covered in blood. Sam stared at it in shock, then looked back at his shirt which was quickly becoming drenched with blood.

‘Sam,’ Jack uttered quietly, bending down towards him. Jack looked into Sam’s face which was ashen; his eyes looking in hazy shock and confusion at the pools of blood gathering around his stomach.

‘I got you,’ Gabriel said, then quickly lifted Sam into his arms as if he was the lightest human on earth. ‘Let’s go!’ Gabriel shouted at the group. Mary and Bobby had already gone through the rift, so Jack ran through next. And then Gabriel followed, with Sam losing his life in his arms.

 

                                                                                      *                      *                     *

 

Dean spun round to see the rift get brighter and glow with light. Ash, Cas, Castiel, and Charlie stood up and took a few steps towards it. Suddenly a burst of light flew from the rift and Mary and Bobby ran through.

‘Mom!’ Dean said as he ran towards her and enveloped her in a tight hug.

‘Dean,’ Mary uttered into his neck.

Dean squeezed her tight and then let go and stared with relief into her eyes.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine, Dean,’ she replied with a smile. Dean could see that she was bruised and battered and weak – but she was alive. And that’s all that mattered.

Dean looked past her to Bobby.

‘Good to see ya again, kid,’ Bobby said with a smile, holding out his hand.

Dean shook it and smiled. ‘Good to see you too, Bobby,’ Dean said with a smile.

Jack then ran out of the rift, and collapsed onto the ground.

Dean and Cas ran towards him and helped him up from the forest floor.

‘Are you OK?’ Cas asked him, continuing to hold onto his arm.

‘Yes,’ Jack responded slowly, then turned to stare back at the rift. ‘Sam…’ he said quietly.

Dean looked at Jack in confusion. Before he could ask what had happened the rift burst with light for a final time and Gabriel ran into this world with Sam in his arms. As soon as he was through the rift it imploded and disappeared.

‘Sam!’ Dean shouted as he ran towards them – the sight of Sam, limp in Gabriel’s arms, knocked the breath out of his body like he’d been punched in the stomach.

Cas suddenly appeared in front of him, next to Gabriel who gently placed Sam on the ground. Then Cas and Gabriel placed their hands on Sam’s stomach, letting blue and gold light flood through his body. Dean skidded onto the ground by Sam’s side, staring in horror at Sam’s shirt which shimmered with wet blood.

‘Sammy,’ Dean said quietly as he watched the angelic light flood through Sam’s pale body.

It seemed like an hour passed, when it had only been a few seconds, but eventually Sam’s eyes fluttered open. Dean leant over him and let out a huge sigh of relief. He hadn’t realised that he’d been holding his breath.

‘Sammy?’ he said quietly, pushing Sam’s hair from his face and feeling the temperature of his forehead like he’d done when Sam was a kid and had got sick when their dad had left Dean in charge.

Sam scrunched up his face in confusion and felt at his stomach, feeling the wet blood but no actual injury.

‘You’re OK, Sam. You’re OK,’ Mary said quietly, cupping Sam’s cheek.

‘What happened?’ Sam asked, lifting himself up onto his elbows.

‘You ganked Lucifer’s what happened,’ Gabriel said with a smile as he helped Sam onto his feet. ‘You may have got shivved just a bit, though.’

When Sam was stood up, Dean pulled him into his arms and hugged him. He gently slapped him on his back and pulled away and smiled at him. ‘Not too bad, Sammy. Although next time try not to get knifed,’ Dean joked.

‘I’ll try,’ Sam replied with a weak smile. Sam then noticed Cas stood next to him. ‘You’re OK, Cas.’

Cas hugged him briefly. ‘I am,’ he replied.

‘Thanks for patching me up,’ Sam said.

Cas just smiled and nodded.

Sam then looked past Cas and saw a group of men and women staring at him. Sam looked in shock as he saw Ash and Charlie in front of him. Ash sauntered up to him and gave him a brief hug. ‘Sam fucking Winchester,’ he said with a smile.

‘Ash,’ Sam said quietly. ‘It’s good to see you. Erm, this is my mom, Mary,’ he said, gesturing towards Mary who shook Cas’s hand. ‘And do you know Bobby?’

‘Sure do. Although I can only assume you ain’t the Bobby I know. Good to see you again, sir,’ Ash replied as he shook Bobby’s hand.

Sam then said hello to Charlie and had a brief conversation with her who introduced him to Commander Baudet. Then Castiel approached Sam.

‘Sam,’ Castiel said as he shook his hand.

Sam was taken aback. This Castiel was dressed in black khakis and had the stare of an angel who had been through hell on earth.

‘What… how…- ’ Sam stuttered.

‘It is a long story,’ Castiel replied with a faint smile. ‘I’m sure your brother will catch you up.’

Before Sam could say anything more Gabriel sauntered towards Castiel.

‘There’s two of you idiots, is there?’ he said with a grin.

‘Gabriel,’ Castiel said, nodding at him. ‘It is good to see you’re alive.’

‘I’m not alive here?’ Gabriel said, confused.

‘No one has seen you for over eight years,’ Castiel responded.

‘Hmmm, weird,’ Gabriel said, then licked his finger and held it up in the air as if he were checking the direction of the wind. ‘Seems like he’s in Bora Bora.’

‘He is what!’ Castiel replied angrily.

Gabriel looked at Sam whose eyebrow was raised. ‘What?’ Gabriel said with a shrug. ‘I’m not putting myself in danger whilst the me of this world sips cocktails on a beach. Although I dig his style.’

 

Further introductions were made, and the joined groups chatted for a few minutes. Gabriel then mentioned that they should leave before the rift closed once more and Sam, Mary, Bobby, Jack, and Cas started to make their goodbyes. Ash was smoking a cigarette at the side of the clearing, staring out into the forest. Dean approached him and patted him on the back.

‘Y’all heading back?’ Ash asked him, still staring out into the mist.

‘Looks like it,’ Dean replied quietly.

Ash sniffed and chucked the cigarette onto the earth.

‘It’s been good to see you again, dude,’ Ash said. ‘I know you ain’t the Dean I knew, but still – it’s been good.’

Dean noticed Ash’s different demeanour. He was normally all jokes and wise cracks, but now he seemed… well, he seemed sad.

‘I’m glad the Dean of this world had more time with you, even if it was for only a few more years,’ Dean said.

‘Weren’t long enough.’

‘You could come back with us?’ Dean asked.

Ash looked at him, and Dean knew that Ash was never going to leave his world.

‘No can do, unfortunately. Anyways, I ain’t ducking out on Castiel,’ Ash said with a sad smile.

Dean nodded. ‘You take care of him.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Ash replied, then hugged Dean. Ash broke the hug and coughed awkwardly. Dean saw that his eyes were slightly teary.

‘Goddamn,’ Ash said with a laugh, wiping his face with his hand. ‘Been good while it lasted. And anyway, I sure am glad you got your Cas back. Y’all make a cute couple,’ Ash finished with a grin, winking at Dean.

Dean hid an awkward smile and looked down at the ground. ‘It that obvious?’ Dean muttered.

Ash chuckled. ‘Deano, I could’ve seen there was something going on between you two from the other side of the fucking country.’

‘ _Great_ ,’ Dean muttered sarcastically, staring at the ground and wondering how the fuck they could hide this from Sam if it was so blatant.

‘I take it from that that Sam don’t know,’ Ash laughed out.

‘Not yet, no,’ Dean replied.

Ash patted him on the back and turned them back towards the group, his arm flung over Dean’s shoulder as they walked across the clearing. ‘The dude ain’t dumb,’ Ash whispered into Dean’s ear with a smile. He then patted Dean on the back once more for good measure and walked towards Cas to say his goodbyes.

 

Dean approached Castiel and held out his hand. Castiel shook it as Dean said, ‘Thank you.’

Castiel nodded.

‘Look, Cas,’ Dean said slowly, trying to work out what to say and to refrain from getting too mad at the guy. ‘From what I can tell, you’re doing some great work here. And I know you’re beating yourself up for what happened to me – to Dean… but I want you to know that he’d want you to forgive yourself, man.’

Castiel gave a faint smile and nodded slightly. ‘Thank you, Dean.’

‘We all good to go?’ Gabriel shouted at the group.

Everyone nodded. Final goodbyes were made, then Mary and Bobby went first through the rift. Then Sam, Jack, and Cas. Dean walked towards the rift and turned round. He smiled and saluted a goodbye to Ash, Charlie, Commander Baudet, and Castiel. It was sad to leave these old friends once more, despite all the shit that had happened over the past few days. It’d suck never seeing Ash or Charlie again, but Dean had to remind himself that they’d found some version of happiness here, despite how messed up this world was. He wished he could take them all back to his world. But both he and them knew that this here was their world, and they needed to stay here and fight for it. With a final sigh Dean turned back towards the rift – then he and Gabriel ran through the golden light and out of that dark, grey, world.


	27. Chapter XXVII : Buying The Stairway To Heaven

Chapter 27

 

Dean and Gabriel ran through the rift and into the bunker, then Gabriel held his hand towards the rift and it spluttered out and disappeared. Dean rushed towards Mary and hugged her tightly, whispering into her ear, ‘It’s good to have you back, mom.’

‘It’s good to be back,’ she whispered.

Dean let go and turned to Sam and hugged him. ‘You did it, Sammy. You killed the devil,’ he said with a mixture of relief and laughter. He let go, keeping an arm on Sam’s shoulder. ‘Proud of you, Sammy,’ he uttered quietly with a smile.

Sam patted Dean’s shoulder and nodded, trying to fight back all the emotions.

Dean turned to Jack and hugged him next. ‘You did good, kid.’

‘Thanks,’ Jack responded quietly.

Dean looked around the main room of the bunker and let out a huge sigh. It felt as if the weight of all the years had suddenly dropped away. They had Jack. They had mom. Lucifer was dead. Bobby was here with them. And he had Cas back.

‘You boys got any whiskey?’ Bobby asked as he slumped into a chair.

‘Sure thing,’ Sam said with a smile, then went to a side table and brought out six glasses and a full bottle of bourbon, then set them on the table. Sam poured the glasses and handed them out, then lifted his glass. ‘To us,’ he said with a smile.

The group lifted their glasses and took a drink.

They all sat around the table and caught each other up on the events of the past few days. Mary talked about what had happened when she’d arrived in the other world, then Sam explained their rescue mission, and finally Dean and Cas discussed what had gone down in the world they’d been in. More whiskey was drunk as stories were told and everyone tried to let the fact that they were all home and safe sink in.

As everyone spoke around him, Dean fell quiet. He could hardly believe that everyone was safe. After everything that had gone wrong and fucked up – they finally had a win. Not only did they have a win, but it felt like they had righted so much of the evil that had consumed their lives. Sammy was free of Lucifer, and so was the world. There were no archangels who were here to destroy the earth. Mom was back. Bobby was back. All they could do now was return to killing the ghosts and vamps and occasional demons once in a while. The easy and fun stuff. Hell, they could even have a holiday – a proper holiday on a beach or something. Dean smiled to himself and sighed as the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. He looked up to see Cas smiling at him from the other side of the table. His hands were clasped in front of him, with his head tilted slightly to the side, just smiling at him. Dean grinned and looked down. Damn, he was happy. Dean placed his empty tumbler of whiskey on the table and got up.

‘I’ll get us another bottle,’ he said as he left the room. In his mind he called to Cas. ‘Cas, follow me.’

 

Dean made his way to his room and stood waiting for Cas who joined him a short moment later. As soon as Cas was through the door, Dean slammed it shut and pushed Cas against the wall. He kissed him with an intense passion. He slowed the kiss and cupped Cas’s cheek, trailing his thumb down his jawline and tracing gently over his lips. Dean’s eyes followed the movements of his hand, their faces close. Cas’s half-closed eyes looked up into his own - his mouth slightly open – his head slowly leaning into Dean’s hand like he was woozy. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but didn’t know what to say – or really, he knew what he could say, but decided against it. With no words, Dean kissed Cas again, cupping the back of his neck as his tongue found Cas’s. The kiss became more passionate – all tongue and wet kisses. Dean grabbed the material of Cas’s shirt with both hands and spun them both around so that his own back was against the wall. He held Cas’s body close to his. Dean’s hands slid down over Cas’s t-shirt, then slid around to his lower back. Dean pulled Cas’s body close to his so that he could feel Cas’s crotch against his own – both of their dicks hard already. Cas kissed him and rolled his body in time with the movements of his mouth. Dean moaned into Cas’s mouth. He then broke the kiss and looked into Cas’s eyes as he started to undo his belt. He pushed his jeans down then undid Cas’s jeans and pushed them down, all the while staring with an intensity into Cas’s eyes. He kissed Cas as he slid his own hand towards Cas’s boxers and felt his dick over the material – slowly rubbing up and down his cock. Cas moaned into Dean’s lips as Dean slid his hand under the material and took Cas in his hand. Dean’s hand movements became more purposeful, but still slow. Every moan and breathless gasp that escapes from Cas’s lips made Dean even harder. He wanted to grab himself with his free hand but for now just wanted to focus on Cas no matter how painfully hard he was himself. Cas started to make small thrusts into Dean’s hand, but Dean pushed him away slightly. Cas looked at him, his mind empty of all thoughts – just completely going along with anything Dean was doing to him. Dean held Cas away, his palm stretched out over Cas’s T-shirt. Dean smirked and leant in closer to Cas, then whispered seductively in his ear, ‘Show me how much you missed me.’

Dean stepped back to see Cas staring at him with a deep and fiery intensity. Dean grinned even more and turned around so that his forehead was resting against the wall. He breathed in, waiting for Cas’s next move. Abruptly he felt Cas’s crotch push against his ass and Cas’s lips at his throat, biting slightly at the tender skin. Cas grabbed one of Dean’s hands and interlinked their fingers as he pressed Dean’s palm against the wall. Dean leant further down the wall and pushed back into Cas’s groin, feeling his dick hard against his ass. Cas pushed down Dean’s boxers and then his own, then Dean felt Cas’s dick press against him – the tip pushing slightly into him. Dean moaned and pressed his forehead further against the wall, biting at his own lip. Cas pushed into him just slightly, causing Dean to wince with a tinge of pain. He felt Cas’s hand press against his back and the pain was gone, leaving only pure pleasure. Cas pushed into him slowly, causing Dean to cry out as a warm and intense feeling radiated through his entire being. He wanted more, so bent down even further, pushing back into Cas – wanting all of him. Cas pushed into him further, but his thrust was slow. The lethargic pace made Dean feel utterly frustrated.

‘Harder, goddammit,’ he moaned.

Cas paused, then placed his palm on Dean’s back and pushed him further down the wall. Suddenly, Cas pushed into him hard – causing Dean to whisper out a groan as he felt Cas deep inside him. Cas seemed to lose all inhibitions at those ungodly sounds coming from Dean’s mouth, and he drew out and pushed into him again, hard and fast. Cas gasped as his mind became dizzy and all he could feel was his body interlocked with Dean’s. Cas continued his deep thrusts, moaning with every movement – hearing nothing but the quiet gasps that escaped from Dean’s lips. Cas bent down and kissed Dean’s neck; sucking at the skin and enjoying the feeling of his lips graze across Dean’s throat. He could feel through Dean’s neck the slight rumbling of moans through his skin. At Dean’s next gasp, Cas lost any semblance of control and pounded into Dean hard. Dean lifted both hands above his head and steadied himself against the wall as Cas used his body. Dean wanted to reach down and touch his own painfully hard dick, but he couldn’t do anything apart from feel Cas push in and out of him – hitting that heavenly spot of pleasure inside. Cas built up his pace and found some momentum, pressing his hands under Dean’s T-shirt and over the muscles on his back as he pushed in and out of him. Cas groaned, moaned, and gasped as his body started to wind like a tight coil. He pounded into Dean, spurred on by the grunts Dean gave as his body was taken and used by Cas with every passionate push. Dean braced himself against the wall; completely giving into Cas as he thrust into him and pulsated a feeling of intensity through every inch of his body.

‘Dean,’ Cas gasped.

Dean pushed back into Cas’s final thrust as Cas pushed him further towards the wall, completely filling him. As soon as Dean felt Cas come inside him, every thought left his mind. Dean knew he hadn’t come himself, but it was like he could feel Cas’s orgasm in completeness. His head became dizzy as a sense of ecstasy rushed through his every cell. It felt like his brain had imploded and shattered into an entire galaxy. It felt like the world and everything in it was meaningless, and all that had ever existed was this unexplainable sensation of pure elation. His mind was woozy and empty of thoughts, making him feel like he was dizzy and lost in swathes of ocean tide. After what felt like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds, Dean started to return to Earth. He felt Cas’s breath on his neck as he tried to come down off what he imagined might feel like a drug high. Dean gasped in air as he stayed pressed against the wall. He felt Cas pull out of him. Dean turned around and leant back. Cas’s eyes were glowing with blue embers which were continuing to fade. Cas cocked his head and leant in to kiss him, still weak from the orgasm. Cas broke the kiss and trailed his lips down Dean’s chin, then down his neck. Cas knelt down as his lips traced over Dean’s torso and down to his crotch. He licked Dean’s inner thigh, then took him in his mouth. Dean slammed his head back as the swirl of sensations pulsed through his body as he realised that he was still hard and needing release. Dean zeroed in on the feeling of Cas’s tongue licking up his own cock and swirling as it reached the end. Dean breathed in sharply as Cas took all of him in his mouth.

Cas moved his hands up to press against Dean’s stomach, feeling along the lines of hard muscles that angled down towards his crotch. Cas hummed as he moved his mouth up Dean’s cock, wanting to give all of himself to Dean. Every gasp and moan that escaped from Dean’s lips spurred Cas’s movements – needing every touch he gave Dean to show him his unending desire to give that man everything he wanted -

Through the haze of emotions and sensations, Cas heard footsteps running down the hallway outside. Cas pulled away as his mind suddenly tuned into the particles of air that were being pushed down the hallway and the loud sounds of footsteps on the tiled floor. He clicked his fingers and the door locked. Suddenly someone hurriedly turned the door handle, but it wouldn’t open.

‘Dean! Dean!’ they heard Sam shout as he bashed a couple of times on the wooden door.

Dean jumped at the sudden intrusion and took a second to tear himself back to reality.

‘What?!’ he shouted back.

‘There’s a problem!’ Sam shouted before they heard him run back down the hallway.

Cas knelt back and sighed as Dean pulled his jeans up and buckled his belt.

‘Fuck,’ he whispered under his breath, frustrated at being interrupted at the worst possible moment.

Cas stood up and kissed Dean, not wanting him to leave. Dean could taste himself on Cas’s lips which made him want to continue despite whatever was going on outside. Dean broke the kiss and trailed his hand down Cas’s cheek. He rested his other hand on Cas’s chest and compelled himself to gently push Cas back.

‘I should go,’ he said, still trying to get himself to leave.

‘Yes,’ Cas sighed.

Dean moved his face closer to Cas’s, wanting to kiss him again, but pulled away and walked to the door before he was drawn back. He unlocked it and ran down the hallway, combing his hands through his hair to settle any tufts that may have fallen out of place. He also checked his flies and belt buckle, making sure that no one would guess what he’d been doing.

 

When he rounded the corner into the control room, he saw Gabriel, Jack, Sam, Mary and Bobby all stood at the back of the main room staring at something. Dean walked towards them and noticed that they were looking at a sliver of a rift, hanging in mid-air. This rift wasn’t like the ones he’d seen previously – this one was black. It was unlike any black he’d ever seen – it wasn’t even a colour, or a thing – it was like the absence of everything.

‘What the hell?’ he muttered as he approached the group. He held out his hand to touch it, but was pulled away by Gabriel.

‘Don’t touch it, you idiot!’ Gabriel shouted at him.

Cas suddenly appeared in the room next to Dean and stared at the rift.

‘What in the hell is that?’ Dean asked.

‘It’s a rift,’ Gabriel replied quietly.

‘A rift to where?’ Jack asked.

‘To nowhere,’ Gabriel replied morosely. ‘It’s a tear in the fabric of reality.’

‘How?’ Sam asked. ‘We’ve opened rifts before and this never happened.’

‘Well you didn’t open two rifts for three days before,’ Gabriel replied. ‘Opening one rift is a dangerous thing – but two – at the same time? I mean… I thought it would be OK… but the fine fabric between realities is a complex and fragile thing. And now we’ve got this.’

‘Well then close it, dammit!’ Dean shouted.

‘I can’t,’ Gabriel responded in annoyance. ‘It’s still tied to a source.’

‘What’s the source?’ Mary asked.

‘Not what – who,’ Gabriel said. He then glanced at Cas, then held up his hand towards the rift. Jack and Cas then gasped out in pain, holding their heads.

Gabriel put his hand down. ‘It’s tied to the energy which created it.’

The group stared at Gabriel, needing more answers.

Gabriel sighed and continued. ‘I can’t just destroy the rift. I have to destroy the source of the rift… which unfortunately is Jack and Castiel.’

‘Aren’t you tied to it?’ Sam asked.

‘I told you before, I just helped guide you lot. I never used my grace to get us there. Which is lucky for you lot, because ain’t no one else here who can sort this out,’ Gabriel replied.

‘And how else can you sort it out?’ Dean asked, getting incredibly worried.

Gabriel looked at Cas and Jack with a deep sadness in his eyes. ‘Just by destroying the source.’

Cas stared at Gabriel in shock, not able to truly comprehend what was going on.

‘Heaven?’ Jack asked timidly.

Gabriel sighed. ‘Sorry, kid. Heaven is part of this world. I’m talking about throwing you guys out to the very boundaries of reality itself.’

‘No fucking way!’ Dean shouted, his voice cracking.

‘Well we’ve got about thirty minutes before that rift not only breaks apart our world, but every single world in creation. I’m talking complete destruction. That there,’ Gabriel said, pointing violently at the black rift, ‘Is like a black hole. It will implode reality.’

‘There must be another way,’ Sam said; panicked.

‘Unless you can find a way to reverse a situation which has never happened before and has never been known by all of creation to happen, then sure. But I’ve been opening rifts for millennia and this shit don’t happen,’ Gabriel shouted at them.

Sam collapsed in a chair and held his head in his hands trying to think.

‘You son of a bitch!’ Dean shouted at Gabriel, getting in his face. ‘You said this would be OK!’

‘No!’ Gabriel shouted back at him, holding Dean away with ease with one hand. ‘I said it’s risky! But you and your brother decided that rather than take things slowly and return, that you would jump head first into another rift without a second to think it through! As per usual!’

Dean’s breathing was laboured as he pushed against Gabriel’s hand, preparing himself to punch him. He finally decided against it and walked a few steps back.

‘Will there be a way to get back?’ Jack asked timidly.

Gabriel looked at him with sympathy. ‘I’m sorry. There won’t be no you to even get back.’

‘There’s no other way?’ Cas asked quietly.

Gabriel shook his head.

Cas looked into Gabriel’s eyes and saw that he was deeply sad and regretful. Gabriel had always been the joker; mixing any tragedy with comedy to lighten the blow. But Cas had never seen him this serious and cut up about something. He seemed angry, but deeply sad. Looking into Gabriel’s eyes, Cas knew that there were no other options. Cas was staring death in the face.

‘Then that is what should happen,’ Cas said in a quiet, yet measured tone.

‘No fucking way!’ Dean shouted. ‘Ain’t nobody dying here!’

Cas looked at Dean, but glanced away quickly – unable to see the pain in Dean’s eyes. He looked at Gabriel and realised the extent of the situation. ‘Dean… Gabriel is not giving us a choice.’

Dean glared at Gabriel who held his gaze.

‘Castiel is right. It has been my role for thousands of years to open rifts to show certain members of the human race what could be, and what has been. It is my job to make sure that the fine fabric between the worlds stays intact… I’m sorry,’ Gabriel said solemnly.

Tears formed at Dean’s eyes and he turned away from the group. How could this be happening? Everything was finally OK? He had a family that included his Sam and his mom, and now Jack and Bobby. And he had Cas back… Dean didn’t think he would be able to live without him. No fucking way was he letting anything happen to Cas. This wasn’t happening. Dean wiped the tears from his face.

Suddenly the rift sent out a huge booming sound as it expanded, like it had ripped and torn further through the fabric of reality.

Sam looked at the rift, his eyes wide with shock. The deep blackness of the tear ingrained a deep fear within him. It felt like he was staring into a nothingness so void of anything that it was terrifying. Sam’s gaze shifted to Gabriel who was staring at him sadly. Gabriel cocked his head like he was thinking and walked over to Sam and touched him over his chest. Gabriel closed his eyes and sighed, then pulled his hand away.

‘What is it?’ Sam whispered.

‘I’m sorry, Sam,’ Gabriel said.

‘What?’ Dean asked, rushing over to them.

‘Sam was healed by Castiel’s grace,’ Gabriel replied.

Sam looked up at Gabriel and realised what he was saying.

‘No!’ Dean shouted. ‘No way!’ he continued and lunged at Gabriel, but Cas appeared in front of him and held him back. ‘No!’ Dean shouted, but his words cracked into a gasp of emotion. Cas held him tightly, walking him back and away from Gabriel who stood looking at him with a sadness in his eyes.

‘Dean,’ Cas whispered in his ear as he held him. ‘It’s not his fault, Dean.’

Dean pushed Cas away and turned to pace around the room, brushing his hands through his hair as he tried to come to terms with the situation.

Cas turned to look at Gabriel, about to ask if there truly was no other option, but he stopped himself from saying anything when he noticed that Gabriel was looking at Dean; his eyes squinting at him like he was trying to work something out. Cas watched Gabriel walk slowly up to Dean who watched him warily. Cas ran towards them, about to get between the two if a fight broke out. Cas stopped next to Dean at the end of the room and gave Gabriel a look that warned him not to mess with Dean too much. Gabriel held up his hands like he was surrendering and said quietly to Dean, ‘Just need to check something, bud.’

Dean nodded reluctantly and Gabriel held up his hand and placed it gently on Dean’s chest. Like with Sam, Gabriel sighed and his hand returned to his side.

‘You too, Dean,’ Gabriel said quietly, so only Cas and Dean heard him.

Cas uttered a broken ‘No’ as Dean shook his head; not believing what was being said.

‘But I… Cas hasn’t healed me… how…?’ Dean asked in paratactic utterances.

Gabriel leant closer to Dean and whispered. ‘Cas’s grace seems to be radiating around your soul. You boys been getting close recently?’ he said, looking into Dean’s eyes. Gabriel didn’t say it in a mocking way, more of a matter-of-fact rhetorical question; still with that sorrow plain to see in his gaze.

‘No…’ Dean uttered, not in answer to the question, more in denial at the entire situation they found themselves in.

Cas choked out a sound as if he were crying. He turned to Dean; his face contorted with desolation. ‘I knew something was different when Ash was able to track me using your blood. That shouldn’t have worked unless… unless…’ he said as his voice trailed off. ‘Dean… I’m so sorry,’ he said quietly in hushed gasps.

Gabriel walked back towards the group and started talking to Sam, placing a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder.

 

Dean hugged Cas tightly like he never wanted to let him go again.

‘I’m so sorry, Dean,’ Cas cried into his neck.

Tears started to fall from Dean’s eyes as he tried to gasp in air. A pressure built within his ears until they started to pound and ache. Tears fell from his eyes as Dean stayed silent, just holding Cas close to him. ‘It’s not your fault, Cas,’ he whispered. Dean broke the hug and wiped his eyes with his open palm.  He slowly breathed out and coughed, trying to bury all of his emotions. Dean brought his hand up, about to touch Cas’s face, but thought against it and let his hand drop back to his side.

‘It’s been good, Cas,’ he said with a forced smile, staring into those glacially blue eyes.

Cas looked up and shut his eyes tightly, praying to God that he might come down and save them. When no answer came, an anger bubbled inside him as he stormed away from Dean back to the group at the other end of the bunker room. Bobby was frantically searching the shelves, trying to find a book that might contain any information about rifts. Mary was sat at the table, her head in her hands as she tried to think of an alternative, her tears falling onto the polished wood table. Sam was pacing around the room, combing his hands through his hair. Jack was sat quietly at the table, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared into his lap. Gabriel stood still near the rift, watching the group frantically search for answers he knew they were never going to find.

‘Gabriel,’ Cas said as he walked up to him. ‘Is there any way to retract the grace from us? Or at least from Sam, Dean, and Jack?’ Cas asked.

Gabriel sighed. ‘It’s not just your grace that it’s tied to. It’s tied to your Self. The same goes for Jack. If I were to extract your grace from Sam right now he could die. I mean it weren’t even an hour ago and he was on death’s door. And as for Dean… your grace is too… ingrained.’

‘What?’ Sam shouted, spinning round and looking in shock at Gabriel. ‘Dean?’

‘Afraid so,’ Gabriel replied. ‘Cas… Cas healed him recently,’ Gabriel continued.

Sam looked at Dean who was still stood at the back of the room.

‘No!’ Mary cried out as she stood up, wiping the tears from her face. ‘There must be another way!’ she shouted at Gabriel, pushing him backwards.

Gabriel didn’t fight back. None of this shit was his fault. He’d tried to warn them it was dangerous, but even he himself didn’t realise that it might cause this much of a fucking problem – and this was the biggest of fucking problems he’d ever seen. Lucifer and Michael waging war on earth was nothing in comparison to that black rift. That rift behind him was the end of reality itself. And as much as he’d grown fond of Cas and the Winchester brothers, he knew that he wasn’t going to let them out of that bunker alive.

Mary collapsed back into a chair and started sobbing. Sam pulled up a chair next to her and hugged her, gently rubbing her back as her chest heaved with every cry.

Dean wiped the tears from his face, then calmly walked over to the drinks cabinet and brought out a sixty-year-old whiskey he’d been saving for a rainy day – it seemed that this may be that final rainy day. He poured six glasses and slid them to each person on the table.

‘Bobby,’ Dean quietly called to the man who was still combing the bookshelves for any lore of use. ‘Sit down,’ he said with a faint smile.

Bobby looked at him, wondering about whether there was any point in trying to search for another way, but the look in Dean’s and Gabriel’s eyes told him that this was it. Bobby nodded and took the glass from Dean, then took a seat at the table.

Dean took a glass for himself and took another to Cas who was stood at the side of the room. As he handed him the glass he looked into Cas’s eyes. Cas looked completely broken.

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes and saw that courage which he’d always admired. Dean was facing death, but if this really was the end and there was nothing he could do, he was going to face it with as much dignity as he could muster.

Cas took the glass and followed Dean to the table and sat down on a chair next to him.

Dean lifted his whiskey glass. The others followed suit, lifting their glasses into the air which was full with a sepulchral tone. They each took a drink in the heavy silence.

‘How long we got?’ Dean asked Gabriel as he stared into his glass of whiskey.

‘Not long,’ Gabriel said as the rift boomed another hellish sound and tore further into the air.

Dean felt Cas’s hand on his thigh under the table. Dean turned to look at him and tried to smile to hide the sorrow. The thought of never feeling Cas’s presence at his side sent out a sharp pain through Dean’s being. He’d only just mustered the courage to tell Cas how he felt, and even then he hadn’t let Cas know the full extent. Had Dean known how little time they would have together… properly together… he might have done things differently and said things sooner. Now, faced with the true end, it broke his heart to realise that this is all they would have; a few weeks of rushed love and unsaid feelings, a few weeks of anger and affection with ten thousand things never told and never shown.

‘I could… I could try to get my grace out of you,’ Cas said quietly so only Dean could hear. ‘It might kill you, but at least you have a chance of getting to heaven.’

Dean smiled and sighed. ‘Without you, is it really heaven?’ Dean responded quietly. Dean would have stopped himself from saying such a thing, but now was not the time to hold back more words.

Cas looked at him, unable to hide all the pain in his being. He saw Dean’s smiling face and his sheer courage and knew that there was no way he could persuade Dean to go to heaven without him. Dean was following him until the end, and there was no point arguing about it.

‘And Sam?’ Cas asked.

Dean nodded.

‘Can’t we just go to another world?’ Jack asked, still in shock and not able to fully comprehend what was going on. All he knew is that Gabriel said that they needed to die, but not go to heaven. And death without heaven scared Jack.

‘Sorry - ’ Gabriel said, but was interrupted by Dean.

‘Wait…’ Dean said, getting up and starting to pace around the room. ‘So that is a tear between all the parallel worlds, right?’ Dean asked Gabriel.

‘Yeh.’

‘And it’s a problem because all parallel worlds are linked?’ Dean continued.

‘Yeh,’ Gabriel replied once more.

‘So we need to be killed to get rid of the rift… and we need to go outside of all creation?’

‘Yeh, what’s your point?’ Gabriel asked, confused.

‘Well is there a world that isn’t linked to the parallel worlds?’ Dean asked, finally some hope in his voice.

‘The zero world?’ Cas asked, remembering his and Dean’s conversation with Ash and Charlie.

Cas and Dean looked at Gabriel who was deep in thought.

‘Well, is there?!’ Dean asked.

‘Maybe… I… I may have heard about one from God in the very beginning… but I can’t remember. I believe so yes. One world was created without angels or heaven or hell, and it was never linked to the other worlds. But… I don’t know if I can get you there? It’s on the very edges of creation,’ Gabriel said.

‘But there’s a chance?’ Cas asked.

Gabriel sighed and started to pace around the room, trying to think back millennia and working out if this ludicrous plan was even possible.

‘The point of that world was that it was completely separate,’ Gabriel said. ‘All these worlds are linked for a reason. At the beginning of humanity before the angels waged war on earth, God told me that there were realities in which those wars were already occurring. He gave me the power to show a man, Enoch, what may become of his world. And years later when the earth needed to be cleaned of the filth of the devil and his giants, I showed Noah another world covered in water. God knew of the troubles which might befall the worlds where angels could walk, and so he made a world which wouldn’t face the perils of Lucifer’s and Michael’s armies… but I’ve never seen it. Hell, I’m not even sure it exists… and even if it does, I don’t know if I could get you all there.’

‘What would happen if we didn’t make it?’ Sam asked.

 ‘You would cease to exist in the place beyond creation,’ Gabriel told him, solemnly.

‘So even if we fail to get there… this rift will still close?’ Sam asked.

‘Yes,’ Gabriel responded.

‘What are our chances?’ Cas asked.

Gabriel sighed and closed his eyes, trying to think. He squeezed them tightly, trying to sense something on the edges of creation. He knelt down and laid his palms on the bunker floor, trying to feel for something. The others watched him with baited breath, not completely sure of what was going on. The rift boomed again and cracked as it tore further into the air, making everyone jump, and fear that nothing would save them from that darkness.

‘There you are,’ Gabriel said to no one in particular. He stood up and looked at Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack. ‘Forty per cent… maybe thirty.’

‘What?’ Sam asked.

Gabriel turned to him. ‘Your chances. They’re forty, maybe thirty per cent that you can get there. And there is a ‘there’.’

Dean let out a sigh of relief. ‘And could we get back?’ Dean asked.

Gabriel shook his head.

Dean paced around the room and thought. This was a chance. This was more than a chance than they had when inevitable death was the only option.

‘Sam, you want to let Cas take the grace from you? Or risk your chances?’ Dean asked.

‘I’m coming with you,’ Sam responded sternly. 

The rift let out another huge boom that shook the bunker and echoed around its walls.

‘We’re losing time,’ Gabriel said, panic in his voice.

‘No,’ Mary said through her tears. She rushed towards Sam and Dean and brought them both into her arms. ‘I love you,’ she said quietly as tears ran down her cheeks.

‘I love you too, mom,’ Sam said.

‘Love you, mom,’ Dean whispered back to her.

Mary moved backwards and cupped her sons’ cheeks with her hands. ‘I could come with you?’ she asked.

‘You gotta stay here and find a way for us to get back,’ Dean responded quietly, not believing his words. There was no way he would risk getting his mom killed when she could be alive here. He wanted her to come with them, but thirty per cent chance of even staying alive? No way would he let his mom risk that. ‘You look after Bobby,’ he told her.

Mary went to hug Jack, and then she hugged Cas.

‘You be good to my son, you hear,’ she whispered into Cas’s neck.

Cas pulled away and looked into her eyes, seeing a similar strength as he’d seen in Dean’s. There was also so much love there, and acceptance of him. Cas turned over the words ‘my son’ in his mind, realising what she was saying.

‘I will,’ he said quietly.

Mary patted his cheek and nodded, then wiped the tears from her eyes.

The rift let out another huge boom and crack, making everyone duck and stumble backwards.

‘Guys!’ Gabriel shouted at them.

Sam nodded at Gabriel, letting him know that they were ready. He put his arm on Dean’s shoulder and smiled at him; trying to convey his love, his admiration, and also fake some sense of hope for the sake of his brother. Dean smiled back with teary eyes.

‘Stand back,’ Gabriel told Mary and Bobby, who stepped back to the edge of the room. Mary looked at her wonderful sons, Jack, and Cas. She stood up straight and coughed, trying to reign in her emotions. She would stand there with courage and be able to look them in the eyes and tell them with every inch of her being that they were going to be OK.

Jack moved to stand next to Cas and grabbed his hand, holding onto the angel for dear life. Jack was scared. That booming rift terrified him, and wherever he was going sounded treacherous. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, unable to watch and wait to see his fate.

Gabriel stood a few meters away from Sam, Dean, Jack, and Cas and held up his hands. He shut his eyes and tried to search for that place beyond the worlds. It took him a few second, but he found it. Gabriel breathed in deeply as the power of his grace filled his body, lighting up his hands with golden and azure blue light.

Dean saw Gabriel’s eyes shoot open, and amongst the blue power within his irises Dean saw an expression of deep regret and desperation. Gabriel’s eyes were saying sorry – they were saying that there had been no hope after all.

Dean stopped breathing. ‘Cas,’ he called in his mind, ready to tell him that he loved him - ready to tell Cas that he was everything to him – wanting his final thought to be a burst of love, not the silence of something never said.

Before Dean could finish that thought, Gabriel slammed a wall of burning blue flames into him. And then there was nothing.

 

 

**THE END**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed reading this! As ever, thank you so so much for reading this, giving kudos, or writing a comment. I massively appreciate it, and have loved all your support throughout writing this! Thank you! 
> 
> I'd really appreciate comments on how you feel about the entire work now. Do you want it to end there? Should I write more? Any questions about anything? Are you all OK? Do you all hate me for that final chapter? 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, and I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing this! <3 
> 
> \- love from nealcassatiel (feel free to find me on tumblr any time)


	28. Epilogue

Epilogue

 

 

The early afternoon sun blazed in the Nebraskan sky, making ripples of heat over the old country road. A lone buzzard circled over the dirt track, scanning the desolate fields for any sign of life. Huge clouds billowed like pure white house fire smoke in the air, tumbling into the upper atmosphere like heavenly mountains. It was one of those days which felt lethargic and oppressive; moving like a slow mule through the arid desert of time. There was no wind, so the trees stayed still and silent by the track and the only sound for miles around was the buzz of insects in the yellow grass.

 

In the hazy heat of the day something stirred. A crack broke through the dried mud of the road and kicked up dust into the shimmering air. Suddenly a wind appeared from nowhere and spun upwards in a helical ascent over the country track, whirling into a dust devil in seconds. The buzzard stopped its glide and quickly flew away towards the horizon as the insects stopped humming in the long dried grass. The old track shook and fractured under the eddies of sudden wind. A booming crack rang out in that deserted wilderness, causing any birds to flurry from the trees as rodents scuttled away and hid. A sliver of blue and golden light tore in a gash through the hot air. It burned and spluttered; spitting out tendrils of lightning-like power from its seams. As quickly as it came, it burst with a terrifying power, shaking the trees and cracking the road in huge gouges before it imploded and was gone...

 

… and in its place stood two men, an angel, and a Nephilim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may want to bookmark or save this story.... 
> 
> All I'm saying is.... just because you say on this site that this is the final chapter... it doesn't mean that the author can't change their mind.... or it could be the final one.... who knows?


End file.
